A/N: Set in some inbetween, non-canon timeline.
"They want Lola's endorsement on that?" James shook his head, brows creased in confusion.
"Sure do!" Joker laughed, slapping the burly man on the shoulder.
"Alliance vehicles? Shuttles? That all would make sense… but that thing? Nah, they're loco."
"Well, seeing as she is the 'Savior of the Galaxy'," Joker air quoted for good measure, "they want her name on everything. They also want to know what she does in her free time."
"They know she doesn't have any, right?"
"Apparently not, since they're sending her shit like that to test out for a recommendation. I mean come on," Joker drawled, waving his hand in Shepard's general direction. "It's like asking her to endorse dance shoes or something."
"Or model evening wear." James snickered. "She can pull it off, if you hold a gun to her head."
"Even then she'd disarm you before it got too far." There was a pause as they watched Shepard looking over the vehicle. A brand new, sparkling sky car from Illium. Shepard seemed pleased enough with the make of it, shrugging a shoulder gently before climbing inside.
"How long do you think before she wrecks it?"
"Lola's not that crazy is she?"
"I forget, you never saw her drive the Mako. She tried to defy physics in that thing."
"She did a time or two; going vertically up mountain sides….. before she drove us right over the other side. I tried to tell her the Mako couldn't fly, she never seemed to believe me." Garrus fell in line next to Joker, mandibles twitching noticeably as he watched Shepard settle herself in the driver's seat. "Uh, the manufactures do realize they won't be getting that vehicle back, right?"
"Not a clue." Joker shook his head, eyes closed, almost relishing the pain that was to come. "The broker is over there. Poor fool."
"Right, so I give it five minutes," Garrus said firmly.
"Five minutes for the big guy! What about you Vega?" Joker was already taking credit chits from Garrus, grinning widely.
"Oh, Lola can't be nearly as bad as you claim. I say it comes back in perfect condition."
"Damn Vega, never knew you were such an optimist." Joker gave a low whistle. "I'm giving her fifteen minutes; once the fun starts to wear off."
"Ten minutes." Tali appeared next to James, peeking around him to look at Joker. "She'll forget to shift gears and it'll overheat before she gets too far. I've read up on that model, the engines aren't very reliable."
"But she'll get it started?" Joker asked.
"She'll get it started." Tali nodded firmly, arms folded behind her back.
"Seven minutes, thirty-seven seconds. And I believe I will...double down?" Liara seemed to magically appear behind the group, none of them hearing her approach.
"That's… very precise. Kinda creepy." Joker bobbed his head, one shoulder lifting upward.
"It's my job to know things." Liara smiled serenely, and handed over a credit chit. Everyone's bets, for the time being, took up residence in Joker's cap resting before them on the ground.
Shepard had been talking with the broker for the car company. She finally nodded and he stepped back. The engine roared to life, and she was off. Everyone waited with bated breath as she sped away. They all kept their eyes glued on the vehicle, Garrus keeping time with his Omni-tool.
"Damn it, five minutes. I'm out." He swore under his breath. A few more minutes ticked by and then Garrus was counting out loud.
"Seven minutes, thirty-five seconds. Thirty-six." They all held their breath as the time came and went, ticking onto eight minutes.
"By the goddess…. I thought for sure!" Liara sighed, shoulders deflating.
Next was the ten minute mark, which went by without incident, causing Tali to swear rather violently. Then it was fifteen minutes, still everything was in perfect order. Nothing to report.
At the twenty minute mark Shepard finally returned, landing the vehicle in nearly the same spot as she'd taken off from. Though she landed with a bit too much force, the bumper bouncing off the ground much to the brokers chagrin.
"I believe I'll be taking my winnings now." James grinned wide, crouching down to pick up the hat and credits.
However just as his fingers were reaching for the brim, a shadow fell over him and Shepard bent slightly at the waist, scooping up the hat in one fell swoop. She emptied the credits into her hand and plopped the hat on top of her head, brim slightly askew.
"I believe I'll be taking the winnings today."
James straightened up. "But I won!"
"No, you did not." Shepard spoke slowly, shaking her head. "You said it'd come back in 'perfect condition.' That puppy," she jerked a thumb over her shoulder, "Has a scratch on the bumper, which means it ain't perfect, which means you didn't win either."
"How in the hell did you know we were betting on you?"
"First off, it's all of you, what else would you be doing?" She waved her hand at them, trying to keep the credit chits from falling. "Second, I'm just that good."
"You tapped into my Omni-tool again, didn't you?" Garrus said, voice low, eyes narrowed.
"Well, if you had a more secure password then I wouldn't be able to hack it, now would I?" Shepard batted her eyes at him, grinning. "But no, I didn't hack it. This time."
"Then how Shepard?"
"I told you, I'm just that good! Now stop being such sore losers. I say we head out to the bar, drinks are on me!" She cackled, holding up the credit chits gleefully.
"Uh, Shepard? My hat?" Joker called after her.
"Come and get it Moreau."
"Do I need to remind you that I have a freaking disability!?"
"Do I need to remind you that I am paying for drinks?"
"With my stolen money!"
"And your hat, don't forget I stole that, too." Shepard laughed. "Actually, I think I look better in it. I'll just keep it."
"Is she really the Savior of the Galaxy?" Joker sighed.
"She really is." Tali patted his shoulder. "She just also happens to be a little insane."
"I HEARD THAT!" Shepard screeched from several yards away.
"How!?" Tali whined.
"For the love of-!" Shepard cursed, then her voice seemed to grow louder, closer. "I said I didn't hack Garrus's Omni-tool, doesn't mean I didn't hack yours, Tali."
"Shepard!" Tali hissed, stamping her foot indignantly.
"What? You don't have a very secure password either," Shepard said as if that explained everything. "So," she continued after a short pause, "you all coming for drinks or would you like to continue wallowing?"
"Well," James drug out the word, rubbing his neck. "If you can't beat her, join her?"
"I just want my damned hat back," Joker muttered, falling in line with the others as they followed Shepard.
They had barely made it a few yards when they all hit the deck as the car to their left went up in flames, a loud boom ringing out as the front part of the vehicle exploded. Everyone righted themselves, checking for injuries… luckily they were all unharmed.
Shepard was already gone.
"Maybe she did win…. no one bet on that." Joker whistled, rubbing a hand down the side of his face. "Um, let's go find her?"
They started off again, ignoring the broker crying silently over the burning carcass of the car. Tali remained where she stood for a moment, rooted. Finally she whirled around, chasing after the others like a child.
"I told you the engines were unreliable!"