Chapter 1 - The hairpin

He was here.

She ran through the corridors, over the bridge and past the grand halls of the underground city. Many of its inhabitants looked after her with surprise as she passed them hastily on the pathways. Her heart was beating quickly in her chest as she breathed harder of the effort, but her eagerness was high and the adrenaline pumped through her veins. Her uncontrollable and tangled hair flew behind her, as did her dress, and she felt like she was flying through the halls surrounded by stone.

He had actually come, like she had dreamed of for so many years.

Her grin was wide as she came to an abrupt stop at the last corner to the Throne Hall, right behind the archway. Her chest heaved as she fought for her breath to come calmly. It was not easy. Suddenly she heard voices echoed, and her breathing came to a sharp stop. She needed to know if it truly was him. She held her breath as she leaned against the cold stone and listened to whomever was in the throne hall just around the corner from where she stood. She heard the footsteps of two echo through the hall.

«It is a pleasure to see you again, Nín gwador.» It was the voice of her mother. The girl stood quietly, hidden behind the corner, waiting for him to answer. She so yearned to hear his voice.

«Yes, it is good to be back. I have missed you.» The girl's breath caught in her throat as she heard the deep voice of a man. «I regret it's been so long. Will you forgive me? Too much is going on for me to explain to you now. I've been north, in the pursuit of a ranger. That is all I can say.»

The young girl grinned widely as she listened, not caring for his words, only the sound of his voice. It was as if he had come from a distant dream, and he would take her on adventures, far away from these halls where she had spent her entire life. That always happened in her dreams.

«But tell me now, how are you, Tauriel? I want to hear all about your life since last we met. And how is the little one?» The man talked enthusiastically. It was clear he enjoyed spending time with her mother. And at the mention of «the little one» her eyes went wide and she stopped breathing. She knew it was her he meant. She bit her lip. She knew it was a terribly bad manner to eavesdrop, but she cared not. All she wanted was to listen to him, to Legolas, the prince of Mirkwood, whom she hadn't seen for many years, but always dreamed of.

Tauriel spoke then: «I am well and happy with Kíli. I have adjusted to the life in this kingdom and I see the value of living under the mountain, more so than I could possibly have imagined I would. He has made me a home here as he promised. As for Kíliel…,» her mother stopped, and Kíliel's excitement died suddenly. The tone of her mother's voice had been concerned, and it kept echoing her name throughout the hall. It was a sad sound.

«It is difficult. She is beautiful and clever, and I am of course so very proud of her, but I fear we are not prepared for raising her. I love my daughter with all my heart, I could not have asked for a more special child, but I fear that will be our downfall. She is young, only twenty-seven years old, but so much more mature than any elf at that age, and yet not as mature as a dwarf would have been. Kíli and I… we do not properly comprehend the changes in her, and I do not know what to expect.» Tauriel sighed, as did Kíliel, sliding down the wall to sit on the floor. She put her arms around her knees and hid her face against them.

She knew this already. She had listened to her parents talk of it many times, especially over the last year. It filled her with a cold darkness. She was afraid, and she felt so alone in it all sometimes. As her mother said; they did not understand her. Who could understand? She was different, and it scared her parents. She knew it.

The coldness in her was blown away by a soft laugh. It came from Legolas. «Oh, Tauriel. Once you would fight orcs with joy and excitement, I would never have thought you to lose your spirit over anything, least not the thought of your daughter growing up. You sound like a true mother. Do not fear, for she will grown to be as beautiful and sharp as you. Even as a babe she was full of spirit, have you already forgotten?» Kíliel felt calmness come over her from the words. Legolas understood, of course he did.

«You are right, of course, my friend. I love her so much, and I fear I will do something wrong. Remember I never had a mother; I do not know what a mother does. Luckily I have Dís to help me. She is a remarkable dwarf, and a loving grandmother to Kíliel.» Legolas' soft laugh echoed in the hall again. He must have liked her mother's enthusiasm. «Oh, Legolas, I am so happy here. Almost everyone of the people have accepted me, even some of the most stubborn council members. And Thorin is… so full of love. Right from the start it was so clear how much she meant to him. He is even teaching her the harp.»

It was true, and Kíliel loved the sessions with her grandfather. He was strict, but patient with her, and if she made a mistake he would not scowl or punish her, rather urge her to try again and improve her skill. She was taking to the harp, and lately it was all she could do to calm herself during her moments of fright and uncertainty. She had a restlessness in her, one her mother had told her she had when she was the same age, yet Kíliel could sit calmly with the harp for hours without getting anxious. It felt right to her, like all the world would quiet down and listen to her when she played.

«Once I would never have dared to dream of this easy happiness we have here. It serves me right to worry over something so unproblematic and inevitable. I only wish you would come and stay with us.» Tauriel spoke, her voice almost pleading.

«You know I cannot, though it would've calmed me to stay here a while. Maybe I shall, but I cannot promise anything. There is much stirring in the world these days, and I must also return to my kingdom. Father expects me back this month.» There was a pause. «And you needn't worry, he does not know anything about you or your daughter. I have made sure of it. Though how much longer we can keep him in the dark I do not know.»

Kíliel exhaled, her heart filled with eagerness to speak with him, but it could not be now. They should not know she had been listening. She might be young, but as much she understood. Adults never wanted her to listen to their conversations when they spoke of their important matters. She did not care for their matters anyway, though they would not listen when she tried to explain.

At that exact moment she heard someone clear their throat behind her, and she shrank, knowing she had been caught. This was bad.

«Lady Kíliel.» She turned slowly around to face he who had caught her. There stood her uncle, Fíli, his crooked smile and raised eyebrow indicated his surprise and amusement. «What are you hiding out here from, lass?» He laid a big hand on her shoulder as he spoke, and looked around to see whom she might be hiding from.

«Nothing,» she said quietly and looked away. Her heart was beating hard, for surely they would have heard them by now. And she was right.

«Who's there?» Tauriel's voice bore throughout the hall, and Fíli dragged Kíliel along around the corner, through the archway to face her mother and their visitor. She stood eyeing the black, tiled floor. Her little face was clearly reflected in the floor, and Kíliel could see the red burn in her cheek as she stood before Legolas and her mother. She would not meet his gaze. It was all wrong.

«Good day, Tauriel. Welcome back, Legolas,» Fíli greeted them, and nodded friendly to Legolas who returned the gesture.

«Fíli, and… Kíliel! What are you two doing here?» Tauriel did not sound cross or worried. Her voice was gleeful, as she was only surprised.

Kíliel still refused to look up, even partly hidden behind her uncle she felt exposed to the sharp eyes of Legolas. She had yearned to be in his presence all day, and now that it happened she felt small and frightened, like he could see straight through her, like he could see that she had dreamed about him for so long.

«I found the little lass hiding behind the archway. I do not know how long she's been standing there, but I'm sure it was only curiosity. Me and my brother, we were just the same at her age.» Fíli laughed and squeezed her shoulder lightly, as if saying it was no big offence, and she needn't fear for punishment. Though they would never really punish her for anything. She was a fairly well behaved girl, though Fíli thought she acted strangely now. She was rarely shy, especially around her family. So Legolas must have been the reason for her silence and clinging to his tunic. She was small, reaching barely above his waist, so hiding behind him was no hard task.

Fíli tried to push her forward. There was no reason to hide from friendly faces, for Legolas was no enemy of theirs. «Come now. Will you not welcome Legolas into our kingdom, little princess?»

«Darling, Kíliel,» Tauriel began, her voice had the soft, motherly tone to it. Kíliel rose her gaze quickly to see the warm face of her mother smile at her. She held out her arm out, urging Kíliel to come to her, still the girl hesitated, and stared at the floor again.

Tauriel looked at Legolas with a surprised expression. «I do not know what has come over her. She is usually so friendly.»

But Legolas simply smiled and shrugged. «She has not seen me for many years, let's not blame the girl. I would not expect her to recognize me.» His voice was kind as he carefully eyed Kíliel, though he kept his distance. He was curious as well, but saw that the girl was like a frightened animal, and knew that she would not forgive him if he made the first advance.

The last time he had seen her was five years after her birth, twenty-two years ago. She had been but a little babe at the time, though running and talking and singing, he could not believe that she would recognize him.

«I do recognize you,» Kíliel suddenly muttered into Fíli's tunic, as if answering his thought, and all eyes turned to her.

«Do you, now?» Legolas said, and sat down on his left knee to match her height.

Kíliel nodded her head stubbornly, her small mouth in a pout and her eyes moving back and forth between the floor and her mother's face. She stole a glance of his fair face, then hid hers in Fíli's clothes. She felt the warmth fill her again, and she breathed shallowly of the excitement.

They laughed at her, but she did not mind for it was the kind of laughter grownups used when they thought she was cute. She knew that much, and she knew how to use it to her advantage.

«Well, I remember you, Princess Kíliel. And am I correct in saying that it is your birthday today?» Legolas coaxed her, to try and make her warm to him, knowing little of what was actually going on inside her head.

«You are, Prince… Legolas,» Kíliel slowly murmured, and speaking his name made her shiver slightly. She smiled cleverly. They all laughed again.

«Well then, I want you to have this, because I have no other gift to offer you, and I owe you nothing less.» He pulled out of his pocket a little silver hair pin with tiny branches and red leaves expanding from the top. It had rubies at the centre of each leaf and it shone beautifully in the morning light. He held it out for her to take. «It belonged to my mother, so take great care of it.»

Kíliel gasped and met his gaze suddenly, to make sure it was truly given to her. Then she reached out her arm and took carefully the pin out of his hand. Her fingers touched his palm as she took it, and again she felt the warmth spread within her. She smiled and looked down on the thing that filled her hand, but had been so small in his. It was heavy and she knew the importance that filled it.

She looked at Legolas again and then bowed deeply, like her father had taught her. «Thank you, my prince. Will you put it on?» She asked eagerly and turned her back to him.

Legolas smiled and tilted his head slightly. He was surprised at this sudden change.

Tauriel laughed and walked to embrace her daughter. «I am sure we can do that later, starlight, right now I think we should return to our chambers and prepare for the big feast tonight.»

«It will only take a moment,» Legolas said, and took the pin from Kíliel. With quick and easy hands he untangled her hair best as he could, collected some of the hair hanging loose on either side of her face and fashioned two twisted braids. He fastened them on the back of her head with the pin.

«There you see. Beautiful like the queen you are.» Legolas winked at her, and stood up. Her eyes followed his face all the way, and she would not stop looking at him before her mother whisked her off to ready themselves for the party later that evening.

As Kíliel moved she felt the weight of the pin, but it was securely fastened and stayed in place the entire day and night, even with dancing and constant movement. It was one of the best gifts she had ever received, and only because it was from him, and because he had fashioned her hair in a way he had deemed worthy of a queen.

Kíliel laid on her side in the bed and beheld the pin. It had been many years since that day. She remembered every feeling and emotion when he had looked at her.

Thirty years had passed.

Yet she felt the warmth fill her every limb at remembering the night. He had been sitting on the table next to her parents as she sat on the opposite side, next to her uncle, and they had talked all night about important, grownup matters that she could not recall. But she had gazed at his eyes the entire night, and every once in a while he had met her gaze, winked at her, and then continued the conversation. She felt a tingle as she thought about it. That gaze of cool, blue eyes and the smile that promised safety and love. It had ended abruptly. He had left the next day, apologising for his short visit, and he had promised to return in not too long.

She grinned bitterly at the memory, for of course weren't forty years anything to reckon in the long life of an elf, a true elf. Had she only been a true elf, or dwarf. There was nothing good about being half. It was rough and lonely.

When she had first reached adolescence neither her dry-nurse nor her mother had been to any help. Tauriel had kept insisting that it was too early to even begin thinking of the change in her body, yet the dry-nurse, a middle-aged dwarf with warm, red cheeks and soft hands, with the name of Náli, had urged that it was long overdue. Both arguing if she was late or early had not eased her confusion and fear, rather made it worse.

When she had her first bleed, she had tried to keep it to herself, for she felt ashamed of being the center of attention and discussion. It was like they experimented on her and observed her like a rare animal they had to learn more about. They urged her to speak of all that happened to her body and mind, but Kíliel didn't want to speak of any of it. She just wanted the pains in her breasts, the cramps in her stomach, and the stretch marks on her hips to go away.

Once she was nauseous for a whole month, and no one knew what to do about it. They had given her all the herbs and the tonics they could think of, yet nothing had helped. She then learned to stop mentioning any discomfort or pains she felt, as they usually all passed, and did nothing but frighten her mother and cause Náli to examine her body for the thousand time.

It was her fortieth year it had all began, and she had been mortified. With the other adolescent dwarves she felt like a child, changing much later than all of those her own age, and when she finally began to grow she grew taller than most of them in only a year. It had been a problematic time. She had kept mostly to herself, spending the time playing the harp and eating only with her mother and father when she could be spared the official businesses expected of her as a princess.

She felt she was in the way all the time, being everyone's problem, and yet being too important to leave out. She was, after all, future queen of Erebor, and that entailed many hours of lessons she would've been without. Every dull lesson she had to endure, every strict dwarven council-member who would talk for hours about some or other business she had to know about, but was utterly unnecessary and boring. The only lessons she tolerated were those with her uncle, for Fíli was more patient with her and spoke with a passion none of the other teachers did. And of course she treasured the lessons with her grandfather. He would talk about some matter she would have to understand when being a ruler, while she played the harp. Sometimes they would sit for hours without even noticing the time passing.

But always did she dream of Legolas. He lingered in the back of her thoughts, and she found strange comfort in the memory of him, of the night of her birthday, of his eyes. She did not know if it was because he was the only other elf she knew except her mother, or Tauriel's loving words of him when she spoke of her youth, or some other reason. He was always with her.

Kíliel exhaled heavily. She grasped the pin he had given her, stroking the hard, yet delicate metalwork with her fingers. Today was her fifty-seventh birthday, and still she felt just as lost as the young girl eavesdropping, thirty years ago. She was the heir, but she knew that many of her people did not support her right; she was misunderstood by both her kin and with no one to understand her feelings; she did not even know if she could reproduce, and therefore secure an heir of her own; and to make matters worse - the only person she had ever longed for was an elf she had met twice in her childhood.

She scoffed. How could she be so pathetic and still be the future Queen of Erebor?

Translator: Nín gwador = My brother

I also think it is very important to say that as I imagine it from what I've read, elves use roughly 100 years to age, and dwarves use roughly 50, so I imagine that Kíliel age 3,5 times slower than humans, quicker than elves but slower than dwarves, so that when she is 27 she is actually a mental age of about 7. And when she is 75 she is 21. I hope you understand what I mean! ^^