I wrote this months ago, so it's not that great. It's nothing speciaaal(: But I could have sworn I already posted it... apparently not.
He misses her. He misses her more than anything. Why did he leave? Why did he just give up on her? What if she needed him?
Resting his chin on his hand and sighing, he pushes that last thought away. Of course she didn't need him. It's not like it used to be. They are no longer starving, hunting every day to keep their families alive. They have climbed up the rope, transformed it from a tiny string they used to keep a grip on life, and made that thin piece of thread into thick knots of rope. Sure, their pasts and futures are twisted, and there will always be those knots, but at least their attachment to life is thicker now, with this stronger rope. Right? Isn't that what matters?
Or is it something else? Maybe it's just Katniss Everdeen that matters. Even when they were clinging to hope and desperately holding onto life (they nearly slipped), they were always together, side by side, ready to face anything the Capitol threw at them.
Except the Hunger Games. They thought they were prepared. He always assured her that she would not get picked; there were many, many slips in that jar, and only about twenty of them belonged to her. There was no reason to worry. But they did. Try as they might, there was no escaping the breathtaking fear that radiated from the annual Games.
She thinks she can make it. She will hold on and endure the pain, just keep climbing, like she had done for years. But that was different. So, when she is reaped, her life is turned upside down, even more so than it was before.
When she finally returns, she is alive, not in a gelid, drab wooden box carelessly put together by some District Seven workers. She is still Katniss Everdeen.
But things have changed. Gale has gone to work in the mines. Katniss is in love with Peeta. Or is she? Gale does not know. He is not even sure if he wants to find out.
When she comes back from a second trip to the arena, everything has gone wrong. He knows for sure that he is in love with her. He also knows that she loves him back. But she's on the verge of losing her sanity, so what does that mean? She's crossing the line to the demented world of darkness and depression, of wild thoughts and hallucinations. He doesn't feel right around her. Not like he used to. That old sense of security and peace is gone, never to be recovered. The Capitol buried it deep in the ground, farther than Gale will ever go. Near the burning flames of hell. Too far away from life. Katniss is never coming back.
That's why he left. Of course, District Twelve was destroyed, but it was also rebuilt. He can go back any time he wants, but it will never be the same. There is no more Sane Katniss "Catnip" Everdeen waiting for him in their spot. There is On-the-Verge-of-Insanity Katniss Mellark, however, but not his precious Catnip. The woods are still there, but what are they without her? There is no peace there. Only destruction.
When he tells her to "shoot straight," he wishes he was the one being shot. After all, he is empty, and an empty life is a waste. Why not get rid of it once and for all? It would be absolutely painless compared to this mess.