My vision is swimming, and my head is aching. I've been stuck in bed with a fever for the past week, feeling utterly miserable. I hate being cooped up inside, especially in the Capitol, a place I loathe. I haven't touched my bow since I took ill, I haven't even left my bedroom! But truly the most miserable part of this fever is that Sir Snow and my mother will not leave me alone.
I'm forced to ignore them as they loom over me, Sir Snow with that ridiculous grin on his face and my mother with her concerned expression. She isn't concerned for my health, though - oh, not at all. One would think that as her only daughter and the heir to the throne of England, my mother would treat me as if I were an angel sent from heaven. Well, she never has and I'm convinced she never will. The concern on her face is only for the fact that I refuse to sign the regency papers, and - to my delight - it's making Sir Snow angry.
"Come now, Katniss," Sir Snow continues, shoving a pen and the regency documents under my nose. "Just sign the silly papers and we'll let you rest."
"No," I say as firmly as I can. The hoarseness in my voice takes away from my resolve, but I scowl at Snow openly, making my annoyance absolutely clear.
He frowns and turns to my mother for reinforcement. She claps her hands together and clears her throat.
"Katniss, my love," she says softly. "We know you are unwell. And we will let you sleep in a moment. We truly think it best that you agree to a regency. You're far too young to run a country, dear, and we believe that this burden is what's making you ill."
I scoff and throw the covers over my head. My mother makes an indignant sound, but Sir Snow practically roars with rage.
"Don't be so disrespectful!" He rips the blankets away from me. I glare at him. "We are your elders and you will do as we say!" He collects the regency papers and his pen, and practically throws them at me. His face is red, highlighted by the whiteness of his hair and beard. "Sign!"
"I will not!" I turn my head and cross my arms. Sir Snow makes a strangled noise. I resist the urge to laugh at him. He stomps out of the room like a child during a tantrum and slams the door behind him. The sound makes my head throb.
I look at my mother, who only casts me a fretful glance before following Snow out of my bedroom. I am alone once more.
Ten months, I think to myself, closing my eyes and pressing my hand to my burning forehead. Only ten months until your 18th birthday. Then you will be eligible to take the throne of England with no strings attached. No more regency papers, or Mother, or that awful Sir Snow.
Snow and Mother have been asking me to agree to a regency for years. I will become the youngest monarch to take the throne in the history of England, and they believe that my reign will be safest in their hands.
The thought of a regency makes my stomach churn. I've been under their control for my entire life. Sir Snow is my mother's personal adviser, but it's plain to see that he manipulates her into doing whatever he wants. In fact, this entire regency ordeal was his idea, as was the Capitol System, named brilliantly after the palace I have grown up in and come to despise.
The Capitol System was created when I was a baby, and has been enforced ever since. It is Mother's and Sir Snow's set of rules to manipulate me, to keep me away from the world and as close to them as possible. I am forbidden to walk down the stairs by myself. I must always be in the company of an adult. My food must be tasted before I eat it. I must sleep in Mother's room. I cannot meet other children, I cannot read popular books, and I certainly cannot make my own choices.
When I was a little girl, I didn't question it. I just followed the rules. But as I grew up, I became more knowledgeable of my future role. I realized why my mother and Sir Snow created the Capitol System. They never explained themselves to me, always avoiding the subject whenever I asked them. But they've made it quite obvious what with constantly shoving contracts under my nose, contracts that would appoint Sir Snow as my secretary and Mother as my regent.
They want the power and wealth that comes with controlling the young and inexperienced Queen. I cannot assent the throne until I turn 18, which will be May of next year. This is why Mother and Sir Snow are trying desperately to get me to agree to a regency. But King Cinna, my uncle, understands what my mother and her adviser are plotting. He opposes the idea of a regency just as much as I do. And he's become very cross with Mother over the years, and he detests Sir Snow. I take comfort in that, because it's nice to know that not everyone is against me. Unfortunately, Uncle Cinna is quite ill, and I pray every night that he lives past my 18th birthday.
But sometimes I doubt that even I will live past my 18th birthday as long as Sir Snow is breathing down my neck. When I am Queen, I will have no tolerance for him whatsoever. I can hardly wait for the day when I can dismiss him from the court and never have to see him again. Certainly Mother will object, and she might even keep him as her personal adviser. But that will be her mistake, not mine.
Someone knocks on my door. I raise my head to see Rue come in, with tea and a damp wash cloth. I sigh in relief. Rue is a housemaid, a little younger than me, but she is mature beyond her years. She's worked in the Capitol for as long as I can remember. The first time I ever met her, she was climbing one of the large weeping willows scattered throughout the courtyard. I could hardly believe how high she had gone - almost as high as I could. She was singing to herself, and when she saw me, she froze in fear. I understood why - she thought I would tell Trinket, the head of household at the Capitol, about her antics. But I wasn't interested in getting her in trouble. I liked her immediately. We both loved singing, climbing trees, and being outside. My mother was not very pleased with our friendship, but she didn't object because I stayed out of trouble (for the most part) when I played with Rue. To this day Rue is one of my closest - and only - companions.
"How are you feeling, mum?" she asks me, taking a seat on the stool at my bedside.
"The same as yesterday," I mumble. "Snow was pestering me again. And of course Mother did nothing about it."
Rue smiles sympathetically, and places the cool cloth on my forehead. It feels refreshing against my burning skin.
"The entire hall heard the commotion," she says softly. "If you don't mind me saying, it really is quite awful to hear Sir Snow yelling like that. Puts us all on edge." She helps me sit up so I can drink some tea. It feels like a balm on my aching throat. "You're very brave for facing him every day."
I smirk. "You may call it bravery, but he and Mother call it stubbornness. Either word works for me, although I think stubbornness is more fitting. I do get quite a laugh from seeing Snow's red face."
Rue tuts at me, but I can see the smile tugging at the corners of her lips. "Now really, mum, you shouldn't provoke him."
"Why not? He provokes me. Quite shamelessly, too."
"One day you'll be Queen, and you won't even remember his name," Rue points out.
"I certainly hope so," I mutter. Rue flips my pillow to the cool side, and I lay my flaming cheek against it. "I've had enough of Snow and my mother to last a lifetime." I close my eyes and listen to the sound of Rue humming as she cleans up. I recognize her song, and murmur a little harmony. We hum quietly together until I start to feel drowsy. I've almost nodded off when she speaks.
"You could be rid of them much quicker if you were married."
I groan. "Please, Rue, don't make my illness even worse."
She laughs. She knows how I feel about marriage and husbands. Even when I was a little girl, I never dreamed of a big white wedding or the perfect husband. All I dreamed of was spending my days in the woods, running for miles and miles, shooting my bow and arrows, riding horses across vast green fields. I've been to only a handful of balls in my life, mostly at the request of Uncle Cinna, and I've always found them stuffy and boring. The princes even more so. But despite my free spirit, I know that one day I will be forced into a marriage by English law. No one ever seems to let me forget it. But until that day, I have no intention of having any romantic conquests. I need a good taste of freedom before I am locked up again.
"It's not as bad as you believe," Rue says. "Ever heard of a thing called love?"
"Actually, I've had very little experience," I mutter, rolling away from her. The china clinks lightly as she places my tea on my bedside table. Even the smallest sound makes my head feel worse, but I appreciate Rue's efforts in keeping the noise at a minimum.
"Someday you'll meet a man who will sweep you off your feet," she says, tucking in my blankets. "Then you'll see. You'll understand what all the fuss about marriage is about."
"I'll sign Snow's regency documents on that day, too," I say defiantly. Rue sighs and gives me a soft smile. Then she squeezes my hand, curtsies and leaves.
I sit up and drink my tea, reveling in the peaceful emptiness of my bedroom. I know that soon, Trinket will come bustling in with Mother and Sir Snow, chattering about parties and balls and dresses. Snow will pull out regency papers, Mother will look around with that annoyingly concerned expression, and I will be stuck in the middle of it all, utterly miserable. I know they'll be coming in soon - I've never been alone for more than five minutes in my entire life. But for now I savor the silence. I savor being on my own. I close my eyes and think of the woods. The most beautiful, peaceful place in the world.
I'm asleep before anyone can disturb me.