Title: Basic Necessities
Verse: Bayverse
Rating: M
Characters: Ironhide, Ratchet, Will Lennox, and Optimus (mentioned only)
Warnings: graphic depiction of spark overload and mentions of sex (don't read if scenes involving electricity bother you)

Summary: a mech has needs…

A/N: The blame for this belongs completely to my spouse. (Next time I will ask Ironhide to incinerate the bunny with his plasma cannon.) There is absolutely no plot here. Really.

(I do not own Transformers.)

Ratchet: Wow… that was tingly! You gotta try that!

Ironhide: (sarcastically) Yeah, that looks fun…

[Transformers, 2007 Movie]

One year later, Diego Garcia

Ironhide stood still and looked critically at the apparatus Ratchet had constructed in a room off of the medbay. He grunted and almost turned and stormed out of the room. He simply did not want to do this. Unfortunately, Ratchet had managed to convince the humans that there were two things that all Cybertronians required: fuel and electricity for spark overloads. The medic had presented a compelling argument for the supplies he had requested. Of course, the humans had no way of knowing that Ratchet had stretched the truth.

The weapons specialist could understand how the medic had been able to get the humans to believe that the giant alien robots needed electricity as much as they needed fuel. Humans tended to view fuel and electricity interchangeably. Fuel could be burned to drive an engine or generate electricity. The humans certainly had some strange and primitive ideas about such things. Optimus was right; they were a young species. Still, they were willing to offer asylum to Optimus and his soldiers. They were also surprisingly adaptable and able to deal effectively with strange and unfamiliar situations.

Ironhide thought fondly of Will Lennox. He respected the Army soldier and considered him a friend. The weapons specialist did not begrudge his friend for his role in Ironhide's current state of agitation. Ratchet had acted so sincere in his presentation of the needs of Cybertronians that Will had become quite concerned when he learned that Ironhide had not overloaded his spark since he had arrived on Earth.

"Ironhide, you know you can't ignore your needs," the Army Ranger had said earlier. "Humans have needs: food, shelter, and clothing."

"Will," Ironhide said quietly, "you don't really understand." You also forgot to mention your "need" for sex, he thought to himself.

"Yes, I do. Ratchet said you need fuel and electricity."

"That's not exactly true."

"Optimus says otherwise," Will responded with sincerity.

Ironhide growled and his plasma cannon began to whine softly. Of course Optimus would agree with the medic. It was easier to pretend this was necessary than to tell the truth. Ironhide wasn't nearly as uptight as his commander but he wasn't entirely comfortable discussing Cybertronian pleasure with his human friend. Caught between having to explain the facts about spark overloads and just going along with the charade, Ironhide entered the small chamber and slammed the door behind him.

Ironhide carefully checked all of the wires and components of the device before him. He had no doubt of Ratchet's ability to properly construct such a device; he was merely stalling. The humans would be unaware of what was really happening. The room was soundproof and they would only note a power drain consistent with rapid energy consumption. His fellow Autobots would know. Ironhide wasn't shy but he did prefer discretion. He was not an exhibitionist.

With a deep sigh he threw the switch to start powering the device and stepped onto the two metal plates on the middle of the floor. He reached for the metal grips on either side of him and tried to relax as he began to feel current run through his frame. Ratchet had programmed the device to emit electric pulses beginning slowly with low amplitude to cause a state of calmness. Ironhide knew this could never be as good as an interface but he was impressed with what Ratchet had done. The electric pulses felt like a lover's caress over his frame and he began to imagine past partners and the pleasures they had dispensed over his frame.

Slowly the pulses began to increase in amplitude and frequency. The waveform changed which effectively simulated the sensation of a pleasurable interface. Electricity danced across his frame building up a charge within his spark. Part of Ironhide's processor fought the idea of artificially inducing a spark overload but as the pulses sped up he couldn't help groaning deeply and realizing that he really did need this. It had been far too long since his last spark overload. As the pulses continued to change they began to work their way deeper under his plating stimulating the wires and circuits underneath.

Ironhide threw back his helm and moaned as the pulses became much faster but they also decreased in amplitude. This brought him closer to the edge of release but it wasn't quite enough to push him into an overload. He had forgotten how good it felt to be in such a state. The current teased his spark and he wasn't sure whether to thank Primus for Ratchet's skills or introduce the medic to the business end of his plasma cannon. He began to pant as his systems grew hot with his approaching release. It wasn't as good as the real thing but it sure was close. All of his plating tingled with current and he shuddered with pleasure.

Ironhide realized too late that the power drain from his overload was going to be tremendous. He was too close to the edge to stop and overload surged through his systems and his spark. He bellowed in pleasure thankful that no one could hear him. He was also glad that none of the humans could see him since he was sure the sight would have been frightening given that their bodies did not handle electricity well. Current arced all across his frame before traveling directly into his spark ionizing the oxygen in the air to form ozone. The power drain was great enough to cause one of the electrical components provided by the humans to explode which plunged a portion of the base into darkness.

Ironhide let go of the grips and slumped to the floor; his systems offlined momentarily from the strength of his overload. He was only vaguely aware of the door opening to admit Ratchet followed by Will Lennox. The human wrinkled his nose at the heavy scent of ozone in the room but the other did not seem at all worried. The medic checked Ironhide and nodded, pleased that Ironhide had finally overloaded his spark. Keeping up appearances, he turned to his human companion, "You will have to let someone know that we have a blown transformer and will need a replacement."

The Ranger looked at the dazed mech on the floor and carefully chose his next words. "I think you actually have two blown transformers."

Ratchet looked at the human in silence for a full minute. Then he laughed hysterically.