Cappie couldn't think straight. He didn't want to, not when these thoughts of her filled his mind. His soul. She was all he needed, all he wanted. But she wouldn't take him, she had Evan. Evan, the name on his lips was like some poison that slowly stopped his heart beating. How could someone so selfish, so arrogant have the one thing Cappie needed? Wanted?
Your fingertips across my skin
The palm trees swaying in the wind
Images
You sang me Spanish lullabies
The sweetest sadness in your eyes
Clever trick
True he didn't deserve her, but that didn't stop the wanting. So many others threw themselves at his feet but they all looked the same to him. None matching his standards, none reminding him of her. Hadn't she been happy when they were together? Weren't they silly and young? Weren't they in love? Yes. He had always told her that he loved her. And what had she said? "I know." Alway "I know how much you love me and I love you too." They had been happy..or so he thought.
Well, I never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
"Goodbye," she'd told him one day, just out of the blue. "Goodbye Cappie." And with that she'd walked away, yet he had seen something in her eyes. As if she was trying so hard not to cry. Thinking about it now, Cappie wanted to see her cry when she said goodbye, it would have made her more human.
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Had he been that easy to walk away from? Was he just a fling to her? One she was ashamed of, one she had to hide now that she had Evan? He hoped against hope it wasn't true but deep down her knew she was reprimanded for their time together. It only made losing her that much worse. He wanted to be with her, always, till they grew old and wrinkled. Why couldn't she see that, see past his jokes and schemes to the part of him where his soul cried for her. Salt water tears that stung the wounds he felt would never heal.
We walked along a crowded street
You took my hand and danced with me
Images
And when you left, you kissed my lips
You told me you would never, ever forget
These images
Cappie tossed and turned at night, kept waking in a cold sweat swearing that he had felt her next to him. The memory of her lips on his sent shivers down his spine. It didn't help that he saw her everywhere now since her brother was rushing his house. She just showed up and every time he tried to get to her, she slipped away. Not even willing to give him another chance. Well, she sort of had given him one hadn't she?
Well, I'd never want to see you unhappy
I thought you'd want the same for me
His heart had lept when he saw her at the bar, tears in her eyes when she looked at him, a bit of her old self visible past all the defenses. It was then as he kissed her in that old bar, smelling of beer and smoke that he thought he would get a second chance. But he was wrong, she left in the morning without bothering to wake him, just her luck that he had been watching her sleep. He of course had made a joke to cover his hurt. She only smiled at it, a small, broken smile and left without another word.
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
Was he just bad at the whole love thing? Was he truly hopeless like she had said, but she had been laughing hadn't she? And then she'd kissed him, sweet and high like some melody. Memories upon memories were all that haunted his dream and even his waking hours. He drank to take the sting off but even that didn't last long. Like everything else in his life, it eventually faded to a dull throbbing grey.
I cannot go to the ocean
I cannot drive the streets at night
I cannot wake up in the morning
Without you on my mind
So you're gone and I'm haunted
And I bet you are just fine
He couldn't stand to go to their old haunts, the places he'd kisses her, where they had spent hours talk, where they had fallen in love. So cold the world seemed with out her, no light to guide a lost soul. Good thing so much was demanded of him, if he wasn't needed, Cappie feared he might just die from the pain.
Did I make it that
Easy to walk right in and out
Of my life?
Maybe, some day he would get over her. Forget all they had ever shared, all that they had ever had. But he doubted it, she'd meant too much to him to forget anytime soon. Something so special should never be lost, still he had lost her. He'd fought and he'd even begged but in the end he'd lost. She had walked away, maybe with tears in her eyes but they hadn't been enough to make her stay and that was probably what tore Cappie up the most. Her lack of fight.
Goodbye, my almost lover
Goodbye, my hopeless dream
I'm trying not to think about you
Can't you just let me be?
So long, my luckless romance
My back is turned on you
Should've known you'd bring me heartache
Almost lovers always do
When were all these thoughts going to leave? The constant distraction of her presence, her smell, her smile drove him mad. Almost they had had something great. Almost he had gotten to call her his. No more though, not ever again. Her goodbyes were too final and wasn't that the last thing she had said to him? Goodbye. The words had bit and crawled under his skin, seeped into his veins and left him with nothing but heartache.