Driving home from class always gives Kevin a sense of freedom, space, enough to clear his head from the frustrations of misbehaved students and the shitty paper work of Gym inventory; mouthy Board of Education members who seem to drop by more than invited, even the way the secretary snapped when he asked for his grade registry papers, Christ what was wrong with Betty today, seriously-his bike on a soft October evening is good therapy, an effective way to rid himself of the tension.
Throughout his childhood, he was filled with misplaced anger; Edd knows that better than anyone Kevin knew. Maybe even more than Nat. Kevin has changed, he has. He isn't angry anymore. His father is out of his life for good, Mom remarried to a really great guy and to be honest, college counseling did wonders.
But rude faculty and hormonal adolescents aren't on his mind as he turns into their apartment complex. Thumbing the small red, velvet box he's been keeping in his leather jacket pocket since three Mondays ago is filling him with awkward tension.
Tonight, he's going to ask Edd to marry him.
Ugh, Kevin wants to gag. Why does it feel so... cheesy? His heart does somersaults, his lips unwillingly form a bright smile, and muscles melt into putty-he feels like the personification of the 80's movie Footloose. Yes, unfortunately he's seen it, and no, it wasn't willingly. Nat has formed a fetish for musicals after dating Rave. Kevin shivers at the thought of musical sex; definitely not his kink.
Parking his bike, Kevin tries to cough the smile off his face and the butterflies out of his stomach as he fidgets with the little box in his jacket pocket. It's a silver ring. A friend of his step dad Ted, is a well known silversmith in Ohio and Ted got the thing engraved with the chemical structure of 'Oxytocin' for a cheap price.
Oxytocin, the chemical hormone in the human body that is stimulated during sex, and which creates the 'butterfly feeling' when you're with that someone. Kevin's smart, he knows these things. Mostly because Edd told him, but the idea of it never really left Kevin's head.
Kind of how Edd never really left his head, even when he went off the college, and grad school. He's always been there to put butterflies in Kevin's stomach. It's gross and sappy, but being able to push their apartment door open to the smell of Edd cooking something delicious for dinner, the soft humming of classical Mozart, and the Discovery channel playing absently in the background is something Kevin wants to come home to everyday.
The thought of someone other than him having this, having Edd, made Kevin's heart clench.
Pulling off his jacket and toeing off his shoes, Kevin obediently places them where Edd has instructed a million times. ("Kevin do not drape your jacket on the couch! It's not a blanket nor is the couch a coat rack! If it's raining you'll stain the fabric!" "Kevin! You're tracking grease into the house! You had better put those slippers on Mister!")
Softly padding his way into the kitchen, Kevin smiles at the scents wafting around the room. "Dinner smells good," Kevin coos.
He slips up behind Edd and slides his hands around Edd's hips under his apron-Kevin won't say what they've used it for but he has wonderful memories of Edd wearing nothing but the apron and making breakfast more than once. He hums at the thought against his boyfriend's neck, placing soft kisses to his shoulder blades through his dress shirt.
"Yes, making Coq au Vin." Oh sweet God when Edd speaks french-Kevin buries his face against his back, trying to hide his wolfish grin. "Should be done en cinq minuet."
"Well it smells delicious," Kevin hums, hooking his chin over Edd's shoulder to watch him stir, slyly untucking the dress shirt from his boyfriend's slacks to splay his hands on his stomach. Edd's so warm, with his sharp planes of skin and bones, compared to Kevin's more chunky bits. Edd's all long, tall, and handsome. He wasn't always tall, but he's always been handsome, at least to Kevin (and half the students and faculty at the school who whisper how cute the AP science teacher is).
It's perfect incentive. Give horny teenagers a sexy professor and they'll want to excel in advanced placement classes just to oogle at his ass all day. Kevin would. Kevin does, if he's honest.
"Y-you should wash up and-" Edd stutters as Kevin pulls himself closer, sucking soft kisses into Edd's neck, thumbing his hip bones. "Kevin!" Edd giggles, slapping the redhead's arm with a clean spatula.
"Yeah," kiss, "yeah," kiss. "Wash up and set the table. I've got it." He nibbles on the shell of Edd's ear just to feel him shudder and feel his knees wobble before hearing a small gasp that makes Kevin suddenly lets go. He isn't a tease, he just likes to rile Edd up. It's an urge that's never stopped even after childhood. Old habits never fade, Kevin muses as he washes his hands after listening to Edd huff and scowl at him from the stove.
Dinner is quiet besides the small banter and Edd complaining about students who don't seem to grasp the subjects he teaches. Well, it's more Edd trying to understand parenting methods and how some teens act younger than their age. "Not everyone was a genius at ten, Edd." Kevin says, smirking around the delicious chicken in his mouth.
"Don't I know that to be true," Edd teases, grinning like a sly cat as he licks a sauteed carrot seductively off his fork, dragging his lips over the silver and into his mouth. If Kevin wasn't so in love with this snarky bastard, Kevin would throw something at him. He settles with flicking a mushroom off his plate and into Edd's drink.
It was so sudden and quiet that they could hear to plop of the mushroom hitting the water, causing them to burst into a fit of laughter. Kevin falls out his chair and Edd can't stop laughing.
"You owe me a new water." Edd hiccups a few stray chuckles before taking a small bite of his chicken.
"You owe me a new mushroom."
Kevin smiles at Edd across the table and Edd smiles back.
"I love you," Kevin whispers.
It isn't foreign. They've said it multiple times, sometimes over and over in one day. But this time it feels different, it feels infinite as the red velvet box burns a hole in the back of his head from where it sits in his jacket hanging by the door.
"I love you too." Edd smiles back, placing one of his mushrooms on Kevin's plate.
Kevin showers, helps put the dishes away, and loads the dishwasher before sitting next to Edd on the couch as he types away on his laptop. It looks like some sort of review sheet, from where Kevin sits as he peers over his shoulder. The heavy weight of Kevin's ring in his leather pocket by the front door keeps him looking back over the couch to stare at it. This feels like the right time; they're happy, they're well fed, relaxed. Kevin softly manhandles Edd against his chest, though he's too engrossed in his little laptop science world to care, but sighs happily once cuddled against Kevin's chest.
Now or never, Kev. Taking deep breaths, he absently plays with the loose strains of Edd's hair in his ponytail; a habit really. "Hey-uh, Edd?" Kevin stutters, trying to control his breathing for fear he might pass out from lack of oxygen. Everything feels so heavy, so slow. The TV is on but absent to Kevin's ears as blood rushes under his skin-he can feel it. Pumping, moving-it's concerning.
Edd makes a humming noise, which means he's listening, he's listening, and Kevin nods, twirling a stray black hair with his index finger. It's calming him slowly. Edd will you marry me? No, that sounds too... weird. Will you be my husband? That just makes him sound like a housewife.
"Do you think we'll ever end up like my mom and Ted?" Not really the question Kevin wanted to ask, but it feels better, less scary to ask even though his heart drops once Edd stiffens in his arms.
"What?" Edd chuckles, taking his hands off his keyboard and folding them against his stomach. Kevin gulps. "Divorced and remarried?"
"No-I mean," Kevin grumbles, awkwardly shifting his hands around Edd's waist as if he would drift away and out of Kevin's arms at any minute. "No, I mean … married?"
Edd chuckles, chest vibrating with each puff, and adjusts his glasses on his nose to continue typing. Kevin feels his skin run cold. "I've never really thought about it Kevin. Not to sound blunt but, /you/? A husband?" Edd chuckles again, more breathlessly, and Kevin is holding himself back from screaming.
What does Edd want that Kevin isn't? What is Kevin then? If he isn't a husband, if he isn't what Edd wants then what does Edd want? Each lingering snicker from Edd's chest builds up a rock in Kevin's throat, squeezing his neck, making his eyes water. It's dreadful. The weight of the ring, still sitting in his jacket pocket, feels like sinking, falling; the nausea of sea sickness kicks in and Kevin feels like he might throw up.
"Why do you ask Kevin? Your mother ask you for grandchildren again?" Another fit of fleeting laughter escapes Edd, and Kevin never thought he'd cry. Hasn't since his grandmother died when he was in high school. This isn't a mourning cry, this is… this is his life, everything he thought he knew pulling the rug from under him, letting him sink.
"Kevin?"
"Is it a joke to you?" Kevin spits, arms unlacing from Edd's torso, fists likes boulders as they clench and unclench.
"Wha-Kevin? I don't-" Edd leans up, taking his glasses off and closing his computer.
"You don't what Edd?" Kevin's too numb to feel the bursting redness behind his eyes, or the way the tears spill down his cheeks. "Don't think I'm worth it? Think I'm good enough?" Edd looks shocked, confused, as if he should be hurt but isn't. Why isn't he hurting? Why doesn't this feel like knives in Edd's gut, like what Kevin feels as he hangs from the couch, so dizzy and nauseous with pain he never thought he could experience.
Kevin's thinking it, wants to scream it, but as Edd simply stares at him from the couch, not sure whether to reach for him or leave him, Kevin backs up, missing the coffee table by an inch. "Am I a joke to you?" He whispers, his throat closing up.
"Kevin, what-I don't understand." Edd slowly eases from the couch, extending his arms. Kevin wants to break them, wants to break everything so Edd knows how much this fucking hurts. "No, no, you're not a joke. Kevin-I-I...?"
"I'm sorry that wanting to be your husband is a joke to you. Obviously I'm too stupid, I'm too useless for you. I'll just-" Kevin breathes heavily, turning around and swiftly dodging Edd's outstretched arms, knowing he might hurt Edd. "Don't-" He growls, pulling his leather jacket on roughly, toeing on his boots, ignoring the emptiness in his pockets as he grabs his keys off the rack, ignoring how much Edd isn't moving from his spot by the couch; letting him leave, with a thunderstruck expression on his face.
Obviously Kevin isn't worth the fight, isn't worth the words as he storms from the house on shaky legs, breathing through his nose or else he'll start sobbing. Speeding from the parking lot, he ignores his name as Edd yells it from their front door to the sound of his bike howling on the road.
Obviously, Kevin isn't worth the love.
Thank you for my beta, Molly ( ), and Frosty ( ) for the wonderful support! Please leave me any comments, concerns or questions! They're appreciated!
(=｀ω´=) 3 I'll be posting chapter too soon! Check for updates!