A/N: One shot requested by Clarkson – I hope it's what you envisioned :) It wasn't intended to look like a song fic, but I guess it's not, it isn't based around the song, but Clarkson asked for it so I had to include it (And in all honesty I didn't listen to the song until I was about half way through writing this, because I didn't want the song to cloud my creativity) but I added the lyrics after I was finished, through the fic in parts where they fitted.
Clarkson: 'Do a DENSI story to this song.. Apollo Drive - I Saw You Die. Make the story about Kensi dying in Deeks arms... Just listen to the song.. I LOVE DENSI!'
-LJ x
Disclaimer: If I owned it, Deeks and Kensi wouldn't be fighting crime, they'd be doing something a little less professional... a lot of the time... and they'd probably both be dead.
I Saw You Die
Rated: T – for violence
Words: 2,546
I'm standing here with fractured hope,
And all alone with words unspoken
I saw you die, in front of my eyes
I watched you fall without a choice.
Blood was pumping hot and thick out of the wound to her chest, everything was slow, the room blurred as she fell to the ground, her head pounded and breathing became harder, the world was disorientated, her eyes rolled back into her head multiple times as if she was going to pass out. She felt like she was vibrating as she pulled her arms up towards her chest, touching the wound and falling limp; she opened her mouth to speak; to call out for help, but nothing came out.
With each second the pool of sickly red blood grew bigger to the left of her body, as if to create a broken wing.
Pressure, she felt it hard on the wound, it stung as flesh met flesh, digging fabric further into the hole. Though she was thankful.
She managed to muster enough strength to open her eyes ever so slightly to see who was helping her, although she didn't really need to look, the weight on her breast was harsh and it hurt, but it was preventing her from bleeding out.
"Deeks" she managed to say, her throat filling with blood as she tried to cough it out.
"God Kens'" He sounded rough.
"Kensi please don't die"
He continued to apply pressure but she felt her life slipping away in his arms. Her eyes began to slowly close and her breathing became less rapid, he could still feel her hear beating fast under his palms.
"Kensi no, please no!" Deeks sounded desperate. "No Kensi open your eyes, Kensi, please open your eyes, I'm sorry, I should have been watching you, Kensi."
She smiled ever so slightly as the blood dripped from the corner of her mouth.
"Kensi please stay with me. Re-remember that time at Santa Monica, please just remember, I bought you that stupidly big hat and we had ice cream, remember please that one time" He cried as he pushed down harder, ignoring the blood that was seeping through his fingers. He wanted to get her brain to keep thinking about that time, if she kept thinking she was still living.
"Kensi" He felt her heart beat become very rapid as it pumped out blood. And then nothing. "NO!" He screamed as her whole body felt lifeless. "NO! KENSI! OPEN YOUR EYES!"
He was crying now, his arms felt so weak as he collapsed his head onto her stomach which was absent of the steady rise and fall of a living being.
She was dead.
His partner, the woman he loved.
She was gone.
He continued to sob as he felt himself being pulled from her body. He could have sworn somebody was talking to him but he couldn't hear it.
He was reaching down to her as he was being pulled aside.
"Deeks! Deeks! What happened!"
"She's gone" he cried as he collapsed against some boxes in the compound. "She's gone" he repeated.
Sam collapsed next to Kensi and tried to find sign of life as tears formed in Callen's eyes.
Deeks was in some sort of sitting foetal position against the boxes as Sam confirmed Deeks' statement.
Special Agent Kensi Marie Blye was dead.
Sam took off his jacket and placed it over the woman's face as a sign of respect for the fallen friend.
3 days later
Deeks sat in his best tux, gripping his head in his hands, trying not to cry more over the death of the woman he loved.
He never got to tell her that. That he loved her. That she was the one and only one for him, his perfect other, his one in 6 billion-the only one he belonged with.
He would give anything to be able to tell her, to be able to hug her, kiss her, and feel himself unite with her.
To hear you breathe, what I wouldn't give
To have you here with me.
I should've known by the look on your face, but I was too blind to see
The fire slowly turned into pain, I walked for miles trying to find my way.
But it was all too late. She was gone, murdered by a man he killed, maybe slightly over-killed by emptying an entire magazine into his chest and head, but the jury agreed it was justified; the man had just murdered a federal agent, his partner, his best friend.
He was trying to focus himself on that moment he tried to keep her alive with, their day off at Santa Monica...
It was a warm wet day, not the type of day where everybody in LA would be out shopping, enjoying themselves, the sky was a comfortable grey with pink tint sin it where the red sun was bleeding through the dull clouds. It was a truly beautiful day, only people that were born and raised in LA would be out in such attire as Kensi and Deeks were.
Thick coats and jeans, they had a poll at how many strange looks they would receive from tourists in shorts and bikinis.
So far the toll was at 7 mainly from women in bikini's who were so orange that they didn't even need to be outside.
Deeks and Kensi walked along the beach before they noticed a market on the pier, drawing in their interest.
"Wanna go up?" Deeks turned to her.
"Sure" she smiled back. "Why not!"
They walked up onto the pier together into the mayhem of the Saturday market. Skimming through each stall before finding a hat stall with the most outrageous hats that wouldn't really suit anybody, but of course they were entertained and started trying them on, taking photos of each ridiculous look.
In the end – much to her fighting he bought her this overly big and pink sun-hat with terribly fake roses weaved into it and what looked like a fake field mouse sticking out of the front for $17 from the vendor who was all too pleased that the two were finally leaving his stand and moving on.
He ended up making her wear the big pink hat for the rest of their trip out, claiming he would give her $50.
Then they moved onto another stand where you watched them make your ice cream, and of course he bought her the biggest caramel cone they provided.
The memory flashed past so fast. He knew he had to go to her funeral. He had to make a speech about her, a speech he hasn't yet even prepared.
He never expected her to die this way, oh no. He was always going to take the bullet, but he turned away for one second before he heard her crumple to the floor.
He had always hoped they would one day fall in love, maybe get married and have kids, well of course he didn't think it all at once, it came to him gradually, that he was in love with her, that he wanted to spend his life with her.
So he stood up and exited the waiting room, into the front pew of the church, sitting down beside Hetty and Julia.
He was asked if he would carry Kensi's casket, but he couldn't do it. He sat there in silence with tears held in his eyes as the song 'Keep on moving' by the band Five boomed from the speakers. With that the tears fell against his will.
He remembered when he found out this was her favourite song when she was 15 years old – only 13 years ago when it was released and she said she had loved it from day one.
So when he was asked for what song she would have wanted playing, it was that song.
It didn't fit in with normal funeral sadness, it was a nostalgic song about never giving up.
He listened closely to the music's cue. The cue to bring in her casket
'When the rainy days are dying
Gotta keep on, keep on trying
All the bees and birds are flying (ahh ahh ahh)
Never let go, gotta hold on in
Non-stop 'til the break of dawnin'
Keep on movin' don't stop rockin' (ahh ahh ahh)
Get on up when you're down
Baby, take a good look around
I know it's not much, but it's okay
Keep on moving anyway.'
And with that, lead by Sam, the casket was carried down the aisle.
Deeks tried not to turn his head as the mahogany box passed him, but he couldn't help it; he looked up at it and wiped his face.
The service was beautiful, but went too fast, in due time he was called up.
His body felt shaky as he stood and walked to the front of the hall of people, he was speechless at how many people were there, all of the people she helped, friends who were finally informed of her identity, family she probably hasn't spoken to in years.
Still standing here, I'm not improving,
Faced with fear and I'm not moving
I saw you die, in front of my eyes
I watched you fall without a choice.
To hear you breathe, what I wouldn't give
To have you here with me.
What was he supposed to say? How was he supposed to say it, he felt like all of the words had been taken out of his mouth. How was he going to show them how much she meant to him?
"K-" He tried to start speaking but dropped his head. He tried again. "Kensi was my best friend, my partner. And I hoped I would never have to stand here, I would have taken that bullet any day, I was always prepared to take any bullet for her, she was so young and had so much going for her." He started off.
"She meant a lot to me, and I don't know how to say to you or show you how much she meant. She was wonderful, beautiful and amazing, she was everything anybody would look for, but nobody outside of our little family ever seemed to see that."
He laughed slightly at a memory. "She used to binge out of food all the time, especially when a date never went well, she would spend the entire day complaining and wondering what was wrong with her and wondering why she could never hold onto a guy." He smiled. "She was exceptional, she just wasn't very talented in acting normal – and that's coming from me."
That raised a few laughs from friends. "Kensi was fearless. The day she died, I was there, I was trying to hold onto her life, trying to keep her holding on, It shouldn't have even happened. We were told the place was clear." He looked down again trying to suppress the flashbacks.
"I watched my best friend, my partner" he paused and finally decided to admit it. "And quite possibly the love of my life, die. I held her in my arms. And I can never forget that. I will never forget that. But on that, I will remember all of the good times we shared together, on the job and off of the job and it pains me so much that I will never hear her laugh again, see her smile again or hear her rant ever again."
He stopped for a few moments "And what pains me the most, is that she never knew how much I loved her and respected her, she was everything and I don't know If I will ever be able to move on from that."
I'm standing here with fractured hope
And all alone,
I'm lost without you.
A/N: So, I hope you all liked that! :)
It would mean the world to me if you could drop a review telling me what you think, and if you want me to write a fanfiction for you, just leave the details in the reviews :)
-LJ
PS: The song is Apollo Drive – I saw you die. You will really understand the story more if you listened to it :)