I wrote some fics I posted on the Boneyard on the FOX site, and today I just figured I would post all of them all at once. I'm not sure why I never posted them here before. Enjoy?
"Hey Bones?"
"What?"
"It's Valentines day today, you know."
"Yes, I'm aware of it."
"So are you doing anything special? Or is the holiday as anthropologically unacceptable as marriage, and monogamy, and…"
"Anthropologically unacceptable?"
"Aw, come on, you know what I mean."
"I don't."
"Oh fine, forget it."
"Well, I think Valentines Day was a holiday created for…"
"Ok, ok, you know what? You can spare me the lecture, Bones."
"But you asked first Booth, and in my opinion, Valentines Day is an absolutely pointless…"
"So I assume you aren't doing anything special after all, hmm?"
"I'm going to have lunch with you after we're done. Does it count?"
"We eat lunch together almost every day, Bones."
"What sort of occasions would you classify as 'special', then?"
"Are you… Do you have a date or something? Or do you…"
"A date?"
"Yeah."
"With who?"
"I don't know, I'm asking you."
"No, I don't plan on dating anyone in particular for the moment. Why?"
"It's Valentines Day, people go on dates, watch romantic movies, and eat at fancy restaurants with candles, and, and give flowers or chocolates, stuff like that."
"You know I'm not in a relationship, Booth. I thought this holiday was exclusively created for couples to show their affection."
"Well yeah, I guess you could say that. It's kind of the point. Celebrating love, all that cheesy stuff."
"Going on a date with some unfamiliar acquaintance sounds out of place for the occasion, then."
"It does now."
"I always wondered how single people felt on Valentines Day. Of course, I am far too reasonable to succumb to such thoughts, but the ones who have failed at relationships, don't they feel left out on such a holiday? I mean, you're single. You don't have anybody to send flowers to, or show other signs of sexist possession. Don't you feel lonely?"
"I, what? Nah, Bones, I don't feel lonely, I, I'm with you, aren't I? And anyway, it's just some stupid Hallmark holiday, it's not like it matters that much."
"So you actually agree that Valentines Day is meaningless?"
"A little. I mean, why do you need to show your love to the person you have feelings for today, especially? You should be doing it every single day you spend with her. I get the concept of it and all, but still, women get way too pissed at you just because you forgot to look at the calendar."
"I think you're right."
"You agree with me?"
"Although love is nothing but a release of…"
"Here we go again."
"…endorphins in the human brain, the idea of singling out a particular day in a year to celebrate your feelings for someone has always seemed preposterous to me."
They sat in silence for a while.
"Booth?"
"Mmmh?"
"Do you have a date today?"
"What? No of course not. Who would I be dating?"
"I don't know. You asked me first."
"Oh."
They sat in silence again.
"Hey, Bones?"
"Yes?"
"You really aren't doing anything this evening?"
"Well, I was planning on finishing the rest of that paperwork for the trial, and then maybe edit the latest chapter for my new book."
"You don't have to finish it all today, Bones."
"I might as well do it now since I have free time."
"Erm, I was thinking…"
"What?"
"I don't know. I thought maybe since neither of us are doing anything today, we could watch a movie or something."
"A movie?"
"Yeah, I mean, it's Valentines Day. I need to help you expand your knowledge of pop culture, and you're bound to get a little bit lonely working all alone even if you pretend you won't."
"You said you didn't feel lonely yourself, and you are a much more emotional person than I am."
"…"
"Booth? Are you lonely?"
"Psh. No."
"It's just a Hallmark holiday, like you pointed out. Though I'm not sure what Hallmark exactly is. Isn't that what's written on the back of greeting cards?"
"Just forget I asked, Bones."
"Booth, did I say something wrong? Did I…"
"No, no, you didn't."
"So you are lonely."
"What? I never said that I was!"
"But I would love to watch a movie with you, Booth, I really would."
"I… Oh. Thanks Bones."
"Though I'm not sure why you would feel particularly lonely today when you eloquently stated how Valentines Day should not hold any particular significance in the mind of lovers."
"I'm not lonely."
"And yet you seek out companionship."
"You're the one who accepted."
"You offered first."
"You didn't have to say yes, you can work if you want."
"What, are you changing your mind? You don't want to watch a movie with me anymore?"
"Sure I do."
"…"
"…"
"What were we arguing about, again?"
"The fact that you aren't lonely."
"Well maybe I am lonely."
"Why? You just said that Valentines Day was…"
"It just reminds of all those past relationships I had. All those failures, you know. I mean generally I don't think about it much, but today reminds me of the time when I took Rebecca skiing, or when I first kissed Laura, or how Jane dumped me two days after Valentines Day because of my job, and I realize just how screwed up my love life really is."
"I'm sorry, Booth."
"You're love life is pretty crappy too. No offense. So maybe you don't want to be alone today either."
"Why do you always jump on every chance of condescendingly reminding me of my bad luck with men?"
"I wasn't trying to be condescending, Bones, it's the truth. Do you want me to list them all?"
"…"
"Look, all I'm saying is..."
"What film are we watching?"
"Depends on what you want to watch."
"You said you wanted to expand my knowledge in pop culture. What films would qualify?"
"Pfff, I don't know. Star Wars? Indiana Jones?"
"I've seen them before."
"You have?"
"One of them at least. When I was relatively young, I remember watching Star Wars with my family."
"Fine. Then how about something more romantic? Casablanca? Love Story? Or even Titanic?"
"Of course I've seen Casablanca, everyone's seen Casablanca. I'm not that ignorant. Titanic, I'm not quite sure, but I've certainly heard of it."
"You're the only person I know who has never seen Titanic. Wow."
"What? It's not funny."
"So you wanna watch a big boat sink with Kate Winslet and Leonardo DiCaprio running around while listening to Celine Dion belt out 'My Heart Will Go On?"
"I know who Celine Dion is! She's a French-Canadian singer."
"Congratulations, Bones."
"Thank you."
"You really want to watch Titanic? Because there are lots of movies that are way less cheesy we could watch instead. Just because it's a classic chick-flick doesn't mean I'll see that movie willingly. I mean, I'm a guy."
"Honestly I'd like to watch Star Wars, although cheesiness fits with the mood of the day I suppose."
"Star Wars it is. Good choice. We can watch all three of them, even. And if we don't have time we'll finish them some other day."
"There's more than one?"
"There's three. Well ok, technically there are six, but the prequels don't count."
"Why?"
"They suck."
"I'm confused."
"It doesn't really matter."
"Hey Booth?"
"Yeah?"
"Thank you."
"For what? Making you watch Star Wars?"
"Yeah. For that."
"You're welcome."
There was a slight pause.
"I'm not lonely, Booth."
"I'm sure you're not."
"No, really, I'm only accepting because you need my friendship and because I appreciate your company myself. I'm too rational to feel lonely on such a day."
"I know Bones. I know."
"Are we having a date, Booth?"
"Wh... NO! No, we're not, it's not a date, this is just…"
"We're watching movies. You listed it as one of the activities lovers do on Valentines Day."
"But we're not lovers."
"No. We aren't lovers."
"…"
"…"
"I'm sorry for all your failed relationships, Bones."
"And I'm sorry for all your failed relationships."
"I'm sorry you have nothing to do but work on Valentines Day. You deserve better."
"You weren't busy either."
"True."
"You deserve better too, Booth. I don't understand how someone like you would end up single and lonely, and watching movies with me."
"I don't think I deserve better. I'd rather watch Star Wars than spend a fortune on roses just to surprise a girl who later on ends up pregnant with my baby and refuses to marry me even then."
"Booth…"
"God, I sound bitter, don't I? I'm sorry Bones."
"You really deserve better, Booth. You deserve love."
"…"
"You do."
"Yeah."
"You should look at the road instead of me."
"Right, right."
"I don't understand why so many women have rejected you. I am awkward, and seemingly cold, and rude, which makes my failures understandable, plus I do not seek a monogamous relationship with a man. But you? You are kind to me all the time, not just February 14th, even though we aren't even in a romantic relationship. Plus you are physically attractive. Why would anyone not fall in love with you?"
"You haven't."
"Speak louder, I can't hear what you're saying."
"You haven't fallen in love with me."
"…"
"Not… that I expect you to. No of course n… I mean, we work together."
"…"
"My God, I can't believe I just said that. Forget I said that Bones, I was kidding, I was…"
"Of course."
"I didn't mean…"
"No, I get it."
"Sorry."
"Are we there yet?"
"We're close I think."
"Good."
"...You look sad."
"I'm not."
"Did I offend you?"
"No. Not at all."
"You're still sad."
"Look at the road, Booth."
"I am, I'm looking at the road. Why are you upset?"
"I am absolutely not. Just because your unreliable gut tells you something doesn't mean it's true."
"I apologized ok? I was kidding, I don't know why I said that."
"Just drive Booth."
"I am driving. Bones, don't…"
"Rebecca is an idiot."
"Rebecca?"
"She's stupid."
"Why? What did she do to you?"
"She hurt your feelings. She shouldn't have turned you down. Now look at her, she's not better off either is she? If she had married you Parker would have his father with him all the time, and you'd both be happier."
"You can't know that. You don't even believe in marriage."
"You do, and she does. It doesn't matter what I think. Parker deserves to have his father close to him, and you wouldn't be lonely all the time if you had full custody of your son."
"I'm not lonely all the time. I've got you, don't I? And I've got my murderers to catch, and my trials to attend, and my squints to intimidate, and I'm busy enough that I don't look back too much. I'm just a little sad about it today because of all the memories, that's all. And you know, I don't think Sully should have left you either. That jerk just sailed away without you, forced you to pick between him and everything else you had and then just sailed away. What a selfish prick. Too blind to realize what he had."
"You aren't being very nice about Sully. I liked Sully."
"You called Rebecca an idiot."
"She is."
"So is Sully."
"But she's stupider."
"I doubt anyone's stupider than Sully. It doesn't matter, what I'm trying to say is that you deserve better than being alone, working your ass off on Valentines Day."
"I'm not alone. I've got you."
"Yeah. At least we have each other. I'd never sail away on you, Bones. Sully made the biggest mistake of his life when he did."
"And if I get pregnant, I would never separate you from your child. Hypothetically of course."
"I think we're there, Bones."
Booth skipped out of the car first.
"I can open the door myself."
"I don't care."
"Booth, I really do appreciate you offering me to watch a movie with you this evening."
"My pleasure, Bones."
"And I think…"
Booth slammed the door and their voices faded away.
***
Angela grinned. Sure, she felt a little bit guilty about recording her friends' conversation in the SUV, but it had only been for once. And it was so worth it.
"What are you listening to?" Hodgins asked as he walked into her office.
"Nothing." Angela quickly closed the program.
"What do you mean nothing? And why did I hear Brennan's voice?"
"It was just Booth and Brennan pretty much proclaiming their love for each other in the car. I can't believe how blind they are, sometimes."
"You recorded them? Angela, that is so unethical! Yet completely unsurprising somehow."
"Hey, I only did it one time. I got curious."
"If they find out, I'm not sure which one of them will kill you first." His smug little smile annoyed her. Unfortunately, she had to agree with him.
"They won't. You'll keep it a secret, won't you, Hodgie?"
"Mmmh. I'll think about it." Great. Now Hodgins was trying to blackmail her. "I have a condition," Hodgins finally said, after some pondering.
"What?"
"I won't tell anyone if you'll let me listen to it."
Angela laughed, a little relieved, and opened the recording with a smile.
"Promise not to tell, ok? I'm too young to die, and getting killed before they finally end up together would really suck. Plus I've got fifty bucks on them sleeping together by this summer," Angela pleaded.
"I won't tell, I promise," he replied, rolling his eyes.
Satisfied, Angela pressed play.
"Hey Bones?" Booth's voice said.
"What?" asked Brennan's voice.
"It's Valentines day today, you know."
"Yes, I'm aware of it…"