"And I'll see you next time", Dr Sullivan smiled, I smile back, eager to get out of what felt like hell. I grab my purse off the counter and walk out the door, the girls don't know I've been seeing Anne again, I've just had so much to deal with.

I'm supposed to be meeting with Toby for dinner tonight, which I'm excited about, though I don't at all feel like I deserve it. I breath out a sigh when a reach my car, I fight the urge not to break down into tears as I open the door and hop into the drivers seat.

I almost feel like I'm hiding from the girls, not literally, but I'm keeping secrets, like the fact that I'm seeing Dr Sullivan twice a week and that A has been extra cruel to me, threatening to spill my biggest secret yet.

I remember when I did it, once, she stopped me. But 'she' isn't here anymore, 'she' can't help, Alison's dead, I think to myself.

"Spence! Check out this bikini! It would look amazing on you", Alison beams while the girls nod in agreement.

"Ugh, I don't know", I smile shyly, rubbing my arm nervously, scared she will make me, "Awe come on! This is just so you", she grins, holding it out to me, I agree, it's pretty nice, but there's no way I'm putting it on, I nod my head, "your loss", Ali chuckles while putting it back on the hanger.

She girls continue to browse while I just stand there trying not to cry, "Spence", Alison says quietly, not attracting the others attention, "are you okay", she whispers, looking concerned.

"I'm fine", I say, my voice breaking caused by the lump in my throat, I quickly wipe the tears that have dropped onto my face. "It's okay", she says, placing her hand on my upper arm, her face grows sullen, she can feel it, the warm, wet sensation of blood soaking through my red sweater.

Alison's not dumb, she never was... Maybe that's what got her killed.

"Come with me", she says gently, wrapping her arms around me and guiding me out the store.

"Hey! Where are you two going?", I hear Aria cry out from behind us.

I see Alison gulp "Spencers feeling really sick, so I'm just taking her to the bathroom", Alison says, giving a sympathetic face, it surprises me how she can lie so easily.

"Aw poor thing, I'll come and hold your hair", she smiles sadly.

"No, it's okay Ar, I think Spence just wants a little bit of privacy", she sighs, I nod slowly, adding onto the lie.

Once were in the bathroom Alison locks it all, so no one can get in, "Take off your jumper", she whispers, I can see her eyes tearing up a bit, I don't want Alison to see, I want nobody to see, but there's no excuses.

I take a big breath in and take off my jumper

End Flashback ( sorry I forgot to press the stop italics button:) )

Just remembering that makes me start to cry more and more until I'm hugging my chest, letting out heaving sobs in the front seat, this keeps going for ten more minutes until I hear a little tap at my window, it's Wren, no, please please no.

The memories start flooding into my head, he's basically the reason I started cutting again. I try to block out the flashbacks but it's so hard not to remember him forcing himself on me... another secret I choose to keep to myself.

His menacing eyes search mine, I haven't felt this scared since last time, he signals for me to get out of the car, I don't want to say no so I slowly open the door.

"Hello Spenca", he says in his charming, now despiteful tone. "What do you want", I say, "the question is.. What do I want", he says seductivley, biting his lip.

I push him away and jump in my car as fast as I can, luckily receiving only one hit from him. He's done it already at least six times, sneaking in when my parents aren't home, I curse, taking for giving up to easily and let him take advantage of me.

I feel like I'm going to be sick, I know I am. I feel the contents rise in my throat and escape onto my newly washed passenger seat, once I am done violently throwing up I sink back into my seat, and I get a call from Hanna.

"Hey Han" I cough.

"Hey can you come to Arias?"

"Sure, is everything okay"

"She's got the stomach flu and keeps throwing up and her parents are in Philly for the week with Mike"

"Crap, did you want me to come over"

"Yes please, oh and bring a bucket, she's throwing up like crazy"

"Okay, don't worry I just finished a puke sesh in my front seat"

"Fuck, are you alright"

"Yea"

"Why?

"Ughhhh, a bird... Flew in my window and... Um popped"

"What the hell"

"Yeah, tragic"

"Okay, we'll see you soon"

Really Spencer? I think, a bird popping, a bird popping! I sigh loudly, Arias Mums house is just around the corner.

Hey dolls!

I'm not to sure where I'm going with this but I quite like it! Tell me what u think:))))