Spoilers for Mockingjay, so if you haven't read the third book, don't read!
I've been a Hunger Games fanatic since I read the books this past fall, and I've been wanting to write a fanfic for a while now. I haven't done a lot of songfics, but I was listening to Taylor Swift's "Long Live" and it reminded me of Katniss and Peeta. :) Therefore, the idea for this songfic was born…and here is what I came up with. Set during the middle of Mockingjay, shortly after the hijacked Peeta is back. It's from Katniss's POV, about her pondering all the times she and Peeta shared together and realizing how she took him for granted.
I don't own these books or characters; all of that belongs to Suzanne Collins. I don't own the song either; that was written by the talented Taylor Swift.
I press my fingers at the bridge of my nose, trying to hold back tears. I don't often cry, but seeing Peeta the way he is now just gets to me. Snow knew exactly what would break me, and I have to very careful not to let myself fall apart. I'm so busy now being everybody's Mockingjay, I have to stop myself from thinking about Peeta. I know if I start thinking about him, I'll fall apart and be useless to everyone.
But today, it seems my memories are intent on haunting me. Peeta's gentle smile, the way he could make me laugh, it all comes back to me.
I said remember this moment, in the back of my mind
The time we stood with our shaking hands
Against my will, I break into a smile, remembering when we were chosen as the District 12 tributes so long ago. Effie calling us up, my reaction at seeing the boy with the bread once more.
The crowds and stands went wild
We were the Kings and the Queens
And they read off our names
The night you danced like you knew our lives
Would never be the same
The next memory to float my way is the boy and girl on fire. I remember how unearthly we looked, holding hands in the chariot and not even acknowledging the crowds. My throat tightens. We have Cinna to thank for that costume, and now he is gone.
You held your head like a hero
On a history book page
It was the end of a decade
But the start of an age
In a bizarrely twisted way, I'm thankful that I had to participate in the Games. They were the worst thing to ever happen to me, but if there is one thing to be glad of, it would be that I knew Peeta because of it. Who knows if we ever would have come to know each other otherwise? I can't imagine a world without Peeta now. Our friendship might never have been formed.
Long live the walls we crashed through
How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders
One day we will be remembered
Before, I didn't know how much I've come to depend on Peeta. He is everything that holds me together––he is all that is good in the world, and a constant reminder that there is hope amidst all the troubling lies. Was, anyway––before he was hijacked. Now I don't know what to make of him, and it scares me.
I said remember this feeling
I passed the pictures around
Of all the years that we stood there
On the sidelines wishing for right now
I've never been a sentimental or wishful person, but sometimes, when I'm alone, I think about Peeta and cry a little. Two types of crying, that is. Tears of anger at President Snow, and the kind of tears that only good memories can bring. For so long, Peeta and I fought together for what we knew was right. And now his life has been torn away from him, and seeing him so broken is breaking me.
We are the Kings and the Queen
You trade your baseball cap for a crown
When they gave us our trophies
And we help them up for our town
Peeta really is a hero. I don't care if he's hijacked or not now, he still did heroic things in the past and in my eyes, he's a hero. He never cared about himself, he just did everything in his power to protect me. And the two of us together, for a while, were able to protect District 12 and make a name for our district. Now, though, even the people and places I love have been destroyed.
And the cynics were outraged
Screaming this is absurd
'Cause for a moment a band of thieves
In ripped up jeans got to rule the world
It's funny to think about how it all started. The rebellion. A handful of berries. It shouldn't have been possible, but in that moment, as I was wild and panicking, I did the only thing I could think of. And the berries saved us. Saved our lives. And maybe killed others. So I tighten my fists and vow to never stop fighting until Snow is dead.
Long live the walls we crashed through
How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders
I'm not afraid
It was hard knowing who to trust during the Games. Most of the time I could rely on my instinct, but that couldn't keep me safe the entire time. Sometimes I didn't trust Peeta. Like when I saw him with the Careers. But now that I know he was doing it all to keep me safe, it hurts me even more. And I feel angry that I wasn't there to keep him safe when the Capitol was torturing him.
Long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
I was screaming long live the look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders
One day we will be remembered
To some people, Peeta is just an ordinary boy. Nothing special. Unremarkable. He mentioned before that no one would care if he died, but it wasn't in a self-pitying way. He just said it as a fact. But I can't imagine myself moving on with life if he were to die. Other people, especially Gale, don't understand why he is so important to me. But from the first time I saw the boy with the bread, I knew he would someday play a big part in my life.
Hold on to spinning around
Confetti falls to the ground
May these memories break our fall
This is when I close my eyes tight, hold my face in my hands, and tell myself firmly not to cry. I can't right now. Coin is having a meeting soon, and I'm lucky I was able to catch a few spare minutes in my room by myself. Yet I'm struck by an urge to be with Peeta, to feel him holding my hand like when we rode out in the chariots, during all those interviews, the "star-crossed lovers." For Peeta it had been real, and for me it had been a show. I wish I'd been more real with both myself and Peeta during those times. Maybe if I'd stopped fighting my feelings, I would've realized how much I needed to trust him.
Will you take a moment, promise me this
That you'll stand by my forever
But if God forbid fate should step in
And force us into a goodbye
If you have children some day
When they point to the pictures
Please tell them my name
Tell them how the crowds went wild
Tell them how I hope they shine
I wonder. I wonder if Peeta will ever recover. And if he does, will he still feel the same way about me? Still love me? Or will his memories just be scarred forever? I know I shouldn't think like this. After all, as Haymitch has told me, I'm not even close to deserving him. But what if he marries someone else someday? I can't think of Peeta being in love with another girl, having children. Tears sting my eyes, and my breath leaves me as, for a brief second, I'm horrified by the thought. Horrified, too, that Peeta will forget me someday, never remember me fondly.
Long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life with you
Long, long live the walls we crashed through
How the kingdom lights shined just for me and you
I was screaming long live all the magic we made
And bring on all the pretenders
I'm not afraid
I remind myself that time, surely, will heal Peeta. Given time, his proper memories will be restored. But there's no guarantee. And if I don't have Peeta by my side, then who can I trust? I need him with me. I need his support. I need to know he's standing beside me, watching me, silently encouraging me, never doubting and never giving up. I just want the old Peeta back, except that's not possible. Then I realize that I need to stop moping around and acting like there's no going back from what Peeta is now. Would he have given up on me? No, he would be making every effort to help me in whatever way was best. So I can't give up on him. Not now. This could be when he needs me most.
Long live all the mountains we moved
I had the time of my life fighting dragons with you
I was screaming long live the look on your face
And bring on all the pretenders
One day we will be remembered
I am important now. I am no longer just the girl who likes hunting, the one with a dead father and an unstable mother and an endearing little sister. I am the Mockingjay, and people will look to me. Everything I do, all that I represent. I am the face of the rebellion. Yet I wouldn't have gotten here without Peeta and all his sacrifices. People don't seem to remember that. But I know that we are on our way to victory. I know that I will see the Capitol fall and that I will watch Snow die.
Maybe all of this has turned me into a monster. But Peeta always sees the good in me. And I hope that one day, if he returns to me, he will still love me. Hope. It's all I have now. Peeta would want me to keep hoping.
And so, for Peeta, I will keep hoping, and maybe the two of us will have a future together someday.
My question is, is Katniss in character? She was a hard character for me to write. I don't know if I made her too sappy, too unforgiving, too gloomy. So please tell me, in the form of a review. :D I'm always looking for ways to improve, and I've never had much experience with songfics!
Thanks for reading. I hope I did some sort of justice to these amazing books and characters. And review––getting reviews makes my day!