All's Right With the World
Being late on his schedule never mattered this little in his life.
The one thing Rei cares about today is beyond urgency and safety. The wrecked engine he cannot return without has vanished from his thoughts, leaving room for artificial limbs, artificial eyes, and a connection he needs.
The electrodes on their heads are his last hope. He keeps his fingers steady on them, tangled in blonde synthetic hair, as he wonders when and how it was him to become more important than anything.
It is a good question. Not that answering now would make much of a difference. After all, Rei may never come back to find out.
He chases the thought away. It doesn't feel right to cry while Nagisa comes to life, no matter how far the real one may be; he would rather have him laughing forever, even in the worst of circumstances. There is probably no way he can make it without that sound.
Rei sighs, eyes closed, and starts remembering.
He breathes in all the care and the love he has left — the wires convey his dearest memories, all memories of him, in this remote corner of space.
Nagisa is already smiling when he opens his eyes. That's just like him. He would never keep him waiting.
He only steals a glance when he knows for sure Nagisa is not looking; because it was a dream, nothing more than that, and he is just too embarrassed to show how much his heart still weighs.
But Rei is afraid, there is no denying it. The fear of losing him is subtle and everywhere, just like the orange light of the evening. There is no turning back, either — he is afraid.
He looks away in silence, despite not wanting to.
Nagisa is keeping him alive. Rei surprises himself with the thought one day, in the middle of reparations, and he finds it is true in more than one way.
The small android has been gifted with everything he ever loved about Nagisa. He is gentle and feather-light, barely serious, shining with the same constant happiness which slowly became the cause of all his own. He cooks, explores, finds food; he loves this world in spite of everything, following the way he is. He never lets him give up.
Some days Rei holds him close, and then — if he tries hard enough — the quiet whirring of the machinery melts into a memory of breath. He almost forgets, with patience and time, that this is like a good dream.
Until his heart aches again, he can rest.
Nagisa has learnt to read all the signs that Rei leaves hanging in the air. It is his turn to study him, to slip a careful arm in the hollow sadness of his own.
"What's wrong, Rei-chan?" he mutters, in the empty spaces left by the noise of the train. "Are you still thinking about that dream?"
Neither needs a spoken answer.
In this moment, it is hard to remember.
The sufferings of one year come back in distant pictures, fading one by one. Even the last day, with his scream and the tears shed on a deactivated body, slips down Rei's shoulders with the easiness of the past.
He cannot feel any of it, in the instants he spends looking at Nagisa's face — all that is left for him to recall is a single detail.
His true face, full of tears, is mirrored by each of those memories, with surprising clarity for a time that is already gone. Nagisa and his smile were there — whenever he was close to abandoning hope, whenever he got angry, or felt enough joy to want to share it. He was always with him, one way or another.
And he left so that Rei could return.
"Rei-chan," Nagisa says, with the same pain as him in his broken voice. "You came back."
That is the last thing Rei hears, before running to him and crying out that yes, he did.
As promised.
For the second time that day, Nagisa cannot decide how to react.
The tale of that dream, broken by the messy sobs he knows so well, was enough to make him feel his own eyes widening. He had to shut up for a while, his face on fire, as he tried to come up with the least embarrassing thing to say. But there is so much more that passes between them, beneath long silences and bickering — a part of them went past that a long time ago.
That Rei cares about him so — enough to lower his gaze in sadness, right there, in that quiet space of theirs that is their journey home — is still almost too much to believe. Even so, Nagisa believes in him.
"There is no need to worry, Rei-chan," he promises. "I am right here."
For the second time that day, Rei sees a reassuring smile on his face. This time they are real, together, and awake as can be.
It is good to be back home.
Shameful sappiness inspired by the Reigisa mook. Thank you so much, brumalbreeze, for sharing your translation, and sunyshore, for your scans! Your kindness made my day brighter. Dedicated to tenitchyfingers, because I think we need to adopt them together.