YET ANOTHER KINGDOM HEARTS SEQUEL

some sort of weird fic by chibilinnet

Let us just say chibilinnet needed another very long and confusing story to write. Badly.

DISCLAIMER: I do not own Kingdom Hearts. I don't own the characters. Square-Enix and Disney do. However, Square-Enix and Disney should get their asses in gear and make the REAL Kingdom Hearts sequel, or heads will fly.

Oh yeah, I don't own Harry Potter either.

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"Wait... where the hell am I?!"

Riku looked at his map. The drenched piece of paper had ink flowing all over the place, as a result of the rain. Of course, it's not like Riku could see it anyway, since he had a blindfold over his face. Why?

"It makes me unique! AHAHAHAHA!" Riku answered gleefully, tugging at it lovingly. Riku's attire indeed had changed. He threw away the bright yellow vest, oversized pants and shoes, and "day-of-the-week" underwear ("HEY!") for black. Black shirt, black pants, black boots, black boxers. And the blindfold to boot.

"Ah well." Riku shrugged, throwing the map over his shoulder. "It's not like the damned thing is useful anyway." Taking a step forward, Riku suddenly was falling down a 50-story building.

It seemed that his blind travels had taken him to a rooftop, and the poor fool stepped off. If only Riku listened and took out his blindfold.

Riku expected to be splattered all over the place upon contact. Well, upon contact, something did splatter. Just not him.

"I'M ALIVE!" The Sephiroth clone cheered, dancing over the remains of a Heartless he landed on. Well, better it than him, I suppose.

Of course, if Riku bothered to take off his blindfold, he would notice that there was a small child, with copper skin and flowing silverish-blue hair, staring at the dancing warrior with odd golden eyes.

"YOU SAVED MY LIFE!" The child chirped, hugging Riku around the waist. Riku was confused. There was something attached to his waist.

"RIKU, TAKE OFF YOUR BLINDFOLD!" Somebody yelled. Riku shot the voice a nasty glare and felt the space before him, smacking the kid in the face a couple of times before he could pat the child's head.

"It was really cool how you fell from the sky n' all! Are you an angel??" The child cooed, staring at Riku with absolute awe.

"I fell from the sky??" Riku repeated, confused. Well, if he would just take off his blindfold, maybe he would know where he fell from.

Shooting another nasty glare at the author, Riku returned his attention to the kid, or tried to.

"Yeah, um, I did." Riku nodded. He really needed to get going and find Sora. Of course, for all he knew, that was Sora in front of him. If he would just take off the blindfold, maybe-

"ALL RIGHT, I'M TAKING OFF THE FUGGIN BLINDFOLD!" Riku shouted, admitting defeat. Angrily, he tugged the blindfold off, then blinked.

The next few minutes, he was screaming in pain, rolling and thrashing about as his eyes, which had not seen even the merest glimmer of light for two weeks, adjusted to the brightness. When it was all over, Riku safely tucked it in his back pocket.

Finally, Riku was able to see whom he was talking to.

"You have weird eyes." The kid pointed out.

"Look who's talking. You look like a freaking Esper." Riku spat back.

"Actually, Espers may have human-like qualities, but if I were an Esper, I would have wings or something. Or fur. Not just golden eyes. Though, I suppose if I were half-Esper, that statement could be correct. But you-"

"OK, OK, shut up! ... What's your name, kid?"

"Ansem!"

"OK, sure!" Riku smiled. Then he blinked. Wait. Wasn't Ansem...taller when he last seen him? And more menacing? And ranting about darkness? "You're not Ansem!" He accused.

"Yes I am!" Ansem argued.

"No! Ansem is a 27 year old virgin, not a 6 year old who somehow understands the plot of FF6!"

"Actually, I'm five. Besides, I just may not be the Ansem you know. It's not like there's only ONE Ansem, you know!" Ansem retorted, his face smug.

Riku, however, was not determined to lose against a five year old claiming he was a psychopath from Hollow Bastion.

"Yes there is. Only his parents are retarded enough to name their kid 'Ansem'."

"My parents are not retarded! And it's my brother who named me."

"OK, then your BROTHER is retarded."

"MY BROTHER IS COOLER THAN YOU'LL EVER BE!"

"WANNA BET, YOU LITTLE BRAT?!"

The author quickly lost interest in this scene and decided to go bother Sora, who was supposed to read that letter from King Mickey.

~~~

Dear kid with the key,

Listen, by the time you read this, Riku would have already escaped from Kingdom Hearts. I, too, have escaped, but I must keep my whereabouts secret so that You-Know-Who doesn't find out where I am and smite me. Good luck on your journey. The Order of the Phoenix is counting on you.

~Dumbledore.

"OK. Now hand me Mickey's letter." Sora commanded, tossing Dumbledore's letter aside. No one cared what the old idiot wrote anyway.

Pluto obliged, dropping a letter in Sora's outstretched hand. The Keyblade Master's face twisted in disgust as he had to clear the dog drool from it. Finally, he managed to pry Mickey's letter out.

Sora,

You still owe me $20

~Mickey

P.S: Riku, me and this old guy who's a Merlin rip-off are out of Kingdom Hearts, so no worries, you lazy ass.

"Well? What does it say?" Donald and Goody asked, literally breathing down Sora's neck. Sora closed his eyes and imagined him chopping up his useless comrades into tiny pieces. Well, he would do that to Goofy. Donald had to barbecued on a stick.

"I owe Mickey twenty. Other than that, they got out!" He had a fake grin plastered all over the face, which really hid his angsty teenager feelings. Puberty sucked.

Sora just wanted to escape this horrible thing called responsibility. To go back to his island, do drugs, stay up until 5 AM partying, get his first DUI, the kind of stuff that teens aren't supposed to do, but are expected to do.

However, here he was with a giant oversized key, a magic duck on crack, two retarded dogs, on some meaningless quest to find this Door to Light and shut it, thus delaying the universe's inevitable destruction.

Yes. Puberty sucked.

Donald and Goofy were forever oblivious to Sora's true feelings and started walking down the path they had been running down like drunken idiots three days earlier.

"Come on, Sora!" Goofy called. "We need to get this story going, duh-hyuck!"

Sora clenched the Keyblade. Nodding, he walked down the path, doomed forever to a life of misery and despair.

So they walked.

More walking.

Something interesting is bound to happen.

Sora stepped on a frog.

That wasn't interesting enough.

Still more walking.

The walking continued.

Nothing but walking, and more walking.

Sora stepped on another frog, this time purposely.

Yep, still walking.

Oh, now they're JOGGING!

Nope, got tired.

Walking... walking... walking...

"Something interesting should happen now." Sora announced. And so, he waited for the story to turn into a random battle where a new ally or new foe would be revealed and his life will have some meaning.

A tumbleweed flew by.

"Sora, we have to keep walking..." Donald grumbled, tapping his feet impatiently.

"No. This is the part where something happens. It's called 'moving on the plot'." Sora stubbornly decided he was going to stay here waiting for the interesting thing to happen.

"Well, I think we should still keep walking..." Goofy suggested.

"Interesting thing must happen!" Sora barked. Donald and Goody exchanged nervous glances.

Finally, the interesting thing happened.

"YES!"

Unfortunately, not in Sora's scene.

"NOOOOOOO!"

~~~

Selphie and Kairi were sitting at the docks, discussing normal girl things. Like clothes. And shoes. And boys. That was the unwritten rule. Always boys.

"Tidus is pretty hot, I mean, comparing him to the other guys around here..." Selphie thought.

"Sora." Kairi mumbled.

"Wakka... just... no." Selphie shuddered at the mere thought.

"Sora..." Kairi still mumbled.

"You have to get over him, girl..." Selphie tapped her hand in a sympathetic way. Kairi simply mumbled Sora's name some more, which got on Selphie's nerves a bit.

Then the interesting thing happened.

"Hey! Shooting stars!... During the day?"

While Selphie was thinking on how this can occur, Kairi jumped up and ran to the beach, screaming Sora's name. In fact, her entire vocabulary had reduced to one word: Sora.

"SORA! SORA!" Kairi hopefully called, searching the beach for her one true love. The brown-haired teenage idiot was nowhere to be found, just chunks of brightly colored jelly-like material littered the beach.

See, the problem with getting your hopes up is that it really hurts when they come crashing down.

"SOOOOOOOORAAAAAA!!!!!" Kairi pitifully cried, throwing herself on the ground. She curled up in a fetal position and started sobbing, not taking the time to think that she could build a Gummi Ship with the material on the beach and possibly go see Sora.

Of course, Kairi isn't entirely stupid, so she'll think of that. Just not in this chapter.

Let's go see how Riku and Chibi-Ansem are doing, shall we? (Yes, I'm biased and want to write about them more because I like Ansem. Shut up.)

~~~

"NO! Cornelia did not get kill herself, she jumped in front of Marcus before her father tried to stab him! Juliet killed herself! GET YOUR PLAYS RIGHT, YOU IDIOTIC INGRATE!"

Riku growled and glared at Ansem with as much hate as he could muster. Based on his impressive vocabulary and education for a five year old, Riku had come to the conclusion that this little child was, in fact, the psychopathic Ansem.

Of course, he was still puny.

"Don't call me an ingrate. I could strangle you right now, you know." Riku reminded him.

Ansem shut up.

"Good boy." Riku smirked, and patted Ansem on the head. Ansem strongly resisted the urge to bite it.

"Um... what were we doing here again?" Riku wondered, scratching his head. Almost immediately, Ansem's adult-like scowl had melted away and the childish fascination had returned.

"You fell from the sky and squashed the shadowy thingy that tried to eat me!" He happily chirped. Riku blinked, then looked behind him. There was a nice splash of black on the cement road where Riku landed.

"Ah. Yes."

"And I just wanted to thank you! Hey, I never got your name! What is it?!" Ansem demanded, bouncing around Riku.

"Don't you remember? If I'm correct, we met before, you were just...taller." Riku explained. Ansem frowned, shaking his head.

"No, I never met you. You look kinda like my brother, but he's taller. With longer hair. And a really long sword. His name is Sephy!" Ansem rattled on.

Riku frowned. Maybe he was wrong and this WASN'T the Ansem he remembered.

"And we used to live in Hollow Bastion, with my mommy, her name is Jenova, and daddy, his name is Hojo..."

Ok, scratch that. He's Ansem.

"Then, Sephy would have his freaky friend Vincent come over, and they would teach me how to shoot stuff, and-"

"OK, OK, sheesh!" Riku put a gloved hand over Ansem's mouth. "My name is Riku." He re-introduced himself. Ansem nodded and pushed Riku's hand away so he could resume talking.

"Hiya Riku! Where are you from? Why are you dressed like that? Who's your friends? What do you do for fun? Can I come with you?" He spouted off random questions, hoping to catch Riku off guard with the last one.

"Um... yes?" Riku answered unsurely, scratching his head.

"YAY!" Ansem cheered, running around the terribly confused Riku. Riku thought for a minute, then realized what he said. But this could work to his advantage. Begging for munny would be easier if you had a kid with you...

"OK. Just don't get in my way, squirt." Riku confirmed. Ansem nodded and hugged Riku around the waist again.

Oh god, Riku thought miserably. What the hell did I do?

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Ahhhh.... this is my place. Writing stupid parodies. ^_________^ Feels like "And after the game" all over again... except not as humorous.

And I DO have an explanation for the reason Ansem is back, and chibi. I really do! IT'S A GOOD THEORY! I SPENT MANY COUNTLESS NIGHTS ON IT! WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHH!!!!