PUPS & THE COMEDY ROAST
I DON'T OWN PAW PATROL ONLY MY OC'S
It was a clear & warm Friday night. Everyone in Adventure Bay had gathered at the school gym for a special event. There was going to be a comedy roast held with Elias being the person roasted. Angel, Carlana, Ella, Ethan, Everest, Jake, Kelly, Ryder & Terry were the people & pups that had been selected to roast Elias. During the planning of the roast Elias had requested that none of the jokes made were about any traumatic events such as the school shooting, Aaron kidnapping & raping him, his battle with cancer & so on. Everyone agreed to avoid making any jokes about those events. In addition to the stage being set up for the roast there was also a banquet meal prepared for dinner. The meal was to be held after the roast had finished. Mayor Goodway was the host of the event who'd introduce each roaster as they took their turns to roast Elias. Elias had a chair set up for him to sit on throughout the roast, the roasters had a special table set up for them & the rest of the people in attendance had their own tables to sit at. When 7:00 rolled around Mayor Goodway went to address the crowd as Elias sat on the chair nearby & everyone else sat at their designated seats.
"Good evening everyone. Welcome to tonight's comedy roast. In just a moment the roast shall begin. I hope you all enjoy the evening. Dinner will be served once the roast is finished. Before we begin let's hear from our roast subject Elias Vincent" said Mayor Goodway as she smiled excitedly. Elias walked over to the microphone as applause filled the gym.
"Hi everyone. I'm honoured that you all came out here tonight to see me get roasted. Whether I become a beef, chicken, duck or pork roast I'm sure we're all going to have fun tonight. Roasters you better make sure your jokes are funny. I want you to make me laugh as loud as everyone else here tonight. That's all for now" said Elias as he smiled confidently & returned to his seat. The crowd clapped & cheered as Mayor Goodway addressed them again.
"OK it's time to begin. 1ST up we have Ella & Ethan Vincent" said Mayor Goodway in an eager voice. Ella & Ethan walked over to the microphone to kick things off.
"Good evening everyone. I'd like to share a story with you all. When I was pregnant with Elias & told we'd be having a boy me & Ethan were both excited. On the day he was born we both found ourselves confused. We weren't sure if Elias was a boy or girl because he looked so androgynous" said Ella as she smiled cheekily.
"The confirmation that he was a boy came in the form of a tiny little sausage attached near the top of Elias' legs. I bet it's still the same size now as it was back then" said Ethan as he chuckled. Elias & the crowd burst into laughter at the jokes Ella & Ethan had made. Already the bar had been set high.
"I can't tell which has grown faster: Elias' body or his manhood" said Ella as she giggled.
"Either way we'll always love our son no matter how big in size he is. Goodnight everybody" said Ethan as Ella & himself returned to their seats. Everyone was still laughing at their jokes as Mayor Goodway addressed them again.
"Our next roaster is 1 of the PAW Patrol's own pups. Please welcome Angel" said Mayor Goodway in an excited tone. Angel went over to the microphone which was adjusted to her liking before cracking her jokes.
"Hello Adventure Bay. When I 1ST met Elias, I was just a stray pup in the woods. Fast forward to now & I have a great home, wonderful owners & a fantastic job. Even though I enjoy having Elias' company sometimes I feel like I'm his babysitter. A few times in the past I've found myself butting heads with him over his dim-witted actions & words. During those times I'm less of an angel & more of a devil to him. Whenever that happens I think about how I'd rather eat my own faeces than put up with his antics. Honestly if that was the case it wouldn't make much of a difference since both options would literally be crappy" said Angel with a sheepish grin. Everyone yet again burst into laughter. They were all finding it hard to keep a straight face.
"If you think that was comedy gold listen to this: Sometimes the food he cooks is so bad it literally tastes like faeces. It makes me wonder if it came from the toilet. Then again, he does make other great food that are a delight to eat. Now I shall pass the mic on" said Angel as she returned to her seat. Everyone was laughing as loud as they could. Some of them were starting to tear up from how much laughter they were producing. Mayor Goodway then returned to the microphone.
"So far we're off to a great start. Let's welcome our next roasters: Kelly Walter & Terry" said Mayor Goodway.
Kelly & Terry smiled in excitement as they walked to the microphone. Everyone was keen to hear what jokes they had up their sleeves.
"As everyone here knows I'm Elias' girlfriend. Meeting him was 1 of the best things that could've ever happened to me & I'm glad that we're together. Not every moment we spend together is magical however. Sometimes when we kiss it's so sloppy it feels like I'm kissing Terry. I don't want to be kissed like a pup with his tongue thrashing around in my mouth like he's licking my face. During those moments when he holds me close I feel like I'm being brainwashed by an alien from another planet. I hope for the both of us that he improves on his kissing abilities or else every moment we share will be so awkward it'll make me want to vomit" said Kelly as she tried not to laugh.
"Watching those 2 lock lips sometimes feels like a super awkward & cheesy romance movie. It's so cringeworthy I feel embarrassed. I'd suggest to Elias that he seek proper relationship advice when it comes to making Kelly feel special. Otherwise I predict a messy relationship ahead" said Terry as everyone erupted in laughter yet again.
"Elias might be a bit sloppy with romance but at least he's trying his best. There's nobody else I'd rather be with than him even if there needs to be improvements made" said Kelly as she chuckled.
"Despite the cringe inducing cuddles & kisses Elias & Kelly sometimes share I think it's still cute at the same time. I couldn't picture them with anybody else. Enjoy the rest of the evening folks" said Terry as Kelly & himself returned to their seats. Several people in the audience were crying from laughter & quite a few of them had faces as red as tomatoes from all the hilarity. Mayor Goodway then went to address the crowd again.
"Our next roaster is Elias' best friend & the leader of the PAW Patrol. Put your hands together for Ryder" said Mayor Goodway as she smiled in anticipation. Ryder walked over to the microphone ready to make everyone laugh even harder.
"What a lovely sight it is seeing you all laugh & smile. Out of everyone in Adventure Bay me & the pups were the 1ST group to meet Elias. Back then he was just a plain former city kid. If I could describe him as an ice cream flavour it'd be vanilla because that's how he looked. He's a sweet kid but sometimes he's so sweet I feel like I'm getting diabetes just from being near him. I don't know what his life was truly like back in New York, but it wouldn't surprise me if he was so poor that he had to resort to stealing pizza from rats in the subway. How he hasn't caught rabies from that is a mystery" said Ryder as he laughed. Everyone roared in laughter as they started feeling short of breath from all the jokes.
"I'm impressed with how Elias managed to rise from the bottom all the way to the top. Not many kids can pull off what he's done. Even if he's a diabetically vanilla sweet city rat I'm proud to call him my best friend. Elias you're like a brother to me & I think you're 1 of the coolest kids around. That's all I have to say" said Ryder as he returned to his seat. Mayor Goodway then went to address the crowd again.
"Time for the last roasters to have their turn. Give a warm welcome to Carlana, Everest & Jake" said Mayor Goodway with eagerness in her voice. Carlana, Everest & Jake walked over to the microphone ready to finish the roast with a bang.
"Hello to you all. When I met Elias for the 1ST time I had a great 1ST impression of him. He was everything I hoped for if I ever had a child of my own. Of course, if I wanted my own kid I would've done that with Jake by now. Sometimes Elias' hair is as bright as the sun I swear it makes me nearly go blind. It wouldn't kill him to turn down the brightness of it" said Carlana as she held back laughter.
"Elias makes me feel so cold I could freeze hell. It's like he's an Elsa ripoff. I'm just glad he didn't have an icy heart that froze over the town. You'd need 1,000,000,000 suns to make him warm enough to be around" said Everest with a giggle.
"Elias often tells me how much of a father/older brother figure I am to him. Everest is more of a younger sister/child to me. Unlike him she lives with me. Whenever Elias is in my cabin the temperature drops to -100 degrees. All the coldness he brings with him from the week remains there until he returns to school on Monday. Sometimes it can be so stressful having him around it makes me wish I'd never have kids" said Jake as he grinned. Everyone was now laughing so much they were crying. The jokes kept getting funnier.
"Even if Elias isn't my child I still love him like he is. His hair might be bright, but his smile brightens up everyone's faces" said Carlana.
"He might not be a Disney character but if he was he'd make a great prince. Maybe he could be the lead character in a Frozen spinoff" said Everest.
"Even if it can be hard keeping up with him on weekends spending time with Elias is always lots of fun. If I had any kids of my own I know they'd adore him. You rock dude. Peace out everyone" said Jake as Carlana, Everest & himself returned to their seats. Mayor Goodway proceeded to get the crowd's attention again.
"Thank you everyone. Your jokes had us all in stitches. Let's get a good last laugh in from the man of honour himself" said Mayor Goodway with excitement in her voice. Elias walked over to the microphone to address the crowd.
"For a moment I swear I could smell something burning but then I realised it was just me from being roasted to perfection. Regardless of whether I was born as a boy or girl I love myself for who I am & that's all that matters. Sometimes I wish I could eat faeces rather than put up with some of the nasty things in life I've been exposed to but then again, those events have made me stronger. I can be incredibly sloppy when it comes to romance, but sloppy romance is better than no romance at all. If only there someone out there I could turn to for relationship advice. I'm a diabetically vanilla sweet rat from New York & I'm proud to call myself that. Being cold can be a nightmare to live through but if you brave through it you'll always feel warm on the inside. You all had me & the entire town laughing all night. I guess you could say we're so happy we could die. Thank you all for roasting me. It was lots of fun & I bet you made me nice & juicy to feast on. Elias Vincent out" said Elias as he smiled & left the stage. Everyone clapped & cheered. All of them had never felt so amused from such ridiculously hilarious comedy before. Mayor Goodway then addressed the crowd for the last time.
"Now that the roast is finished dinner is served. Bon Appetit" said Mayor Goodway.
Everyone proceeded to grab their dinner. To their amusement it was literally a roast. Elias chuckled. He thought it was a perfect meal for such an occasion.
"What a fitting buffet this is. I hope I don't taste bad" said Elias as he & everyone else laughed. The food on offer ranged from bread rolls & soups for entree, Beef, chicken, duck & pork with roast vegetables for main course & cakes, ice cream & pies for dessert. Everyone happily ate their meals which were all rich in flavour & texture. Once the meal was over everyone headed home for the evening. As usual Angel & Elias went to Jake's cabin for weekend respite.
"What a fantastic night it was. Every joke was brilliant" said Elias as he smiled in satisfaction.
"I'm glad you see the humour in it. You took it all like a champion" said Angel as she wagged her tail excitedly.
"I certainly did. Nothing like a good roast to have everyone in stitches" said Elias as he chuckled.
"Maybe this could be an annual event. That'd be even better" said Carlana in a hopeful voice.
"Great idea. I'm not sure who the next roast subject would be in that case" said Elias.
"Maybe Ryder would be a good choice. I bet everyone in town would have plenty of jokes for him" said Everest as she grinned sheepishly.
"Probably. Overall tonight was fantastic" said Elias in a cheerful tone.
"Let's take it easy. My sides are hurting from all the laughter" said Jake as he sat on the couch. The others joined him as they decided to watch TV together. A short time later they all decided to turn in for the night. Elias had a shower before changing into his pyjamas & getting in bed.
"Tonight, was so much fun. I feel honoured to have been roasted. I'm impressed with how well everyone did. Their jokes had me laughing so hard I couldn't stop. We must do another 1 in the future. Whoever it is that gets roasted next shall be honoured greatly" thought Elias as he went to sleep.
THE END