A/N: Oh, geez, this one is so old. Definitely the oldest one I'm posting as a part of this series on stuff I've finished but never posted.
Honestly, I don't have much to say on this one. It's been so long, I don't remember much about it. So, enjoy?
Disclaimer: I don't own ZIM. For realsies, guys.
I hate ZIM; I hate him.
I loathe that pathetic excuse for an Irken with my entire being. He's the cause of everything that's ever gone wrong in my life. Everything.
Now I'm here, floating in space, waiting to die. Obviously, my only regret is that ZIM's still alive.
Really, I have a forgiving nature. I wasn't going to kill him when I got there. I was just going to leave him stranded on Earth; on that pathetic dirt ball. That's not much, considering what he's done to me.
I hate him.
Floating aimlessly – that's what I'm doing right now – floating aimlessly through space. I don't even care anymore. It's hard to care when you don't have anything left.
Nothing.
Not a mission. Not a purpose. Not anything. I don't even have any companionship thanks to that stupid robot of his.
Companionship… Well, I suppose Irkens don't need that, do they? Not really. We're not supposed to, are we?
Though, I've never been alone this long. Not ever that I can remember. Maybe our sense of loneliness is just dull. Like my eyes.
My eyes are getting dull. I can see them in the windshield. I look pale.
I'm probably dying. I think I am.
That thing is happening. That thing that humans say happens when you die. "Your life flashes before your eyes."
I thought that saying was stupid. That makes no sense. Why would that happen? Yet it was. And all I keep seeing is ZIM. Everywhere. In every memory.
Even in death he taunts me.
Was my entire life just something for ZIM to toy with? To ruin?
That thought occurs to me a lot, lately. I've never thought these sort of things before. I've never questioned my existence. Maybe it's because I'm not working right, anymore.
Maybe I never worked right?
ZIM. Why can't he be dead like Spork or Miyuki? Why was he alive? Why was he alive when he killed two of the tallest? Why was he alive when he killed the tallest that was going to give me everything?
I still remember that day. I didn't even care about ZIM before then, even though I know now that he'd done things before that. I barely remembered those things. If at all. But that day never left me.
It was a particularly nice day. Or, really, as nice as it got on Irk. It was made nicer by the fact that I knew I was going to be an invader, soon. Then, I was just a soldier. A good soldier, albeit, but still just a soldier. Miyuki had given us an inspirational speech just the day before. Though, I always found her inspiring. I probably shouldn't favor one tallest over another but…I liked her.
I liked her best.
I remember that she stayed after that, watching a display of our skills. I was still very young. Practically still a smeet, but I was one of the best.
By all standards, though, I was too young to be an invader. Everyone knew I wanted to be one, though. Why I trained so hard. Even Miyuki saw it.
She must have liked what she saw, because I was suddenly pulled aside by her. Confusion was the only thing I was feeling. Well, laced with nervousness. It usually wasn't good if a tallest pulled you aside.
"You can be great, you know," she said, staring at me with those unnatural blue eyes of hers. They were unnatural but…they were pretty, I always thought.
Of course, being young, I merely said, "My tallest?"
"A great invader," she continued, still looking at me meaningfully. My own eyes widened, still bright with life.
I stammered stupidly.
"You will be. I assure you."
Then, she walked away. Leaving me standing dumbly there. I knew what she had meant. The new batch of Invaders were coming in the next day for their test. I was really too young, too untrained to take it but… The tallest could pull some strings with the control brains, I knew.
It wasn't much, but Miyuki could find a way for me to take the test.
My life was going so well.
Until ZIM ruined it.
I wasn't there, of course. But I saw it. Everyone saw it, on the telecast. It was horrible. So many scientists got eaten by that horrible blob. And…Miyuki. She was gone. My dream was gone.
I knew why, too. I saw him. I was watching the screen before the chaos broke out. It was him holding the blob. He was treating it like some demented pet. Why didn't that thing eat him?
Why is he alive?
By all accounts he should be dead. Like my dream of being an invader. That was the first blow. Followed by the snack incident. Followed by this.
I'm dead. My chances of being an invader are dead.
He's not. He's an invader.
He lives in a bubble of blissful ignorance that no one can pop. He's really not an invader. He never will be, but he is as long as he thinks he is.
And I'm not. I know I'm not. I can't pretend as though I am one.
That's why I'm here. Alone in an escape pod that no one will ever find, wondering if I've ever had any control over my life, or if it was all just one big game to him.
And I hope that my dying thought will be:
I hate him.