Our first story. Highly enjoyable, if you enjoy being high. Whatever that meant. Um, you should be warned that there is a twinge of lemon. Guy lemons. That sounded wrong, but that's what it is.

Disclaimer: We do not own the Ace Attorney series or any of its characters.

One day Phoenix found Edgeworth sitting in an emo corner.

"Objection!"

"What is it you are objecting to, Wright?"

"Your cravat! It's so fucking ugly! I wanna burn you when you wear it!"

Edgeworth burst into tears. "Nobody understands me!" He began applying red lipstick to his lips, making him look like he'd just made out with a clown.

What nobody knew was that in his first year of law school he did have to make out with a clown, because he was being hazed by the older students. But then when Edgeworth became a lawyer they were fucked by the large dick of the law. In the ass, mostly.

"You need to stop being a daisy picking pansy and man up!" Phoenix yelled in his rival's face.

"You need to stop hanging out with underage girls, you pathetic man!" Edgeworth shot back.

"At least I have girls hanging around me. All you have is Gant, who tries to rape you and calls you his man-bitch!"

"We have a special connection! When he pulled my swimming trunks off, he promised it was an accident!"

"A 'special connection'? As in a gay connection?"

"N-NO!"

"Do you have evidence to back this up?"

"… W-well, being a pedo is worse than being gay!"

"… Touché, Edgeworth, touché."

Godot then popped up from behind the couch and proceeded to strip.

"I heard you were gay, little kitten," he said, winking at Edgeworth. "Trite, why don't you join us in my office?" Godot asked as he began to pull both men behind him.

"No, Godot, I will not indulge in any of your coffee-related fantasies," Phoenix replied, ripping his hand away and betch-slapping the prosecutor across the face.

"There will also be ruffle-y fantasies, Wright, don't leave me out," Edgeworth huffed.

Phoenix merely shook his head, deciding not to justify them with an answer, and turned and walked away.

Then Gumshoe tackled Phoenix wearing only his tie, and, well, Phoenix fainted.

Phoenix awoke several minutes later buck-naked, tied to a chair, with three naked men leering over him.

A door opened behind them, and through it walked Gant holding a video camera, though he was clothed.

"RAEP TIME!" Gant yelled, laughing boisterously.