RAMBLINGS OF THE INARTICULATE
Sep 1st, 1993, mood – amused, tired and fanciful
Misunderstood by her lawyer parents, underestimated by her teachers, ignored by the male of the species…oh NEWT year is going to be a laugh and a half. Oh and amazingly, some nutter called Sirius Black (honestly, these purebloods seem to be living in the 18th century) has escaped prison and the castle's got Dementor's roaming around them. Really, I don't think the academic year of '93 is going to be a piece of cake.
Even the train ride over here was a catastrophe. My so called friend, Alice, the lunatic prefect, caught my ex boyfriend and his new victim in a compromising position during one of her patrols and thought it would be amusing to tell me when I was playing Exploding Snap. Needless to say, I've singed my eyebrows. Then Dementors stormed the train. And because last year we were "taught" by that vain twit Lockhart last year, no one can do a Patronus properly, so the gang and I barely managed to get rid of it between the four of us. Which is pathetic, isn't it? Four seventeen year olds, all competent witches and wizards, unable to do defensive magic…I hope the new teacher isn't as much of an idiot.
Speaking of which, apparently the new teacher…Lupin methinks his name was in the same compartment as Potter, and that Harry Potter got attacked by a Dementor and collapsed! I feel for that boy, he is a magnet for trouble, as bad as I am, although he has a higher profile. Although I did get my information from Motor Mouth Malfoy and he's not exactly known for accuracy. Anyway, Lupin managed to Patronus the things away so maybe he knows his stuff. I hope so! I need to pass!
Oh, I also need to either do something really cool, or hook up with someone really cool to show Phillips what he is missing, namely the company of Juliet Dashwood the first, the only person to set Albus Dumbledore on fire. I will have to be the epitome of cleverness to do this… I shall think on how to achieve this.
Sep 3rd, 12:30pm
Oliver Wood is a complete lunatic…mad as a hatter. Boys, eh? I think his obsession with Quidditch has gone too far. We were in McGonagall's class, where she decided that we must be punished (for what I don't know) and gave us so much homework, most of it reading! Now I like Trans, usually, but I prefer practical work…it's the easier way to learn things. But today it was all theory theory theory and the magical mathematical equations for the transfiguration of humans and ARGH!!!
Anyway, Wood refused to partner with me, because as I'm a Ravenclaw and the lions' first match of the year is with us, I am the enemy and not to be trusted. He's only saying that because last year Alice and I got so annoyed with his craziness that the night before one of his matches we kidnapped him and shoved him in a broom cupboard. We let him out an hour before the match, on the condition that he was never allowed to talk to us about Quidditch again. He seems a bit paranoid that we would do it again. Of course McG is his Head of House and a pretty scary lady, so it's pointless trying to argue with her…but Wood would (ha) never admit he was shoved in a cupboard by two girls so no one knows about that. So when she asked him why he didn't want to partner with me he said, "Jules knows what she did." McG was not impressed and Wood turned me into a pig and then "forgot" how to turn me back.
Other things to report…Arithmancy is easy as usual. I love Arithmancy usually, it's not very practical but its fun and I like the class. Apart from Percy Weasely who is not half as fun as his brothers and who took points from me for my turquoise nail polish!! Even the teacher, Professor Matheson told him that was "rather uncool." Weasely needs to loosen up. I don't know what Penny Clearwater sees in him, he's so uptight and ambitious. The power has gone to his head, poor ginger that he is.
Alice has decided that it would be very amusing to try and flirt with Snape in Potions. I asked her if she was suicidal. He's been really grumpy lately and it's all Lupin's fault. I'm not sure if I approve though. Lupin was teaching the 3rd years about boggarts apparently, and one kid is scared of Snape and Lupin made him visualise Snape in woman's clothes. I think that's a bit cruel to be honest. But Snape can be a sadistic bastard sometimes…he has made a lot of the girls and some of the guys cry. Anyway, Alice reckons that a dose of innocent flirting will do him the world of good and make him a happier person. Hmmm…it's true, if Snape had a girlfriend he might be a bit more cheerful. I think Trelawney is single.
I think I've come up with a new plan…operation matchmaker!
Tomorrow is the day of first Lupin lesson. It better be good.
Sep 4th
Wood has taken to calling me Dastardly Dashwood. What an idiot.
Professor Lupin is officially the best teacher ever! He took us outside and gave us a practical lesson about our wand work and I got to stupefy Wood. Lupin gave me the thumbs up. He also said he liked my nail polish and shook his head when I said that the Head Boy was not so appreciative of my attempts to individualise my uniform. Percy spluttered and began a lecture about "the rules" and actually told me what paragraph in the rule book I had violated. Wood had woken up by this point and said that it would be okay if my nails were in Gryffindor colours. I stupefied him again. Lupin didn't even tell me off, he just laughed.
I wrote a letter to the parents telling them that I'm fine and got one back saying that Petra, my sister is getting married and that I'm to be a bridesmaid. I'm a bit worried about this, Petra's taste is distinctly 1980s and she still favours shoulder pads. What sort of evil peach contraption would she think passes for a bridesmaid dress? They also said that I could bring a date – her wedding is in the Christmas holidays – and that they don't mind who I bring. Due to a misunderstanding during the summer, where Alice called me her lover and my parents overheard, they think I'm gay. And since they are so anxious to be politically correct they are keen to embrace yet another unexpected yet delightful aspect of me (the first being my magic). Even when I said that I wasn't gay and that Alice calls all her friends her lovers, they didn't believe me and got upset with me and said that I could trust them with all my secrets and that I needn't feel pressurised to conform to what society expects of me.
Thank Merlin I go to boarding school. I could not put up with that any longer. Alice said she would come and pretend to be my lover if it would help but I told her I'd rather date Snape. She was pretty insulted. Anyway, now I need a man date to convince them I'm a flaming heterosexual. I don't think it's very normal to have to convince your parents you are straight.
I could take one of the boys. Except Matthew is a pureblood and every time I try to introduce him to the Muggle world the Ministry ends up having to obliviate someone. And Sid is a bit short. Not that I'm superficial or anything…but I am. Sid may be a good friend and a fountain of knowledge about all things to do with Potions, and a fellow lover of Jeff Buckley, but he's like the brother I never had or wanted. Still, he can be my back up.
Merlin's Underpants it's boring tonight. Alice is at Quidditch practice, she's a beater. Everyone else is studying…this is Ravenclaw and we like to learn. I might go and wreak havoc in the library.
Sep 10th
Alice and I have been hanging around the staff room, trying to figure out if Trelawney ever steps foot in there. She's such a recluse we're not sure. Luckily there are two girls in her class that are slightly obsessed with her (they've not realised she's a fraud yet, the dim muppets) and seem to know her whereabouts more often than not. Our plan is to see if they have any interaction in there, because they sure as hell don't at during meal times. Then we're going to send them letters to each other.
I thought this was a good plan. Until Snape caught me hovering around the staff room and interrogated me about my intentions. I think he can do that occulmency thing so I avoided eye contact and mentioned that I wanted to see Professor Lupin about something. He went to get Lupin, which was a bit of a surprise and I had a bit of a panic. My first instinct was to run away as I have never been very good at lying on the spot.
("But that's a bit cowardly, isn't it?" interrupted Alice, when I told her about it later.
"Thanks Alice. I appreciate the support." I replied.
"Yeah but what's the worst that could've happened?"
"Humiliation in front of someone I respect and admire, which happened anyway, if you let me finish."
"Sorry, Jules.")
"What can I do for you, Miss Dashwood?" he asked genially, holding a cup of tea, when he stepped out the staffroom.
"Oh don't call me that, I sound like a character out of Jane Austen," I said, stalling.
"You don't like her work?" he asked, looking a bit amused.
"Err, well not 'Sense and Sensibilty' too much, because I'm named for Elinor and I have to use my middle name and anyway I always thought she was sexually repressed and her chosen husband was so boring-" I realised at this point that I was rambling and decided to stop before I said that I thought Colonel Brandon was much more interesting and that older men usually are, because that could have been perceived as a come on. "Ahem. I wanted to ask you what you thought of the socio-political climate between the centaurs and the wizards."
I probably just should have asked about the homework and said I didn't understand it, but I didn't. Anyway, we had quite an interesting conversation. His opinions are quite similar to mine, he seems like a tolerant and open minded sort of person about non-human magical creatures but could also see why some were so against half breeds. He seemed a bit sad when he said that.
Unfortunately I didn't find out if Trelawney was in the staff room, but Alice and I have decided that the letter writing will commence next week.
Howdy there!