Disclaimer: I don't the Teen Titans. If I did it wouldn't be cancelled.
A/N: Short thing that popped into my head. One of the many ideas that have been floating around for a while. I hope to start a few more projects soon. Thanks to my lovely beta –EHWIES-, this piece is so much nicer then it was before.
See if you can guess the POV.
I always knew you two would end up together. Even if I didn't want it to be true. From the moment your lips touched, the moment when he decided fighting was lost. When you choose to learn the Earth language and leave Jump City completely changed. It couldn't have happened differently because fate had been on you side. It had brought you together.
And here I am barely hanging on…
The group of us realized soon after meeting that we weren't going to leave each other just yet. Calling each other for backup, we fought as a team. Every lift you gave me, gentle word you spoke on our communicators, was a gift. It was then that I knew I would have to make this 'team' thing work. We all talked and decided it was the best. He would be the leader, and you were a dutiful follower. You didn't have anywhere else to go, anyway. You had been staying with him ever since we departed.
And here I am barely hanging on…
As things started to pick up, we built the Tower. Our pride and joy, funded by the city and STAR labs. They owed us one. Still, everyone helped to put our home together, so in the end we cared for it, for it was sturdy. Strong and steadfast, accomplished by us. Our first act as a team.
I went through so many changes to try and impress you. It didn't matter, though; at that point, everything impressed you. I tried to teach you, but he already was your teacher. He felt it was his duty; you had taken your knowledge from his lips. He felt it entitled him. I…didn't complain. Soon after he met you, he had you. Soon after I met you, you had me.
And here I am barely hanging on…
I began to learn you were a warrior, but it didn't matter. He knew the moment he saw; saw the raw fury in your eyes. The electricity within you barely contained. Your wild hair, toned body, healthy skin. He saw it, we didn't. We were too wrapped up in our world at that point.
We fell into a routine. You were the cheerful warrior. He was the fearless leader. I didn't say anything as I watched you two. They say opposites attract, but I always thought that was a lie. You and I were more alike then you and he were. At least, that's how it seemed. I had always taken things as I saw them.
And here I am barely hanging on…
We struggled, as a team, with group dynamics. In the beginning, after the initial excitement of our own island wore off, we fought. The whole team. Not only that, we were uncomfortable. Every single on of us liked to eat different things. We were raised in different cultures, different ways. Secrets shrouded us. We had been so used to being alone, that the being together, the thing we had longed for, seemed to be the very thing that could break us apart.
Unbeknownst to me, you were affected the most. On one side of the parabola you were used to being alone for days, weeks. Being left alone then was a good thing; you didn't get experimented and bullied by your captors. On the other hand, you had been so up to sharing on Tamaran, displaying emotions was good. Cherishing the arts of all kinds, plus one's kinsmen and friends, on frequent holidays was normal.
One day, you came out of your room baring bundles of flowers. You passed them out and asked us to join you in celebrating the harvest festival of Tamaran. We hastily followed you in song, and when you were done, beaming, we left, leaving the flowers behind. He stayed behind to learn more of the holiday. I watched from a tiny crack in the door as you busied yourself cleaning. He asked you a question; when you looked up, tears dripped down your face, startling both him and me. Turns out the festival had been pretty darn important, and the festivities were far from over. Not wishing someone happy harvest was the equivalent of someone telling you he or she hated you. You went into his arms and tried to stay strong, but it was a trying time. I felt a pain in my stomach. A clawing. I feel it every time I see you together.
And here I am barely hanging on…
Your trials and tribulations ate me up. I tried not to let it show, but it did. I made sure I stayed away from our resident empathy, but I felt she always knew. She said nothing about it. I did the same. We had a lot in common that way. As the team progressed, I couldn't trick myself into thinking you and he didn't have any relationship. So one day a snide comment about you and him slipped out. A teasing remark. One designed to make you two embarrassed and uncomfortable about your relationship. I watched, cynically, as it drove you apart, if for only awhile.
So it became my output. If I ever saw you two coming close to flirting, I would say something. The others joined in, just joking though, enjoying watching our leader squirming about. I did it in the hopes that one day it would be too much. That your bond would begin to feel unpleasant. Then one time it happened. I watched as you turned from him. He was to discomfited to explain what I meant. As you pressed him, the pressure rose, and he snapped at you. He left with a scowl, you close to tears.
It was quiet for a while. I became your comfort when you needed someone to turn to. He stayed in his room and only came out when there was a villain to fight. He always looked pained, his voice hollow. I could see the concern well up in you, but you fought it back. I lay awake in disgust at what I had done, but having you spend time with me wiped it from my mind. Until to my absolute horror he did something right. With you.
He told you that he didn't know what went wrong, but whatever it was, it was foolish. He took his hands in yours and told you that if nothing, he just wanted to be your best friend. He kissed you, and I shut down. The others were surprised; it seemed as though you and he had forgotten we were right in the room watching. They broke you apart with an 'it's about time.' I swallowed the lump in my throat, avoiding your eyes, and managed to choke out a companion comment. I shuffled away mumbling something about leaving you to your privacy, and went to my room.
And here I am barely hanging on…
I walked like a zombie for a few days trying to keep away from you, and come to terms with it. I busied myself in other people, women. I blocked it out, and as we expanded, that became much easier. It started to fade away little by little. It has been. But I don't think it will ever go away. I haven't found anyone, truly. You were my silent secret, my daydream. The funny thing is, nobody would suspect I liked you. They picked other people to natter about, when in actuality I was the one they should have pointing their fingers at.
Now it's the wedding, and I'm asked to give a speech. I'm expected to make a comical ode to your awkward younger days, and tell an embarrassing story, making me come off as the one that spoke the sarcastic truth. To let others peek into our secluded lives when five was more then enough. I wish I could tell them how I truly felt when I saw you. How I felt when you and him got together. Not a lie to make everyone feel better. To have them feel like they have an understanding of how things work.
To tell someone how I feel, I have to tell them the truth.
To tell them the truth, I have to accept it myself.
And her I am barely hanging on…
But I'll stay in my place. I won't betray a best friend's trust. His trust. I won't drive you away so the times that I get to see you aren't limited and uncomfortable. I'll do it for you. Because I've always done it for you.
Robin and Starfire. That's the way it works. That's the way it will always be. Still I sit day after day barely, barely keeping my feelings contained. There is no room for me. No room for the 'older brother.' No room for Cyborg.
And here I am barely hanging on…
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