Sometimes I think if someone came along and while we were sleeping covered my mothers scars we'd look almost exactly the same. It's a strange thing to think but I've never been to normal. My brother though, he's pretty normal. I think he looks like Dad but Dad says he looks like Mom. Mom like me sees Dad in Haymitch. My brother was named after my parents former mentor. Haymitch like Dad is tall and has the atrists touch, not to mention the sunshine colored curls and warm smile. He also has a mild tempermant and that holds us together. Haymitch and I have often seen our parents suffer within themselves. Some times Dad will have to grip the mantle place and start asking these really weird questions that end with real or not real. Sometimes he anwsers, sometimes Mom anwsers, sometimes we anwser. Mom perfers to hold onto Dad but if she can't then she recites everything she knows. Some of it should scare me but most I learned about in school.
I blame my child hood on the weirdness I pretain now but I'd never say it out loud. My Mom may be a tiger whos earned her stripes but her physce's fragile. I continued packing my paints in my bag when Haymitch swings around the corner.
"Staying after late again to paint" He says. His voice is innocent enough not to alert our parents who are always listening but his eyes are hard and protective.
"Yes, nothing to be concerned about" I reply evenly but my eyes are stely as well. I can take care of myself.
"Nonsense, I wouldn't want anything to happen to my dear sister" His voice almost sounds cheery but his face is in a scowl. I'm comeing with you. His eyes say. I sigh defeated. Thats one of the things about Haymitch, he treats everyone like there someone he needs to protect. He does it to me, my parents, even Uncle Haymitch . . . speaking of Uncle. I swing my bag over my shoulder before walking into the family room. My parents sit in eachother's arms, as always, watching a program about gardening. My parents have tooken to it since they moved back to twelve.
"Good bye Mum . . . Dad . . . love you" I gave them each a kiss on their cheek after I said their name.
"Bye, love you" Haymitch called as he folowed me out of the house.
"Bye"
"Have a good day at school" Our parents called
Every Day before we go to school, we go to Uncles house and replace the flower ring on his door knob and feed his geese. When we were children we would always make him a crown of flowers to match us but his was always in a drunken sleep so we'd leave them on his door knob. He died from alchohal poisoning when I was twelve and Haymitch ten. We walked the short distance to the meadow and picked wild flowers. Haymitch and I quickly made the crown and hurried back placing it on his door knob. I then retreived a bucket of feed from the shed and scattered it across the lawn. The geese seemed to apparate out of no where swarming in around me. I put it back then we started for school
"Bye Uncle" We called over our shoulders we exited the property.
We walked to school in relative silence as usual.
"So whats up with that Meeza kid. You've been hanging around for a while now." Haymitch asks after we had walked half way to school. I didn't blush, I wasn't much of a blusher and lookeed down onto the grey pleats of my unifrom skirt nervously.
"We like to paint together. A common intrest." I say. It is true after all, but still every day I find myself falling deeper in love with the green eyed boy.
"Has he touched you" My brother asked bluntly.
"Haymitch" I gasped. Haymitch has never been one for words so he has always been blunt but still the harshness sometimes catches me off gaurds. He looked at me with hard grey eyes.
"No. . . he hasn't touched me" I replied honestly. My brother nodded approvingly.
If things go well with this Meeza kid I will probably marry him one day. Due to the thousands of deaths caused by the war, marriage is promoted at a young age. Some girls are already wearing engagment rings ready to be married off next year when they turn kids are even born into arranged marriages. Those girls will probably have to quit schooling before 18 because of child rearing. Woman that don't get married before 20 donate their bodies as serrogate mothers to couples that can't get pregnant. Men that aren't married by 20 must donate their semen to woman whom don't have a respective partner that want a child or lesbian couples. Those people who are forced into that life are moved to another district never to return so they want cinfuse the impressionable children with their life style. I don't want that and most don't either so since the war ended people have been marrying young. Some our even born into Marriage contract a fad that started around the time I was born and has increased since, though neither my brother or I are in one , our parents tell us they were approached to open one when my mother carried each of Haymitch and I. But I must admit, I wouldn't mind being the wife of such a chivalrous and caring man like Meeza. No I wouldn't mind at all to wake up to that wonderful face every day, and lay down with that gorgou-
"Nena" I almost blushed as my improper thoughts were interupted by the very pretainer of them.
"M-Meeza" I stutter. Looks like we arrived at school. I Stop and my brother stops with me.
"I was wondering if you w- . . . . So this one's your brother" Meeza nottices Haymitch whos been throwing him dirty looks since the moment we got here. But Meeza refers to him with a gental smile.
"Yes, he's even stranger than me if you can beleive it " I siad attempting a joke.
"It's true, the docs say I'm bordering violent-physcotic" This was my brothers attempt at a bad joke. I placed a hand on my brothers gold curls and sighed.
"He's jokeing Meeza . . . he has a dark sense of humor" I explain.
"I would hope so" Meeza laughed easily. "Mind if I walk you to class" Meeza asked.
"No that would be fine" I responded with a smile. "Behave" Was my parting with my brother as Meeza and I took off in the direction of the highschool building and Haymitch towards the Jr. High.
"Hey so you want to skip today?" Meeza asked at the steps to the entrance of the High School.
"Won't our parents get nottified." I asked. They would get nottified at least mine would. My mother always some how knows what I do in school. I skipped once in freshman year with my best friend Opal and my Mother was livid when I came home.
" Mine haven't yet" Meeza said. Now I could go with Meeza, the man who I might spend the rest of my life with, my crush and spend the day painting in the woods with him knowing I would be in trouble when I get home, or I could spend six hours listening to teachers drone on about things I already know but keep my parents and brother happy.
"Sure lets go" Stupid girl.
Meeza and I made our way to the woods speedily. He heald my hand the whole way as we ran through the treets of the Seam towards the meadow. I stopped momentarily in the meadow to gather wild flowers to make flower crowns later on. We were soon at the gate. I slipped through the raise in the fence that Haymitch and I had made one night when we were sneaking out just because we wanted to see if we could. Meeza followed but there was a slight blush on his face. He must have seen my underware when I went under the fence. Neither he nor I achnoleged it though. Oh Meeza, always the gentalman. We stopped at string of boulders about a half a quarter of a mile from the gate.
We started setting up the supplies quietly as we listened to the forest full to the brim with life. We took our small canvases and sat on a broad rock that seemed to be made for two, to sketch what we would be painting.
"I love the woods" I said looking out to the trees with a smile. It was peaceful here and natural. Here my eyes didn't hurt from the bright white manufactured light, The horrible smog emitted by the factories didn't cover everything, and the horrible antiseptic smell didn't cling to every surface like school.
"It suites you" Meeza said. I looked to him confussed.
"The woods I mean" He blushed a little again."You look like a forest nymph with your little frame long hair and such striking corn flower blue eyes." Now I blushed. I touched the waist length hair I kept coiled tight in a bun atop my head. I had thought my straight cut bangs were long enough to cover my eyes.
"You like my eyes" I asked quietly.
"Well I like everything about you Nena" Meeza responded with an obvious tone. I looked to meet his green eyes but I just ralized his face was dangerously close. I looked back down at my unfinished sketch.
"I just brought up your eyes because there the most amazing shade of blue I've ever seen. No matter how hard I try I can never replicate that color even though it dosen't change like some peoples eye colors. It stays solid and so . . . deep. I bet your hair though is an array of different hued strands with how the sun is today and your parents being opposite colors; blond and brown." Meeza was going on he was getting nervous. I looked up.
"Meeza" I said interupting his rambiling. My jaw felt tight and I was slightly shaking as I stayed locked with the green eyes. "I . . ." I wasn't sure what I wanted to say but there words that wanted to be formed of the tip of my toungh. Our eyes remained locked.
"Nena close your eyes" I heard Meeza whisper. My eyes fluttered shut. I could feel his face come closer to mine from the increased body heat. My heart rate accelerated, he was going to kiss me, my first kiss. I fealt the brush of lips against mine lighter than a baby dove's first downy feathers. Slight preassure then, my mouth started to form an 'o', and it was gone rapidly.
"Goddamn it" I heard Meeza growl. My eyes shot open.
"Meeza, I'm sorry" I squeaked. I wan't sure what I did but the words slipped from my lips before I could stop them. He was holding his head in his hands, his fingers grasping his chestnut bangs. He looked up at me slowly as if shamed.
"You didn't do anything Nena . . . your prefect . . . it's my fault. I shouldn't be doing this" He said.
"Why" I asked. There were plenty of kids who were kissing by now. Most of the girls in my grade got their first kisses around from ten to thirteen, I'm fifteen now.
"I'm arranged to be married" Meeza said still looking at me. I fealt my heart constrict and a white hot jealousy seep through my veins. She dosen't deserve him, I thought imediatly. She isn't public with him or else . . . would I have done this or not. I don't know. I fealt tears pool in my eyes and I brought my knees to my chest. I fealt led on. All the times he had held my hand, the compliments. My first kiss.
"Nena" He said my name so brokenly.
I looked to him and I knew he could see my tears. I wanted him too. I wanted comfort. I wanted him to be the one to take the step towards me and concole me. To hug me and craddle my face with those paint stained hands I had observed work tirelessly over canvas for hours at a time. But Meeza didn't move. He stood there like a kicked puppy looking saddly back at me. I turned my head away and shrunk in on myself.
"Why'd you lead me on" I asked quietly. My voice cracked.
" I didn't mean to. I . . . I love you Nena but, we can't . . . we can't be together" Meeza said.
I fealt like a jerk then. Certinely I did like Meeza and I hoped to marry him but I wasn't sure if I loved him. I never really had good examples of love. My parents relationship and love is based almost completely on shared trauma and the need to protect each other from their own past. So I stood and wiped my tears. I looked into Meeza's eyes with resolve. Something in me twisted and my stomache dropped. Maybe I do love Meeza I just can't recognize it. . . No. Nows not the time. I can't love him that will just make it harder. I gathered my things and swung my bag over my shoulder. We stood in silence and I fealt with horrible clarity a sob rip threw my body. I clamped a hand over my mouth and squeezed my eyes closed.
"Ne-" Meeza began.
"I'll see you around Meeza. Good luck with you fiance." I cut him off. I started walking but then stoped and looked back at Meeza. He was stilll standing in the same spot but his eyes were down cast.
"Meeza" I called. He looked up and even from a distance his green eyes were peircing. "I don't regret our friendship or the kiss . . . You'll make a good Husband." Just not a good Husband for me, I added inside my head. I turned and ran for the fence before I would be able to see if he was smiling sadly, optimistically, or remaining stricken like before.
At least I wish that was remotely close to what happened. It would make for a good story.
Instead after Meeza told me to close my eyes his lips didn't touch mine. And i find I am desperately drowning in my love for Meeza. I was told to open them seconds later to find a sketch of Opal sitting in my position on the rock we sit on. I fealt my face heat up in embarasment. I thought he was begining to like me espicialy after what he said earlier about likeing everthing about me.
"It's beautiful" I choke out hoping he didn't nottice that awful sound as the back of my eyes begin to sting. I feel humiliated and slightly scorned that my best friend's suprior beauty is pointed out to me.
"Thanks" Meeza says drawing the sketch back to himself and looking at it wistfully. He didn't nottice. Meeza touched Opal's face with gental fingers I wish would touch mine. Meeza looks at me and subconciously licks his lips meaning he's about to speak. You like her is what your going to tell me.
"I really like Opal, she's so passionete about everything she does." Meeza began shyly. And no your going to ask for my help right?
"So I was wondering," He continued. Perfect. "If you could inform her of my feelings. Tell her, that if she returns my feelings to meet me in the green house during lunch. Please Nena" He grasps my hand the sketch momentarily set down. "I . . . I think I might love Opal and there are many boys who are after her heart but with you I have an advantage. I want to marry Opal one day and make a family with her, you must help me." I pictured what the children Meeza and Opal could produce would look like; girls with curly hair so blond it was white and sparkiling green eyes dancing around boys with chestnut pin straight locks that danced in the wind and hazle eyes. They would have beautiful children, and that hurt me even more.
Unfortunetly though, I could never put myslef before Opal. She was my best friend and the most beautiful, inteligent, friendly, outgoing , caring, passionet, loyal person I know and if anyone deserves a person like Meeza it was Opal. The word loyal rang in my head. She knows about my feelings for Meeza, would she deny herself the perfect husband simply because I liked him first? It was a very Opal move but her happiness mattered more to me than my own. She is basicaly my only friend beside Meeza, Opal's little sister Athena, and my brother. So if Opal and Meeza did get together , that would mak me a thrid wheel, and third wheels get detached.
"I wanted to try to replicate the color of your eyes so I could make it the color of the flower crown on Opal's head in my picture. You are what would put us together in begining, and who knows, maybe what will help keep us together in the future if we fight." Meeza explained. But you won't fight, you'll always let her win, your the perfect gentalmen Meeza. Besides, Opal always knows when she's in the wrong. That what I should have said but instead,
"Maybe" was all that came out of me. What could you expect, I feel like a wounded dog.
" I want you to be aware of how impportant you are to me as a friend as well as how vital you are to Opal and I's relationship. . . you know if we do end up haveing a relationship ." Meeza said determinedly. I fealt tears become visible as one slipped down my cheek. My tears stem from heartbrake but I can tell by the smile on his face he thinks his words touched me. Why is he so dense. Though to be fair I haven't been very forward myself. I wipe them away and soon Meeza's face is close to mine.
" I love you Nena" He pecks me on the cheek. I know that he dosen't mean love the way I love him. The way he says it in refrence to me is completely different then the way he says it in refrence to Opal. He dosen't return my feelings, this I know, but I can't help myself , his face is still close and I am a stupid girl. I kiss him, on the lips hard and quick. It's my first kiss. To quick to feel a spark.
"I love you Meeza, just not the way you love me." I quickly scamper to put everything in my ba, as I do so Meeza attempts to speak but I cut him off.
" I'll still tell Opal what you said, I'll also include the forced kiss, detailing how I caught you and how breif it was. She deserves you more than I do so-"
"Shut up Nena" Meeza says cutting off my chokey ramblings. I tense, he sounds angry, I've never herd him angry. I feel him walk up behind me, he spins me around to face him. His face looks hurt.
"Why tell me now! I've liked you since second grade and now that I've moved on, after I thought I 'took the hint' you . . . you kiss me and confuse me" Meeza struggles.
"If a peck can make confuse wheither or not you love Opal then you shouldn't tell her you love her" I tell him. I was a little angry on Opal's part.
"No I'm not confused about Opal, I love her it's you I'm confused about." I practicaly threw myself at you whenever we were alone whitch was almost every day after school to paint and you seemed to be unfazed." Meeza cried desperately. My eyes widened. Why didn't I nottice it, I prided myself on being more aware of human nature than most from what my parents taught Haymitch and I. How could something this important slip boy. I looked my red rimed, wet, confused blue eyes with Meeza's green ones. They softed and he soon squated in front of me where I had fallen to my knees. He pushed my bangs back from my eyes and smiled at me. He chuckled after a moment as he continued to stare dumbly at him.
"Your so niave and pure . . . and unbeleivably dense" Meeza sighed. He kissed gentaly on my lips, it was alot longer than mine but lasted only five seconds.
"That was from the old me, a part of me I let go when I started to love Opal. I did it so you could start to let go aswell." Meeza explained. My lips were still tingling from the kiss and my whole body fealt warm, like I was sitting next to a fire. I wanted desperately to tell Meeza that he was just rubbing salt in a wound but I guess thats what I did to him when I kissed him earlier just that his wound is older.
"Looks like Opal and I have our work cut out for us. Even if we don't work out, we both will be watching out for you. I can already see it. The big bad wolf will come along and try to blow you down. We won't let that happen because we'll always be your friends no matter what we are to each other." Meeza hugged me.
"Thats from the new you?" I asked. He chuckeled but nodded. at least he's watching out for me.
" I want to say thank you " I said to Meeza.
"You don't need to" He said.
*~*~*~*Haymitch~*~*~*~*
I looked to Athena, her eyes on the teacher. My eyes flickered to the girl sitting in back of Athena, scowling at the back of her head while passinf notes with another girl to her right. I quickly and silently snatched the note out of the girls grasp with out making a sound and alerting the teacher. I glared at her feircely, daring her to do something about it. She didn't have the balls, like I thought. Infact the only peer that ever tried to put me in my place was Athena. She had no fear and that both made me proud to be her one and only best guy-friend, as she calls it because she say Autum Folly is her Best Friend but also made me want to strangle her at the same time. I looked back to the matter at hand and opened the note.
Hey
Hey
Can you beleive the rumor?
Which one?
The one about Athena.
Oh how shes dating the senior thats engaged?
Yeah!
Such a whore
And then you see how shes all over Haymitch
Yeah I caught her giving Haymitch a BJ the other day.
Really, where?
I was taking out the class trash and when I went to get another trash bag from the custodians closet, there they were. Haymitch threatened to kill me though if I tell so don't tell.
I won't.
Promise?
Promise.
I crumpled the note up in my hand. Of course none of this was true. She's never even had a boyfriend and she has no romantic intrest in me or anyone really. I looked back to the girls who were staring at me with horror. MY steely grey orbs promised retribution. How dare they start such lewd rumors about Athena. Most people get laong with Athena, but a few don't like the popular girls for example. Their scared of her superior intelect and maturaty level and natraul beauty. Their 'beauty' could be scrubbed off. Athena's was awestrikingly real and perfect. They also hated the fact that she didn't achknolege them. Athena completely brushed them off because she simply didn't care for them. 'If they get need to try to brake me down for their own personel enjoyment, then it simply concludes that I must already be above them.' were Athena's exact words the last time an incident like this happened.
I was tempted to bash their heads together but I dont hit girls even though these two have nearly tempted me many times before. No matter, Autum would take care of them on her own terms. Athena never got involved with the dirty work, that was Autums job. Athena didn't necacarily rejoice in the fact that Autum was beating her bullies up but Athena refused to take part in such an 'uninteligent and barbaric act' but Athena dosen't really need her fists. Her words can be more deadly and more painful than poison dipped throwing knifes. Athena herself though is hard to draw to that point. She simply dosen't care what people as unimportant as school mates think or say about her. She told me she conserves her enrgy for her family, and true friends. Acording to her the only people she needs to try to impress right now is her parents and teachers, which dosen't take much effort at all on her part.
I hand the note to Athena who skims it then glances back lazily at the two girls. They raise their nose at her and she smirks.
"Really girls isn't this over done. Where has the elaborateness gone. Really those lies used to be almost enjoyable" Athena whispers before returning her attention to the teacher. I smirk.
Like planned Autum lays them out like skins to dry when she hears what they started. Athena roles her amethyst eyes but I know inside she's happy that she has friends willing to stick up for came back but this time with Roe. Roe is her boyfriend, a decent guy who will one day will take over his father's black smitch shop. They make every thing with metals sent from district two from locks, door-knobs, to cooking ware and weapons and cutlery. Not to mention the best arow heads. It would be easy to see Autum being the wife of a back smith supposong her and Roe get married. I could see her head on his shoulder as he sits like they now except then he'd be working and her wild red hair would be tied back and they'd both have small smears of black soot on their faces. Athena I think was invisioning something along the same lines as me as she looked at the couple with a peacful smile and wistful eyes.
One day I would marry Athena, I promised her that since their was no one else who could hold our fancy. Provided she dosen't fall in love with anyone. We decided we'll make a formal engament on graduation day so we finish school and marry before 20. I'm not sure where we'll be by then. I think I do love Athena because of the folowing list; I can't even stand when other boys even say her name never mind talk about her- and boys DO talk about her, I'm willing to do anything to make her smile, I dream about her in a less than aproriate content, I'm attracted to her, I love to hear her thoughts about everything and everyone, she's the only one I've sung too, every time I look at her face I have the urge to kiss her, I want to be around her constantly even when shes in a bad mood, and finnaly she's the only person who can brake me with a glance and turn a bad day around with a sligh upturn of her lips.
But I don't think thats she loves me that way. She loves me as a friend I'm certin, but as a man I'm not sure. It dosen't matter to me though. Even if I spent the rest of my days loving her, I would expect nothing in return. That alone would be enough to please me. I hate how sappy I sound when thinking about Athena but I can't controll my thoughts and they always go back to Athena.
"Bye" Roe and Autum call as they walk in the direction of their houses at the end of the school day.
"Bye" Athena and I call back.
"Let's go to the meadow" Athena directs. She takes hold of my hand, not something unusual concideing weve been friends since we could tottle. Our sisters met in pre-school. We made it to the meadow sooner rather than later since we weren't stopped by anybody. We sauntered to the midddile through the knee high grass until she randomly plopped down. I followed her with out hesitation.
"I can't wait till were all grown up." Athena sighs. "I'll be a doctor and you'll be a baker"
"Nena's the one with magick hands, shes the baker. I'll just handle the financial stuff, I'm good with numbers." I say. She rolls onto her side and stares at me with her smoldering amethyst eyes. I have to think of Effie Trinket to not 'pitch the tent' if you know what I mean. She's just so beautiful.
"Your right your awful at baking, but your a hunter so you can bring home the bacon literaly" Athena laughs. She's never as relaxed as she is with me right here hidden from the world in this meadow when shes in school. I like the Athena outside school better.
"What about children" I ask. I see her stiffen but her eyes show shes thinking about it and her light flush shows shes thought about it before.
"If we decide we want children then we can hire a suragate mother to be of service." She states calmly.
I try to hide my dissapointment. I can't really ask for her to do that for me, it can wreck a woman's entior inside. But the problem is it's not that she'd worried about its the sex. How can I tell her I want to see her belly round and glowing and full of life because of my seed. What would a childs life be like if they saw no love between their paretns. Their is so much, albeit under odd circumstance, love between mine I can't imagine not showing how my future son how you should love and treat a woman. Athena notticed my dissapointment though as nothing gets by her and she sat up with a start.
"You mean you wanted to . . .with me?" She acts as if desireing her would be the strangest thing in the world or its that she can't even imagine us haveing a sexual relationship even in our marriage. I blush a deep red.
"W-Well obviously I do, your beautiful and I'm attracted to you which I ought don't you think since you'll be my wife." I say. She blushes now.
"I have thought about what might become of so much time alone together. That nature wouldn't let us just be friends forever, but I never though . . . you might be attracted to me one day" Athena said nervously.
"I'm attracted to you now! Infact I love you very much, in a love that is beyond friendship!" I exclaim. I tend to get loud when I'm nervous or shy. I'm both right now. Does that mean I'm double loud?
"You swear" She asks quickly. Her eyes looks desperate like shes trying to hold back hope. I sit up and lock my eyes with her.
"I swear" I declare clearly. Her eyes widen and I watch the blush blossom across the apples of her cheeks and bridge of her nose.
"So" I beogin gringing my head closer to her. I rest my forehead on her own.
"You love me, real, or not real?" I ask. She dosen't hesitate.
"Real" She responds.
And for the first time ever our virgin lips touch one anothers. It feeels like something that should have happened a long ages ago but I wouldn't trade the moment for anything else. It was perfect. She was perfect. We pulled apart from the innocent kiss and I cupped her face with bothe my hands. Her face is flushed but she looks curious and innocent as her lips fall into an 'o' . She's wondering if I'll kiss her again and I do. She opens up to me with out me asking and she lets me explore her slowly then she does the same to me. We fumble over eachothers tounghs and we have to keep coming apart for breath. She laughs when I bite her toungh accidently.
We both find sweet spots. I like it when she touches her toungh against the prominet catrilege on the roof of my mouth, she likes it when I run my toungh along the seam were her lips meets the soft inside flesh behind her upper lip infront of her teeth. There our things that only we will know about each other now and I cherish that. I'm the only one that will know the softness of the cavern of her mouth and what pleases her. Surely though as we grow up we'll discover other favorable pleasure places as well as discover each others bodies as our horomones range and our love matures.
" Athena" I say looking to the sky. "It's getting dark we need to get going home" She looks up and chuckles.
"We spent two and a half hours makeing out" She said looking back at me. Her eyes were twinkling like the stars trying to emerge from the obscuring sunlight.
"Time well spent" I said easily she swats my arm and flushes slightly. Athena has never been much of a blusher and I pride myself that I am able to make her do so easily.
"Lets get going" Athena says standing up, pulling me with her. I walk her home and kiss her good-night. She swats at me after I realease her saying that her Dad will get mad if he catches us. I could smell the beginings of a new game. I walked home bymself then. She was probably already on the phone with Autum. Athena is not like other girls but at the end of the day shes still a young female so shes probably quietly telling Autum what conspired. I smile up at the sky. I think its the most perfect time, so balanced, since you can see both the moon and the sun, oh wait , actually maybe its the fact that I just made out with the love of myself. I smirk.
END OF CHAPTER
So what do you think? To cliche? PM or comment ;) Oh and I know about the errors I just am far to lazy to fix them. I have a nasty habit of writing all my stories in "WordPad" instead of "WordDocument".