How to live with Sherlock bloody Holmes

By John H Watson

1. Sherlock gets bored very easily.

I didn't know that his boredom could actually reach to the point of breaking into to Downing street, setting the table on fire " for scientific purposes", playing Marco Polo with Moriarty and stealing Mycroft's umbrella and naming it Susie...

I tried everything, I pestered Lestrade for cases only for Sherlock to name them boring, I even tried to explain the concepts of Cluedo to Sherlock, resulting in Sherlock typing a very angry email to the maker claiming that their game didn't make sense.

So I took Sherlock shopping, resulting in Sherlock ending up at Scotland Yard for vandalizing a chip and pin machine because it wasn't nice to me.

I was in for a long week...

2. Sherlock Doesn't sleep... Ever.

Sherlock had been awake for three days straight, His eyes kept drooping but they refused to close.

I ended up drugging his tea, the worst idea ever.

Sherlock sipped his tea cautiously only for him to spit the hot beverage directly into my face. Too shocked to move, Sherlock then proceeded to tip the whole cup down my shirt before storming out the kitchen to torture the violin... again.

Result:

I didn't get to sleep either.

3. Sherlock liked to " experiment".

Every disaster in the flat which included:

a burning table

a missing front door

My collection of jumpers severely depleted

A missing bed (my Bed)

A melted radiator

And multiple body parts in milk bottles

were all because Sherlock likes to "experiment"

And we must never EVER interfere.

4. When living with Sherlock you must also deal with Mycroft.

Sherlock was once again bored, yippedy doo.

I could hear shouting, oh bloody hell, The queen (apparently) had arrived.

I just sat on the couch ignoring Sherlock and Mycroft whilst they deduced each other with the usual " how's the diet?" comment thrown in there.

Eventually I had enough

" WILL YOU TWO JUST SHUT UP!" I yelled

Sherlock was taken aback and Mycroft appearance was apologetic.

Hell, even the umbrella looked apologetic.

He said sorry and swiftly turned around and left Baker Street.

Sherlock looked thankful but before he could open his big mouth I interrupted

"No no no no, don't you think your getting away with this either, go to your room and think about what you said!"I told him

I watched him trudge off when I realized I really was dealing with a child.

5. He almost never eats.

It had been a long week, Sherlock was stuck on case he was determined to finish so naturally he wasn't eating.

I had begged him to eat, put food in front of him only to throw it away untouched so I turned to my last resort.

I dragged him away from staring out the window and sat him down at the kitchen table.

I heated up some tomato soup and sat on his lap so he couldn't get up. I scooped up some soup with a spoon and held to his mouth, he refused to open his mouth.

" Oh god Sherlock do I have to say the words..."

His mouth stayed closed,

" fine... Here comes the choo choo train!" I said in a sing song voice

" oh no we've hit an obstruction!"

" John wh-"

before he could carry on I shoved the spoon into his mouth

"and we're in the tunnel!"

Unfortunately Lestrade had dropped in for another drugs bust and his whole team were staring at us in shock...

Great...