(A/N: I don't know if this is canon or not, but I've seen multiple references to Vulcans being intoxicated by chocolate or catnip. Both of those seen to be unlikely substances to work like that. Hence this story. Also, I love food and cooking, so any excuse to cram either one into a story. Enjoy.)

Tonight, there was a party on the Enterprise. A few days ago, they had landed on a planet, and nothing went normally. This was a cause for celebration because of what 'normal' was for this crew. This time, however, they dropped off supplies for the scientists who were not dead and not crazy. They didn't even report anything unusual. There were no aliens, energy beings, spores, kidnappings, disappearances, etc. No one died, not even a redshirt.

This put the whole ship in a good mood. Someone had even put up a board saying 'ONE MISSION SINCE OUR LAST DEATH', with the 'one' erasable to write in two, or zero. No one expected it to stay long, but it was a nice touch.

Tonight, as part of the ongoing celebration, there was a potluck. Chekov contributed some kind of potato soup, Doctor McCoy brought cornbread, and Uhura made hot chocolate.

Kirk brought forks.

"Wow, Jim, these are fantastic forks," McCoy commented. "I didn't know you had it in you. Just think of you slaving over a hot stove for hours just to make these delicious forks from scratch."

"C'mon, someone's got to bring the forks."

"You didn't sign up for them." The doctor squinted at a piece of paper he held in his hand. "You signed up to bring a side dish. Ensign Muller signed up to bring forks."

"Aww, you know I can't cook."

"Don't be ridiculous! Anyone who can read can cook."

"Doctor, you and I both know that is a fallacy."

Kirk and McCoy both looked over at the just-arrived Vulcan. McCoy looked at his list. "You didn't sign up to bring anything."

"Yeah," Kirk leapt in. "This is a potluck not a, um, don't-bring-anything-luck."

Spock raised his eyebrow. "There was not enough room on the sign-up sheet. I wrote on the back."

McCoy hastily flipped the paper around. "Oh, there you are. You brought a dessert?"

There was a nod.

"Give it here."

Spock obligingly handed over a cardboard box.

McCoy opened it and looked inside. "Ooh, cake. I'll go put it on the table." He hurried off.

Kirk looked at his First Officer. "Thanks for bailing me out."

The eyebrow quirked. "I did not bail anything. There was nothing to bail. Also, I have no suitable bailing implement, unless you count the cake box, and bailing anything with that would ruin the cake."

"Was that a joke?"

"No."

There was an awkward silence, which Spock made more awkward by saying "It is true that you cannot cook."

"Thanks."

There was more silence.

"Uh, why don't we get something to eat?"

"I have no objection."

The two slowly wound their way past the others in the room (it seemed a good fraction of the ship had brought a dish) and made their way to a large table with food on it. They both took plates.

There were too many dishes for an author to describe without making the story sound like the index of Betty Crocker. Needless to say, there was a lot of food.

After getting food, the two sat down at a table. They were about to eat when Uhura came by, likewise with a full plate. "Is it okay if I sit here?"

Kirk made a sweeping gesture with his hand. "Sure."

She sat down. "Hey, neither of you has a drink."

Spock spoke up. "We were planning to get drinks after we found a place to sit, so as to minimize the risk of spilling it."

"Smart." She nodded approvingly. "I brought some hot chocolate. Want me to get you some?"

"Yeah, sure."

"Yes, thank you."

Uhura left. The two men ate some food. She came back.

"Thanks" they both said.

"You're welcome." She sat down. "Hey, what did you two bring?"

"I brought a spice cake. The Captain brought forks."

"Ooh, I love spice cake. Does it have frosting?"

"It has cream cheese frosting."

As they chatted, Kirk wondered what it was, anyway. Most of the time, Spock wasn't even interested and girls just flocked to him. Maybe it was that he wasn't interested. Kirk shrugged internally and took a gulp of hot chocolate.

"Wow, that's really good hot chocolate, Uhura." He commented, trying to get back into the conversation.

"Thanks." She smiled.

Spock took a drink. "Likewise, this hot chocolate is very good."

"Thanks." She paused for a second. "I hope you don't mind me asking this…"

"You haven't asked yet. As I don't know what your question is, it's impossible to know whether or not I will mind."

"Well… someone once told me that Vulcans get drunk on chocolate."

"That is simply a rumor."

"That's a pretty weird rumor" Kirk remarked, trying again to get into the conversation. "I wonder how it got started."

"We metabolize at a different rate then humans. We exhibit a 'sugar high' sooner than you do, and at lower concentrations of sugar. That is probably what started the rumor."

After a pause he added. "Furthermore, I cannot get high off of catnip, so please stop leaving it in my quarters."

"That wasn't me! It was someone else!"

Uhura gave Kirk a look. He grinned sheepishly.

Spock got up. "I am going to see if there is more of that herb bread left." He went off.

Uhura looked at Kirk again. "You leave catnip in his quarters?"

"That wasn't me, I swear!"

"Uh-huh."

They ate in silence for a little while, until Spock came back with more bread and Doctor McCoy.

Not wanting to return to the subject of the catnip, Kirk immediately engaged McCoy in conversation. Uhura joined in and the three of them talked for a while, until McCoy noticed that Spock wasn't speaking. "So Spock, what do you think?"

Spock still said nothing. The doctor turned to face him. "C'mon, what's the matter, cat got your tongue?"

Spock twitched his eyebrow. Then he calmly said "Roy Gee Biv. Richard of York gave battle in vain."

This prompted a few shocked looks. Spock didn't seem to notice. He simply sat.

McCoy sighed and scanned him with a tricorder. "What did Spock eat?"

"A lot of stuff. He had some hot chocolate, some salad, oh, and a lot of that bread."

McCoy scanned the bread. Then he tasted some. "Dammit Jim, he should have known better."

"Than to do what?"

"This bread's got oregano in it!"

Kirk gave the doctor a confused glance.

"Oregano. It's a human flavoring; we put it in a lot of stuff. We even used to call it the 'pizza herb'. It's a hallucinogen for Vulcans." He sighed. "C'mon, let's get him to Sickbay. It'll be nice and quiet there."

(A/N: This is a setup to another chapter, which will hopefully be funnier. I'll put it up when I have it finished, or when I get two reviews, whichever happens last. Also, kudos to whoever gets the 'Richard of York' reference.)