The Two Amigos...and Terra
A/N: Deadpool is owned by Marvel. All Teen Titans characters mentioned in this story belong to DC. However, I will not refer to the comics, as I have only seen the cartoon series and 'Teen Titans Go!'.
Chapter 1
It was a dark and stormy night, in the city where our story takes place. The camera flies through the city, before resting on a rather worn apartment building. Near the front door were buzzers for each of the building's occupants. Something that stood out was the buzzer for room 333 on the third floor. Instead of a piece of paper bearing the occupant's name, there was a piece of paper with the initials "T.A.T.", with two cartoonish faces drawn on it. One was a red circle, with black and white circles for eyes, while the other was half-black, half orange, and had one white circle on the orange side. The scene switched to the interior of the building, up three flights of stairs, and into the part of the hallway where the focus of this story takes place. Below the brass numerals, 333, a piece of paper was taped, with "secret headquarters of T.A.T., do not tell anyone" crudely written in crayon.
Inside
Sitting there, on the dilapidated couch, were our three 'heroes'. Merc with a Mouth Deadpool, wearing his signature red and black suit; Deathstroke, AKA Slade Wilson, clad in his classic black-and-orange armor; and Terra, clad in some sort of stupid metal armor with an 'S' on the chest-plate. Currently, Deadpool had his two DC 'friends' in a double headlock, while this odd trio watched the television. While it was hard to see how Slade felt about this unwanted contact, Terra looked ready to crush Deadpool's skull with a boulder. Which she could, considering she had the power to telekinetically move earth. Though, why am I telling you this? I mean, the only reason you are reading this is because you've seen the cartoon either online or back when it was on Cartoon Network. Either that or you like Deadpool, who'll be from the video game. But I digress, let's focus on our 'heroes'. Deadpool sharply inhaled, then talked.
"Ah, isn't this great guys?" Wade sighed, while Daredevil on Netflix played on the tv.
"Having to smell your armpits?" Slade deadpanned.
"Living in a shithole apartment?" Terra shot back.
"Nope!" Deadpool cheerfully sang, annoying the two at his side. "The three of us, hanging out. It's almost like we're a family. A family of awesome, badass motherfuckers...and Terra." He ignored Terra's look of the upmost of contempt and loathing, and continued. "I mean, it seems like only yesterday, that we decided to come together, and team up."
"Lots of mistakes there, jackass." Terra spat. "First of all, it WAS yesterday. Second, we didn't decide to team up, you dragged me and Slade over here. And finally, if we're a team, why am I constantly singled out?"
Deadpool racked his brain, then responded.
"Let's see, you're a bitch, your powers are useless in any scenario I see, and you're still a minor." Wade Wilson racked off. "Now then, if you are done bitching, we can start a flashback."
"Flashback? Why?" Slade asked, bemused.
"You know, for the people in the audience." Deadpool responded, pointing to the people reading this.
"Who are you pointing at?" Terra asked, irritated.
"Shut it. Flashback time!" Deadpool responded.
Flashback
It was yesterday, in Jump City, when our 'heroes' first met. Slade was in his underground evil lair, again, watching Terra kick the Teen Titan's asses. As the battle went underway, Slade contemplated his next move. As he thought, he heard what sounded like a doorbell ringing.
'I don't have a doorbell.' Slade thought, bewildered. Just then, the door to the other room crashed open, revealing a man clad in red-and-black spandex and wielding katanas. Behind him, Slade could see the remains of his robotic minions.
"Slade, bro! How's it hangin' man?" The man said, walking up to Slade.
"Who are you?" Deathstroke asked, causing the man in red to sputter.
"It's me, Deadpool. Wade Wilson, Merc with a Mouth, we met in Jacksonville." The man, Deadpool, responded. Slade groaned. The memories came back. "No time for flashbacks, man. OOH, whatcha watching?!"
"My apprentice-" Slade began.
"You have an apprentice? Who's, like, sixteen or fifteen?" Deadpool asked, then nodded his head. "Let's drag her away with us and form a kickass mercenary team. I mean, Batman takes young wards off the street, so, yeah. Wait, do we have a way to communicate with her?"
"Yes, she has an earpiece connected to my headset." Deathstroke responded, holding up a headset. "Speaking of which, I'm about to get her to make some monsters from the street."
"Wait!" Deadpool yelled, then took the headset. "What powers does she have?"
"Earthbending." Slade responded, as the Merc with a Mouth put on the headset, tapping the mic, then clearing his throat.
"My apprentice, the time has come to break them." Deadpool said, in a perfect Slade impression. After hearing a response, Deadpool continued. "Get you, Raven, and Starfire into bikinis and mud-wrestle. I'm being serious."
"NO FUCKING WAY!" Slade heard come out of the earpiece.
"OH, COME ON!" Deadpool shouted back, abandoning his Slade voice. "That's pretty much the only reason you're here, to justify two hot chicks mud wrestling!"
"Just get back to base, Terra." Slade deadpanned into the mouthpiece.
"I mean, why not?! That's what happened in the original run! You and Raven mud wrestled!" Deadpool yelled, pulling up a picture of both Terra and Raven in their clothes, covered in mud, in some weird generator room.
"That hasn't happened yet!" Deathstroke yelled, then tore away the mic. Then, Deadpool noticed something under the desk.
"OOH! What's this~?" Deadpool sang, pulling out a remote.
"Do NOT touch that, Wade!" Slade yelled, feeling a vein on his forehead.
"Touch." Deadpool said, pressing a button.
Meanwhile, at the fight...
Terra was doing good in the fight, and was about to use her DEFINITELY NOT RIPPING OFF AVATAR powers to retreat, when something weird happened. Her armor moved her arm, causing a giant earth pillar to shoot out of the ground, and crash right into Robin's arm. Then, her arm moved by itself again, shooting a boulder towards Raven. After a few seconds, Terra thought the spasms had stopped, when her foot moved on its own, causing a fist sized rock to slam into Beast Boy's crotch. Why wasn't he in animal form? Because the power of boners is stronger than the ability to think.
Meanwhile, at the evil lair...
"Let go!" Slade yelled, trying to yank the controller to Terra's neural link away from Deadpool.
"You let go!" Deadpool whined, playing tug of war with the controller. And while these two idiots focused on their tug-of-war, their constant pressing of buttons caused: the destruction of a pizzeria, the leveling of two buildings, the T-Car being turned into a small cube, and Beast Boy (surprise, surprise) to get hit in the crotch twice more. Luckily ALL OF THE BUILDINGS DESTROYED WERE EMPTY! I mean, WOW! That is REALLY CONVENIENT!
"Wait!" Deadpool yelled, releasing the controller, causing it to fly and break. "I'll go get her!" With that, he threw down a smoke pellet, and vanished.
At the fight...
Terra collapsed, the suit shorting out, her neural link destroyed. Suddenly, a smoke bomb went off in front of her, then faded to reveal a guy in red spandex.
"No time to talk, but I'm here to help you!" He shouted, pulled out a rocket launcher from God knows where, and shooting it in the vague direction of the Titans.
"Where'd he come from?" Beast Boy asked, his voice sounding higher pitched than normal, as the rocket impacted another EMPTY building.
"We'll meet again, Titans!" The man in red shouted dramatically, then threw down a smoke screen to cover his and Terra's escape.
"M-My car!" Cyborg wailed, looking over what little remained of his car.
Evil Lair
Deadpool reappeared, a slowly awakening Terra with him, as Slade finished packing things into a comically large suitcase. The Terminator turned to face Wade, with a glare that could stop a group of young crime fighters.
But not Deadpool.
"You idiot!" Slade hissed, an anime vein showing where his forehead was under the mask. "Give me one good reason I shouldn't kill the two of you!"
"The writer." Deadpool stated, in a matter of fact tone. "He decides who lives and who dies. His writing is law in this stupid fanfic. Hell, He could make you wear bunny ears atop your mask if He wrote it."
"Bullshit 'he' can!" Slade yelled back, before noticing a pair of bunny ears, one orange and one black, atop his head. Deadpool snickered, as Slade felt his dignity die, painfully. "Fine, the writer is God, are you happy?" Right after saying that, the rabbit ears disappeared. "So, what's our plan of action?"
"We're forming an awesome mercenary team." Deadpool said, carelessly tossing Terra to the side. "And we shall be called, 'the Two Amigos'!" Terra let out a soft groan. "And Terra!" Terra slowly stood up, looking around bleary-eyed.
"Do we have to?" She groaned, looking at Deadpool with annoyance.
"According to the Great Writer, yes!" Deadpool yelled, as the flashback ended.
Flashback End...
"And that just about sums everything up!" Deadpool cheered to the audience, with Slade and Terra glaring at him.
"I've got an idea!" Terra said, annoyed by the fact that she could not see the fourth wall. "How about, instead of Daredevil, we watch something GOOD!"
"Like what?" Slade deadpanned.
"Hmm, how about X-Men Origins: Wolverine?" She suggested, before noticing that Deadpool had turned off the TV, and was now glaring at her.
"What did you just say?" He hissed. Slade turned, and motioned for his apprentice to take back her statement.
She ignored it.
"That 'X-Men Origins: Wolverine is a good movie." The earthbender stated, while Deadpool slowly stood up. He turned to look at Terra, while Slade quietly walked away.
"Look bitch, I can take you eighty-sixing your friends. I can take you becoming a Starkiller rip-off." Deadpool said, in a dark, threatening tone. "But if you say that cinematic abomination is good. I. Will. Fucking! KILL! YOU!"
"You're just mad that you didn't speak." Terra pointed out.
"YES! EVERYONE was pissed at what they saw on screen!" Deadpool yelled.
Meanwhile, at Titans' Tower…
The heroes of Titans East were in their tower, recovering from their encounter with Deadpool and Terra. Robin was using the computer to find Slade, Cyborg was fixing his car (mumbling about how EVERY villain hates his car), Beast Boy was moping over his girlfriend (and healing from several whacks to the crotch), Raven was using her powers to try and find out where our three 'heroes' were, while Starfire assisted Cyborg. At the computer, Robin couldn't find any trace of where Slade, Terra, or this new guy was. Robin narrowed his eyes at the empty results.
"Where could they possibly be?" Robin pondered, as Beast Boy walked into the room. The Boy Wonder turned, noticing a cast over his crotch. "Has Raven found anything?"
"Dude, a guy in a red suit shot a bazooka at us, and Terra hit me in the dick with a rock." Beast Boy stated, sounding slightly less like a soprano. "I don't think we can find them after a day."
"We have to!" Robin yelled. "If this guy is working with Slade, we could face worldwide disaster!" He formed a fist, determined to find his archenemy. "We'll find him if it's the last thing-" Just then, his communicator rang. Holding it to his ear, he answered. "Titan's Tower."
"Hello." A voice on the other end said. "Is your computer running?"
"Yes?" Robin answered, confused.
"WELL YA BETTER GO CATCH IT!" The voice yelled, then was replaced with a dial tone. He took note of the caller ID, and filed it away.
Deadpool's apartment.
"Really?" Terra asked, after Deadpool finished his prank call.
"Yes." Deadpool responded, then walked away.
A/N: Wade, you need to stop acting like a child. Either that, or Slade and Terra should loosen up.