A/N: Hey all! I know I said I wasn't going to be writing for a while, but then I got the bug and couldn't resist! This is my fic for the CaRWash thread challenge over at Talk CSI.

Requirements for the challenge

- Someone saying "I'm King of the Lab!"

-A bet with a payout other than money

- A poisonous or rather large spider with a funny nickname

- A firehose

- Some reference to a fairy tale

It's a lot of random fluff, but I hope you enjoy it non the less!

Disclaimer: I, in no way, shape, or form, own CSI or its characters. They belong to Jerry Bruckheimer and the writers who are on strike. I'm simply playing with them until they get back to work! ;)

Chapter 1: Mission Improbable

"Hey Cal, wait up," Ryan said as he half jogged over to his coworker. "I hear Horatio wants to see both of us in his office. Any idea what it's about?"

Calleigh continued down the hall, Ryan now keeping pace with her. "I have no inkling at all, which is really weird because usually I can read Horatio like a book. This time though..."she hesitated as if trying to figure out how to describe her uneasiness. "I don't think it'll be too bad, but I'm really going in blind on this one. By the way, how are you feeling? That cold getting any better?"

Ryan flashed her his boyish smile. "Yeah, a little R&R was all I really needed. The cough drops are helping though, thanks again," he said, popping another cherry flavored lozenge into his mouth.

"No problem, I'm just glad you're feeling better," she smiled as they reached Horatio's office. He held open the door for her and they entered the small room together.

Horatio looked up from some paperwork on his desk and seeing them, motioned for Calleigh and Ryan to take the seats in front of him.

Ryan plopped down in the chair and got right to the point, "What did you need us for H?"

Horatio stood and faced the window, his back partially to them. "I have a special assignment for the both of you," he said calmly, "I assume you are familiar with the Sanchez drug ring?" He turned to look at them.

"Sure," Ryan said, looking to Calleigh for a sign of agreement, "It's a new type of drug racket based on a matriarchal society; the women are the dealers, suppliers, and the heads of the operation. They've taken a real root in Miami in the past few months because they are hard to detect; they're not the stereotypical drug lords."

"You're right, they are not," Horatio said, leaning against his desk, "Over fifty percent of the drugs now coming illegally into the country are coming through this channel. We have some intelligence on them, but in order to take them down, we're going to need an inside source. The feds have requested that I hand pick two CSIs to infiltrate the ring and gather enough information and evidence to collapse the entire system."

"Why can't the feds take care of it themselves?" Calleigh asked, "CSIs don't have special training or anything for that type of work."

The corner of Horatio's mouth snuck up in a half smile for a moment before sinking back into a serious expression. "I'm aware of that Calleigh, but if we can get enough physical evidence, collected and documented properly, once we break down the operation we can have them tried and convicted in court. That's why I've chosen the two of you to go undercover and be the eyes and ears for us here. With your help, we can get a lot of drugs off the street for good."

Calleigh's eyes narrowed. "How are we supposed to get into this organization? As I recall it's a "girls only" rule, and Ryan doesn't exactly qualify in that category."

"Yeah, and I do not do drag," Ryan added, suddenly concerned.

"I'm not asking that of you Mr. Wolfe," Horatio continued, "The boyfriends of some of the higher up members of the ring are allowed limited access to information about the distribution of drugs, and they also have a behind the scenes knowledge of how the whole system works. Your cover story will be that you are United States contacts for the drug ring, in charge of figuring out the best distribution patterns for the drugs. The drug lords are expecting a young woman named Jennifer Hadley to come to their "universal" of sorts in two weeks. Only problem is that we intercepted Miss Hadley a week ago and she will be unable to attend. They don't know what she looks like, so you will easily take her place Calleigh. Ryan will accompany you as Jennifer's boyfriend Zackary Quint."

Ryan choked on the lozenge that had suddenly slipped down his throat.

"Oh grow up," Calleigh said, whacking him on the back of the neck, causing the tablet to fly out of Ryan's mouth and land in a gooey mess on Horatio's desk.

Horatio looked at the sticky pile of spit and cough drop with a wrinkled nose before looking back up at Calleigh. "Normally we would send you in alone, but I would feel more comfortable if Ryan went with you as a means of protection."

"What?!" Calleigh said, clearly angered, "You want to send him with me as protection?! I don't need protection Horatio!" The tone of her voiced matched the one she'd used when she called Ryan a newbie all those years ago.

"Calleigh, you can fight this, but the arrangements have already been made. Your bags have been packed and the apartment you both will be living in for the next few weeks is awaiting your arrival."

"Wait, we have to share an apartment? As in live together?" Calleigh asked, getting more flustered by the minute.

"For the next few weeks you are boyfriend and girlfriend. For the sake of the mission, you two will be living together, going out together, and spending as much time together as possible. I expect that you can follow through with this?" Horatio asked.

"Why did it have to be him?" she muttered slightly under her breath. Finally deciding to accept the inevitable, she looked up at Horatio and nodded her head. "Alright, I'll do it," she surrendered.

"And you Mr. Wolfe?" Horatio asked, turning to Ryan who had been silent since the announcement of his and Calleigh's "relationship".

"Umm, yeah, I guess so," he said, still not able to clear the deer-in-the-headlights look from his eyes.

"Good," Horatio said, straightening up and walking back around his desk, "An FBI officer will be here to pick you up in about a half hour to take you to your new apartment. When you get there, you will be given a dossier about the mission and the back stories for your identities. Please do not mention a word of this to anyone as you leave the lab; everyone else thinks you are on an extended vacation...separate of course," Horatio added when he got a look from Calleigh. "I will have limited contact with you from here on out, but I trust that you can take care of yourselves. Good luck."

Calleigh and Ryan took this as their signal to leave, and made their way to the door. Calleigh left the room in a huff, but before Ryan could leave, Horatio called him back into the room.

"And Mr. Wolfe, take care of her," Horatio said, a caring tone in his voice.

"I will," Ryan promised, before following Calleigh out the door.

An hour later Calleigh and Ryan were sitting in the back seat of an SUV headed for their new "life". Calleigh had been silent since leaving Horatio's office, and now stared moodily out the window, her arms folded across her chest. Ryan knew she wasn't mad at him; she was upset that Horatio thought she needed protection, and that she had been volunteered so quickly for this job. He hoped she'd talk to him when they were finally alone again, otherwise this was going to be a really long three weeks.

They pulled up in front of a squatty apartment complex on the seedier side of town. Calleigh got out and tossed a backpack full of her belongings over her shoulder, while Ryan picked up his suitcases and the FBI agent got the rest of Calleigh's stuff.

When the door to the apartment opened, Ryan was wondering what kind of a thing he'd signed up for. Although the outside of the building was run down, the inside sparkled with the latest designs and furnishings. There was a living room to the left of the door, and a passage directly in front of them leading back to a kitchen and dining area. A hallway turned off from the right, and Ryan could see two doors down its length.

The agent put the suitcases down and handed a file folder to each CSI. "Here are your stories, as well as a history of everyone you will have to deal with in the drug ring. Memorize it. It might save your life. Also there is a list of emergency contact numbers in case you run into problems. If the situation changes, you will be notified by either your supervisor, or another agent. Here's each of you a cell phone to use with the safety line on speed dial. If you ever need back up, call that number and we'll be there in a second."

"B.B.," Ryan mused, scrolling down to the preprogramed number, "Stands for Big Brother, right?"

The agent nodded. "If there's anything else you need, let me know." He nodded to both of them like some oversized bellboy, and left the apartment, shutting the door behind him.

"Arrggggg!" Calleigh sighed frustratedly, before collapsing into a chair and closing her eyes.

Ryan began to explore the apartment, especially the rooms behind the two closed doors. One was a good sized bathroom and the other...

"Please tell me I at least get my own bed," Calleigh pleaded gently.

"Umm," Ryan started, a small smile, inching across his face, "That's gonna be a no."