A/N: Hey guys! This is my first angst/hurt/comfort fanifc so please go easy on me. It's going to be a pretty long series and I apologize for any grammar mistakes or spelling errors. I hope you guys like it and enjoy!
PS: To all of you people that have read my other fanfic on TMI, Personality Switch, I am so sorry that I haven't updated recently. I know it has been a while. I'm so sorry! Please forgive me :'( I will try to post another chapter. I have to go on this trip in a couple of days so I don't know if I can finish writing the chapter in time. I already wrote half of it though. Well I'll stop talking now so you can read. And again, enjoy! ^-^
"You stupid little bitch!" my father yells at me. He then grabs my hair with one hand and punches my stomach with the other. He slaps me across the face so hard that I see dark spots in my vision and I taste something metallic in my mouth. Blood. He kicks me against the wall and I fall down. Then he gets the whip and starts whipping me all over my body. This is what I have to face every single day. It wasn't always like this, we had happy times. My father and mother were married for a couple years and they were happy. Then Jonathon was born which brought them more happiness and then I was born a year later. My father adored me and my mom loved us. I looked up to Jonathon more than anyone and he looked after me. We were probably the happiest family on earth but then the accident happened.
It was on my 6th birthday. Mom and Jonathon were going to miss my birthday party because mom had an important meeting at work and Jonathon had an important soccer game. I was really sad and acted like a spoiled brat. I locked myself into my room and wouldn't come out. I wanted them at my birthday party so bad. Somehow the news got to mom and Jonathon and they rushed over to my birthday party, abandoning whatever they were doing. Mom picked up Jonathon and drove immediately to my party. It was raining really hard outside. A truck didn't see them driving and crashed right into them. Their car flipped over and it was in ruins. My dad was on the phone with them when the accident happened. He was yelling at the phone and then a couple of minutes later he stopped. His arm dropped down and the phone fell onto the floor. He was pale and was frozen in shock. I was so scared because I had never seen him like that before. I ran over to him and asked him what had happened while tears were streaming down my face. He didn't move and stayed like that. I held onto the end of his shirt and tugged at it while repeating my question over and over again. After a while that seemed like an eternity he looked down at me with a blank look on his face and said, "Your mother and brother are dead and it's all your fault." He then pushed me onto the ground and walked out of the house. I was crying and hoping that it was just a cruel birthday prank but some part of me knew that it was real. I cried and cried with my dad's words echoing in my head, "Your mother and brother are dead… it's all your fault… all your fault." It was all my fault. After I stopped, I realized it was really late and my dad still hadn't come home. I was scared that he was going to leave me here and then I would be all alone in this world. I was about to walk out of the house to find him when he opened the door and came in. I ran to him to give him a hug and was so happy to see him but he kicked me away. "Stay away from me," he spat and looked at me with hatred in his eyes, "you worthless little girl! It's your fault that they died! If you didn't throw a temper tantrum and made them rush to your party, they would still be alive! You are a murderer!" He then walked to his room and slammed the door.
I sat on the living room floor by myself and cried. I hated myself so much. If I hadn't been so stupid and acted that way maybe they would've been alive. I would have opened my presents and we would have gotten to stay up late because it was my birthday. My dad was right. It was my fault that they died. My dad hates me and my mom and brother are dead. I sat their crying and kept apologizing in my head to mom and Jonathon who were now somewhere among the stars.
After that day my dad had a drinking problem and stopped caring about me. I had to learn how to be independent and when I spilled something in the kitchen learning how to cook or accidentally breaking something, he would yell at me and hit me but only a little. When I hit age ten he started abusing me and didn't hold back. He stopped finding reasons to hit me and took out all his anger on me. I stopped crying at age eleven and put up with the pain. I learned how to dodge and block but then he got even more abusive. He started to tie me up so I wouldn't be able to move around. Eventually I knew how to fight back but every time I did, he would yell at me, "Oh, now you're trying to kill me too! Sure go ahead and kill your only parent!" The guilt would rush at me and he would continue to hit me. He used that as threat against me and it always worked.
You're probably wondering how I can live with this hell every single day and to be honest I couldn't. I thought of committing suicide many times when I was around 13 but then music saved me. I know this may sound cheesy or cliché but music really did save me. I sang at school and people said that I sang really good. I didn't believe them at first but after singing in a school play, I actually got an award. I love singing and music is the only thing that can take my mind off from this hell. I also know how to play a lot of instruments. I learned from online and I borrow my friends' instruments or the school's. One day my dad caught me singing and he actually smiled at me. He smiled at me! I couldn't believe it. Whenever I sing in front of my dad, I see him relax a little and he actually reminded me of the old dad. The one that loved me.
I'm sixteen now and today was day that would change my life forever. It's around 11 o'clock A.M. He raised his fist to punch me after he finished whipping me, he's taking out his anger on me because he just got fired from his job yesterday. I dodge out of the way and yell, "Stop dad! Please stop! I have something to tell you." He stopped and looked at me expectantly.
I stand up and wince in pain from my fresh injuries. Then I take a deep breath and say, "I'm performing at the music festival at the park that New York has every year. I'm hoping that you will come to see me sing." I look at him timidly and he thinks for moment.
"I might come. I don't know if I want to go or not. There are too many people there and I don't like crowded events," he answers.
It was the best answer that I will get out of him. I nod and smile. I thank him and run upstairs to get ready. I put on a pair of jeans and a T-shirt. I tie up my frizzy red hair into a pony tail and look into the mirror. My face is red from where he slapped me and it started to bruise a little. I put a little make up on it to cover it up. Thank goodness it's not swelling or the people would notice. I always made sure that no one could see my injuries and bruises. If they see them then they'll suspect my dad of being a child abuser and call the police. I can't lose my dad no matter how much he abuses me. He's the only parent I have left and he's the only relative I have left. If I lose him then I'll be truly alone in this world and it is my fault that he became like this.
I go out and tell my dad that I'll be at a friend's house. He tells me okay but I know he really doesn't care. He doesn't care where I go or how late I come home. He probably won't even care if I go missing. I sometimes think about running away but I know I won't be able to leave him here alone. He has a drinking problem and he can't control his anger so I worry he might do something stupid. I know I sound so stupid right now and should just ditch him here to rot in this house but I can't. Think whatever you want about me but he's my dad I just can't bring myself to leave him. I know my mother and Jonathon would never leave him so I won't either.
My best friend, Simon, is standing on my front porch waiting for me. I smile at him and go outside to meet him. "Hey!" he says to me, "I've been waiting out here for you for an eternity already! Come on slow poke, you wanna see my band rehearse or what?"
"Yea, yea whatever. What's your band called this time now?"
"Oh I think it's called "Two Directions."
I laugh so hard. "Two Directions?! You guys just copied off of One Direction and I'm pretty sure your band is going down the wrong direction of the two."
"Hey back off Clary! Our band is good and you know it!"
"Sure," I say sarcastically. Simon has been my best friend since 6th grade and he knows about the fatal accident but not the abusing. I know he suspects of my dad hurting me but he doesn't ask me about it. It's a silent deal we made with each other since the beginning of high school. I wouldn't ask him about his family and he won't ask me about mine. I know he's been through some pretty rough times with his family. They recently kicked him out for some reason and pretty much disowned him. I don't know why but I won't ask because it's his personal business. All I know is that he has gotten pretty pale over summer break and has gotten a complete makeover. Less nerd and more bad boy look. Maybe he turned into a vampire? I laugh from the thought and Simon just gives me weird look.
We arrive at his apartment that he moved into after he got kicked out of his house and I greet his roommate Jordan Kyle. He's pretty nice guy but I don't know much about him. All I know about him is that he smells like wet dog from time to time. Maybe he owns dogs or something?
I listen to Two Directions rehearse and might I say they were horrible. When they finished, it was about time to go to the music festival. We got our things and Simon drove us to the location of the festival. When we arrived, I started to feel really nervous. Hopefully this will go the way I imagined it would. There are so many people here and I look around for my dad. I don't see him anywhere but I remind myself that I just got here early so don't worry. We check ourselves in and go backstage. Two Directions sing first and then I will go. I'm the last singer. I watch some really good performances and I see a lot of people have fun but I didn't come here to have fun. I came here to make things right again.
Two Directions go on stage and Eric sounds drunk like always. He screams out to the crowd, "ARE YOU READY FOR SOME MAD ACTION?! ARE YOU READY TO MAKE SOME NOISE?! LET'S PARTY!" All I have to say to that is Epic Fail. Everyone just stared back at him blankly and, god, I think you could hear crickets chirping in the background. Eric then cleared his throat and turned around to the band. He then whispered, "Guys! That's the cue to start the music!" Everyone heard him because the microphone was right next to his mouth and everyone bursted out laughing. I even felt embarrassed for them. Eric turned around and the music started. They were terrible! The whole song consisted of Eric yelling into the microphone and off beat music. They got booed but the audience was laughing too and the band looked like they had fun. They finished and Eric tried to slam his guitar onto to the floor but somehow managed to hit himself on the head instead and got knocked out. His band mates had to drag him off the stage and Simon came over to talk to me.
"We were pretty bad weren't we?"
"Yeah you guys were."
Simon laughed and said, "Yeah but I know you'll do good. Man, I was so embarrassed on that stage. I'm sorry I can't watch your performance because I promised Jordan to do something for him after this. Good luck and tell me all about your performance tomorrow!" He smiled and walked away with his band.
That helped me gain my confidence. I walked out onto the stage and looked around in the crowd for my father. I couldn't find him but something caught my eye. I saw a boy the same age as me dressed in all black standing at the back of the crowd while leaning against a tree. His golden eyes and golden hair had caught my attention. He was staring at me with an unnerving stare. I looked away and looked for my father again but I couldn't find him anywhere. I sighed and walked up to the microphone. "Hi, my name is Clary Morgernstern and I dedicate this song to a very special person in my life that I haven't given up on." The music starts and the spotlight focuses on me. Then I sing and everybody is quiet. They all listen to me sing. I'm singing the song "For the Love of a Daughter" by Demi Lovato. I get to the chorus.
You have a hollowed out heart
But it's heavy in your chest
I try so hard to fight it, but it's hopeless
Hopeless, you're hopeless
Oh father, please, father
I'd love to leave you alone
But I can't let you go
Oh father, please, father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter
I look around again to find my father and I see him. He's standing in the middle of the crowd. I can't see his face very well because it was getting pretty dark and the lighting casted shadows all over the place. I hope the song will help him understand my feelings and maybe he will go back to the dad that loved me. Maybe we can be happy again and laugh together. I feel my eyes burn with tears. No, I can't cry now. I haven't cried for 5 years and I'm not going to start now. I look away and the boy dressed in black has caught my attention yet again. He was walking closer to the stage. It was strange because nobody seemed to take attention of him. He was shouldering people away, trying to get closer to the stage and people just looked around confused, wondering who shouldered them when the boy was right in front of them. It was like they couldn't see him. Maybe I'm just over thinking things. I got to the second verse of the song.
It's been ten years since we've spoken last
And you can't take back
What we never had
Oh, I can be manipulated
Only so many times,
Before even "I love you"
Starts to sound like a lie
Then I sing the chorus and look for my father again, hoping to see his face and find out what he is feeling. I can't find him but he probably just got lost in the crowd. I see the golden haired boy again and I realized that he was standing in the front row. I look around in the crowd and see that some people have pity in their eyes while other people look sad. Some of the audience was crying. I was pretty shocked and didn't know that my voice could have had this effect towards them. I look back to the golden haired boy again and expect him to have pity in his eyes but I don't see any. What I saw was understanding and… respect. Respect. I haven't had that in a long time from someone other than Simon.
For some reason after looking into his eyes and finding respect their, it was like turning a knob to the water works. Tears started falling freely but it wasn't like I was sobbing. Tears streamed down my face silently while I sang. I sang with all the emotions I had locked in for ten years. I get to the third verse.
Don't you remember I'm your baby girl?
How could you push me out of your world,
Lied to your flesh and your blood,
Put your hands on the ones that you swore you loved?
Don't you remember I'm your baby girl?
How could you throw me right out of your world?
So young when the pain had begun
Now forever afraid of being loved
I looked around in the crowd again and saw my father. He was closer to the stage but not close enough that I could see his face. I continue to look at him until I finish the song.
Oh, father, please, father
I'd love to leave you alone
But I can't let you go
Oh, father, please, father
Oh, father, please, father
Put the bottle down
For the love of a daughter
For the love of a daughter
The song ends and I wipe away my tears. I don't break away from my gaze to my father. The crowd applauses and cheers. I say thank you to the crowd and walk off the stage. The golden haired boy is there when I walk off and I look at him. He stares at me and looks like he wants to say something but he just stays silent. His eyes still show the same amount of understanding and respect. I smile at him and walk past him. Right when I walk past him, I bump into someone. I look up and find that I bumped into my dad. His face is still covered by shadows. My heart thumps in my chest loudly. I'm scared and nervous to find out how my dad feels about the performance. The crowd has dispersed and only a few people are still here. The few people include the golden haired boy.
I clear my throat and ask my dad nervously with a smile on, "Hi dad, so how was my performance?"
The street lights have turned on and the shadows on his face are gone but what I found underneath them were not what I expected.
His face was furious. The smile is wiped off of my face. I take a step back away from him. He doesn't speak but he looks like a mad dog. It was frightening because I have never seen my dad this furious before even on his most terrible days. His teeth were clenched and his eyes were blazing. I felt the color drain from my face. I knew I shouldn't have done this! I should've known how he would have reacted to this. What I thought would happen was just a joke. Fantasies will stay fantasies. They never come true and yet I was stupid enough to believe in it. Now I had made things even worse with my dad. "Dad?" I ask him fearfully. He doesn't answer so I continue on, "Dad, I'm so sorry! I didn't mean t-"
I never finished because he grabbed my hair painfully with one hand and he grabbed my arm with the other. He then pulled me toward him with force and shouted in my face, "You fuckin' bitch! Why would you sing that song in front of everybody while crying?! You were also staring straight at me! Are you trying to get me arrested?! You're so fuckin' stupid! You think you can force me to stop abusing you with this shit that you pull?! Well you're mistaken because you have just made it worse!" He shouted so loud that spit was flying all over my face from him.
Then he continued to drag me with my hair and arm out of the park and down the street towards our house. He was dragging my arm at a painful angle. My hair also felt like it was ripping out of my scalp. We arrived at our house and opened the door. Then he pushed me onto the floor. I landed in a crouch and stood up immediately. I then put as much distance I could between us. I thought he might do something life-threatening to me because this is the angriest I have seen him and I noticed that he looked very drunk. But to my surprise, he didn't do anything. He just stomped upstairs to his room.
I felt hope again in my heart. Maybe if he got over his anger and wake up the next morning, he would realize what he had done and become the old, loving father again. He probably just needed to cool down.
Just when my thought had finished, I heard a door slam very loud and him stomping down the stairs. He came down and he looked lucid. He walked towards me and he was holding something. It was black and rectangular but I couldn't make out what it was because it was too dark in the house.
Then I realized that it was a stun gun and I started to run away from him but it was too late. He zapped me with the gun and I fell to the ground. He continued to zap me and my body started spasming. I couldn't control my body. Then everything around me was spinning and I was seeing spots in my vision. The only thing that kept me from closing my eyes were the painful jolts of electricity every two seconds.
After a couple of minutes, he stopped zapping me and walked away. My vision was blurry and I was temporarily paralyzed. My whole body hurt so bad and I smelled like burnt rubber. I started to get feeling in my arms after a couple of minutes and did the army crawl towards the door. I knew I had to get away from him no matter what. I was within a couple inches away from the door and was going to open it when I heard a chilling voice ring through the house. He was back.
"Tsk. Tsk. Tsk. What naughty girl trying to run away. You know I'm not done with your punishment yet." I hear him walking towards me and then he stops. He yanks my head up by my hair and he turns my head to face him. "You're so stupid and weak. Just like your mother. She tried to against me and I had to teach her a lesson. Now I have to do the same with you." The world stopped around me when he said that. What did he mean by teaching mom a lesson? Why is he saying such things about her? I thought he loved her and was grieving her which led him to become this monster.
Then he lifted his other hand what he was holding stopped my thoughts. He was holding a bottle of bleach. I knew what he was going to do and tried to break free from his grip with all my strength but I couldn't move because my stupid body is still paralyzed by that stun gun!No! He can't do this to me! But I had no power to stop him. I felt so weak and stupid. I was such a damsel in distress. I hated myself during that moment.
He took off the cap and the lifted the bottle to my face. It was right next to my mouth. I could smell the strong bleach and it was making me sick. He was going to take away from me, the thing that had saved me from this hell. Even if he does take it away from me, I'll still stay strong. I won't cry in front of him. I won't let him see my tears.
He then forced my mouth open and he poured the bleach down my mouth. It was so bitter and it was like swallowing fire. It burned every inch of my throat as it made its way down into my stomach. I could feel it eating away my vocal cords. It was one of the most horrible things I have experienced. I was choking and gagging on the bleach.
He was laughing as he was pouring and said, "Now you won't be able to use that annoying little voice of yours anymore. This will help you remember to never defy me again or make a fool out of me. You stupid little girl. You look just like your mother especially when you're in pain. Except when your mother was in pain she screamed and cried. That always gave me satisfaction but you stopped crying and screaming which provoked me to hurt you until you did. It was too bad that you were stubborn and didn't do any of those things so I just abused you until I got bored."
What he said made me so confused and then very angry. He hurt mom? But why did they seem so happy together? This didn't make any sense. Did he force her to act happy or something? But then if he did hurt mom, I will make him pay. He doesn't deserve my love anymore. How could I have lived with this monster for such a long time? I was so blinded from my love for him and my desperation to not be alone in this world.
My thoughts were cut off by a loud bang. My father stopped pouring the bleach and dropped the bottle. He turned his head towards the noise and so did I. The noise was coming from the back door. There was another loud bang and I heard the door blast open. There was a glowing light and it came closer towards us. I heard footsteps and a group of people came through the living room. They were all dressed in black and they had tattoos all over their body. I realized that one of them was the golden haired boy. One of them had dark hair and blue eyes and he was holding some sort of light that was really bright. There was a girl and she had long black hair and black eyes. I couldn't really see anymore because everything was getting dimmer and I felt eyes shutting.
Then I heard somebody run towards me. I forced my eyes to open a little bit and I saw the golden haired boy punch my father in the face, hard. My father released his grip and I think he ran away to upstairs. The golden haired was going to chase him but realized that I was falling and caught me. He felt warm and I felt safe in his arms. The other boy and the girl went to chase after my father. After a couple seconds they came back down empty-handed. The blue-eyed guy said, "He went through a portal to escape so that means he's a Shadowhunter."
Shadowhunter? What's that? Then the golden haired boy started to speak, "Okay we'll figure out that stuff later, let's just get this girl to the Institute to get healed up first. Her dad just forced her to swallow bleach and if we wait any longer, she might not be able to speak. I'm going to put an iratze on her first to slow down the damage." He then pulled out a cylindrical stick.
"Wait Jace! What if she's not a Shadowhunter?!" The guy with blue eyes said. These people must be crazy or I'm probably just hallucinating. What were they talking about?! Wait, what if this is heaven? If this is heaven then it sure sucks but at least I know the golden haired boy's name is Jace.
Jace sighed and said, "By the angel, her dad is a Shadowhunter so she is one too. Yeah she might be adopted because she looks nothing like her dad but my gut instinct tells me that she is a Shadowhunter and my instincts are usually right."
"Yeah, just like that time when you told us that there were no Ravener demons in the lake so we went for a little swim and all three of us almost made it out barely in time. One of the demons almost ripped off my bikini and Alec came out without his swim trunks. He almost fainted from embarrassment," the girl said.
"Isabelle, you know that wasn't fair. I was surrounded by hot girls in very revealing bikinis while fawning over my good looks and they were very distracting. Now enough talking, I'm going to put an iratze and glamour on her and were going to take her back to the Institute," Jace said. Before they could protest he put the cylindrical stick on my skin and drew something on my neck. He then drew something on one of my wrists. It burned my skin when he drew on it but it felt somewhat nostalgic. After a couple seconds I didn't feel the burning pain in my throat anymore. That was strange. They waited for something else to happen and nothing did. Then Jace said, "You see, she is a Shadowhunter." He carried me out the door and they took me to the place they called the Institute. Maybe it's an institute for crazy people? It was weird when they took me down the street because nobody was paying attention to us. It was like we were invisible.
We arrived at the Institute and they knocked on the door. After a few seconds, the door opened and we all went in. Jace was still carrying me and I was glad because I felt like I was going to black out again. I couldn't really stay conscious anymore. Right before I fainted I heard someone walk down towards us and then whoever it was started running. He or she stopped right in front of me. Then the person touched my face lovingly and spoke. It was a voice that I would have been able to recognize anywhere. I had remembered that voice by heart and I couldn't believe that I was hearing it right now. He said, "Oh my god! Clary, are you alright?! Jace, where did you find my little sister?!"
A/N: So… how was it? Was it too long? I want to know your thoughts and comments so please leave a review! Thank you for reading this fanfic! :)
~MoniChocoholic