Tuesday Morning

Author: Dulcey

Rating: PG to start, rating will go up in later chapters

Pairing: Frasier/Lilith

Summary: Season Four AU. Sometimes a single night can change your entire life.

Disclaimer: I own nothing, some important TV people own Frasier and Lilith, and Michelle Branch owns the lyrics to Tuesday Special thanks to Alice, Kelly, Krista, and Stephie for your words of encouragement. You guys rock!

Reviews are welcomed and adored.

I remember stormy weather

The way the sky looks when it's cold

And you were with me content with walking

So unaware of the world

Please don't drive me home tonight

Cause I don't want to be alone

Please don't drive me home tonight

Cause I don't want to go

-Michelle Branch, Tuesday Morning

I blamed it on the snow. If it hadn't been snowing, none of this would have happened.

I curled up in the armchair and stared across the room at Frasier's sleeping body, sprawled across the bed. He'd kicked off the covers like he always did, and the sheets were a twisted pile on the side of the bed. It had always been a frustrating point for me. I liked my covers tucked in snugly around me. We'd had many sheet wars back when we were married.

Right now, in the stillness of this early Tuesday morning, it didn't feel like we'd been divorced for almost four years. We were here, together. He was Frasier. My first love. My only love.

I winced as I realized the implications of my thoughts. I was married to Brian. Brian was good to me. Brian was faithful. He was my husband, and he deserved my love. I wanted to love him, and I did, in a way, but if I was honest with myself, I'd never completely gotten over Frasier.

I'd never planned for this to happen, but then again, I'd never planned for anything when it came to Frasier. I'd run into him, completely by accident, on my way home from work. It was just starting to snow, and unless I got home in a hurry, it would be a long, difficult journey. Not that anyone was waiting for me at home. Frederick had left last fall for boarding school at St. Matthew's up in New Hampshire, and having the time of his life, from what I could tell from his letters. He'd been home for the weekend, to see his father, but he'd left to go back yesterday, right before Frasier left for the airport. Brian was away on business again, to Japan this time, and wouldn't be back until Thursday. There was no one to know or care that I hadn't come home last night.

If I closed my eyes, I could still see the surprised look in Frasier's cobalt blue eyes as I'd brushed by him, and he put a hand on my arm. "Lilith? What are you doing out in this horrid weather?"

"I might ask you the same thing," I responded, pulling my coat tighter around my body. "Didn't your flight leave today?"

"Cancelled," Frasier shrugged. "The weather was too bad."

"Why didn't you call?" I asked. "You could have stayed another night."

Frasier shook his head slightly. "I didn't want to inconvenience you. Besides." His voice trailed off for a moment. "Besides, it's only for one night."

I knew what he'd been about to say. Brian was less than thrilled with Frasier's presence around the house over the last two days, even though he was unfailingly polite to him. It was understandable, really. Brian was my husband. Frasier was my ex-husband, and the father of my son. We'd shared a lot together, and it was only natural that Brian might feel threatened.

I should have let it go right then. I should have kissed his cheek and told him to call me when he got back to Seattle. I should have gone home where I belonged.

But I didn't. I stood there in the cold for the next twenty minutes talking to him, and when Frasier suggested getting dinner at one of our old haunts, which happened to be right around the corner, I said yes right away.

I knew better, of course, but I didn't care. I knew that Frasier and I were wonderful at dating and sex, but terrible at the aftermath once the sex was over and it was time to face the consequences of our actions. It was a road I'd been down more than once, and would probably always go down when I saw him.

I couldn't help it. I still loved him.

By the time dinner was over, the snow was covering the streets in a thick white blanket. The buses had stopped running, and it was looking extremely doubtful that I'd make it home that night. Frasier offered to let me share his hotel room with him. I knew better, but said yes right away.

We had sex, of course. Neither one of us intended on it happening, but we watched the snow fall from the window, and Frasier kissed me and I kissed him back and everything else fell into place like it always did. We never intended on these things happening. They always happened anyhow.

I fell asleep in his arms and woke up while it was still dark outside. He didn't stir when I crawled out of bed and began pacing about the room. Frasier slept like the dead. He wouldn't stir if World War Three began in the next room.

He would, however, wake up immediately if I began to cry. It was uncanny how he could sense that. I held back my tears as I continued to pace, not wanting to believe what I'd done. I had spent the night with Frasier. I had cheated on Brian. I'd promised to love and cherish him for the rest of my days, and now I'd gone and slept with another man.

It wasn't like this hadn't happened before when Frasier came to see Frederick. But I'd promised myself that it wouldn't happen again, not now that I had Brian. But now I'd cheated on Brian, just as I'd cheated on Frasier when I was married to him. Maybe the problem was me. Maybe I just wasn't cut out to be faithful.

If Frasier woke up now, I would see a terrible struggle in his eyes, love mixed with fear and regret. He would feel horrible about what had happened between us, and I couldn't bear the thought of sitting here and listening to him apologize while I felt like my heart was about to crack in two.

I did what I always did. Frasier continued to snore while I tiptoed around the room, picking up the items of my clothing that had been scattered the night before. The sky was getting lighter outside, and the snow had stopped falling. I'd take the T home, or get a cab, but I couldn't stay here any longer.

Frasier would understand. He understood me like no one else did. And it wasn't the first time I'd left before he woke. He knew I was no good with goodbyes.

"I love you," I whispered to him, watching as he smiled slightly in his sleep and wondering if he'd heard my words in a dream. Finally dressed, I took my purse off the nightstand and left. The door closed with a quiet click behind me.

Outside, the sun was coming up.