Title: Emma
Author: Fire Top
Rating: PG-13
Spoilers: In The Shadow of Two Gunman
Disclaimer: I don't own anyone. Except for the characters you don't know. All the rest belong to Aaron Sorkin and NBC.
Summery: A woman dies, and Josh's life is brought to the forefront.
Authors Note: Something a little lighter. This time the pain is on the inside. This was a lot longer, but it became something like a comedy of Josh's exploits Emma. Those might still see the light of day. Unless the rest of you don't care. Either way just let me know. Firetop1015@yahoo.com
Emma
Fire Top
"Josh, pick up, it's your mom." Donna called into Josh's office.
"Mom?" He asked as he picked up the receiver.
"Oh Josh."
"Mom what's wrong? Is Emma ok?"
'Sob' "Emma is fine. It's Clara."
"Oh god. What happened?" Josh reached for a picture he had in his desk. It was taken last month at his moms down in Florida. He was so happy. So was Clara. That was when he wanted to make it legal.
"There was a car accident. The car was totaled. She didn't make it."
"No."
"I'm so sorry Josh."
"Where's Emma?"
"She was with the baby sitter. That's who called me. I'm driving to claim the body."
"Okay, mom. Listen. Call me when you get to Clara's. I'll let you know more then. I got to make some phone calls."
"Josh I love you."
"It will be alright mom. Kiss Emma for me." He took a breath before walking out to Donna.
"Josh is everything okay?" She knew there was something wrong.
"No. It's not. I need you to get CJ, Leo, Toby, and Sam here right away. You should probably be there too."
"Do you
need anything?"
"Give me some quiet till they
get here." And Josh walked back into the
office.
He took out the jewelry box from his desk and opened it up as he placed it along side the picture.
Josh looked up as his door opened. He didn't realize he was crying until CJ handed him a tissue. "Josh what's wrong?"
He looked at Sam as Sam looked out onto the desk. "Josh? Emma or Clara?" Sam asked when he saw the picture.
"There was a car accident. My mom called. The car was totaled. Emma was with the sitter. Clara didn't make it."
"Oh Josh. I'm so sorry." He wrapped his arms around his friend.
"Whose Emma and Clara?" Toby asked.
Sam just passed the 4x6 around. There were gasps all around when they saw the picture. It was of two adults, with a little girl around the age of three with straight dark hair and Josh's face.
"Why didn't you say something?" Leo asked.
"There was no real need." Josh stood up. "My mom is driving to Tallahassee to get Emma."
"Okay Josh. Where is the funeral?"
"I guess here. I don't know."
"Jewish?" Toby continued to ask.
"Yes."
"I'll take care of it Josh."
"Is that the ring?" Sam asked.
"Yeah she was supposed to come visit this weekend with Emma. Her firs time in DC. I was gonna propose."
"Is that why you wanted us to free out calendars Saturday night?" CJ asked.
Josh just nodded.
"Josh, where does she live?"
"Tallahassee Florida." Josh answered.
"Okay. Let me know when your mom calls back." And Leo left.
"Donna what's my schedule like for the next few days?"
"Not too busy. I'll clear it for you."
"I'm going to need at least three days to sit Shiva and all."
"Don't worry about it Josh." She walked over to him and wrapper her arms around her boss. "I'm so sorry Josh."
"It's okay Donna." He said staring at the ring and pictures.
CJ and Sam were both called away and Donna started with him for a bit.
"Okay. I have Mrs. Lyman and Emma booked on the 7pm flight out of Alabama. Toby and I arranged for the body to be shipper here and picked up by the funeral home. They will have the funeral tomorrow and there is plot that we reserved fro her. Some just needs to pick up his mom."
"We can send Donna."
"What are we going to tell the press? You know the president will want to be there."
"He already said he is going." Leo stated. We moved his morning meeting with the ambassador from Portugal.
"So what do we tell the press?" CJ asked again.
"Josh Lyman's Fiancée was killed by a drunken driver in Alabama." Sam said. "Did you know that on Emma's birth certificate it says Emma Joanne Lyman?"
"So it is really his?"
"Yes Leo. Emma is his. He's been sending money to his mom for her and Clara since she was born."
"How do you know all of this?"
"Josh needed to talk when Clara got pregnant."
"How old is Emma?"
"She is four."
"Is that the family emergency he had 4 years ago?"
"Yeah he almost didn't make her birth. He called me as soon as she was born. He was so happy."
"Let's go let Josh know what's going on."
"They are both beautiful."
"Yes, they are sir." Josh jumped. "I'm sorry sir. I didn't-"
"It's okay Josh. Sit down." The president said. "What's her name?"
"That's Clara and that's Emma. She's four. She is so smart. She can read some words and is potty trained."
"When was the last time you saw her?"
"Three weeks ago. There were supposed to come up to visit this weekend. Clara had never been to DC before. I was going to introduce her to everyone. She'll never see this place now. Oh god, it hurts so much. I miss her." Josh put his head in his hands.
"I know Son." And Jed wrapped his arms around Josh.
After a few moments Jed asked. "What's going to happen to the baby?"
"My mom can't take care of her. I'm her father. I guess I'm going to have to take care of her. I don't know if I am going to be able to do this?"
"Josh did you see her birth?"
"I almost missed it." Josh reminisced. "Clara went into labor a few days early. I had taken a few days off to go down and be with Clara for the birth. My mom called me when Clara went into labor. You don't want to know what I had to promise Leo and others to do so I could get down there."
"Did you hold her?"
"I was so scared I was going to drop her. But as soon as they pit her in my arms I never wanted to let go."
"You made it through that and you'll make it through this. It will be okay. Abbey, Zoey and I will be there tomorrow."
"Thank you sir."
"Abbey and Zoey will be down later to see you. Let us know if you need anything."
"I will sir."
Sam came in next and told him about the funeral arrangements. He was calm then and was doing work when his mom called.
"Joshua."
"Hi mom. How's Emma?"
"Hysterical. Keeps calling for you and Clara."
"Put her on the phone."
"Daddy?" A small voice asked.
"Hi baby. I miss you."
"I want mama."
"I know baby. I want her too. You and grandma are going to come visit me." He spoke slowly with tears in his eyes.
"Mama, mama, mama." She kept crying.
"I know baby. I'm so sorry." He tried to consol her through his own tears.
"Joshua, are you okay." His mother got back on the phone.
"Yeah." He sniffled. "The arrangements are all set. Just be at the airport for the 7pm flight. The body is going to be taken care of. Donna will meet you at the airport and bring you to me."
"Okay Josh. We will see you then."
Josh worked on autopilot most of the day. Either Toby or Sam stayed with him as he went to meetings he couldn't get out of.
They gathered to watch CJ's press briefing where she mentioned why the president wasn't meeting with the ambassador in the morning.
They stayed with him waiting for Donna to get back. Donna had called when they were in the building. He was standing outside his office when Donna brought his mother around the corner.
"Mom." He moved to hug her. The bundle in her arms moved at the male voice.
"Daddy." It called and held its hands out to him. Josh grabbed her and sunk down to the floor both crying.
"Oh baby. It's ok. Daddy has you." He rocked her back and forth. Soon her sobs calmed down. Mrs. Lyman tried to take the child but Josh wouldn't let her go.
"It's past her bed time. Let's get her home. Toby. What time is the service again?"
"The car will be there around 9am. The rabbi will meet you at the funeral home. Don't worry about anything."
"Just be prepared the press might be there." CJ warned.
"I know." Josh looked around at the people above him. "You think you can give me a hand?" Toby and Sam supported his elbows as he stood up with his daughter.
"Did you ever think?" CJ asked once Josh and his family left.
"Not in a million years." Toby answered.
"Mom, you take my room. Go to sleep."
"Do you need any help?"
"Naw. I got her."
Josh laid his sleeping daughter down on the bed in the extra room. He changed her into a pair of pajamas he found in her bag. He tucks her in and goes to grab a change of clothing from his room. "You okay in there mom?"
"I'm fine Josh. Are you going to be okay on the couch?"
"Yeah. I'll be fine."
After changing Josh walked back into the room with his sleeping daughter. I can't do this. He thought. Can I really have this little girl relay on me for everything? Josh started to breathe heavily as he felt the early stages of a panic attack. Then he heard her whimpering in her sleep and everything melts away. All that matters is Emma. He told himself as he lay down on the bed and gathers her in his arms. Soon she quiets back down. Josh tried to leave the room to go to sleep but couldn't bring himself to do so.
Around five am Josh gave up on sleep and took a shower and changed into a pair of sweats. He will change later. He looked through Emma's bags and lays some clothing out for her to wear. As he hangs it up in the closet he calculates there is enough there for two weeks.
Josh's mother heads into the shower around 6:30 as Josh started the coffee machine. At seven he went to wake Emma. She wasn't very coherent as he started a bath for her. "Daddy?"
"Yes Emma."
"I miss Mommy."
"I miss her too. Come one sweet heart. We got to go."
Soon after her bath Josh got her dressed and eating before he headed into the back to change.
Nine comes all too quickly and Josh is still not fully dressed. Emma is crying as Josh puts his tie in his pocket and grabs his suit jacket. As they were walking out the door his mother hands him something.
"It was your fathers. I made it for him for our first anniversary."
Josh looks at the kippah in his hands. He remembered it as the only one his father ever wore. He smiled at his mom as he clipped it to his head and headed down stairs to the waiting limo.
Josh is surprised to find the president and his family there already. Toby, CJ, Sam, and Donna are there too.
The rabbi walks up to him and shakes his hand. "I'd like to talk to you and your mother for a few moments."
Josh looks around as Zoey steps forward. "I'm so sorry." She hugs him.
"It's okay Zo. Can you do me a favor and watch Emma for me?"
"Sure."
"Emma. I want you to meet a friend of mine." Emma lists her head off of Josh's shoulder. "This is Zoey. She's like to see Molly. Do you want to show her?"
"You coming?"
"I got to talk to the Rabbi. But Zoey and Charlie will stay with you. I'll be right back. I promise."
Emma looks from her father to Zoey. "Go talk to the Rabbi Daddy." Josh put her down and she puts her hand out to Zoey.
Josh and his mom followed the rabbi. "Joshua, Mrs. Lyman, I'm sorry to have to meet you under these circumstances. Now does Clara have any relatives?"
"No it's just Emma."
"Joshua. I thought you were."
"I was going to ask." Josh took out the ring. "I don't know if I'm supposed to sit Shiva or not."
"Shiva is a time to heal. If you feel that connected to her you should sit. But it really is up to you."
"I think that she'd like that."
"I've spoken with Toby Zeigler and Sam Seaborne. Sam asked to speak. Did you want to speak too?"
"No. I- I can't."
"That's okay. After the services we will go to the cemetery and then back to your place." The rabbi took a black ribbon out, ripped it and pinned it to Josh's jacket. "Do you know what this is for?"
"Yes. I did this for my father."
"Would you like to see the body?"
"Yes please." Josh wanted to see her one more time.
"I'll go keep Emma out of trouble." His mom said and walked out.
Josh was led to another room. "I'll leave you here. I'll come get you when we are ready to start."
"Thank you rabbi."
Josh walked over to the casket. It was a plain box. He looked in. She was so beautiful. She looked like she was sleeping. What ever there were in the way of injuries they were all covered.
Josh ran a finger over her cheek. It was cold to the touch. "Clara, why did you leave me? I love you. I think you realized how much last time I saw you in Florida." Josh opened the ring box. "I was going to ask you. I wanted to be a father and a husband. I wanted to wake up beside you every morning and sleep beside you every night. I don't know what I'm going to do with out you." He took her hand and slipped the ringer on her finger. "Clara. Will you marry me?" He sobbed. Josh took both of her hands in his, bent over her and cried into her chest.
There was a hand on his shoulder. "Josh." Sam called.
"I love her Sam. I don't think that I can do this. All of a sudden a big part of my life is gone and another got a lot bigger."
"I know Josh. Nothing I can say can make it better. I know it hurts more than I can imagine. If I could take the pain away I would.
"Right now, we need to go out there. Your friends and family are out there. Let us be a comfort. Lean on us Josh."
Josh stood up and hugged his friend. He took a tissue from his pocket, blew his nose and let Sam lead him into the chapel. He sat in the front between his mom and Sam. Charlie put Emma on his lap before he went to sit behind him with the president and Leo. "No cry daddy." Emma said as she wiped the tears from his face.
"I'll try baby." And the rabbi started the service.
Josh tried to focus on what was being said, but all he felt was a hole in his chest. He felt Sam's hand and his mother's hand on his knees. The president had a hand on his shoulder as did Donna reaching past Sam. Josh didn't hear that speech that Sam made or anything else that anyone said.
It was his daughter's voice at the cemetery that brought him back. "I want mommy." She said.
"I want her too sweet heart."
"Want her now."
"I'm sorry baby. But Mommy's gone."
"Why?"
"I don't know love. I don't know."
"Mommy." She cried as they stood by the plot.
Josh's face was neutral and he was quiet as the casket was taken out and lowered into the grave. It wasn't until the first shovel of dirt hit the casket that he lost it.
His knees gave out and he collapsed on the ground crying with Emma in his arms.
He felt hands on his arms and back, but he didn't care. Clara was really gone now.
Josh was led into the limo and Emma was taken out of his arms as something punctured the skin.
"It's a mild sedative Josh." Abby said. "Your pulse is racing and your heart can't take it. You need to calm down." Josh just nodded.
Josh sat Shiva for three days. His friends came by as did some of the people that knew Clara down in Florida. For those three days Josh moved in a daze. He didn't interact with anyone. He spent those days sitting on his box. He ate only if someone put a plate in front of him. He went to bed only when someone told him and directed him there. The only person he would interact with was Emma. But as soon as she was gone Josh disappeared in his grief again.
"Josh, come on." Toby said the last night of the Shiva holding Josh's jacket for him.
"I got to stay and watch Emma." He said in a monotone. Not even looking up.
"Your mom will watch her."
"Where are we going?" He stood up.
"We're going to get you drunk."
"I can't Sam." He looked at the people standing around him. "I- I don't want to. I have to go down to Florida tomorrow and pack up Emma's stuff."
"You can leave later. You need to unwind." Sam moved Josh's arms into the jacket.
"Let me ask my mom."
"Already did. Let's go." CJ grabbed his arm and started to lead him out the door.
Reluctantly he let himself be led out of the apartment.
Josh didn't recognize the bar they went to. Maybe that was a good thing he thought. Sam had driven and bought the first round of drinks.
Josh didn't pay attention to the conversation. It seemed his beer was always full so he kept drinking it. Sam, Toby, and CJ watched Josh carefully. They knew when Josh got tipsy he talked. Talked a lot. And that was what they were hoping for. By the third beer Josh's eyes started to glaze over.
"Josh?" He slowly looked over at Toby. "How did you meet Clara?"
"Hmm? Oh. Knew Clara most my life. Lived next door. We were friends. She liked to climb trees, but didn't have any good ones for climbing in her yard. So she'd come over and we'd climb trees and play in the tree house."
The three friends sat back as they listened to Josh reminisce. They could almost picture a young Josh Lyman climbing trees, he was that hyper.
"She moved in a few months after Joanie died. She was my first friend. In sophomore year for high school her parents were killed in a car accident. My parent's took her in. She had no one else."
"Did you ever date her?"
"Naw. She was like my sister. It would have been gross." Josh took a sip of his fourth beer. "After high school we went our separate ways. She went to learn about Computers. We kept in touch. She got a great job after school programming for a small gaming company.
"When my father died she came home. Emma was conceived. It just shook both of us and we found ourselves in my bed. She called me three months later and told me she was pregnant. I was a nervous wreck. I went to visit her. I apologized, asked her to marry me.
"She laughed. She wasn't ready to marry me yet. Her words not mine. She wanted to keep the child. She said it would hurt my career if anyone knew. Clara was like that. Always worrying about others.
"I asked Sam for advice. She didn't want child support because it could be traced back to me. I ended up sending a money order to my mom for her every month.
"Eventually my mom moved to Florida and was just a few hours away and was able to help her out.
"When Emma was born I proposed again. She said she'd marry me after Bartlet was done with his second term. I laughed. She had so much faith in us.
"Every month I made my way down to Florida under the pretence to visit my mom. I asked her to move up here, but she liked Florida.
"So every month I went to visit my daughter. I was surprised that she used Lyman for the last name. And while I couldn't be there for everything, I was there for a lot.
"We even rigged up a video cam so I could watch her during the day. I saw the first time she rolled over and her first steps.
"Clara was the best mom. She never yelled, never raised her hands. She maneuvered her schedule so she could work from home, and so that Emma wasn't raised by strangers.
"I was gonna propose Saturday night. She would have said yes. Last time we spoke she mentioned that she was lonely and her company wasn't doing too well." Josh sniffed. "I had it all worked out. And now it's all gone."
"It's not all gone." Sam said. "Josh, there is still Emma. We've seen you the past few days. You haven't been yourself."
"We know you are just functioning for her. But you can't do that. You have to live. For both of you." Toby added
"Josh I know you loved Clara. She was a great person and she really loved you. That was easy to see the two times that I met her. But she wouldn't' want you to be like this. What would have happened if you didn't survive the gun shot at Rosslyn? Would you want Clara to have given up?"
"No of course not."
"Then don't do it to her."
"Josh, tell us more about Clara." CJ asked.
Josh was more than happy to comply. Three hours and ten beers later Sam and Toby carried Josh out of the bar. They took him to Sam's place for the night.
Sam was up early the next day. He knew Josh had to be back home by noon. At 10 he emerged from Sam's bed room and made his way to the bathroom. Once the shower was on Sam knocked on the door with a change of clothes and a cup of coffee.
He didn't wait for an answer, Sam just walked in. "Josh, here are some clean clothes." Josh's head peeked out form behind the shower curtain. "And coffee." Sam held the mug out to him.
"Thanks." Josh took and the mug and a sip. "Seriously. Thank you for everything."
"No problem. Finish up. I told your mom I'd have you home before noon." Josh just nodded as Sam left the bathroom.
At 11:30 they pulled up to Josh's apartment. "Your mom has everything packed. Help her bring stuff down. I'll wait here."
"Wait for what?"
"To go to the airport. Hurry you have a 2:30 flight."
Josh was assaulted by a small bundle as he entered the apartment. It grabbed on to his leg. "Daddy." It said.
Josh bent down to pick up his daughter. "You ready sweetheart?"
"Yes daddy. Another airpane."
"Yes Emma. Another airplane. Uncle Sam is down stairs."
"You okay Joshua?" His mother asked as she picked up her bags.
"I think so. Thanks"
"She was a good friend to me. But she was your heart."
"Yes she was. But so are you. And so is Emma. Let's go. Sam is waiting."
"Uncle Sam?"
"Hey. My co-workers are like family. She's going to have a bunch of uncles and aunts."
Emma sat on Josh's lap in the back on the way to the airport. "Call me when you land and when you are heading back."
"I will Sam. And thank you all for everything again."
"Just don't forget we are here for you. If you need anything even to talk just pick up the phone."
"I will. Say good bye Emma."
"Bye Uncle Sam." She said waving her hand.
"I'll get you for that." Sam smiled as he hugged his friend.
Josh and his mother were flying down to Florida to pack up Clara's and Emma's stuff. Emma's things where being shipped back to Josh's to be there on Saturday. The rest of the stuff he wasn't sure of yet. After everything was taken care of he and Emma were coming back to DC while his mom went home.
It took three days for Josh to go through everything. He decided that he was going to have to do some half days to set up Emma's room. Of Clara's stuff he kept all the pictures and videos she had. He kept the diplomas and year books. The jewelry he kept too. Emma might want something of her moms one day. The furniture he sold to the land lord who was going to use it for the next people who rented the apartment. Everything else was going to the Salvation Army.
Josh canceled all the utilities and credit cards. He visited the bank and pulled the will and other important documents from the safe. He was surprised that his name was on the approved list to open the safe box. He visited the company that Clara worked for with Emma. Everyone there expressed their condolences and seemed to hold no hard feelings toward him. Which surprised him. It seemed that Clara only had good things to say about the father of her daughter.
The visit to Emma's baby sitter was the hardest. Emma didn't want to leave Patricia's house. Josh promised to have Pat visit in a few weeks once he and Emma had settled down.
Sam picked him up at the airport. "Going home?"
"You busy or can you do me a favor?" He buckled Emma in the back of the car.
"Leo told me to take you where ever you wanted to go. What do you need?"
"Actually I need a ride to the office."
"What for?" Sam asked pulling out of the parking lot.
"Pick up some files. And to enroll Emma in day care. As much as I want to keep her with me, I don't think it's a good idea."
"Did you bring back all the papers?"
"Yeah they are in all the bags. From what it looks like everything was left to Emma. And I'm Emma's legal guardian."
"I'll take a look at it all on Saturday."
"I'm going to have to talk to Leo. I'd like to be back at work on Monday but it's going to have to be half days for a while."
"Why?"
"Got to get all of Emma's stuff set up in her room. The boxes and furniture are coming tomorrow. I need to repaint the room and all." Josh unbuckled Emma from the car and was carrying her into the White House. "This is the White House Emma. Do you know who lives here?"
"The President."
"Very good. This is also where daddy works."
"Daddy? You work with the president?" Emma asked amazed.
"Yes I do."
"Wow."
Sam laughed at Emma's reaction. "She's a smart kid. And don't worry about the painting and such. CJ, Donna, and Zoey want to play Trading Spaces."
"What"
"You'll have to ask them. All I know is that Toby, myself and Charlie, if he can make it are to show up at your place with a change of clothing and ready to work."
"How come I don't like the sound of this?"
"The sound of what?" CJ asked as she walked behind them. "Welcome back." She kissed him on the cheek.
"Thanks. Emma, you remember CJ."
The little girl looked at the woman and hid her face. "She's being shy."
"That's okay. So the sound of what?"
"I was just telling Josh about Saturday's plans."
"Oh yeah. We are all going to come over and help you get Emma all settled in."
"I don't have anything yet. It's all arriving tomorrow."
"That's okay. Tonight you three are heading to pick up paint. Tomorrow morning we will be over at 10 am with breakfast. We can dismantle what you have in the guest room, prime, paint and set it up in 2 days. They do it on TV."
"You guys don't have to do this."
CJ stood in front of Josh and put her hands on his shoulders. "You are family. You would do the same for any of us. Now Emma is in the family. We all know things are going to change for you and things might be hard. But we all want to help you. Oh Leo and the president wanted to see you next time you came in. What are you doing here by the way?"
"Day care."
"Well then off you go. Don't forget Leo and the president. You should stop by Toby's and me before you leave."
"I will CJ." He looked at both CJ and Sam. "I better go. There are some things that I need to still do today. And it's already late afternoon. Thanks."
"Let me know when you are ready to leave. We can grab a bite out and then hit Home Depot." Sam said as he clasped his friend on the shoulder and walked away. CJ hugged him and left him and Emma alone.
"Emma." He looked down at the girl. "You ready to meet some more family?" And Josh started walking to the Oval Office.