A/N: Hi! I honestly don't know what this is. I just missed writing Linstead so damn much, but don't have the motivation (or inspiration) to write fluff. So this one shot happened and I'm not too impressed, but I had to get something out. I haven't watched a single PD ep this season, so apologies that some of this may not be completely accurate. But from what I've heard, this is what would happen after last week's episode in a perfect world. Happy reading! And happy Thanksgiving :)

xo

Erin sighed loudly as she rolled over in bed for what felt like the millionth time. She was bone tired and after finally wrapping up what was arguably her hardest case since moving to New York, but for some reason, her body just would not fall asleep. She couldn't shake the feeling that something was very, very wrong but she didn't possibly know what it could be. Erin combed over the minimal free time she'd had over the past few days in her mind again, blocking out the majority of her thoughts about the sickening pedophilia ring she'd just busted with the FBI, to try and figure out the cause of the growing pit in her stomach. She'd been stressing about the fact that Thanksgiving was in three days and for the first time in her life, she'd be spending the holiday alone. She still hadn't gotten close enough with any of her coworkers in the city to be invited to their family celebrations, Liv and Noah were traveling to Connecticut to meet some family, she didn't have any other friends in New York, and she hadn't heard from Olive about her plans with Daniel, nor had Hank contacted her with an invite to come home for the long weekend.

Home. Erin sighed again at the thought of that word. She missed Chicago, and Hank, and Intelligence, and her team. Her friends. Jay. She really fucking missed Jay, not that she let herself think about it much. As soon as his name entered her brain, she blindly reached for her cellphone off of her nightstand to distract herself with something else. Anything else. She hit the home button and her breath caught in her throat when her phone lit up and she saw the date. The sinking feeling in her stomach suddenly made sense. Monday, November 20. The clock had recently struck midnight, and it was now exactly six months since the last day she saw Jay Halstead. One hundred eighty days since she looked into those blue eyes made her heart stop. Four thousand three hundred and twenty hours since she'd heard his laugh, the sound that always was, and always would be, her favorite. Over two hundred and fifty thousand minutes since she'd heard his voice. Over one million seconds since his name had popped up on her phone screen that night. That fucking night, that she regrets more than anything in this entire world.

As if on cue, her phone began to vibrate in her hand, and Erin's heart just about stopped. She didn't know who was calling her past midnight, but she knew it wasn't good. Taking a deep breath, she glanced back down at the caller ID.

Hailey Upton, her screen flashed. What the fuck.

Erin's hand was so shaky that it took her a few rings to finally slide to unlock her phone, and when she finally brought the device to her ear she wasn't sure her vocal cords were going to work.

"Hello?" She whispered shakily. "Upton?"

"Erin," Hailey breathed a sigh of relief into the phone. "Thank god you answered."

"Upton, what the fuck is wrong?" Erin snapped, already out of bed and pacing around her dark room.

"It's Jay," her replacement said quickly. "I don't know what to do. I didn't know who to call,"

"What about Jay? Did he get shot? Is he-?" Erin's voice cracked as she said her ex-partner's name, her mind already fearing the worst. He could not be dead. She would never forgive herself. She didn't even say goodbye.

"No! God, no, Erin," Upton said quickly, realizing she had to get on with it. "He's fine. Physically anyway. Mentally… Erin, I don't know what to do," she repeated.

"What happened? And what am I supposed to do about it?" Erin felt a wave of relief knowing Jay was still breathing, but was currently feeling every emotion possible. Guilt and regret, though – those were the strongest.

"Do you know anything about what's gone on here in the past month?" Hailey said weakly. "It's been one thing after another. He can't catch a break. He's mourning you. He's mourning our cases. He was just undercover, Erin, and I'm honestly shocked he came out alive. I've never seen anyone as broken as I saw him tonight. I don't even know where, or how, to begin to explain, but I'm so afraid for him. I think tonight was the just beginning of a really awful spiral," Jay's new partner's voice broke midway through her explanation, and that's all Erin needed to hear for the tears that she'd been holding back to flow freely.

"I…" Erin hiccupped. "I had no idea. I haven't talked to Hank in months, and every damn night all I want to do is pick up the phone and call Jay, but I can't bring myself to do it. Maybe if I had-"

"Erin," Hailey's voice was stronger now. "Now is not the time to think about what-ifs. Please tell me what to do. How to get through to him. I asked everyone on the team tonight what the hell I should be doing right now, and not only does no one know, but every single person told me to get in touch with you. Even Voight."

Erin began crying even harder. "He's," she stopped to catch her breath. "He's at the dive bar on the corner of Michigan and Hubbard right now. I promise. Please go to him, Upton, he can't be alone right now," she begged.

"How do you know?" Hailey asked, and Erin could hear her already speed-walking.

"I just do," Erin choked out. "Please just get him somewhere safe for the night,"

"I'm on my way," Upton promised. "But this isn't going to magically be better overnight, Erin! What do I do in the morning, when he wakes up hungover – if he can even fall asleep - and crying over the 8-year-old girl he killed, or his nightmares that came back again, or everything that happened when he was just undercover? I don't know what to do. I haven't known what to do for months, Erin. Everyone keeps saying that this wouldn't be happening if you were here. Do you know what a shitty partner that makes me feel like? That every damn day I see my partner struggling to keep his head above water and I can't even offer him a damn life jacket, but every time I turn my head it seems like someone is talking about what you would do! How you handled him so easily!"

Erin was inconsolable at this point as she dug through her closet to find her suitcase. "I don't even know what to say right now, Hailey. Please just get him home safe. Don't let him be alone tonight, and I'll be in Chicago in the morning."

"W-what?" Hailey gasped. "You're coming to Chicago?"

"If Jay needs me, yes. I couldn't even begin to explain to you how to get through to him. I don't even know if I know how anymore, or if I'll be able to figure it out. But what I do know," Erin sniffled again before finally finding her voice, "is that I love him. I never stopped loving him, and at this point I don't think I'm ever going to stop. And he's been there for me and saved me from more downward spirals than I can count, and it's my turn. He might not even want to see me when I get there, and it very well might be up to you to pull him out of this. But damn it, Hailey, I will never forgive myself if I don't come home and try to help him right now,"

"Okay," Upton nodded as if Erin could see her. "Okay. I just got to the bar so… I'm going to pray to God he's inside."

"Please keep me updated," Erin said softly as she threw random clothes into her bag.

"Of course," Hailey took a deep breath. "Thank you, Erin. Have a safe flight."

"Thank you for calling me. I guess I'll see you tomorrow," Erin sighed as she brought the phone down from her ear and threw it into the middle of her bed, using her free hands to zip up her suitcase.

She threw on a pair of leggings and the first hoodie she could find, which of course happened to be one of Jay's that she'd stolen months ago, back when everything was okay, and hadn't been able to leave Chicago without. She glanced in the mirror, noting her puffy eyes and extreme bedhead, but couldn't bring herself to fix either in her rush to get to the airport. Erin picked up her suitcase and phone off of her bed, slipped a pair of running sneakers onto her feet, then ran out of her bedroom and into the kitchen where grabbed her purse and keys off of her counter before running out the door. Even though it was now nearing 1 am, New York really was the city that never sleeps, and luckily there was a taxi right outside of Erin's building.

"LaGuardia," Erin ordered the second she opened the door, throwing her suitcase and purse onto the seat before sliding into the car.

The driver nodded and drove off as Erin felt her phone vibrate in her sweatshirt pocket.

Got him. Driving him back to my place now.

Tears trickled down Erin's cheeks as she read Hailey's message. Tears of relief, that he was safe. Tears of guilt, for contributing to the circumstances that landed him in that shitty bar in the first place. Tears of fear, for whatever the fuck was going to happen when she got to Chicago.

Despite the city's livelihood, there was minimal traffic at this hour and Erin's cab pulled into the drop off lane at LaGaurdia Airport 25 minutes later. "Thank you," she mumbled, throwing a wad of cash into the driver's hand before nearly sprinting out of the car and through the airport doors.

"Hi," Erin paused to catch her breath as she approached the desk agent. "I need the first available ticket to O'Hare."

xoxoxoxoxoxoxoxo

Six and a half hours later, Erin Lindsay was back in Chicago. She impatiently sat at the gate at O'Hare waiting for the pilot to let them off the plane, she realized that she should probably let her boss know that she wasn't going to be in work today. Or any day until after Thanksgiving, for that matter. She knew that there was a 98% chance Jay was going to slam the door in her face the second he saw her, but she'd be damned if she gave up on him this time around.

She typed out a short message to her new boss telling him she had a family emergency in Chicago and had to fly into the city immediately. Professionalism be damned, she thought. At this moment in time, being fired was the least of her worries. She actually only had one worry right now. Only one thing mattered. One person.

The plane finally began to unload and Erin grabbed her suitcase and purse from the overhead compartment, thankful she didn't have to waste any time waiting at baggage claim. She ordered an Uber to Upton's apartment the second she was off the plane, tears filling her eyes at the familiarity of the airport she was walking through. Despite her nostalgia, she nearly sprinted through the building. The second she got into the car, she clicked on Upton's contact and brought her phone to her ear.

"Hey," Hailey answered quietly. "I just dropped him home,"

Erin was surprised that Jay had been up and moving that early, but also thankful that his new partner wouldn't be around to witness her homecoming. "Where is 'home'?" Erin's heart broke as she had to ask that question.

"Oh, um… your old place," Upton said quietly.

Tears filled Erin's eyes at Upton's admission. "Hold on," she choked out, before bringing the phone away from her ear and leaning up to the driver's seat. "Can you change the destination?" The older man nodded, and Erin gave him her old address.

"Thanks," Erin replaced the phone near her mouth. "And I mean for everything, Hailey. I'm really glad he's had you these past few months,"

"I don't think I was much help, I mean-"

"No, Hailey. I promise you were. Thank you," Erin hung up the phone quickly as tears cascaded down her face once again. She looked out the window, and the familiar buildings whizzing by did nothing to calm her waterworks.

After what felt like forever, Erin's Uber arrived in front of her old apartment. Even though it had been the longest car ride of her life, she had absolutely no idea what she was going to say. Or how Jay was even going to react to seeing her face. He might not even give her a chance to say a word.

"Thank you," Erin rasped to the driver as she collected her bags and made her way into the building she thought she'd never step foot into again. Muscle memory led her up two flights of stairs, and before she knew it she was standing in front of door 310.

She took a deep breath before lifting her free hand and knocking gently on the white door.

"Upton, Will, whoever the fuck you are, leave me alone!" her ex-partner's broken rang out, and if Erin's heart wasn't already shattered, it was now. She knocked again, not trusting her voice.

"I swear-" Jay's voice got louder and Erin held her breath as she saw the door handle moving.

A second later, door was open and the two ex-partners were standing face to face for the first time in six months. Time froze as Erin took in Jay's pale face, puffy eyes, and thinning body. Without even thinking, she pushed her way into the apartment and dropped her bags into the middle of the floor and immediately threw her hands around Jay's neck, engulfing him in a hug. He didn't fight it, and within seconds Erin felt his hot tears on her neck.

"Hey," she whispered, her own voice nearly lost in her own tears. She brought one hand up to the nape of his neck, while the other hand began to rub up and down his back. "It's okay."

It was silent for a long time, aside for both of their cries. At some point, Jay's arms encased her, and Erin wasn't sure how long she stood there rubbing his back as his tears soaked her shirt, but she never wanted it to end. He was so vulnerable in this moment and Erin felt like she was actually able to protect him from the world, and it was all she wanted to do. She knew the second he pulled away, he might very well scream and punch a wall and kick her out.

Eventually the tears stopped, and Erin knew that words were finally coming. She pressed a kiss to Jay's cheek before pulling back to meet his eyes again. She stayed silent, willing him to speak first and lead where this conversation was going to go.

She expected anger, and yelling, and blame. She was ready for screams and banging and everything that she deserved. She didn't get that, and her heart almost stopped when she heard his first words.

"I needed you," he whispered hoarsely, causing a new batch of tears to spill out of her eyes. "I needed you so bad, Erin, and you weren't there."

"I am so sorry," she choked out. "I am so, so sorry. What happened?"

"Everything," Jay said weakly. Realizing they were still standing near the doorway, he turned to walk to the couch, willing Erin to follow, and she did.

Sitting down on the couch next to him, Erin took a deep breath and wiped her eyes "Talk to me," she said gently.

Jay sighed. He'd imagined this moment; he'd pictured her coming back to Chicago so many times. Every time he thought about it, he imagined it going differently. Sometimes he yelled at her. He told her how fucked up it was that she left without so much as a goodbye, and he told her about his mother's ring, and that all she ever did was run from her problems. Sometimes he was just so damn happy to see her face again. He told her how much he missed her, and how much he still loved her, and how everything was so damn wrong without her. Sometimes he was relieved. Sometimes he was terrified. And this time? Now that it was actually happening? His mind was racing. He was pissed, that she just showed up here and barged back in and thought she had the right to know what was going on in his life. He was thankful to see her face and be in her embrace and feel like for the first time in over six months, something was going right. He was confused about how she got here and how she knew he needed her.

"You left," he whispered.

Erin nodded. "It's the biggest regret of my life,"

"Why did you leave, Erin? I was trying to get better for you, and I was going to come home. I was trying so hard. I know I should have told you about Abby and the nightmares and-"

"Jay," Erin said, her voice firmer than it had been all morning. "Do not put this on you. I did not leave because of you. You were the only thing keeping me here. I was in love with you, Jay. I still am in love with you, and leaving was the biggest mistake of my life. I…I put my mom before myself, again, and look where it got me. There's your answer. I left to help Bunny. Hank made a deal with the FBI. I work for them in New York, they let her go. None of it was your fault, you have to believe that,"

"Er," Jay's head began to spin at the new information, but Erin interrupted him before he could speak again.

"No more about me. At least not right now. Please tell me what's wrong, Jay," Against her better judgment, Erin moved closer on the couch and placed a hand on his arm.

"Everything," he repeated. "I shot a little girl, Erin. I killed an innocent, eight year old child. And it just brought me right fucking back there. And now I'm stuck there. I can't close my fucking eyes anymore. I thought it was bad when Abby came back? That was nothing compared to this. And even though I didn't show it, I knew that I had you to turn to if I needed to. But now? I don't know what to do anymore. I don't know if I can do it anymore. I don't want to do it anymore."

"I'm so sorry," Erin repeated for what felt like the hundredth time that morning. Her thoughts flashed back to the boy she'd shot months ago, and how his face haunted her dreams for weeks. Jay had been the only thing that got her through that, and she wasn't there to do the same for him. "You're not there. You are here, and you are doing so much good for so many people. You keep this city safe and you save so many lives daily, Jay. There are so many people who are so thankful for you, and so proud of you."

"It doesn't feel that way," Jay shook his head. "If I didn't do this, that girl would still be alive. Her mom would get to see her fall in love, and go to prom, and graduate high school,"

"Hey," Erin squeezed his arm. "You can't think like that. If you weren't here, how many criminals would still be out there? How many innocent people would have died at the hands of the awful people you've taken off the streets?"

"I don't know what to do anymore, Er," Jay made eye contact with her for the first time since their serious talk had begun.

"When's the last time you slept?" Erin asked, getting the idea that he was done talking. She had never seen eyes so bloodshot, or bags as big as the ones under Jay's eyes.

"I don't know," he answered honestly.

"Come on," she said softly, standing up and reaching for Jay's hand. She led him through the familiar apartment with ease, pretending not to notice how everything was so different, but also the same as it was six months ago. They entered the bedroom and Erin wasn't surprised to see the bed neatly made, despite everything. "Lay down," she instructed.

Jay obliged, pulling the covers back and getting in on the left side of the bed, the side that had always been his side. Erin followed him to the side, pulling the blanket back up over him and leaning down to press her lips to his forehead, even though she knew she shouldn't. As she turned to walk out of the room, he reached out and grabbed her wrist.

"Stay in here. Please," Jay wasn't above begging. He still didn't know what his emotions towards Erin were at this moment, but he knew that he had never slept as well as he did with that girl beside him.

Erin nodded immediately, walking around to the other side of the bed and slipping her sneakers off before crawling under the covers. Like a magnet, her body curled into Jay's as his head fell into the crook of her neck and she began her ministrations on his back again.

"Go to sleep," she murmured into his ear. "I got you,"

At the sound of her saying those three words he never thought he'd hear again, Jay drifted off to his first dreamless sleep in as long as he could remember. For the first time in over six months, he knew Erin Lindsay would be there when he woke up. He didn't know what would happen after that, but he knew she would be there. And that was enough for now.