Disclaimer: I don't own Gintama. It's better not to. I wouldn't want complaint letters about Otsuu's songs jammed in my mailbox.

Notes:

Harusame – first appeared in episode 11(the one with drugs and Ms Hammy). This notorious space pirate later became Takasugi's important affiliate for his Kiheitai.
And remember the 'wonderful' episode 48 where Gintoki and Hijikata keep on bumping into each other?

A/N: I bought a Gintama Calendar and was looking through it for the month of May when I realised, gasp! It's Toshi's birthday! I intended to finish this exactly on 5 May, but ended up being late for a day. Oh, well... Happy belated birthday, Toshi! Do R&R and let me know what you think of this!

Once you're Eighteen, time seems to fly faster then the fly in your pants you need to release when you're in a hurry to piss

The crackdown of yet another illegal organization was supposed to end before the sun rises. The Vice-Commander of Shinsengumi had planned for a swift total destruction once the ship arrived.
One, it would reduce casualties.
Two, the ambush will put their targets at disadvantage.
Three, Hijikata Toshiro had plans for the next day.

The next day would be one of those special days where he had thought through his activities in advance. He decided that he might have lunch at this ramen shop called Hokutoshinken that he had just discovered in town, then watch a movie (namely Alien VS Yakuza SECOND), and if there is enough time, another movie (My Neighbor Pedoro: Another Prank). By evening, he would pick up his bath supplies and visit the public bath nearby.

Assuming everything was constant, he would, by now, be in his bed, resting for the day and looking forward to his off day.

But no. This tiny little organization happened to have Harusame as their backup. It was a little unexpected (he reminded himself to hang Yamazaki upside down from the Shinsengumi's favorite tree as punishment for the lack of information), but the additional number of targets was no trouble for the Shinsengumi.

Eh? Essay Prompt?

"Déjà vu… vu… vu… vu…" his voice echoed in his brain.

… That was what Hijikata had in his mind as he slashed down the last man. He looked around, and found all of his team members standing their grounds, some barely alive from the tedious exercise, but mostly safe and sound. He took out a cigarette and lit it with his mayonnaise bottle shaped lighter.

"All right, everyone! Tie up these bastards! We're done with this once backup arrives to collect them!"

Suddenly, there was a loud boom and the ship shook vigorously. The team could hear heavy footsteps running to the warehouse – where they are right now. The metal door opened and sunlight shone through, illuminating the entrance of the warehouse.

"Tch!" Hijikata clicked his tongue unhappily. It was already a new day. His off day.

"… more? Aren't we ever done?" his team members groaned as they prepared for another battle.

"MEN! IT'S HIJIKATA TOSHIRO! TAKE DOWN HIS HEAD AND THE SHINSENGUMI WILL BE DONE FOR!!"

The new army of Amanto roared as they charged into the warehouse. With renewed grumpiness, Hijikata took a last smoke before spitting out the unfinished cigarette. He unsheathed his sword for battle.

It was already evening once everything was over. The Amanto army was handcuffed and stuffed into a truck. Probably, transporting them to their graves.

Hijikata fished in his pocket only to find an empty cigarette box. He leaned against the police car as he watched the last of the Amanto depart. As the sound of the engine died away, he moved into the car. He was feeling emo. That would be the word if you were a teenager who was ditched in the middle of Kabuki cho. He felt as down as that.

The atmosphere in the car was very nervous. The driver could feel his vice-commander's violent aura, probably on the lookout for any excuse that would allow him to cut down the next person who irritates him.

It was almost dark when Hijikata had returned back to the Shinsengumi quarters. His mood only became worse when he spotted Yamazaki Sagaru at the entrance. Yamazaki waved happily at Hijikata, "Vice-commander! Welcome back! We've got something special…."

Before allowing Yamazaki to finish his sentence, Hijikata was already running to him at full speed, his sword ready to cut off the idiot's head.

"YAAAAMAAAAZAAAAKIIIIIIIII!! YOU BASTARD!! THEY HAD HARUSAME AS BACK UP! WHY DIDN'T YOU INFORM US OF THAT??"

"Eh? EH!!" Yamazaki exclaimed at the news. He stood on the ground for a few seconds, frantically thinking of a reason or explanation for his demonic vice-commander. A glint of light from Hijikata's sword shone on his face and Yamazaki decided he should run for his life instead. He immediately turned around and bolted into the quarters.

Hijikata followed the spy menacingly at a slower pace – much more torturing pace, for Yamazaki – his face twisted with terror that even Okita Sougo might be intimidated. Probably.

Yamazaki turned into a corner, his hands held in the air as if surrendering, "Wait! Wait! Fukuchou! Sorrrrry! I didn't realize they were in cahoots with Harusame!"

Hijikata just drew out his sword and shouted angrily, "Sorry? SORRY?! YOU SHOULD HAVE FOUND OUT!! WHY THE FUCKING HELL DO YOU THINK YOU ARE THE SPY?!"

Yamazaki fell back against the sliding door in fear. Hijikata raised his sword above his head, ready to strike down. At this moment, the door opened and Yamazaki fell back into the meeting room. Hijikata felt his sword cut down something soft. A waft of sweet smell came out of the room. The lights flickered and then when it came on, Hijikata saw a sight as shocking as though Takasugi Shinsuke decided to change his career from a terrorist to a kindergarten teacher.

Or that the Yorozuya was employed by a certain rich shogun and started throwing money into the streets.
Or that Kondo and Shimura Tae got married and lived happily ever after.
Or that Okita Sougo decided to grow up and stop his attempted murders.
Or that Yamazaki got his facts right before every mission.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, TOSHI!" Kondo Isao boomed, a disfigured cake in his hands.

"HAPPY BIRTHDAY, FUKUCHOU!" the rest of the Shinsengumi followed suit.

They then parted in style as though they had rehearsed the act, creating a path for Hijikata. At the end of the path was Okita with his bazooka aimed, miraculously not at him and without warning, activated it. The bazooka produced pink smoke and shot out confetti noisily.

"Happy Birthday, Hijikata-san," Okita's deadpan voice said and settled his bazooka next to him rather reluctantly. "Today is the day when we celebrate your birthday… well, enjoy your last moments. I'll kill you tomorrow morning."

"Wha… what?" Hijikata stood at the door, still recovering slowly from the surprise, his sword at his side, dripping with sweet cream.

Yamazaki stood up and guided Hijikata into the room. "Fukuchou, we know that today's case had taken up your day so we decided to hold a party to make up for it."

"If that's not enough," Kondo beamed as he gave a cup of sake to Hijikata, "You can have a day off tomorrow."

Hijikata took a gulp of sake. It tasted better than the nights when he drank alone after work.

OMAKE:

Yamazaki's limp body hung upside down from the tree, basking under the moonlight. He sobbed silently as he watched through the paper door, the silhouette of his friends drinking and making merry in the meeting room.

"Monday sucks."

OWARI