Authors note: My name is Ronald David Stine, i am creating this piece of literature to focus my creative ideas and imagination into something others can enjoy and appreciate. What I'm going to be making is basically a giant crossover that's probably going to conflict with every plot point it comes across. I'll be using a few bits and pieces of others jokes and I appreciate people being able to point these out and encourage you all to do so. Know now that the groups and people whose jokes I'm using all inspired me to varying degrees and will be given due credit! This being said, please enjoy!
The limitless adventures/travels/wanderings/misadventures/battles/randomness of Ronnie. Chapter 1
Ronnie was rather confused by his predicament, then again a dragon's stomach isn't exactly beneficial to one's orientation, and frankly the inability to remember anything past a gaping maw wasn't helping. He decided he had more pressing matters to attend to. The dragon in question was rather regretting eating the human, as it was an impulsive decision and he wasn't even hungry. The sharp pains and unnaturally fast pace in which it was progressing through his digestive track unsettled him.
He quickly lost interest as he realized that he had other digestive needs a little farther down the line to get over with. Taking flight the dragon set off to a more private location. Upon arriving, he started to get the feeling that the human wasn't dead and sure enough after finishing there it was amongst the fecal matter looking somewhere between livid and relieved. Noticing that the human was rather young he wondered how much quick thinking getting out of him must have taken.
The youth looked up and began talking,
Ronnie: The name's Ronnie and, um, what just happened set aside, nice to meet you. By the way, could you please not do that again?
Odahviing: I am known as Odahviing, replied the dragon, and yes I will refrain from eating you.
Before Ronnie could thank him they heard a faint voice on the wind.
Odahviing: The Dragonborn summons me, I must go.
As he watched the dragon fly away, Ronnie decided to start moving until he found something. After finding a road and travelling down it for a day he decided that the whole clueless about what was going on and can't remember squat thing wasn't important at the moment and could work on it when he wasn't so hungry. The next morning he reached a village and started looking around and ended up at the mill, the owner identified the village as Riverwood.
She introduced herself as Gurder, after a polite chat she gave Ronnie a job at the sawmill. He set and began felling trees and used the river to send them back to the mill. After a few trips up and down the river, he noticed a small boulder move and soon realized that it was actually a large crab. It began to advance on him pincers raised menacingly, only to receive an axe between its eyes.
After looting the corpse and shoving it into the river, Ronnie proceeded to take stock of his pack. He had several alchemy reagents and not much else other than his axe. He then realized that said axe was still lodged in the crab's corpse and floating along downstream. Before he could retrieve it he heard scuttling coming from behind, turning around he saw a spider bigger than himself rush him and in seconds was flung into the air, landing painfully.
Knowing that a retreat was impractical he turned and faced his adversary who proceeded to pin him and promptly raised a jagged limb to finish the job. Before it killed him the spider is skewered by a scorpion's sting surprising Ronnie and killing the spider. Not waiting to face the sting's owner, Ronnie begins to head away but notices a strange feeling coming from his back. Reaching behind himself he feels a hard shell like object jutting out and soon realized it was the scorpions' tail.
Needless to say Ronnie was stuck between thinking this new development was awesome and worried about figuring out how to work the darn thing (not to mention the hole in his shirt). After some experimenting he finally achieved minor control of his new appendage, amusing himself by bringing it out and retracting it repeatedly saying "Sting goes on sting goes off". He looted the spider and set off after his axe. Finding the crab downstream, axe still faithfully lodged in the corpse, Ronnie pulls his roving tool out and returns to the sawmill, intent on keeping the spider incident, and his sting, to himself.
He then noticed that he was referring to his abnormality as sting and officially christened it so. Gurder paid Ronnie for his work and thanked him for his efficiency. Ronnie then found the inn and rented a room for the night, but before going to sleep he started experimenting with the alchemy table resulting in a healing potion and a small explosion. After fixing the workspace Ronnie proceeded to his room and promptly fell asleep.
The week proceeded with few incidents, but Ronnie still bought a sword from Alvor, the town's blacksmith. It was a simple blade, and the quality of the iron wasn't perfect but he felt good with its sheath on his belt. He opted to make a shield on his own, Alvor let him use the forge and after a bit of work, a decent shield was forged. After finishing up at the mill, he noticed a wanted poster for a bandit leader at the nearby mine.
This looks like a job for, well, whoever gets to him first! Soon after he made it to the mine. The sentry noticed him at that point.
Bandit: Halt, who are you?
Ronnie: I'm me!
This infuriated the sentry into attack. Well that conversation didn't last long Ronnie thought as he blocked her strike. She pressed him back and he realized that this was going to end badly in a straight out fight.
Ronnie: Look over there!
Looking behind her the sentry felt nothing as her head flew from her torso. Note to self, loot the body later and never fall for that trick. Advancing into the cave he discovered a pleasant lack of bandits other than the leader in a drunken stupor, he went down without any trouble due to being drunk or else he probably would have been a tough adversary. After looting everything of value Ronnie took a trophy from the corpse of the leader's corpse to prove his deed.
Ronnie: Now to find out how to get the reward from killing him!