Disclaimer: I don't own 'Akatsuki no Yona'
Background: Ai, the head of a secretive and secluded village, was once told by a clumsy young priest (Ik-Soo) to expect a red haired Princess to need her hospitality. Since that day, Ai anticipated Yona's arrival and has opened her village up to Yona and her friends as a refuge, should they ever need it.
AI (LOVE)
He thinks she is like a butterfly; dressed in blues and purples, covered in lotus flowers, her arms spread wide so that her silk sleeves hang like gossamer wings. Her hair is a midnight river snaking over her back, her eyes are pools of blue so deep that when she looks at him he is falling, endlessly. He thinks she is like many things, but mostly he thinks that she is more human than he will ever be.
The feeling grows stronger the longer he watches Ai playing with the children in her village, smiling, laughing. The happier she is, the further he away he imagines himself to be – it is only by being far away that Ai can be happy, he thinks.
Shin-Ah is not used to bringing people happiness the same way she is. Ai, though young, is the head of her family and the leader of her village. It is small and secluded, but nonetheless important to them all. Ai's village has become a refuge for the Princess Yona and her companions more than once over the course of their journeys, and Ai has promised that it will always be that way. She is there ally, he thinks, because he is not sure what other words can be used to describe Ai.
Dressed in silk, she plays in the dirt and chases a group of children around in a game of tag. The youngest girl rides on Ai's shoulders, her feet leaving mud smeared across her clothes, and the others tug on her hands. There is a surprising strength in her slim frame, one that betrays her true nature. Ai doesn't seem to mind the game, even though she is the kind of beautiful woman you don't imagine to enjoy playing in the dirt.
Shin-Ah watches and wonders what it must be like. He knows that at one point, he may have given anything to be able to play games with other children. Now, it is enough to serve Yona as her Blue Dragon. Seeing Ai only reminds him of how there are better things in the world than what he knows, and she has taught him this time and time again with every meeting.
She catches sight of him out of the corner of her eye, and in a heartbeat, she forgets the game and approaches him with a smile. He waits on the deck of her house, where she has accommodated Yona and the rest of their group. Hak already treats it like his own home.
"Would you like to play?" Ai asks, "It's more fun with more people."
Shin-Ah hesitates in how to respond, and the girl still riding on Ai's back insists with a pout. "Don't you wanna play with Ai, mister?"
He is not sure how to feel about being called 'mister'.
"It's fine if you don't." she assures, but Ai's expression is so gentle he is compelled to tell her does.
"I…ah…" Shin-Ah fumbles for words, sends a prayer to the Gods to help him through this conversation.
If there is an answer, it is the voice calling for Ai in the distance. Feet thud down the hall and the door is thrown open with a bang. Ai's wide eyes, the shape of her lips and furrow in her brow, tell him that she is not expecting much good from the lady-in-waiting storming through the door.
"Lady Ai!" an older woman cries, aghast even before she sees the state of her clothes. When the woman, who is called Biyu, takes in the dirt and disarray, her glare turns fearsome. "Lady Ai."
Ai shrugs lightly, letting down the girl on her shoulders so that she can escape with the rest of the children. Biyu is infamous for acting like an overbearing mother bear to everyone else in the village; and she has, in some way, played a small part in the raising of each and every single child there.
"The breakfast you made this morning was absolutely delicious," Ai says, hoping to distract her, "I meant to ask earlier if you could teach me how-"
Biyu will hear no more, deaf to anything that is not her own voice. "I did not raise you to be the sort of lady who paid no care to the fact that you are wearing silk! Why on earth do we even bother treating you like the head of this house if you aren't going to act like it?"
Ai winces as if the words are a blow, but it's obvious that she doesn't take them to heart. "It's just a robe, Biyu. Robes do not make good leaders."
"So you think that your people will want to listen to a grubby nineteen year old dressed in rags, is that it?" Biyu retorts sharply, her lips thinning with displeasure, "Honestly, Lady Ai-!"
She waves a hand through the air dismissively. "I wouldn't worry so much. For one thing, the people here respect me no matter what, and for a second thing, I was establishing good bonds with…"
Ai goes to gesture to someone, but finds the area empty. The children she was playing with have scattered, and when she looks to where Shin-Ah stood just moments before, the spot is empty. Had he always moved so silently away from conversation? Though disappointed, Ai can't bring herself to blame them for wanting to escape Biyu's anger.
"…I'll go change." She sighs at last.
"Yes, you will."
Ai thinks about calling Biyu rude but holds her tongue at the last moment, knowing the disaster that would follow. There are certain times to argue with the elder lady-in-waiting, and it is probably not now when she looks like she might kill someone.
"I'll come and collect your kimono later," Biyu adds before she can escape, "To see if I can fix it."
Ai smiles sweetly. "Thank you, Biyu. I may have to give you a raise for this."
"I don't want your money! Just don't ruin your other clothes." the older woman snaps. She has been serving Ai's family for more than one generation, and she would not have stayed that long if she truly didn't love her job. She pretends not to care about Ai, but her words show her true values.
Ai laughs, and walks down the corridor as fast as she can to escape Biyu's reprimanding glare. She can feel her burning a hole into her back, but Ai easily dismisses it. She doesn't take anything to heart, and the few times that her temper has been lost, her anger has been evasive. She is good at hiding her feelings from others because she understands their effects on others.
Her feet pad down the wooden halls, paper doors half-closed along each side. She is framed by symmetry, despite the lack thereof in her own appearance. It takes a few minutes to navigate through the maze of her house, passing by the guest bedrooms where Yona and Hak can be heard arguing, the others trying to calm the situation down. Ai is happy to have them, no matter how noisy they might be, and she is eternally thankful to God for the friends she has made in them. Yona, in particular, is dear to her like a sister, and as one of the first female friends Ai has ever made to be around her own age.
When Ai enters her own room, there is silence. It is always just her in this great big house, and it has been silent ever since her parents died a few years ago. She prefers the village, the children and the marketplace that travelling merchants use to conduct trade in. She considers them all her extended family.
The robe falls silently to the floor, slipping off her pale shoulders smoothly. Ai removes the next two layers, leaving her naked while she scavenges her drawers for another set of clothes. The colours have to match, and so she spends meticulous time scouring her clothes for a set of white robes that will match the dark purple of her clean kimono. She does find them, eventually, and turning around to dress in the loose pants has her almost knocking over the small tray of tea set on her floor. Biyu must have left it there earlier – it was still hot, and it also explained why Biyu had been looking for her in the first place.
Ai proves herself to be easily distracted when a knock on the door echoes around the room. Despite barely having her hands inside the sleeves of her top, she calls out, "Come in."
The door slides open, a soft wooden sound, and though the floorboards creak as someone takes a step inside, only the silence answers her. Ai turns her head over her shoulder to look at who it is, and is met with the figure of a man wrapped in fur, a mask over his face. Shin-Ah doesn't move, and Ai has the feeling that he is staring at her bare back. What worries her most is that she can't see his face, as she would really like to know if he is blushing or not.
"Perhaps I should have warned you first." Ai muses, pulling her shirt on and hastily tying a sash around her waist.
Out of the corner of her eye, Shin-Ah shakes his head. Admittedly, he is a little distracted by the memory of how her waist curves, the movement of her shoulder blades. Speech is slightly beyond his ability when he thinks of Ai like that.
She pulls her kimono on over the top, and now, as she wears a gradient of pink to purple, he thinks she is like the sunset. Her ebony hair fans around her as she pulls it out from underneath her collar.
"Sit," Ai says, pointing towards the mats on the floor that are there just for that purpose, "Biyu brought some tea you can try – and she really does make the best tea."
She kneels, and he follows her example silently. It is quiet as she pours the drinks into two mismatched china cups, sliding one over to him. Shin-Ah takes one sip, for the sake of being polite, before leaving it aside.
When he looks, Ai is smiling gently across at him. "Is there something I can help you with?" Despite being only one year older than he, she talks like a wise old woman who has all the time in the world. Shin-Ah kind of likes that about her.
He nods, shaking the fur hanging from his mask, and begins by bowing low to her.
"…Shin-Ah?" She is surprised at that display, wishing, once again, that they could just look each other in the eye; but he has already explained the impossibilities of such a thing.
"I want to thank you," Shin-Ah announces quietly, his conviction overriding his nerves, "For providing a place where Yona can smile freely like you do."
Ai has to restrain herself, finding that her hand has moved to reach out to him. "…Oh." She breathes.
"…I meant to tell you this earlier…"
"Shin-Ah," she cuts him off quickly, "I'm glad as well. Even though it was the prophecy that Ik-Soo told me about that had me taking a chance on her the first time she showed up here, she has become more than a rumour that a clumsy priest once told me about. The princess fights hard for her happiness, and for the happiness of others, so I think that it's only right she is able to indulge herself in freedom once in a while."
He remains bowing, head pressed to the ground, until Ai breaches the distance between them and her hand settles on his shoulder. Her touch is so sudden that he sits up and, almost as soon as he registers her warmth, it slips away. There is something about her smile this time that fixes him in place.
Ai's blue eyes seem to shimmer, her expression seems to falter. Her feelings are so elusive to him, and he could never understand them on his own. She is incomprehensible to him, and her words only serve to confuse him even more.
"I wish," Ai replies softly, "…I wish that I could see you smile as well one day."
It is then that he realises why her smile is so odd, and it is because she is crying. Crystal droplets bud in her eyes, bloom on her cheeks. They are beautiful tears because she is a beautiful woman, but Shin-Ah still prefers her smile. His heart aches to see her look so sad.
Before he can figure out what do with the feeling, she reaches across and grabs his hands. Her fingers fall along the contours of his, laying his palms out flat on his thighs. She stares at them, frowning, before her fingers curl into his and she squeezes tight.
"I can tell that you haven't seen much kindness in your life, and that it must have been hard for you to make it even this far." She murmurs.
His hands twitch, moving involuntarily. Before Shin-Ah can stop himself and remind himself that this is not the right way to act around others, he has moved close enough to Ai that he can reach out and touch her cheek. His thumb slides across her skin, wiping away the tears that linger there.
As if she understands what he is thinking, she answers simply, "It makes me sad. I wish God had been nicer to you."
He speaks against his better judgement, and only because Ai has always been easy to talk to. "…You and Yona have shown me enough kindness to last the rest of my life."
"Hardly!" she laughs, wiping away the last few tears with the sleeve of her robe.
He keeps his hands in lap now, holding them together so that he doesn't act so carelessly again. Ai doesn't look as if it bothered her, but her cheeks turn red the moment she looks his way again. He is sure that it from shame. There is probably some rule in her village that he has broken, or maybe it is to do with the fact that Ai is secretly betrothed – not that she actually is, but Shin-Ah suddenly finds himself believing his own fears the moment he decides it's probably true.
Her knees hit the wooden floor with a dull thud and he leans away from the presence that is suddenly right in front of him. He is taken aback by how quickly and closely Ai has moved towards him.
"Shin-Ah, do you think you could close your eyes for a moment?" she asks.
There is nothing but innocence in her voice, even though she knows exactly what is asking of him. Shin-Ah obeys anyway, nodding to let her know.
"Thank you," Ai murmurs, "And please tell me to stop if this makes you uncomfortable."
He is curious as to what she means but before he can open his eyes her fingers are pressed against his jaw. He squeezes his eyes shut even tighter as she seeks the edges of his mask, edging it up inch by inch. Shin-Ah is too surprised to move, and his only thought is a fleeting concern that she might not like him as much once she has finally taken off his mask. He feels impudent even standing near her. There is no way that he would ever look suitable standing by her side.
Her palms are warm as they press against his cheeks, contrasting the cool air that hits his face. The mask clatters to the ground beside them.
Ai's eyes wander over his expression; the furrow in his brow, the shape of his lips and how he presses them together as if to stop them from trembling. He doesn't smile and she doesn't expect him to, but seeing his face now, she can imagine the expression on his face. If he could look her in the eyes, she is positive that she would find nothing but kindness within them and she decides – after months of contemplating what Shin-Ah looks like without the mask – that he is exactly what she expected. Her smile wavers, tears threatening to spill over again, as warmth fills her heart. It almost hurts to be this happy, and it comes from knowing that Shin-Ah trusts her enough to let her see him this way.
While he is wondering why she doesn't speak – maybe she is speechless at how ugly he thinks he must be – Ai finds herself growing redder and redder. Before she knows it herself, her fingers have slid into his short, blue hair and are pulling him forward. Shin-Ah is so preoccupied with keep his eyes closed that at first, he fails to even notice that they are kissing.
It is sweet and warm and fleeting. He has always thought that those words describe Ai best, and now he is sure. But even though it is only a few seconds, the moment feels like an eternity. Their forever drags on, never ending, and it isn't until she pulls away that Shin-Ah realises he likes it that way. He wants a forever with her, even though all he gets is a single kiss.
Without the courage to kiss her back, worried that with his eyes closed he might not even find her lips, Shin-Ah does the only thing he can think to do. With his hands on her shoulders, he pulls her close and wraps his arm around her tightly. He mirrors the image of Hak and Yona in his mind, even though it is his own feelings that make him act this way. He is sure his heart might burst with how hard it is beating, but Ai, as usual, doesn't seem to notice.
He can feel her breath on his neck as she buries her head closer, her fingers curling into his sleeves. He thinks she says his name but it is nothing more than a whisper, a word she writes on his skin with her lips. Shin-Ah opens his eyes just enough that he can see the river of her hair snaking down her back, over the fine silk of her kimono.
At the realization that hugging someone for this long might be uncomfortable, he pulls back quickly. Ai keeps her eyes on the ground until he can fix his mask back in place, silently wishing that they might have stayed that way a moment longer.
She's not sure just what it is that has her holding her tongue, but she doesn't try to stop Shin-Ah when he stands hurriedly. She realises that he hasn't touched his tea – likely it has grown cold. A waste, she thinks.
"Shin-Ah?" Her voice stops him in his tracks. "Where are you going?"
His reply seems thoughtful, as if it should be full of emotion, but his honest opinion is that he just wants to leave as quickly as he can. The longer he spends around Ai, the more nervous he seems to get.
"To Yona," he murmurs, blushing, "For advice on how to tell someone that you love them."
"…Oh." He likes the breathless sound that she makes, the surprise on her face. She's so endearing he can't regret anything if it leads her to be happy.
Ai nods her head, smiling gently. Her eyes are lowered, her fingers holding back loose ebony locks. She wears the sunset on her shoulders and in that moment, Shin-Ah doesn't doubt that there isn't a single thing he would do for her.
"I wouldn't worry about it too much," she tells him, "I can't imagine anyone not being able to love you too."
An experiment with present tense, I suppose is what you'd call this. I love this character and I also like trying to build my own characters, and hopefully you do too!
Thanks for reading, and please feel free to leave a review/critique.