Disclaimer: All owned by the BBC and Tiger Aspect Productions
Author Notes: This is set after the series 2 episode 'Show me the Money' and includes references to 'Get Carter'. I wanted to explore how Marian dealt with her father's death and found a place for herself in the gang. It's all a bit AU. X-posted at the robinhoodbbc lj comm. I'd love to know what you think, enjoy.
EXPECTATIONS
Marian expects everything about Robin to be predictable when she comes to live in the forest.
She is unsurprised that his voice is the loudest, that he makes the final decisions, and that his refusal to allow others' ideas to be put before his own is still as frustrating as it always was. She expects that he will leap in without thought, grinning cockily when danger stands before him.
But she discovers that there are more unexpected shades to the man he has become.
They argue daily, of course they do, but Robin now comes to find her when she storms off and more often than ever before there are moments when words briefly spill from him detailing his love for her. He presses his lips to her knuckles in a gentlemanly gesture that causes her heart to flutter in a way that Gisborne's close proximity never came close to achieving.
Sometimes Robin kisses her with a fervour that leaves her breathless and her clothing less decent. She does not stop him because she needs it too.
It is this that fully pulls her out of grief. At first, everything is eclipsed by her anger. It is vented in sword drills, knife throwing, and archery, practice, practice, practice, until the raids and the ambushes happen. Throughout it all she hears her father's voice, softened in memory, telling her that practice makes things perfect. And they will be.
She never expected her time in Sherwood to be consumed in the heat of fury and brutal actions without thought. That has always been Robin's most frustrating trait, one she has long argued with him about. But now she learns that she can lose herself in it and feels how Robin did when he planned on killing Gisborne in the forest or almost ended Allan. She wants justice in a way that draws blood.
It is another revelation, seeing the world as Robin does, and enjoying it.
It changes after Carter leaves for the Holy Land. It is a very lonely and hollow place to be and Robin, with his aggravating words and gentle touches, pulls her out of it. She desires to do the same for him.
But what really surprises Marian, and Robin even more, is how she finds a place with the others.
Of course, she first finds a connection with Much. They have a history, and he is a piece of home. She finds his company soothing, particularly right after her father's death when she feels tender and raw and needs familiarity. Much chats quietly about things of little consequence and produces mugs of herbal tea for her. When she is with him, she is able to gain some precious hours sleep and she always wakes draped in a blanket and a meal ready beside her.
But there is a sadness in him that is new, a haunted look that appears in his eyes sometimes. The others don't see it behind his complaints and fussing, but she does. Sometimes when she helps him gather and prepare the food, Much carelessly reveals details of his life in the Holy Land. Through Much, Marian learns more of Robin.
When she overhears Much hissing to Robin just before one of his master's spectacularly risky plans that if Robin dies then so would Much, she believes him. Because she would die too. She cannot lose him again.
She and Much are bonded by it, they always have been. She cannot imagine that Robin or Much would have survived in the Holy Land without each other. She thanks Much for it one day, for coming home safe and bringing Robin with him, and he goes red to the roots of his hair.
The biggest surprise to everyone is how close she becomes to Little John. John speaks with actions, but his presence is steady and what he does say is wise. She can lean on him. Most of all he is someone who holds her when her grief overwhelms her and says, simply and bluntly, what she needs to hear.
Much is noise and chatter when she needs it, but John is mostly silence and Marian is grateful beyond words for this cool relief. Sometimes, he helps the ache inside of her lessen just a little and she understands this better when he speaks occasionally about Alice and Little Little John.
Marian has talked with Djaq before and the level of comfort and companionship they established during Count Frederick's visit slides into place almost instantly. It is good to have another woman around, an unusual woman, but Marian knows that she is far from the untouchable image of a lady that people expect of her. It is likely entirely too predictable that the closest she has to a female friend in years is one equally as unusual as herself.
She and Djaq can talk of men and their constant stupidity and stubbornness and when Djaq asks about Allan, Marian is as truthful as she can be because Djaq looks at her most vulnerable when discussing her former friend. Djaq lost her family too.
Will is more familiarity. Marian only sees him smile with his eyes around Djaq. One day, after several nights have passed and she is closer to being back to herself, she tells him quietly how sorry she is about his father and asks about the carving Much has told her about.
Will is silent still, but he lays aside his whittling and takes her to watch the sunrise and Dan Scarlett appears against the rock face. Tears prick at Marian's eyes as she remembers the few encounters she had with the kind blacksmith and how brave he was, defying the Sheriff. The memories morph into her own father. Will pats her shoulder awkwardly, but doesn't say a word.
He knows the grief she feels too well and what she doesn't need to hear.
The next morning Marian wakes to find a beautiful carved necklace beside her. On one side of the simple flat pendant is Robin's symbol and on the other is her father's name. The wood is cool and welcome against her skin and she mouths her thanks to Will across the breakfast fire. His answering smile reaches his eyes.
Marian knows how Robin feels about Allan's betrayal. She saw his tortured gaze, stayed his hand when cold metal was about to strike and taint everything, not just them but all that Robin could do afterwards. But she does not expect the empty feeling in the camp as though something is missing, nor the depth of melancholy that cloaks both Will and Djaq more sharply than the others without explanation.
She does not expect Allan to show his face again at the camp. But he does
The first time is after he's helped keep her location a secret from Gisborne and she is alone in the camp again. She is not armed, but she is ready, her posture as taut as a bowstring. She will make sure that he cannot leave the camp if he forces her to.
She does not expect the yearning in his expression when she allows him to approach (she has nothing to fear, she has at least one knife in her boot and another on her belt and Allan is aware of some of what she is capable of), and how his eyes light up at the familiar objects strewn throughout the camp. He always looked so pleased at the castle. Their conversation is terse.
"What do you want?"
"I'm not here to cause trouble. I just wanted to see how the gang was, you know."
"Still alive, no thanks to you."
Allan looks hurt, a pain in his eyes.
"I haven't told Gisborne about you, doesn't that count for anything?"
"Something, but not enough. You've continued to make life difficult for us."
She has not forgotten how he easily gave away Robin's secrets with a smug smile and it must show
in her expression. Allan manages to look repentant, but Marian does not relax her guard.
"I'm trying to stay alive," he tells her. "If I tell them nothing, they'll get suspicious. Here."
He surprises her again by handing over a bundle of clothing hastily parcelled up with a familiar-looking sash. She recognises her Night Watchman's garb and the edge of the mask pokes out. There are several of her gowns as well, useless in the forest but one or two were presents from her father and they cause Marian to smile before she realises just how Allan has gotten his hands on them.
"You went into my room?"
"I told Gisborne I was sending you some clothing for when you eventually decide to leave the nuns," Allan shrugs. "He keeps going into your room and I thought he might see the Night Watchman stuff and you could use it anyway. Can't exactly help the poor as the Lady Marian, can you?"
Marian is taken aback, willing to overlook his invasion of her privacy, and so thanks him cautiously. Allan comes back several times, continuing to help her to evade Gisborne and so she gives him news of the gang. Nothing that the Sheriff can use, she is careful about that, but information that tells him of his friends' lives and moods. They are brief conversations but Allan cannot completely hide how much they mean to him. Marian does not think these reactions are lies.
She keeps Allan's visits a secret from the gang. Perhaps spending time here will make him think twice about betraying any of them further when violent threats won't work any longer. She keeps her knives on her at all times.
Life is very different to the one Marian once imagined. Sometimes, it is like living in the once-suppressed memories of long ago. Here she is, hunting in the forest with Much worrying and Robin still aggravating her but making her smile and causing a feeling in the pit of her stomach.
At other times, it is confusion and mess and frustration and too many pieces to make a whole picture. There is so much to do and never enough time to do it in. She understands better why Robin is frustrated and impatient. At least they get results, at least they are doing something.
But it is also friendship by firelight, with this most unusual group. It is Djaq with understanding in her eyes and a secretive smile, Little John holding her, Will carving a new clasp for her cloak, Much's steady warm presence, the occasional light she glimpses in Allan's eyes, and Robin there within her reach. When Robin wraps his arms around her and whispers that he's not letting her go, Marian can feel the grief inside of her melt a little more. It is more than the life she once imagined, it is what she needs.
-end