A/N: For you "Retreat" readers waiting for the sequel- oh yeah, it's coming! But I figured that I could try a few Deeks-centric companion pieces.
So . . .
HUGE DERP MOMENT FOR ME. I promised you guys that you would find out what Deeks' piece of paper was, and I completely forgot to work it in!
Kudos to PocketSevens for figuring it out.
DISCLAIMER: Kensi, Deeks, Callen, Sam, Hetty, Eric, and Nell are sadly not my creation. As if I'm that original!
Deeks has never been a fan of shrinks.
Of course, one of his only experiences was when he was eleven and just shot his father, so that might not be much to go by . . . but still.
He's here . . . in therapy . . . with his partner.
His partner with whom he is very much in love. Bad idea. She's his partner. He should not have such strong feelings for her, but he does. He doesn't exactly know when he began to fall for her, but he definitely knows when his feelings found a definition.
When she kissed him.
He has no idea if the kiss means anything to her or not, but the moment her lips touched his (and that moment was entirely too short, in his opinion), he'd realized what a goner he was. Is.
And now they're undercover again, as a couple, in therapy that feels too real to be completely for their covers.
This case has to be one of the weirdest ones he's ever worked. It's like something out of a bad movie, and he can't help but be reminded of that one movie with Vince Vaugn, the one that convinced him to not suggest Callen go in. On second thought, that's not why he's here.
He's here for his beyond beautiful partner who could totally kick his ass.
"Miss Garcia, Mr. Clarke," the shrink says with a creepy (well, in his opinion) smile, "Good afternoon."
"It's more like evening," he mutters under his breath
"So, in our last session, I suggested that you two try to talk things out. Communication is key. Have you two done any talking?" the shrink asks.
Talking as in him giving her a meaningful glance and her changing the subject quickly? Or real talking? Because if she thinks they've done real talking then, uh . . .
"No," he says as Kensi attempts to lie and say yes.
"Why do you say that, Mr. Clarke?" the shrink asks. Kensi shoots him one of her trademark glares, but he's not fazed. Whether she likes it or not, he lo-likes her and he's going to do this whole therapy thing right, whether they like it or not.
"Because," he says, staring right back at his flustered partner, "Her definition of 'talking' is her ranting and me listening." He looks over at Kensi, willing her to understand how much it hurts that she is more comfortable discussing their thing with strangers than him. "Or bringing up our issues in front of a complete stranger." Kensi's mouth drops open.
Oh, so she's playing innocent now?
"You do not have the right to complain about me talking too much," she says haughtily, turning to the shrink, "See what I have to deal with here?"
What she has to deal with?
As much as he loves her (really, what's the point of denying it anymore?), she can make it really difficult sometimes.
"And you say I always deflect the conversation back to myself," he mutters, pouting. "But you know what the real problem is?" he asks rhetorically, turning back to the shrink, "She always has to be in charge."
"What?" Kensi hisses.
Where can he begin?
"First through the door, always has to drive, has to dictate the pace in our relationship-" And yes, he said relationship. He doesn't even care if she beats him up later for saying it, but it's true.
He knows better than to push her towards the seemingly inevitable conclusion he's come to- they're going to be together. They're going to be happy together for a long time. He just knows it. But whenever he tries to show her a bit too much of his vision, she runs. As usual.
"You're being ridiculous," she mutters, but he's nowhere near done.
"But wait, there's more!" Deeks adds, his voice rising.
"Are you kidding me?"
No, he's not! And now he has to really watch his words because if he doesn't check himself, he'll slip up.
"If we're in trouble, it's her who decides what to do. She always has to pick out the movies we watch and oh, when we go to dinner? Her choice! It's always her her her!" Now he understands why Kensi likes to go ranting and raving. It feels good to release this stuff. In fact-
"Alright you two," the shrink cuts in, "I want to try something."
Deeks sighs in sync with Kensi and looks away from her, frustrated. The shrink stands and walks over to her desk, pulling out a plain white sheet of paper before coming back to them and sitting back in her chair.
"See this sheet of paper?" she begins.
"Yes," Deeks deadpans, still bothered and frankly, annoyed by the obvious question.
"Shut up," Kensi snaps. Deeks sticks his tongue out at her, not caring how immature the gesture is.
The shrink doesn't miss a beat. "This piece of paper represents something important in your relationship. I'd like you to think, silently, for a moment on what this paper means to you. It can be anything in the world, except your engagement or kids, which you don't have so that won't be an issue."
He can picture the little mutant ninja assassins and he has to check himself to keep from grinning at the thought, especially when he spots a blonde ninja in the bunch, calling him daddy . . .
Oh, wait, he has to think of something . . . um . . . something in their relationship, something important . . .
He's suddenly thinking about Kensi in a towel, her hair wet and dripping down her bare back, the towel barely covering her thighs . . .
Totally bad timing, he knows.
But at the moment, that thought is the only one keeping him from taking Kensi away from something that will obviously make her run away from him, from them.
Honestly, she's all he thinks about all the time.
So is the important thing . . . her, then?
Guess so.
The shrink looks him in the eye. "Christian, do you understand?" He nods, still lost in thought. She turns to Kensi. "Carmen, do you understand?" She nods. "Now you two, look each other in the eye."
Deeks looks immediately up at Kensi, whose eyes are still trained on the ground. She's scared, he can tell. He wills her to look up, wondering if his support can reach her through telekinisis . . .
She finally lifts her gaze up and meets his. He jumps at the chance to comfort her and gives her a small, almost undetectable nod. He won't hold anything that's about to happen against her. His mouth twitches into a tiny smile when she nods back uncertainly. So he's going to have to be the strong one in this? Bring it.
The shrink picks up the piece of paper and holds it over the small round table that separates her large leather chair from their couch. He keeps staring, willing her to not panic.
"Okay, now both of you stand on either side of the table. When you're in place, look back in each others' eyes." Kensi looks away too quickly for Deeks' liking, and she begins to move. He moves in the opposite direction, thinking that Kens won't appreciate him conveniently bumping into her. He gets settled before she does and patiently watches her until her eyes move back up to look into his. Her intoxicating, alluring-
Steady, Deeks, steady.
"Take this piece of paper with one hand, holding it in the center." Kensi reaches out and takes the side of the paper, first of course, Deeks notices with a smirk. He takes it after her. The shrink lady lets go of the paper, leaving it being held between them, and sits down in her chair. "Keep thinking about that important thing."
He can tell by Kensi's slightly startled and sheepish expression that she has put no thought into her thing at all. He wonders what she'll choose. He can bet it's something sweet. Something that's food. He can see the indecision in her eyes and when they finally settle, the shrink speaks again.
"Do you both have something in mind?" Kensi nods and sighs, her eyes suddenly becoming more guarded as she seemingly remembers their locked eyes. He holds her gaze steadily as he too nods. "Good. Now, I'm going to give you two five minutes to decide who gets the paper without ripping or tearing it. You can do this with or without talking, but in my experience this works better without words."
This will not end well.
He doesn't have to think long to know that he wants the damn paper. He wants Kensi. He wants her to give herself up to him, tot heir thing and just dive in with him.
He raises an eyebrow at her, a challenge. He knows she'll fight.
"Christian . . ." In some circumstances her soft whisper would completely unhinge him. Not right now.
"Carmen . . ." he whispers, mocking her tone playfully. No reason to not have fun.
Her eyes grow stormy, and he steels his eyes. They begin a staredown, neither willing to give up or give in. Whatever thing Kensi has in mind, he can see the quiet confidence in her. She thinks she's going to win.
"Four minutes."
Wow, that was fast. Okay, um, he can try what he likes to call, The Monty. Make her want to hug him. Cute. Cuddly.
"Carmen, just this once," he whispers. Pleading, soft. She doesn't buy it, so he attempts bribery. "I'll buy you more donuts when we get home."
"I don't want more donuts." He smirks, knowing that is such a lie and they both know it. "I want the paper."
"What if I say please?"
She shakes her head, and the staredown continues. He can see the mental shift in her eyes, and suddenly Stonewall Blye is before him. Special Agent Blye. So she'll try and go all NCIS on him.
Work and thing, work and thing, does she even see the difference?
He can see the inner war going on inside of her, can tell how conflicted she is feeling. He sees the flicker of emotions as they flash in her gaze, as her mouth parts and her brows furrow slightly. She wants to run, he knows it.
But he can't let her. Not this time, not now.
"Don't shut down on me," he whispers, an unsaid Kens hanging in the air between them. Kensi doesn't move, an answer in itself. He's beginning to get a little frustrated.
"Why can't I have it?" he asks, almost slipping up and saying you. He can't deny the sting when she rolls her eyes.
"It's not how we work."
Right. She's the emotionally unattached one who kicks French guys in the balls and he's her plucky sidekick. That's how she views them, and he so desperately wants her to give into him just once.
He wonders if she knows how wrong she probably sounds to the shrink. She'll probably put them through some other hellish exercise for that comment, but hey, if that's what it takes . . .
They could be good together, he knows it. And he knows, deep in his gut, that they will be together. Somehow, someday.
"I think you should give me the paper," he tries bluntly.
"No!" she replies hotly, instantly. No consideration, just instinct. Of course.
"One minute."
He can see in her eyes she will not be stepping down any time soon. He berates himself for thinking that she would let him in, let him take care of her. He feels his hope sinking in his heart and locking itself away.
"You're not giving in, are you?" Deeks asks softly, frowning.
"No," she whispers back.
"Wouldn't expect you to," he mutters, relinquishing his hold on the piece of paper. Kensi pulls it to herself and looks back up at him, her eyes sad.
Well, she's made her choice.
Now he'll just have to deal with it.
Yup, Deeks' thing is Kensi! And for any of you new readers, for the whole story and some context . . . read "Retreat".
Love beams for everyone!
-Gab