'This is for your lonely nights when it's cold outside while the world dreams and you can't sleep. This is for all those nights when all you do is cry cause everything reminds you of me'
Derek Shepherd remembered the night exactly the way it was, as if it had just taken place minutes ago. He remembered coming home late again from work, being completely and utterly exhausted from multiple back to back surgeries. The dark haired man had been hoping to surprise his wife and take her to dinner. Opening the door to the Manhattan apartment he shared with his wife of 11 years and noticing a familiar leather jacket on his staircase. Derek's heart stopped, fearing for what he would find as he continued up the stairs to locate his wife. Hoping deep down that he was merely going to find a sleeping Addison, until he noticed clothes scattered on varius places of the stairs and hallway leading to the doorway of their master bedroom. In that moment, Derek Shepherd knew what he had came home to, and what he was about to walk in on.
Seeing his wife in bed with his best friend, was the last thing that he had ever imagined. He trusted Addison. He trusted Mark. Or atleast he used to trust them. Derek was beyond furious, he was hurt, betrayed by the two most important people in his life. His wife, his best friend. He couldn't even begin to imagine how all of this came to be. How his best friend could betray him in such a way by sleeping with his wife, they were best friends, they were more than that - they were brothers. Derek wasn't sure who he was more angry with, Mark or Addison. No, both of them, they had both done the unforgivable. Mark had betrayed his brother and Addison had broken her vows to the person that she claimed was the love of her life. He was sick to his stomach.
After listening to Addison plead her case and begging for him to forgive her over and over again, reassuring him that it was just one time. Derek was still unable to speak, he was numb. He was hurt, he couldn't look at her without feeling sick. "We're Addison and Derek, we can get through this." Addison pleaded. "No, we're not Derek and Addison anymore, not since you decided to break your vows and screw my best friend." Derek growled, running his fingers through his hair and looking down at the floor. "Derek...it was one time. It just happened, I don't even know what I was thinking, I had...I had too much to drink at Bizzy's fundraiser tonight." Addison sobbed and Derek watched as his wife sat on the end of the staircase and continued to plead her case and justify her actions on why she had just bed his life long best friend. "It's YOUR fault, Addison. You knew exactly what you were doing when you let him take your clothes off. Don't push blame on the amount of alcohol you consumed." Derek growled again. "Derek, please." She pleaed again, he was beginning to drown her out. He was lost in a whirlwind of his own thoughts and emotions, which lead Derek Shepherd to do the one thing he knew he had to do. Leave."You stay, I'll leave and get my things tomorrow." He whispered lowly, placing his hand on the door knob to the front door, twisting it and opening the door and exiting the house, stepping out into the crisp New York early morning.
'This is for your mornings when it's storming and raining and nothing goes as planned. And with every step alone you're stumbling, trembling. Who's gonna hold your hand? If she comes home, tell her that I moved away, tell her when she's alone there's nothing left to say.'
When Derek returned to the brownstone the following day to retreive his belongings, Addison was no where to be found, she hadn't shown up at work and neither had Mark - which brought Derek to the conclusion that they were together. 'Typical.' Derek thought to himself as he packed his belongings into a few of his suitcases and glanced around the house for anything else that he would need. He was leaving, leaving Manhattan, leaving her, leaving their life together. Walking down the stairs and walking out the front door, making sure to leave his key on the table by the door - Derek Shepherd slipped into a cab and drove away from the Manhattan home. As the cab drove away and in the direction of the airport, Derek wasn't certain what would become of their marriage - if he could ever forgive her, if he'd even try to forgive her. All he knew was that he couldn't get over her betrayal in New York, not working at the same hospital everyday with her and Mark, and having to see the two of them interact. He needed to be in another state, another city where no one knew the troubles in his marriage.
She had been everything to him, the love of his life, he loved everything about Addison and loved everything that she made him. He was a better man because she was in his life. Now, when he thought of her - he saw red. Her red hair tangled in Mark's fists, her legs wrapped around his best friends waist - his wife's body pressed up against Mark's. Her moaning his name when she should only be moaning her husband's name. Derek's fist clenched up as he replayed the horrific image from the night before over and over again in his brain. It was like a bad dream that he couldn't escape, the only issue was he could't escape it, this was wha this life was. His wife, his best friend, his entire life had been shattered - completely and totally ruined.
As the cab pulled up to the airport and Derek paid his cab fare, he stepped out and took his suitcases from the cab driver and turned to walk into JFK airport to check in for his flight. Derek Shepherd looked around at his surroundings one last time and sighed silently to himself before walking into airport to check in. He was leaving New York - unbeknown to his wife, he was going to be staying at a hotel for a little while until he cooled down or until they figured out what they were going to do. Derek had other plans, he was going to start fresh in a completely different city, and continue to live his life as if his life with Addison had never happened, hiding from the entire fact that she was the love of his life and she had no respect or disregard for their life together to think twice about what she had done again.
After checking in, and going through security, Derek grabbed a coffee before sitting at his terminal, Derek looks down at his blackberry - seeing several missed calls from Addison. He simply deletes the messages from her and shuts his cell phone off, slipping it back into his jacket pocket. Thumbing with his wedding ring, before slipping it off of his fingers and into his briefcase in his lap. As Derek boarded the flight and settled into his seat, he took one final glance out of the plane window and silently said good-bye to New York and his life in the city: ready to disappear away to Seattle, the place he would now call home and rebuild his life, away from Addison, away from their shambled marriage, the mistakes, the regret, the guilt, the affair, the betrayal.
'I won't be waiting by the phone when your heart breaks, you can look wherever you'd like, you won't find me, won't find me. So, walk away, When you run, run as far as you can and when you walk away, I just want you to understand.'