Eyes Made of Secrets

Chapter 1

Underneath Ordinary Moonlight

-Edward-

I glanced at the clock on my bedside table, 3 am. I had been lying in bed wishing for sleep for almost four hours. I thought that taking this opportunity for a vacation would give me a little peace of mind. But as usual I was wrong. I rolled out of bed with a sigh and grabbed my pack of cigarettes from the coffee table and walked out onto the patio. I reclined comfortably in the Adirondack chair and lit up my smoke. I know that the room was a non smoking room but I didn't think it would count if I was doing it outside. I closed my eyes and tried to relax, listening to the sound of the waves crashing into the sandy shores. Maybe that would put me to sleep. Doubtful. I watched as the reflection of the stars danced across the ocean as the waves undulated. It was a beautiful night. Not too humid as Florida has been since I arrived four days ago. There wasn't even a cloud in the sky. Just a quiet and calm night with nothing more than a gentle breeze to keep me company. I finished my cigarette and snuffed it out.

Nothing seemed to be able to relax me recently. I've been working long hours at the office, heading up a new division that we just launched with great success last week. Just in time for me to be able to enjoy my brother's wedding and a quick and much needed vacation before going back to reality. I'm sure that my bosses already had something else lined up for me and couldn't wait to drop it onto my desk in a week. Maybe they wouldn't even wait that long. I was half expecting to find an urgent Email waiting for me every time I looked at my phone.

I walked over to the balcony and spotted a middle aged couple walking hand in hand down the beach. They each had a flashlight in the other hand and bare feet allowing the waves to wash over them as they snuck kisses like high school kids out past curfew. I couldn't help but smile. They reminded me a lot of my parents, who were probably out there doing the same thing farther down the beach. They were so happily married that it gave a jaded and bitter guy like me hope that true love might actually exist out there. They found it and have been able to sustain it for that long. Why couldn't the rest of us? Maybe my brother, Emmett, would be that happy with his new wife. I could only hope. But at least things had started out well for them. Their ceremony went off without a hitch yesterday and he seemed happy as he swept Rosalie off her feet and carried her all the way up to their honeymoon suite.

I tried not to be bitter. He deserved to be happy. And I was happy for him. I'm not that bad of a brother. But it brought up some memories that I worked hard to forget. Victoria. I once thought she was the love of my life. I had proposed and she had said yes. Then one week before the big day she suddenly pulled away from me, talking about how she needed space. And by space I guess it meant she wanted to call off the wedding, break up and whore around because that's what she ended up doing. It's been a year. I know, I should be over it. And I mostly am. I did the rebound thing immediately. I hooked up. A lot. I went on dates. I even had a few I would consider relationships that just didn't go very far. I didn't still love Victoria, I often wished bad things to happen to her but it's not because I still have feelings for her. I wouldn't take her back if she got down on her knees and begged me as she sucked me off. But I guess I just took it harder because she didn't really give me a reason. She said she needed time and then just disappeared from my life. It's like we never officially broke up. She just went home to her apartment and forgot all about me. I guess it's hard to mend a broken heart when you didn't even know it was breaking. And worst of all, the bitch kept the ring.

It's for the best, I try to convince myself.

And it sure did suck to travel across the country to be Emmett's best man and not have a date.

I snapped back to reality when I heard the door to the patio to the room beside me opened and out walked a woman. Another insomniac hoping that the fresh air and crashing waves will lull them back to sleep. Or so I thought. Instead of settling in her chair and admiring the view, she placed her head in her hands and I heard the quietest sob escape her. I guess it's true, misery does love company. I couldn't feel too sorry for myself, I wasn't the only one that was struggling to enjoy their vacation. She tried her best to keep herself quiet but I could faintly hear her sobbing as her petite frame shuddered with each long gasping breath. I watched her quietly trying to come up with a good story for what had her so morose she had to escape her dream vacation at 3 am to cry. She didn't even look out at the sea. She didn't admire the beauty in the waves or the stars or the beach. She didn't take comfort in the steady pounding of the waves on the shore. But she did seem to match her sobbing to the breaking of the waves.

I leaned against the rail to get a better look at my neighbor and felt it move under the pressure. I let out a very unmasculine shriek as I jumped away before it could totally give way and send me plummeting to the beach below. Not a likely scenario, I'm sure. It just moved the smallest bit and showed no sign of letting completely loose. But I am kind of deathly afraid of heights. My panicked sounds started the woman and I heard a small gasp from her as her head shot up out of her hands. Her eyes settled on me uneasily. The darkness made it difficult for me to decipher her mood. Was it shame for me catching her crying? Was it anger? Or was it just sadness?

Her eyes stayed trained on me like she was trying to figure me out. I flashed her a charming smile. "Hi," I said, giving her a small wave. I tried to look calm and relaxed and not at all like I was the one who just screamed like a girl. She forced the corners of her mouth up into a smile as she continued to study me. It was a bit unnerving, watching her watch me like that. "It's a beautiful night out, isn't it?" I asked, trying to break her focus of me.

She seemed unable to find her voice so she simply nodded. I looked at her again, her gaze finally away from me, and I took advantage of the moment to study her. She was equally as beautiful as my surroundings. Her long brown hair fell in loose waves around her shoulders and it almost seemed to glow under the light of the full moon. She wore nothing more than a white button up shirt, left unbuttoned but tied at her waist to reveal a taunt stomach and a pair of white boyshort panties. Obviously she wasn't planning on seeing anyone else out tonight but it looked good on her, showing off her curves. She had a beautiful face. Big brown eyes, full lips and flawless almost porcelain looking complexion. The moonlight glistened off the moisture streaking her creamy white cheeks in a sad yet enticing sort of way. She didn't wipe away the tear tracks, she wore her sadness out in the open. And my heart broke a little bit for her then. Most people try to hide their misery from complete strangers. What a better time to pretend that everything is perfect? Especially while on a vacation at a very pricey waterfront condo along Florida's best beach. What had her so worn down that she couldn't even fake it for five minutes? "If you don't mind me asking, why are you crying?" I asked, unable to keep the question behind my lips. I carefully approached the rail again to get closer to her, but didn't rest any weight on it. I wasn't going to make that mistake again.

"I don't know," she said, her smile fading as she shook her head. "It seemed like a good idea at the time." Her words were soft yet sharp.

I recoiled, regretting the question. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to pry. It's none of my business." I took a few steps back deciding that she needed space. And who was I to deny her that.

"No. No, I'm sorry." She looked at me again. "It's just difficult to explain." She stood and walked over to her railing and leaned against it. I carefully did the same. I couldn't help myself. I wanted to see her face closer to see if she really was as beautiful and sad as I had decided earlier. "It's just that... do you ever feel so completely overwhelmed, like you have absolutely no control of your life anymore and you have no idea how you let it happen?"

I pretended to think about it for a second even though I already knew the answer. "You have no idea." I chuckled. Who doesn't anymore? "But that's what vacations are for, right?" At least I still had one more week here to try to obtain some serenity.

She sighs heavily, finally wiping away the glistening tear drops from her cheeks, her eyes shinning with fresh tears threatening to spill over. "I wish," she says softly as she picks at the chipping paint on the corner of her railing.

For a moment the only sounds between us was that of the crashing waves that we both turned to stare at. "My name is Edward, by the way," I said, finally breaking the silence.

"Bella," she responded, flashing a smile that seemed genuine.

"Nice to meet you." I returned her smile. "I'd shake your hand but I'm very afraid I may fall and die." A moment passes between us as we awkwardly try to find something to talk about. "So if this vacation isn't for relaxing, what is it for?" I say, my vision moving from her to the ocean and back again. I just can't seem to tear myself away from her.

Her body language again reflects her sadness again. She hung her head and her fingers fidgeted uncontrollably. "To say goodbye," her voice was so soft I almost didn't hear it. I once again saw the moonlight travel down her face. She wiped the tears away quickly before turning her back to me and walking inside without so much as another word.

It might have been a brief and strange interaction but I was hooked. I was drawn to her mystery. She choose to answer my questions cryptically if at all. I couldn't figure out her back story. My mind wandered and I didn't bother to stop it. I knew nothing about her other than her name and that wasn't enough. I wanted to know everything about her. I wanted to know what she needed to say goodbye to. I want to know what had her so weighed down with sadness. I wanted to wipe away the tears the instant they fell. I wanted to know the warmth of her as I wrapped my arms around her in a comforting hug. I wanted to know what her lips tasted like. I wanted to hear her laugh and see her smile. I wanted to know if she snored. I wanted to know how it felt to be inside her. I wanted to know the feel of her weight on top of me. I was getting hard just thinking about these things. I am a sad, pathetic and lonely man.

I was just about to reach my hand inside of my pants and relieve some tension, maybe that would put me to sleep, when Bella appeared on her balcony again. I tried to focus and force all dirty thoughts of her out of my mind while she was still present. That seemed a little rude. Even worse, I was mortified that she almost walked out to find me pleasing myself while thinking about her. I tried to talk myself down, so to speak. I had already crossed one invisible line with her, I didn't want her to be aware of the fact if she looked over at me.

She sat down in her chair and pulled out a concealed cigarette. She peaked all around, as if she was making sure no one else was watching, and once she was positive the coast was clear she placed the cigarette between her beautiful lips and inhaled a lung full of smoke. Her eyes closed and her head lulled back as if that one single breath of smoke was the single greatest thing that she had ever experienced. She exhaled heavily and watched the smoke billow in the sky and slowly fade away. She placed the cigarette between her lips again. What I wouldn't give to be that cigarette right now. I wanted to be between those full rosy red lips. That is not helping at all. I tried to shift in my seat inconspicuous, to find a little more room for my growing problem. But that didn't give me enough to be comfortable. No matter what I tried, my pants just weren't big enough. I watched her silently until she finished. She carefully rolled the cigarette butt between her fingers to help extinguish the flame and allowed it to drop to the sand below.

"That's a $300 dollar fine for littering," I interrupted her relaxation to tease her.

She arched her eyebrow. "You going to tell on me?" Her lips curled up into a smirk. That once smoke seemed to ease some of her tension and pain. She cups her hands in front of her and tests her breath before searching her table. Being a smoker myself I am familiar with her actions. I take my pack of gum from he table and throw it so it lands on the table in front of her. "Thanks." She smiles at me, popping a piece of gum into her mouth.

"Your secret's safe with me. I was just letting you know for future reference." Another silence fell between us as we sat back in our chairs and watched the waves swell and crest. "You know they say those things will kill you." Like I was really one to talk, having finished one just five minute ago. But I couldn't help but continue to speak to her. Not because I had so much I wanted to say. It was mostly because I wanted to hear her voice again.

She turned her head to the right and stared at me a guilty look on her face. "It's my last one." She flashes a wicked smile. "I've been saying that for months. But I just can't seem to give it up." She lifts her legs and rests them on the table in front of her. I felt my pants become very restricting again as I took in the sight of her body easily again. "I think we all have vices like that."

"Yeah," I agreed quickly. "But you could always get another bad habit to replace it with." I suggested with a shrug of my shoulders. "It's what I seem to do." First drinking, then sex, then drugs, now I overwork.

She considers my words and seems to smile at them. I guess she can understand my words. We all do that. We think we finally overcome our bad habits just to find out we have a new one. "Why are you up so late?" she asked, standing again to lean against the rail. She arched her back in a cat like stretch, her body gently pulsating as she continued to stretch as if dancing to a song that I couldn't hear.

I shrugged, turning on the small radio I brought out this evening. I didn't turn it up loud enough to disturb anyone else, but I silently prayed that the music would keep her body moving that way. "Can't sleep. My schedule has been a little off for the past few months. What about you?" I asked, my eyes not moving from her form as she continued to slowly stretch her muscles.

"This is the only time I really get to myself," she said. And as I hoped, her hips swayed in time to the music. "I guess I like to take advantage of that." I couldn't resist turning up the music just a little louder as I continued to watch her body move seductively with the music.

"Hey," I break the silence again. I lick my lips quickly and Bella turns to me a smirk on her pink lips as she waits for me to continue. "Since you can't sleep and I can't sleep, why don't we go out?" I couldn't help but ask. I barely knew her but I wanted to know so much more. And I doubted I could get much information out of her from across the balcony. "Get some coffee or something?" I ask casually.

Bella's smile falls and her head lowers. "I can't." And just like that I see her fill with sadness again.

I shake my head and try to remain as casual as I can. "Not like a date or anything, if that's what you're thinking. Completely innocent." Because I will be a perfect gentleman in your presence but when I get home and it's just me and my thoughts... you don't want to know what I will pretend to do to you. But she will never know that. That will be my little secret. "Just two insomniacs going out for coffee. Or possibly something with a little less caffeine." I laugh quietly, trying to lighten the mood.

"I can't," she repeated herself.

"Oh," I sighed. "You don't think your boyfriend will approve of you going out with another guy in the middle of the night." I slipped the question in, hopefully it sounded casual enough and not like I was desecrate to know if she came here alone. Because that's what my main goal was.

Her lips curled into a small smile. I guess I wasn't nearly as smooth as I thought I was. "No, there is no boyfriend to make jealous."

"You're here alone?"

She shook her head. "No." But she didn't elaborate. I raised my eyebrow in question and she laughed. "I'm with family. My mom. It was her idea to come."

"So your mother wouldn't approve of you going out with strange men in the middle of the night."

She laughed again. It was a wonderful sound much more fitting to her than the strangled sobs. "Hell, no. I think she would be mad at me for saying no."

"So then it's you. You have absolutely no desire to go out with me then? But you're just trying to be polite about it. I get it." I shrugged my shoulders and tried to brush it off. Not the first time I've been rejected.

Her face fell again. I instantly missed her smile and tried to think of something to say to bring it back. "I'm sorry. That's not what I meant."

"No, I get it. I understand. No need to apologize."

"No, really. You've been sweet. If I were a normal girl I would take you up on your offer in an instant. But I'm... I'm not your average girl. Not even close. As you can tell by my complete failure to an ounce of happiness in what should be paradise." She paused and took in a deep breath to calm herself. I watched as another tear silently made tracks down her cheeks. "I let my life get out of control. I'm in way over my head." She shook her head again. "I'm sorry. I can't." She quickly stands up, her body in a perfectly straight line, her eyes widening in concentration.

My cell phone chirps beside me and I reach for it. It was one of the numbers from my work, I sigh in frustration. Never a dull moment for me. Fuck it! I'm on vacation and I'm not allowing anyone to distract me from that. Especially a work emergency that someone else could fix. I ignore the call and for the first time I feel no guilt about it at all.

I look across the balcony to find that Bella has silently and quickly disappeared again. "Bye then." I say to the darkness. I sat back in my chair and looked out to the beach again. There was one lonely crab scurrying across the beach in search of food. I stand and turn off my radio and walk back inside. I lie back in my bed and allow my mind to wander. It doesn't take long for my thoughts to settle on Bella. And it takes even less time for be to grow hard again. God, I'm pathetic. I reach my hand into my pants and quickly find my release. And finally weariness has found it's way into my body and I settle into a peaceful sleep.