Title: Enemy of my Enemy
Summary: Pre-movie. A new kind of evil rears its ugly head leaving Metro Man and Roxanne in desperate need for the help of… Megamind! "I have never failed! Not once! I just found 10.000 ways that don't work!" Ohw snap!
Genre: Adventure/Humour
Disclaimer: I do not own Megamind characters, heroes, villains, environments etc, etc. Any OC, hero, villain or location not recognisable is mine.
Rating and Warning: T for swearing and other bad words. Violence and a lot of explosions. Metro Man getting his ass kicked. OOCness maybe? A little bit crack-ish at some points.
A/N: I strongly recommend the Megamind soundtrack.
…- Evil Scheme of Uber Badassery -…
"Alright Minion…" He begins, a sleek smile playing on his lips. "Let's see if we're on scedu-ele…"
"On schedule… yes sir!" Minion, with his robot monkey body and fishy head finishes securing the powerful ropes around their favourite kidnap victim. He then turns to his blue master and waits for further instructions, the evil genius having produced a scrap piece of paper with their latest Evil Scheme of Uber Badassery. Where he keeps his belongings in that suit of his is a mystery not even Minion dares to solve.
"One! Kidnap Miss Ritchi." He proudly proclaims with a dramatic and random pose, poking the air with his finger. Beneath the bag Roxanne rolls her eyes, breathing heavily through her mouth so she won't be hit too hard with the bad smell. How many times more would she have to complain about the bag's stench before any of the two villains would find the decency to wash it? Seriously, if she could bring it home she'll wash it for them!
"Two! Tie her to the end of the crane…" Did she hear that one right? "Is she secure Minion?" Someone, probably Minion, tugs at the ropes around her chest. Crane huh? That's new. Well, whatever it is she's sitting on isn't her beloved (Bwahahaha… ah… sarcasm…) chair. She hears the fish grunt softly in acknowledgement, seemingly pleased with what he has done. "As secure as can be sir." Roxanne sighs, and finally the bag over her head is lifted, allowing her to take a deep breath of fresh, cold air. "Would it kill you… to…"
"Excellent! We wouldn't want her to fall to her demise precipitately now would we?"
"Uhm… precipitately sir?"
"Prematurely…" He replies on instant, seeming to be alright with Minion asking. Quickly he moves towards the base of the crane where her ropes are secured tight. The crane itself actually, is just a miniature crane. It stands as high as Minion stands tall, and it isn't very long. It's poking only five or so feet over the edge of the building.
Not very sexy.
If she does topple over her fall will be ended short by the rope coiling around her attached to the base. Megamind fingers it once, feeling it tight and secure.
"Three!" The genius of all that is evil and vile and nasty continues, seemingly not catching what she just said or ignoring her. He begins to rant on about the third part of the plan, moving around and making wild gestures here and there as he usually does with loud proclamations of evil and difficult words. Roxanne herself is a bit too stunned to react, blue eyes darting left and right.
This is definitely something new from Megamind's secret hideout.
With a harsh gust the wind blows through her hair, quite powerfully too. They are standing at the top of one or Metro City's highest sky scrapers close to the centre of the city. The brunette is met with an astonishing sight of the entire city, and although the view is nice, it's also quite new from the blinking dials in the evil lair. Of course the first hint she had gotten that something was off was the fact she had been planted onto something metallic, not the strangely cosy chair back in the lair. Her chair, always reserved for her. And the wind. That ticket her off too. "You really think you'll get away with this?" She flashes him a smile, watching as that big head of his comes up with a reply. He doesn't seem to notice the hint of fear in her voice, which is good. If she looks directly down she can look… well… very far down.
Like fifty stories down.
"As good as can be." Minion mutters softly, double checking her ropes. He hums some more to himself, climbing down the low crane in one of the swiftest moves she had even seen him make. A spare thought crosses her mind, she is sitting on a cold pipe at the end of a small crane, with a skirt, and a lot of wind trying to blow her off or at least under her skirt.
Megamind is taking so long to respond… is he looking into her skirt? If he is she is going all gangsta on his blue ass.
"Well for one…" He finally begins, holding a single finger up for emphasis. "… I am extremely fantastic, and two…" He pauses for a moment, mind obviously coming up with nothing. "Well I don't need a two because the first one was so great!" He stomps his foot and gives her a high and mighty glance from the corner of his eye, trying not to look too much at her. If the wind blows hard enough he will be able to see beneath her skirt and that will be disastrous because that will make it hard to think. And he needs his brain when Metro Man shows up. Roxanne raises her brows, not impressed anymore because she knows she's heard that one in a movie once.
This is the man that kidnaps her on a monthly basis? She should be ashamed of herself.
"Oh…" She suddenly remembers, head turning around to look for her purse. "Minion, can you stamp my frequent kidnapping card? It's in my purse." Oh wow she almost forgot. And she's only three more kidnappings away from a full card.
"Oh sure! I almost forgot!" The fish in the gorilla suit happily chimes. "I left your purse in the car, I'll go and do that right now before I forget." With that he bounds off, escaping through a door at the other end of the roof. With a sigh Roxanne returns to enjoying the view, wondering Metro Man is taking so long.
Just as the alien fish leaves the scene with heavy clatter of his metal feet a powerful gust of wind rips the paper from Megamind's clutches. With a surprised yelp and a high pitched 'Minion!' he follows suit, trying to catch the paper before it flies over the edge. Should anyone get a hold of his Evil Scheme of Uber Badassery he will be doomed.
Instead of Metro Man!
With a loud 'Oompfh!' he even manages to slam himself into a strangely looking motorcycle. Roxanne had been eyeing it for a moment, the machine seems awfully new and when the wind directs towards her she can smell the paint still fresh on the machine. It just reminds her of a motorcycle without wheels, and with an engine more powerful then is legally allowed. Does Megamind actually have an escape plan this time?
That is new.
"Minion!" He cries out, of sheer habit, making a scene and one last leap towards the fleeing paper. Roxanne's eyes go wide when he collapses against the base of the crane with a lot of force, and they manage to go even wider when the rope slips out of the knot ever so slightly. Obviously Megamind has never been with the boy scouts. Murphy's law indicates that then, the wind picks up with a nasty howl, throwing her off balance and tumbling backwards. Something akin to her life flashes before her eyes along with a whish she had given to poor people more often.
Megamind, now with a painful left side and a splitting headache acts just in time, grabbing the rope with slender fingers as it slips out of the knot and almost through the loop on top of the crane. He'd actually acted out of instinct the moment his victim began to scream in sheer terror, while he wasn't even paying attention.
That, and Roxanne never screams for him.
"Help!" It has been months since he last heard her scream for help, and back then it was just because it had been their five year anniversary. She had to, back then, because it seemed both Megamind and Metro Man had pulled everything out of the closet in a glorious battle between good and evil. And Roxaroo isn't a spoil sport. When, while falling over and down, she comes to an abrupt stop not too long after, relief washing over her as well as her tears now streaking down her face as she dangles helplessly. When she slowly twirls around because of the wind, still bound she spots the blue menace holding onto the rope for dear life, keeping a death grip on it.
Then Roxanne sees something that absolutely pisses her off, near death situation forgotten.
Megamind, in all his blue badassery is trying to hold on, having thrown all of his weight into the rescue and still the rope was slowly giving way, lifting him higher and higher with every second that ticked away. She feels the rope give in with every inch he's being lifted and she's descending.
That's it! No more fries, not more fat, no more chocolate. If the villain with his skinny blue ass was lighter then she was she knew it was time to start dieting again. No way she was going to be heavier then him when he was the one with the giant blue head!
The blue villain had never intended to hurt her, much less kill her which meant that she really needs rescuing now. That even Megamind needs mister goody-two-shoes to save the day.
Oh the irony.
"Megamind!" Normally, the blue villain is just happy to hear the hero's voice, to start the new level of game they have going here. Now, he is ecstatic. Yay, Roxanne would be fine now!
"Metro Man!" He swings his long legs, using the momentum to twirl around. If he stretches far enough his toes reach the ground, oh hopefully he doesn't look too silly. He kicks to and fro when he spins too far, and into a full circle, and coming to a stop in that position. Metro Man sighs softly as his nemesis grunts and kicks the gravelled ground. With a lot of noise and even more kicking he twirls back round, actually managing to come to a stop while still facing Metro Man.
Of course, here is where they begin. Roxanne rolls her eyes and turns her head back to the view, hoping they can get this over with quickly. She's getting hungry. It must be near dinner time. Oh crap! She was on a diet!
Today, Metro Man starts. "Of all the evil things you have done this is the evilest thing you ever did."
Megamind chuckles softly, flashing a toothy grin of evil. "You know me. When I'm good, I'm very good. When I'm bad I'm even better." He manages, his voice straining with the weight pulling at his long arms. Metro Man glares. "This is so very wicked, too wicked even for you!"
"When choosing between two evils, I always like to try the one I haven't tried before. You should know this by now you stupid Superman rip-off!"
"The difference between stupidity and genius is that genius has its limits." Actually, Metro Man had found this little quote months ago while Googling cool quotes and ever since then had been dying to use it. His turn to smile proudly when the blue villain huffs out of frustration. And annoyance when Roxanne shifts a bit more, lifting him off the ground completely. Metro Man twitches, ready to fly to her aid if things do go wrong. Even he can appreciate how well Megamind clings to the rope, absolutely refusing to release it until the time is just right.
"You will fail, Megamind. You always fail, evil always fails!"
"I have never failed! Not once! I just found 10.000 ways that don't work!" Ohw snap! In yo face Metro Man!
Another howl of wind swipes along Roxanne's body, causing the rope to strain even more. Megamind mutters a curse, out of breath from trying to keep a lock on the rope and kicking frantically to keep facing his nemesis. She needs to lose some weight if we do this again. He thinks to himself and groans, giving the brunette lady a sideways glance. Someone was going to receive a very long email stating a healthy diet and lots of exercise. Who the hell did she think he was?
Metro Man?
When the hero takes too long to respond Megamind continues with an evil cackle. Well, it was supposed to sound evil and cackly, but it sounds more like a series of wheezes. "Believe that you are defeated, believe it long and hard enough, and it is likely to become a fact."
"Your hands are tied. You know you can't hold a man down without staying down with him."
"Oh crap! I have a totally… kickass comeback at that!… But my arms are killing me!"
"It's alright, I'll catch her!"
This is the man that saves her all the time from the man that kidnaps her all the time? Roxanne should be ashamed of herself.
"Ung… a little abuse keeps the joints loose. Well Metro Man…It's me… Or her!" Relief washes over his arms when he releases the rope which quickly gives way under Roxanne's weight. She is going to be just fine, she saw Metro Man flinch to move, to catch her. She still screams, out of adrenaline and a little bit of fear. But she knows it, like Metro Man knows it. Like Megamind himself knows it. He wouldn't have let her go if Metro Man hadn't been here. In fact, he would have clamped onto that rope for dear life, clutching it until his blue fingers were hurting and throbbing or losing the feeling inside completely.
With an evil cackle, which he has been practicing vigorously he limbs onto his recently created hover bike, actually sore just from holding the rope. He starts the engine and soon enough, though the reporter had fallen quite a distance her screaming had stopped abruptly.
Metro Man had caught her, as usual. And was bringing her to safety, as usual. And then he would start to pursuit Megamind in order to bring him to justice.
As usual.
The air swipes angrily against his face as he speeds the engine, his fast machine roaring while he forces it over the edge of the tall building and along the wall of the skyscraper. A quick glance to his left and indeed, a blur of white flying off with a hint of purple. Roxanne's purple.
The bike purrs like a kitten when he manoeuvres her down from the scraper and onto the streets, through the road, going way faster then the speed limit. Her speed is slightly surprising, though a very nice twist. Metro Man will never catch him on this baby.
The blue genius made his escape, so no jail this month. Well good. He has projects that need finishing, machines that need to be build and blueprints that need to be perfected. He could start with an abandoned project which he had been itching to finish recently.
Robo-Sheep.
Oh the horror they would bring!
…- Somewhere across Metro City -…
"Yeah, I'll be fine. They usually return my purse by mail, or when they kidnap me the next time. I just hope Minion doesn't forget to stamp my card…" With an acknowledging grunt Metro Man gently places her on her balcony. He doesn't release her just yet, noticing the wobble in her legs. Today has been something else.
With a tired sigh Roxanne steadies herself. "I'll just go to bed early and sleep this all of like a bad hangover." She jokes. The other man's hearty laugh makes her laugh too. It's hard not to see the humour in this one.
"Until next time then." He gives a salute and off he goes, into the air.
Roxanne quickly becomes just a little dot waving at him, and soon he doesn't even see her home anymore.
Inhaling deeply Metro man is met with the delicious smell of evening falling. It will be a few more minutes before the sun would start to set, which led to a decision quickly made. With a sly smile he descends to the ground, close to a super market in a quiet neighbourhood. The sliding door beeps when he enters, swiftly grabbing a basket and getting to shopping. There is a reason why he comes to this store a little more often.
Some crackers, cheese, a bottle of Moscato d'Asti and he is good to go. On his way to pay for his new belongings he grabs himself a small box, admiring the fine glass inside. One for red wine, and one for white wine. Ah, he loves these campaigns. Not only does he get a stamp for every five bucks he spends here, he gets to lick it and paste it to his card, and when his card is full he'll also get these two glasses for free!
Awesome!
"Would you like a new card?" The cashier asks him without blinking, staring at the magnificent hero standing before her. She's actually starting to doorl but he pretends he doesn't notice it. Everyone in the store is looking now, witnessing a sight only imaginable in their wildest dreams.
A super hero… purchasing groceries.
It's all so… amazing…
"Have a good evening." He smiles, placing his new items in a plastic bag and heading off. He keeps walking until he's left the store, whistling a tune greatly of key. Once more he is off, flying to his favourite spot where he can lounge and watch the sunset. Hopefully, though usually, on days when Megamind attacks, the city becomes overall quiet. Crime seems to take a quick breather so it seems, with Megamind as its trump card against good. Like the Ace of Spades.
Indeed he is on time, the sun just beginning to settle as he takes a seat on a bench he had flown in here just for moments like this. Sometimes the hero will come here to watch a sunset, or sunrise, or just the city sky at any time of day. Moments like this are peaceful, and even better when the first drops of wine touch his lips. The only thing topping this now is the sexy piece of cheese just whispering him to take a bite.
Chuckling softly to himself Metro Man sighs again, content and proud of himself for saving Roxanne. He will have to get out to search for Megamind, the evil genius is obviously plotting something now that he escaped. Though when he does he'll let Metro Man know.
That's why they exchanged numbers after all.
The cracker crumbles between his teeth and he slowly chews, absently wondering what Megamind will be up to.
He has been bragging about Robo-Sheep for a while now. Or was it Robo-Llamas? Oh that would be so cool. Maybe they can spit fire? That would be sweet.
An airplane flies low over the city, its engine roaring as it passes. The sky is slowly getting darker as the sun is half set beneath the horizon. The hero takes another sip from his wine, keeping his glass close to his mouth. The scene is perfect like always, and one would go for the cliché 'too perfect' if it wasn't always like this.
Save for the feeling of being watched ruining the moment.
Megamind?
No, he would be too busy with other plans right now. Soaking in his little half victory of getting away, dancing around his lair with Minion cheering him on. Metro Man decides to cut the villain some slack, since he did keep his clutches on the rope when he needed to. That scores a bit in the hero's books, hopefully he'll do more of that. He did look pretty funny dangling and kicking the air like that.
A Brainbot maybe?
No, although some are stationed around the city to spy or look for the next location to strike, they are very rarely seen in Metro City. That, and rain seems to be coming in from the north. Which means Megamind will go to extremes to keep his babies inside where they are dry and warm. Dry, he gets but warm? Maybe he will never understand that evil genius.
A fan perhaps?
No. A fan, a human, he would hear coming from quite a distance even if they were sneaking up. He should hear the clicking of a camera by now, or the zooming of one but none of that.
"Can I help you?" The hero softly inquires, placing his glass on the ground and sitting back. Maybe it's just a fan that is very good in sneaking. Sneaking has been raised to an art by Megamind, so why shouldn't a human be able to come this close without him noticing? However, when he is met by silence, by nothing more then a chilled, cold laughter that makes Megamind's heavily practised laugh happy, friendly and soft Metro Man turns his head round, spotting someone half hanging out of a wall.
Maybe like… a ghost?
"Metro Man… We meet at last…"
-Word vervolgd
This came to me so quickly I just had to post it. I am an absolute addict when it comes to uber cool quotes. And you know what? I like Minion! Look at that little face, he gets you with that little face!
Once again, I hope they were in character enough. I did mention this in the warning, but I had so much fun with my stupid jokes it might have slipped here and there. Well, I hope that at least you enjoyed.