This is what I imagine Merlin would write in his journal. I named his journal Freya in memory of his love Freya. I do not own BBC Merlin nor any Arthur legends.
It is against the laws of Camelot to have magic but what do you do if you are born with it? Do you honor the law and not use the gift? Or do you turn yourself in? These questions plagued me for years; never able to trust anyone and the ones I did trust died. I was a small and frail as a child, gangly and inept as a teen, mouthy and sassy as a young man now I am a fierce ally to Camelot. How did I survive?
I grew up in the small, remote village of Ealdor to the north of Camelot in Cenred's kingdom. I met my father Balinor once right before he died. Raised by my mother Hunith, I learned about love and trust. When I came the age to apprentice I went to live with Gaius. Now I live in fear day in and day out; I fear that my magic will be discovered and both Gaius and I will be killed. I saved Prince Arthur's life more times then I care to count using, as Arthur believes, "evil" magic. Magic is neither good nor evil, it simply exists. Iit is an unexplainable tool to be used just as a sword is to be used. Why do people fear magic?
My gift was revealed to Lancelot, first of the knights to find out. Lancelot respects me and protects me from harm. He does not fear me as some would. Gwaine found out next he laughed casually and called me a lucky blighter. Lucky? No, it is not luck that guides me but the trust of my friends. If Arthur was to find out I don't know what would happen. Would he turn on me? Would he kill me? Sir Leon is a friend and second in command to Arthur soon approached me about my talent. He did not say much but thanked me and said because of my loyalty to Arthur my secret was safe but if ever I turned against Camelot and her King he would kill me personally. Soon after Sir Elyan and Percival found out: I had been poisoned and my magic taken away from me. Elyan went flying after trying to feed me the antidote. He landed in a tree about 20 feet away. I woke up to Percival and Elyan talking about what happened. I explained how sometime my magic can act without me knowing in self-defense. They said that they guessed I had some sort of gift because of the random tree branches that would fall on any unsuspecting bandits during a fight.
Then Arthur found out. He locked me in the dungeon for a few days till he cooled off. He then let me explain in front of the Knights of the Round Table - my closest friends. He asked if anyone knew they all replied yes. He then surprised us all and gave me an unheard of pardon. He is now working on changing the laws of Camelot and repealing the ban on magic. The ban has lasted for 25 years so the overturn of it has been slow. More and more magic users are coming out in the open. I never knew so many lived in the city. Well I should get going I hear Arthur's distinctive yell for me to hurry up.
Good Night Freya.