A/N: All-dialogue alternate universe one-shot. (Oh gosh, isn't that a mouthful?) Anyways, sorry I haven't written anything in the longest time. Schoolwork's been piling on top of me and it's just…overwhelming. (Can't anyone just be whelmed?) I'm terribly sorry if this sucks, but I'm terrible at planning.

DISCLAIMER: Nope, just Chuck Testa. ;D

Of Placing Second and Questionable Analogies

"But second. That's too close to first."

"You know, you could stop sulking now."

"It's only been three hours, Jacey. Give me some time to recover."

"Wally, it's not like it's the first time you've lost a track meet!"

"But those—"

"But nothing!"

"I came in second. SECOND."

"I'm aware. I was there, remember?"

"…"

"…"

"…"

"I still don't understand why you're getting all upset about being second, Wally. It could be a lot worse."

"Nothing's worse than second place."

"Um, how about third? Fourth? Fifth? Sixth? Sev—"

"I get the point. And plus, they don't give out ribbons past sixth place."

"…"

"It's just that…"

"…"

"Second hurts, Jacey."

"I'm not sure I understand."

"It's too close to first. If I would've been third then at least I could be satisfied because I was placed, but second? That's the worst place to be."

"…"

"…"

"I'm still not understanding."

"…"

"So?"

"…Imagine that you're best friends with someone—"

"Is that supposed to be an insult? Because if you haven't noticed, you are my best friend, Wally."

"…"

"…Go on."

"Thanks. And they love you like that. Except you have a boyfriend."

"Now, I'm pretty sure that was an insult to me."

"Jacey, you're completely missing the point."

"…Fine. I'll be quiet. Go on."

"And you claim that you love him."

"Claim? You make it sound like—"

"…"

"Right."

"And your best friend has to witness you loving this other guy while still pining over you."

"This sounds like you had a first-hand experience like this."

"Jacey!"

"Am I right?"

"…"

"What? I'm just curious. I don't know what you've been keeping from me."

"Some best friend you are. You don't even trust me!"

"I never said that!"

"You didn't have to! It was kind of implied!"

"…"

"Can I go on now, Jacey?"

"…"

"Okay. You know your best friend likes you, but you're in denial—"

"Are you the girl in this situation?"

"What?"

"Hate to say it—actually, no I don't because I'm your best friend and I can be as brutally honest as I want to be with you—but you're in denial about a lot of things."

"No I'm not!"

"Exhibit A."

"…"

"Oh, and let's not forget—"

"MOVING ON—you're in denial about your own feelings toward your best friend."

"Wally, seriously is there something you're not telling me about this whole 'fake' relationship story you're using as an analogy to you getting second place?"

"No."

"Somehow I don't believe that."

"Somehow I figured that."

"…"

"So, you liked—"

"Can you just get to the point instead of telling me every little detail?"

"…Right…"

"That would've been an excellent idea before starting, Wally. If only you had brain."

"Really, why are you my best friend if all you do is insult me?"

"I don't know. Are you going to finish?"

"Right. Short way of putting it: your boyfriend's first in your eyes and you love him more than anyone else and your best friend is second. To him, second hurts."

"Did you see this in a movie or something? I was going to suggest a book, but that's improbable. Wallace Rudolph West with a book? Scandalous!"

"Ha-ha, very funny."

"I find myself very much so."

"…Anyways, do you understand now?"

"Yeah, pretty much. My own best friend won't tell me his tragic stories about his old relationships. God knows how many of those he has."

"Hey!"

"Face the facts, Wally. You're a womanizer."

"You say it like it's a bad thing."

"To me it is."

"Then why are you my best friend?"

"…That is a very good question. Mind if I get back to you on that tomorrow?"

A/N: That whole analogy thing? Yeah, it kind of came from Lola and the Boy Next Door by Stephanie Perkins. It's a really girly book, but I love it. And that's where that idea came from because the main character's best friend, Cricket, once said, "Second hurts." I've read a few books in between that, so it's kind of hard to remember. As always, review, tell your friends to read this, and whatever else you want to do. It's a free country.