The flight back from the destruction of Starkiller Base should have been exuberant. Rey was alive and safe with them. Finn had gone back despite his fears and faced down his own personal demons. The First Order had taken a heavy blow and would not be causing trouble for a while. Even Han seemed happy, his sarcastic quips to his furry first mate laced with good humor.
Despite all this, Finn didn't as happy as he thought he would. He sat in the passenger area next to Rey, whose body was tense. They both tried not to stare at the other passenger. Finn had never seen Kylo Ren without his mask before now, and he couldn't stop shooting glances over at the newly-revealed human face he'd never considered was under there. Ren himself sat without making a motion and without watching them back, stuck inside his own twisted head. Finn didn't know if he ought to greet his former boss as a fellow defector, or guard him as their prisoner. Either way, Rey was deeply unhappy to be in the same room with him, and that alone was enough to keep Finn with his blaster ready at his side, for all the good shooting Ren would do.
"Nothing has changed," Rey said after a long time. "I don't care who you are. I know what you are." She'd been under his power for hours. When she was ready to talk about her experience, Finn was ready to listen, and if all she wanted was a shoulder, he had two of those.
Ren broke out of his reverie. "Do you know what you are? You're not just some scavenger. I could show you how to use your powers."
"You will not show me anything." Rey stood and stalked off to the back, shutting herself in the crew quarters and leaving Finn and Ren to stare at each other.
"You hurt her." Finn tried to keep his voice level. He'd never been present for one of Ren's interrogations, but he'd heard stories.
"I hurt a lot of people. It's my job. It was." He looked lost, which was weird. Finn had never seen his face before today but he'd would have sworn the rage case who shouted orders wasn't used to 'lost.'
Han joined them with a glad expression, ignoring the tension in the room. "We'll arrive at the base in about half an hour. I sent word ahead to your mother."
Ren twitched. "She's there?"
"She asked me to bring you home."
His face changed again, narrowing into suspicion. "Why?"
Finally, Han's good mood dissolved. "Why do you think? We love you." It was weird hearing those words said out loud just like that. Han Solo didn't seem the type to admit it without a lot of gruff defraying. On the other hand, Finn couldn't remember his own parents. Maybe dads did this sort of thing all the time.
"I suppose that's one explanation." Ren closed his eyes.
Finn didn't bother mumbling an excuse as he left them alone. He found the cabin where Rey had gone and knocked. "Can I come in?"
"Fine."
She sat on the bunk, clenching and unclenching her hands. Finn shut the door behind himself and joined her, keeping a little distance to allow her some space. As he watched, she stared at a flimsy someone had left on the side table. It rose into the air, floated over towards them, then fell, drifting to the floor.
Finn whistled. "Nice one."
"Two hours ago, I didn't know I could do that."
"Now you can. That's pretty cool."
She turned to him and her face wasn't elated. She was terrified. "It's horrible."
"What? No. You can use the Force. That's amazing."
She shook her head as he spoke. "What's that make me, Finn?"
"A Jedi?"
"There aren't any more Jedi. There's Luke Skywalker out there somewhere, if we ever figure out what BB-8's map means, if he's still alive. And there's Kylo Ren on the other side of this door." Her bottom lip moved, not a tremble, more like half words she didn't want to say. She asked him again, "What does that make me?"
"It makes you you. You don't have to be like Darth Windbag. You can be good."
"How can you be sure?"
"Because I know you." He smiled reassuringly. Now would be a perfect time to lean over, maybe let her move in a little closer to him. Finn had watched the few racy bootleg holo recordings the troopers had passed around amongst themselves. He'd never kissed someone but he was pretty sure of the basics.
Rey didn't move closer. She returned his smile with a sadder one. "You've known me less than two days. I could be much, much worse than you think."
She had a point. He thought back to when they met, how she'd beaten him down. But they'd met because despite all her fear and suspicions, she'd befriended a little droid and wouldn't let it come to harm, ready to return it to the Resistance to fight the good fight. "You're not."
The familiar thump of a ship's engines falling out of hyperspace caught his attention. "We're here. Are you ready to meet everyone?"
"I guess." They left the cabin together. Ren greeted them with an expression Finn didn't know but suspected wasn't good. As soon as the Falcon touched down, Han and Chewbacca came into the back.
"Stay in here." He nodded to Finn. "Finn, stay with him and keep an eye on him."
"Me?"
"We need to have a quick conversation with Leia. I don't want to leave Rey with him. We'll be back soon." He and Chewie disembarked, Rey behind them, giving Finn a quick glance.
"She doesn't need to be afraid of me. I'd rather train her than kill her."
"She isn't afraid of you. She's afraid of being like you."
"Then she's fine," said Ren with a thin smile. "She's nothing like me at all."
"That's what I said." Finn craned his neck, but they were too far from the loading hatch. He turned back to his … boss? Captive? "Why are you here?"
"I came aboard the ship, the same as you."
Finn rolled his eyes. Weird. Even two days ago, just thinking about dismissing Kylo Ren would have gotten him sent to re-conditioning, maybe even shot. "When I saw you on that walkway with Han, I was sure one of you wasn't going to walk away alive." And he'd been sure it would be Han, had known it the second he'd realized who was there. Ren killed people all the time, sometimes by accident. His powers drove him mad, said the super-quiet rumors that circulated among the other stormtroopers, and Finn could believe it, watching the twitchy motion of the man's face even here at rest. He was unstable. Finn had been sure he would murder Han Solo as easily as he'd killed a whole village back on Jakku, with as little regret.
Just because he hadn't didn't make him their friend.
"You defected." The accusation struck with a discordant note. Ren's typical anger undershot the words, but it wasn't only anger.
"I wanted a better life. I didn't want to follow orders to kill people anymore. I wanted to be my own person."
Ren sat back and closed his eyes. "You're not the only one."
Finn wanted to push further, but there were footsteps coming up the ramp. General Organa came aboard, stopping dead as she saw her son.
Growing up in the First Order, it had taken Finn many years even to learn what parents were. His team were allowed to watch holos, when they were older and already well-entrenched in their training. The rare families depicted were like a glimpse into a deep pool, full of shadows that swam and jumped, alien and unknowable. He didn't know what his mother had looked like, if she'd smiled down at him in his cradle, her whole face lighting up as she watched him. He had no idea what his life would have been like with her there as he grew, holding his hand as he learned to walk and to run, upbraiding him when he disobeyed, and hugging him tight when he cried.
He wondered if her face would have made the same half-joyous, half-broken expression he saw on the General's face right now, if Finn showed up at her home after all this time.
"Hello, Ben."
This was probably his cue to leave. Finn stepped out of the crew area. Han caught his arm as he went to exit the ship. "Hey. Can you hang out down here?"
"Sure, but why?"
Han's face did a thing, before smoothing out into what Finn was suddenly sure would be a lie. "I could use the backup."
"Uh huh."
The expression changed to something a little more open. "I don't know how this is going to go. I didn't have a plan past getting him here. Rey can't guard him. The rest of us, well, we might not be able to judge if he's playing us, not in time to stop him." A con man as experienced as Han Solo knew better than to let his voice show any hurt. Finn heard it anyway. "You might. I'm trusting you."
Finn nodded, more than a little touched. He'd known this man for less than two days, and he was trusting Finn with not only his life, but the rest of the people he cared about, too.
Han reboarded the Falcon and Finn took a seat, enjoying his well-earned break. Around him, he could see the rest of the Resistance carrying on as they celebrated their victory. He wondered where Rey had gone, if she was overwhelmed by the raucous pilots, or if she'd been offered a quiet spot to unwind. He didn't see Poe anywhere, either, although Finn was sure he'd made it back from the battle. They'd catch up later. Finn wasn't used to having friends. They'd been discouraged from fraternizing in the ranks. Now that he finally had a few friends, he intended to enjoy their company and make small talk, just as soon as he could get someone to give him some pointers on what small talk was supposed to be like.
Inside the ship, he could hear little. The occasional raised voice. Chewbacca growling once. The rest was hidden by the noise surrounding him. He wondered if he should eavesdrop more closely in case his weirdo ex-superior was trying to mind-whack his own parents. On the other hand, Han had said to stay put.
He stayed.
An hour passed. General Organa joined Finn. "You're still here?"
"I was asked to wait."
She nodded, as if confirming something to herself. "So you were. Come this way. We've got some plans, and I need a favor."
Finn followed her back aboard the ship. Han stood, arms folded. Ren sat, his expression a little less severe than when Finn had seen him last.
The General said, "We can't introduce Ben to the Resistance yet. Not as himself. If we introduce him as another defecting stormtrooper, someone you knew, it would be easier for everyone. But that's only if you're willing." She met his eyes. "You don't have to say yes."
A lot of thoughts rose up for his attention. Finn was pretty certain that when the leader of the organization he was in the process of joining said "you don't have to," she really meant, "do this or else." At the same time, the Resistance didn't do things the same way the First Order had. Organa might mean what she said. She was asking him to lie, and a glance at Han's face said he wanted the same. Finn had only just gotten past lying about who he was, and they knew that.
Rey would know, and she wouldn't like it. Poe definitely wouldn't like it. Was he willing to risk his two new friendships, which also counted as his two only friendships, for the sake of someone he'd personally watched execute a man before ordering the deaths of dozens?
His choice was clear. Therefore he had no good explanation for why he said, "All right."
Rey didn't like it. At all. "I can't believe you're doing this," she whispered at him between their bunks.
Hours had passed since Finn had nonchalantly introduced his fellow defector to the few people who recognized Finn enough to care. They stuck with Ren's given birth name for now. The General had said it was less of a risk for later, even if it opened some dangers now. 'Ben' would bunk with Finn and the other newest recruits, and would be treated like anyone else. No one had to know. By the way, if Finn could manage to stay beside him most of the time, that would also be a help, and thank you. At the moment, Ren was sleeping, or pretending to sleep, on the upper bunk, while Finn rolled over to face Rey a meter away in the dark.
"It needed to be done."
"No. He needed to be left back on that base."
"I can hear you, you know," said the quiet voice from above them, sounding wide awake and a little bored. Not homicidal, though. Good start.
They fell into silence. He could feel Rey's accusing stare on him. Ren had hurt her, and hadn't shown a shred of remorse. After a long time, her breath evened out into slumber. Finn lay there listening to her, listening to the other new recruits move restlessly in their own bunks, listening to the more distant sounds of the rest of the Resistance getting their celebration on. Above him, Ren was silent as the grave.
After a long time, Finn whispered, "Are you awake?"
There was a long pause. Ren said, "Yes."
Finn rolled to a sitting position. Then he put on his boots and stood. "I can't sleep. I'm going for a walk, and you're coming with me."
Ren let out a groan. "Why?"
"Because I'm not supposed to leave you alone, and I'm definitely not leaving you alone with Rey. Come on."
There was another groan. Ren threw his long legs over the edge of his bunk. He climbed down with obvious annoyance, slipping on the borrowed boots his mother had given him in exchange for his black armor. Dressed in the same fatigues Finn wore, he looked like anyone else here, especially in the low light.
Ren held out his arm in a sarcastic fashion. "After you."
Finn headed towards the doorway, tensing when he didn't hear the following footsteps. A moment later, Ren fell into step beside him. They went outside into the bracing night air. The base was lit with too many lights to make out more than a few stars. The white pinpricks he could see looked pale down here under an atmosphere. The few night sentries nodded to them, not paying much attention to two pilots out tonight in the last throes of the victory party.
Finn's feet led him towards the edge of the site, and into deeper darkness. He could see a few more stars from here. He wondered where the Hosnian system would have been.
"Over that way," said Ren, pointing.
"Hey!"
"You're thinking loudly. The Hosnian system would have been in that quadrant of the sky."
Finn stared, wondering what he thought he'd see. If he squinted, he could almost see a background glow in that direction, the last of the dying radiation that used to be home to billions. "We did that."
"Did what?"
"We killed them."
"No, the Starkiller did. It's gone now. We destroyed it." And that was true. Finn had led Han and Chewbacca into the base. Ren had helped them place and detonate the charges.
"We worked for the First Order when they were building that thing. You were still working for them when they fired it." He pointed to the same empty place in the sky. "That makes those all deaths our fault."
"If you say so."
"I'm willing to accept responsibility for my part in everything that happened. If you're not, why did you even come back with us?"
"I had my reasons."
Finn wanted to push, but he knew better. If Finn had done things for his own reasons, namely to save Rey, who was he to judge Ren for having his? He'd made his choice, the same as Finn. Finn didn't have to like him. With an annoyed grunt, Finn continued his walk, still too wired even to consider sleep. Ren fell in beside him, stewing in his own thoughts. The lingering party sounds reached them out here, too low to make out individual songs or shouts.
After a long time, Finn rested his back against a tree. Ren hadn't spoken. "Why did you do it?" Finn asked.
"Do what?"
"Come with us. There is nothing I know about you that says 'traitor to the cause.'"
"And you are?" He had that quiet sneer going, the one Finn hated and had never been allowed to hate before he'd thrown off all his conditioning and past in one great upheaval. Now he could linger here with the man who used to give him orders, and think he was kind of a prat.
It was refreshing.
Finn said, "I made the choice I had to. I couldn't stay there and kill people. That's not who I want to be."
"Maybe you're not the only one. Maybe you weren't the first, or the last, to look at what we were and what we were expected to be, and decide you didn't want that any longer."
"Are you saying there are more of us out there?"
"None who successfully escaped. But you did, and you came back inside after gaining your freedom to free someone else. Others may be inspired to follow your example."
The way he said the words gave Finn a strange feeling. "You followed me?"
Ren closed off his expression. "No. Of course not."
"You did. You saw me go and that's why you defected." Finn felt a smooth grin grow on his face. "For real?"
"You're insufferable and I'm going back." Ren turned around and made his way towards the lights of the base, forcing Finn to chase after him or else lose him in the darkness.
The party was over by morning. Hungover pilots and the newest recruits met in the mess for a quick breakfast before heading to the ships for training. Poe counted heads as they filed into rows. "Good. Good. Not you," he said to Ren. "You're not slated for flight duty."
"I'm a fine pilot."
"I don't care. You're in the mess. Help clean up."
Ren scowled at him. Finn shrugged it off until Poe turned to him. "Sorry, pal. You have to go, too. General's orders." Finn groaned. Yes, he'd agreed to keep watch on Ren, but now everyone would think he was being sent away because he'd been with the First Order and might be a spy.
"Rey, keep my seat warm."
The mess was, well, messy. Not everyone ate at once, and just as they got the dirty trays washed, more came in from the next shift of diners. Finn scrubbed with bad grace. He wanted to learn to fly, not go from one bad job with the bad guys to an equally bad job with the good guys. "I hate you," he told Ren.
"You would not be surprised to hear how many times I've heard that."
They were alone, or close to it. "I half expected you to flounce around screaming this was beneath you."
"This is beneath me. It's a test. If I lose my temper now, they'll think I'm not worth keeping."
"You're not."
The flash of anger he'd been expecting lit up Ren's face. That was more familiar. Any minute now, he'd start tossing dishes and Force choking the nearest person. Who was Finn. Not his best plan. He stayed where he was, letting the cloth in his hands keep moving over the plate as he watched Ren regain control of himself.
"We'll see."
Lunch was awful. Droids did most of the cooking but the mess crew had to make sure the tureens stayed full, clean up spills as they happened, and field complaints. Finn was run off his feet trying to keep people happy. He definitely hadn't signed up for this. He got to see Rey for a few minutes, taking a break to chow down his own meal when she did.
"We had our crash course in the controls this morning," she told him excitedly. "I love the models they fly here. Did you know..." She launched into a delighted history of the X-Wing, full of details Finn didn't know and didn't know how someone who'd grown up on a forgotten dustball like Jakku would know, either. He nodded, enjoying her enthusiasm. She had a great smile when she was happy.
The smile snapped shut. Ren sat down.
"I should get back," Rey said, grabbing her tray.
Finn watched her go, then turned his glare onto Ren. "What do you want?"
"Lunch. I'm not supposed to be out of your sight, remember? I could have infiltrated the Resistance, collected the command codes for the whole base, and turned you all over to the First Order in the last five minutes. You never know." He took large bites of his meal. "Hurry up," he said to Finn as he chewed. "They're expecting us back there as soon as we finish."
Finn glanced down at his own tray, which he'd ignored in favor of spending time with Rey. He began shoveling the food into his mouth but he was polite enough not to talk with his mouth full. Anyway, Ren already knew Finn hated him.
Between lunch and dinner, they had some down time. Finn wanted to relax, his hands sore from scrubbing. Ren paced irritably in the small recreation space. "I want to go see her," he said, pushing Finn's shoulder. "Come on."
"Her who?"
His mouth moved before he settled on, "Your General."
"She's busy. You could go see Han." Finn wouldn't mind spending more time aboard the Millennium Falcon. Who got to do that?
"He's not the one calling the shots. He never was."
He relented, and let Finn lead the way to where Han and Chewbacca were performing what Finn learned later were endless repairs and modifications to the old freighter. "Hey," Han said, catching a glimpse of them and breaking out into a happy grin. He hopped down from where he worked. "How was your first day?"
Ren folded his arms. "We cleaned dishes. I have valuable information about the First Order, and you've got me doing the washing up. This is her idea of a joke, isn't it?"
"No, this is her idea of not letting you near anything critical until we're sure about you."
Finn looked at Han. "Listen, you two talk. I'm clocking out from babysitting for a while."
"Fine," Han said.
"You don't have to come back," said Ren.
"Yes, he does."
Finn ignored them, waved to Chewie, and made his way back to where the new pilots were just being released from training for the day. He caught up with Rey, who gave him a relieved smile when she'd assured herself Ren was nowhere nearby. "They're letting us go up tomorrow. If I pass my qualification flight, I'll fly one of the X-Wings to our new base."
"New base?"
"We can't stay here. The First Order knows where we are. We're leaving before the end of the week."
"Right." No one had told him. That figured. "Do you think they'll let me train?"
Her face fell again. "Not if he's with you. We can't trust him with a ship. Can't you leave him with his father or something?"
"I don't know." He didn't want to talk about Kylo Ren. He hated the way Rey's whole demeanor changed when she did. "Are you free now? We could go to the rec room for a while, or go for a walk."
"Sure. Let me shower first?"
That led to a great mental image. "We could do that, too."
"Finn."
He sighed. "I'll wait here."
Ten minutes later, she'd changed from her flight suit into more comfortable clothes, and they headed out for a walk. The area around the base looked very different by daylight than it had under the stars. He had no means of figuring out if this was the same path he'd taken last night. The company was better.
He asked her a couple of questions about the X-Wings. Sure, he wanted to learn to fly. Who didn't? He'd never received that training, and he didn't know enough to ask much. Rey clearly had studied everything she could get her hands on, and he hoped he didn't sound like a fool, pushing her along with questions as they walked and walked, letting her fill the space with diodes and transceptors and aerials.
"But I didn't ask about your day," she said, as they made their way back. He'd have to help serve dinner soon. "How bad is it back there?"
"It's hot and messy. My coworker is a jerk."
She frowned, and he kicked himself for reminding her. "You know, you could just say no. You don't have to be the one who deals with him."
"I know, but who will? Poe hates his guts. You're scared of him. Nobody else knows who he is."
"I'm not scared."
"Rey."
"I'm not. I was. He climbed into my head, Finn. It was awful. But I climbed right back into his. He can't hurt me again, and he knows that. I'm not afraid of Kylo Ren."
"You could have fooled me."
"I don't trust him. He'll hurt you. Maybe he defected for real. It doesn't matter. He's too powerful and he can't control it. That's what I saw inside his brain. He's a ticking bomb. I won't stand there waiting for him to detonate, and I hate that you're in the line of destruction when he does."
"Can we fix it?"
"How should I know? I just started feeling my way around with the Force. I don't have power like that. Only Luke Skywalker did, and he's missing unless we figure out how to use BB-8's map."
The good news was, they figured out how to use BB-8's map.
The bad news was, Rey was leaving.
"It makes the most sense for me to go with Han," she said, packing her one spare uniform. "We can't risk him going, in case this is a trap, and I've got questions only Luke can answer."
Ren said, "He could answer your questions, and he doesn't like being referred to like I'm not in the room."
Rey looked at Finn. "You volunteered to deal with him. I'll be back soon, I hope, and I'll have Luke with me. Han will talk him into joining us at the next base. I'm sure of it." Her face made a weird half-smile. "I can feel how pleased he is for a chance to see Luke again. They both are. It's nice." Ren made an amused noise in his throat but didn't say anything to elaborate why.
"Just be careful," Finn said, and gave her a hug.
"You be careful."
"No hug?" Ren asked as she walked away.
"No one likes you. Goodbye, Finn."
"She's going to like me eventually," said Ren.
Finn turned on him, the low level of annoyance he'd felt these last two days fuming into full-out irritation. "No. She won't. You hurt her, and she doesn't trust you. I don't trust you. The only reason you're here is because your parents love you. Must be nice. The rest of us don't have parents."
"That's not my fault."
"Whatever." Finn stomped off, and was unsurprised when Ren followed him. They still had to stay together. "You want people to like you?"
"No." The word was sharp, and Finn didn't believe him. He also didn't have any patience left.
"I bet you didn't have any friends when you were a kid. I didn't, because you wouldn't let me. Rey didn't, because she was alone. But you were the mean, weird kid that nobody liked, weren't you?"
"It doesn't matter."
It did matter, but Finn wasn't in the mood. "You're not that kid any longer. None of us are. Grow up."
If Ren had offered his information to the Resistance, Finn hadn't been in the room at the time. He did wonder at the choice of the new base, far away from what he knew of First Order territory. Had they always planned to go here next? All he could hope was that Rey would join them soon, and bring Luke Skywalker with her.
Finn wasn't allowed to fly when they reached the new base, either. There was too much work to do setting up the new facilities here. They could have temporary quarters built in a day, but stocking them and making them home took weeks, and of course people complained when the food from the makeshift kitchen wasn't up to the same quality as it had been in the previous base.
"We're trying," Finn told face after face. "Give us a few days to find all the utensils." He wouldn't let Ren handle the customer service side. It was enough to make Finn himself want to go on a killing spree.
"They don't even let us cook," he complained, glaring at the droids rolling to and fro around them. "I have to listen to the complaints and I can't do anything about them." He dunked the plates, scrubbing them before handing them over.
"I'm sure they're afraid I'll poison everyone." Without anyone else back here except the cooking droids to see, Ren had started to use his powers more, drying ten dishes at once. They got through their work faster but Finn thought it was a pretty sorry use for universe-bending powers.
"You won't."
"You're sure?"
"You haven't poisoned me yet. I figured out I'm the hita-bird in the crystal mine. They all thought if you lost it and started on a rampage, I'd wind up dead first and they'd have time to react." It hurt to think that way, but Finn had come up with no better explanation, and he had to admit, he'd have made the same decision. "I'm expendable."
Ren dried a few more dishes without speaking. "You're not, you know."
"It's fine. I was always a soldier first. If I have to stand between you and the rest of the base, that's what I'll do."
"You're not here to stand between me and the rest of the base."
"Uh huh."
Ren dropped his last dish onto the pile. He glared at Finn. "Are you always this dense?"
Finn wasn't going to let Ren get to him. "Just finish your job and maybe we can have a few minutes of free time."
The glare continued. To Finn's shock, and a bit of his delight, the last of the pile rose as one, dunked themselves in an orderly line, danced past the scrubber, dropped into the rinse basin, then scooted around the towel, settling down dried. "There," said Ren. "We're done. Happy?"
"Could you have done that from the start?"
"Maybe."
"So why didn't you?"
"Why did you say yes?"
"Huh?"
"They asked you to keep an eye on me. Why did you agree?"
Beside them, the droids continued their own work, oblivious to the humans. Any moment, Finn would be called away for a complaint, or he'd admit they should spend their free hour on setting this place up better for tomorrow. Instead, they stood to the side, watching each other carefully.
"It was the right thing to do. Someone had to watch you. No one else could be spared."
"Was that the only reason?" His voice was half-accusing, half something else.
"I don't know. Why?"
Ren screwed up his mouth in an uncomfortable frown. "I asked for you to be my guide. They said you had to agree to it, and you did. They trust you more than they trust me."
"You asked for me?"
"I trust you more than I trust myself." He let out a sound that wasn't quite a laugh. "You were the best in your squad. You resisted the order to kill everyone in that village. You chose to walk away from the First Order because you wanted to be a better person. And if you could, I could. When I'm around you, I want to be better than I am. I thought if I had your example in front of me every day, I had a chance."
"You asked." Finn glowered. "You're the reason I'm not allowed to learn to fly. Why I've been stuck here on cleanup duty."
Ren nodded. Then he did something Finn never would have believed. He said, "I'm sorry."
The world cracked, and cracked more when suddenly Ren was right there and his mouth was against Finn's, leaving the quickest, and only, kiss Finn could ever remember.
Finn stepped back. This was all new, and he didn't know what to think. "Oh. Okay. Right."
"It's fine. If you don't. I'm not like other people. It's all right." The scattered excuses fell in a weird staccato, like Ren had been practicing and didn't know which one was right. Finn had no experience with people. Neither did Ren. Kylo. Ben?
"I need some room to think," said Finn. Everything he'd ever known had been turned upside-down in the last week. In that case, why wouldn't his ex-evil ex-boss have a crush on him? It made as much sense as finding out the ship he'd stolen was really the Millennium Falcon, or that the little droid he'd met carried a map to Luke Skywalker, or the first girl he'd ever met was actually a Jedi and didn't know it.
"Of course."
"Look, everything I know about...this...can be summed up by, I don't know anything. But you have got to learn to be nicer to people."
"What?"
"You apologized to me. Apologize to Rey when she gets back. And Poe. And your mom and dad. I don't want to be with you if you're not ready to make up for the things you've done."
He stepped back. "'Be with?' Don't flatter yourself too much. I simply..."
Finn grabbed him and made his best effort to kiss him back. For a hot second, he felt a push of power, the Force shoving him away. But that was instinct, and fear, and both faded after that moment. He felt a smile form on the lips against his, and he matched it with one of his own, and then the kiss was just perfect. No wonder people enjoyed kissing.
"Be nicer," Finn said, when he broke away to breathe.
"Show me?"
There were complaints starting to come in from the front, and more washing up would need done, and Finn just knew he would have a lot of explaining to do to his friends once he told Poe and when Rey returned. All that waited for him in the very near future, and none of it would be fun.
But right now, they had free time.
"Sure."
end