A million memories flash between a hundred shades of light. The sweat rolls from my forehead down to my chest, I can feel the painful beating of my heart, or was that the music? I can't even tell the difference anymore, I couldn't tell five shots ago. Everything is a blur, my eyes can't keep up with the crowd. I can feel the beat of the music but I can't hear it. Wasn't drinking more fun than this before?
"Please Sam?! The kids will love it!" I beg, trying to give Sam my best kitty cat eyes. Or was it puppy dog eyes?..I kind of like kitty cat eyes though, because my name is cat and I like cats! Hehe get it?!
"How about you PLEASE stop hugging me?!" Sam barks, trying to squirm out of my hug. I giggle and let go, and grab on to her wrist instead. Her skin so pale against mine, but still so warm. My fingers burn at the touch, and my heart skips a beat. Just like it always does when ever I touch Sam. Chiz, just looking at Sam made my heart skip a beat. There may have been boys before her, but now I know what I want. And it was my Sammy.
"Oh Sam, you're so distant." I giggle, batting my eyelids. She looks into my eyes and I can tell she's giving in.
She sighs and kisses my forehead "You're lucky I like you so much." she whispers against my skin. She always whispers her sweet confessions to me, I think she's scared of them, but I didn't mind. I smile and pull her into another hug.
"Yayy! I'll go get them!" I squeak and skip off into our bedroom where the kids are.
"Yeah, you go do that." Sam tries to say enthusiastically but fails, I let out a small giggle and open the door. These kids were huge fans of motorcycles, and I knew they would just love it if Sam rode hers around for them!
"She's gonna ride the motorcycle!" I yell and flail my arms around, they cheer and hop around and we run back into the living room together with equal happiness.
"Yeah, yeah. Lets just get this over with." Sam groans.
"Cat? Cat!" The familiar voice echoes through my ears but I can't see who's talking, I spin around. It's my manager Dice, who also happens to be the only thing keeping me up.
I giggle and nearly fall into him. "Your hair looks so funny!" I slur, cracking up and leaning into him.
I can see words flying out of his mouth but I can't hear him, why can't I hear anything?! His skin keeps changing into different colors, green, blue, red, yellow, green. Giggles start to uproar from my throat again, I think I'm holding him but I'm not sure. The feelings in my hands aren't working so well either.. The colors start to fade and things are getting darker but I know I'm not passing out. Dice must've sat me down somewhere. I look around, I'm sitting on a red couch. The same red as my hair, or at least how my hair was. The way she used to love it.
"No no no!" I yell, slamming down my fist on the couch, Dice sits down next to me and wraps his arms around me.
"Hey, hey, just calm down Cat. You had a little bit too much to drink, just sit here and relax. DON'T LEAVE. I'll be right back I promise." Dice pats my back a little before he walks away. At least I can hear now, but I still feel weird.. I start counting down each minute he's gone, I feel lonely, I have to leave. I get up but fall back down, the ground is cold and I squeal as it burns my body all at once. My legs don't want to stand up, so I crawl out of the dark room and back into the lights. The beats of my heart being replaced once again by the thuds of the music.
"Kid, you have no idea how much I love you." Sam whispers in my ear, her breath tickles and I laugh. We didn't have any kids to baby sit today so we decided to just have a lazy day. I make her meatballs, and she lets me hug her all I want. But now it's dark, and I need someone to protect me from the monsters under my bed.
"I love you too, Puckle." I whisper back and give her a soft peck.
"It's..Ah never mind." Sam laughs, she intertwines her fingers with mine and pulls me closer to her. I wrap my legs around hers and lay my head in the crook of her neck, her hands let go of mine and go around my waist instead. I whimper and give light kisses along her skin.
She grins "What's wrong Cat?"
"Oh nothing," I giggle "Just, your clothes are a bit itchy..I think you should take them off." I look up into her eyes and give her multiple winks.
"Alright, I get it, you can stop with the winks..Even if they are cute." Sam laughs, we spin around so she's on top of me, she stands up on her knees and takes off her shirt in one swift movement. Her body is so perfect, I couldn't help but blush and think about all the things I wanted her to do to me with that body. "But, just to be fair, maybe you should take off your shirt too." she smirks, and tugs at my shirt, I smile back at her and drag her hand down to my waist and slowly edge my shirt up.
"Oh, you want this off?" I tease, lifting her hand up a bit higher. I can feel her hand shaking against me. Tonight was going to be fun.
I manage to get back up somehow, and now I'm back at the bar ordering another drink.
"Want to hear about the love of my life?" I ask, my voice barely going higher than the music.
"Not really." the bartender retorts.
I start to giggle "You sound just like her!" I give him a light slap on the arm, he groans and goes back to mixing more drinks.
"I want to hear about the love of your life." says a soft voice, I turn to see a girl, her blonde hair glowing an odd green from the bar's black lights, the more I take in of her the more she reminds me of Sam.
"Sam?" I question, it comes out a bit slurred but still understandable. I put my drink down and lean in closer to her.
"Was that her name?" she chuckles as she scoots forward to me as well. I can't remember what I was talking about, but it must've been about Sam so I keep going.
"Y-Yeah..Her name was Sam, she looked JUST like you. She loved motorcycles, and meatballs, and me.." the more I talk about her the more my chest hurts, but I just take another drink and everything's okay. Soon a sudden burn goes down my throat and I cough up "Oh chiz what did I order?!" I giggle, still coughing. The girl laughs too and grasp my hand. It feels cold and I jerk back but I can't get it out of her clutch.
"Well..How about you forget about her for tonight and dance with me?" She whispers into my ear, I close my eyes and imagine Sam whispering instead of her. I smile and pull her onto the dance floor. Some song by Peezy B comes on and everyone starts jumping around, how this guy manages to still have a music career is beyond me but I pull the girl closer to me and grind up against her. Tripping nearly every other second but only laughing it off, my skin starts to tingle where her hands touch me.
"Oh Sam." I moan, her fingers linger over my skin, but barely touch. It drives me crazy what she does to me. She chuckles and lifts me up, pulling me into a kiss. I can feel her letting off a low growl into my mouth as I tug her hair
"Oh yeah keep pulling." The girl breathes against my cheek. We had left the club and had gone to some cheap motel. Her hands are gripping on tight to my hips, I moan and run my tongue up her neck and behind her ear. She laughs and nips at my ear, I gasp and she quickly slips in her tongue into my mouth. Her tongue taste like alcohol, but mine probably taste just as bad. Our movements are sloppy and at some points I'm not even sure we're actually kissing.
She kisses me again, and lowers me back down. I move my hand down to her center. Her breath hitches but she pulls my hand away.
"Sam what are you doing?" I ask, squeezing her hand. She continues to kiss along my jaw line as she speaks.
"Not yet kitten." Sam coos
I huff "But I need you n-"
"Now, give it to me now!" The girl demands, I feel rushed as she rips off our clothes. Why can't I stop thinking about Sam?! I look into this girl's eyes, she seems..Hungry..At least that's something I can relate with.. I shake my head, I'm too drunk to think of what I'm supposed to do. I take a breath and look at her, I have to admit, she is very attractive. Her chest moves up and down fast, her hand runs down from her breast to her clit and she begins messaging her self. The blonde lets out a low moan and bucks her hips. Motioning for me to continue, I lower down and kiss below her stomach, I trail my tongue down towards her core and kiss her lips. She sighs with satisfaction and slowly edges my head down lower.
I spread her legs apart farther and place my fingers at her clit. I take my other hand and place it around her entrance , I slip in a finger, and then another. It takes a minute but I start to find a good rhythm, she gasp with each push towards her spot.
I let out a whimper, my thighs shaking beneath her as she kisses up my leg, her hand almost touching my entrance but not close enough for my liking.
I groan "Sam please, just touch it a little." arching my back. She looks into my eyes and smiles, her kisses lead back down my legs and reach my aching center, she gradually licks upwards from my wetness to my clit. She moves her tongue around my clit again, pushing down, emitting a loud moan from me. Her fingers ease inside of me and move around, hitting spots I could never reach.
I scratch at her back as I can feel my orgasm rising, my jaw starts to quiver and I dig my nails deep into her soft skin. "Oh god yes don't stop, don't, don-" I growl and moan as I come down, the excitement in my body calming down. I collapse and close my eyes, I try to speak, but it only comes out as jumbled breaths. I can hear Sam chuckle and she kisses my forehead.
I reach my arms out to search for her and I grab her shoulder. I pull her down with me into a long kiss, my lips feel incomplete without hers around them. What was once just a few butterflies in my stomach has evolved into an undying love for a girl who I would have never guessed would come into my life. She wasn't just some cold, tough girl. She was MY cold tough girl, who secretly had a sweet side.
I wake up, cold, with a sharp pain forming in the back of my head. I open up my eyes to only shut them again from the force of a bright ceiling light. I groan and stand up, my whole body aches. I turn over to see a pale blonde girl beside me. She looks just like.. No I have to stop thinking of her, it had been four years since it happened, I have to get over Sam. Just the mention of her name grew my head pain immensely. I try to recall what happened last night, but I can't remember anything. Who is this girl? Oh well, not like it matters now. I look at my phone, nine missed calls from Dice, but I don't care. I stand up and get dressed.
There's a bottle of Jack Daniels on the table, unopened. I guess we were too drunk to start on another..I grab it and open it, taking a few swigs. So many great things have happened in my life, I got discovered, became famous, had all my dreams come true, so why can't I think of those?! No, instead all I can picture is the image of a tough blonde girl who gave me the best, and worse ride of my life.
"Ugh I can't fucking deal with this anymore!" Sam rages, " I told you I found that junk on the side of the road, it wasn't mine!"
"Stop lying to me!" I cry out "You don't just find a bag of coke on the side of the road! Why would you touch that stuff Sam?!" my throat hurts to speak, and my heart is beating uncontrollably, I hate arguing, it always does stuff to me that I don't want to happen.
"I'm telling you I DIDN'T! But you're really making me consider it!" She yells, grabbing her jacket. I gasp, I can't be that bad can I?! Tears start to form in my eyes as she grabs her jacket.
"Where are you going?!" I question, grabbing on to her arm but she nearly throws me back.
"I'm done, I need to leave now and break something before I go bizzerk." Sam puts on her jacket and walks out the door. I cry for her to come back but it's pointless.
Slightly buzzed, the tears feel like fire rolling down my cheeks. I try holding my breath to keep from crying but I only end up panicking. I slam my hands into my head, trying to push the memories out.
stop crying, stop crying, stop crying, please stop crying now.
I dig my nails into my face and scream, not realizing how stupid I must sound to everyone else in this motel.
Don't be weak Cat, she'll be back. Just. Stop. Crying.
I run out, surprisingly without tripping, and get a taxi. The driver gives me a welcoming hello and starts to drive.
"Where to ms?" the man ask.
"The farthest bridge out of town." I order. The man looks back at me concerned. "I'm uhm..Taking some photos for an album." I lie, he stares at me for what seems like forever until he only shrugs and listens.
Sam hasn't been home in hours, and I can't stop panicking. Everyone tried to help but they eventually left me to myself..I called Sam at least 10 times, but she never answered any of them. What if she leaves me forever?! I can't lose her. I've already lost too many people. I decide to call her one last time, the phone once again brings me to voice mail.
The ride is unusually long, the change from city to country is anything but subtle however. The almost immediate switch from tall buildings and people flourishing happily everywhere to a quiet peaceful forest is beautiful, the old me wouldn't be able to stop smiling about it. But that's why I was here, to get rid of the old me, to get rid of me.
I hear a knock at my door, I fly off my bed. Hoping to see the love of my life at the other side. I run to the door and open it, I'm greeted by two police officers.
"Is this the residence of Sam Puckett, mam?" One of the officers ask, what kind of trouble did Sam get into this time?
"Uh..Why yes officer it is." I fake a smile "What ever Sam did, I promise you she's innocent."
"Oh no, that's not the problem tonight." The officer explains to me the whole situation and my heart drops to my stomach. I can't even manage to get out words, I can't even begin to think. My whole body feels like it's on fire, I want to scream, I want to cry and hurt something, and scream. But I can't, I'm stunned. I can't move. The police walk away, leaving me to my paused state. I shut the door, and I fall to my knees and vomit. Finally a scream comes out of my throat, I dig my nails so deep into my scalp it starts to bleed and I can't stop sobbing.
Stop crying, stop crying, dammit stop crying. My muscles tense up as I try to stop, the drive is finally to a halt and I give the man his money. Soon he is gone and I am to myself. I check the date on my phone, May 4th, 2018. I clench my hands tight into a fist, my jaw trembles and I finally let go. I sit at the side of the bridge and cry. I stand up, wobbling from the alcohol but still stable. I look over and see the water from my eyes dropping down into the river far below me.
I check the date, May 14th, 2014. Only ten days after...I shut my eyes, and take a deep breath. I have to be strong today, I have to be strong for Sam. So many people are here, some I recognize, some I don't. All of which are crying or comforting one another..Dice and Goomer had to leave because Goomer was panicking. And Nona couldn't show up for some reason, so I was all alone. Freddie tried comforting me, but it didn't help..Her best friend Carly even came all the way from Italy just for this..
I want to tell her how sorry I am, how it's all my fault that Sam is dead, but I can barely talk without choking up. The funeral begins and a few come up to talk about their relationship with Sam. Even her mother. I wanted to, but I know I wouldn't be able to even start without panicking again. We all get up and begin to say our last words to her, I'm last. The wait isn't long, I don't have enough time to think of the right thing to say. Only two words come out.
My whole body is trembling, partially because of fear, but majorly because of the pain. I'm clenching my fist so tight now that they're bleeding.
"I'm..I'm coming Sam." I whisper, I close my eyes and step off. The wind rushes through me and I open my eyes.
"Goodbye, Sam."
"I love you."
After I finished ripping out a parking meter, I drive to the park. Ignoring the several phone calls from Cat. How have things gotten so bad so fast?! And why couldn't she just fucking believe me?! I lie down on a bench and gaze at the stars, thinking about all the memories I've shared with Cat, the most amazing girl I've ever met in my life. my thoughts are interrupted by my phone, It's Cat again. I ignore it, but this time she leaves a message.
"Sam?! Sam please pick up, I'm so sorry for not believing you. I do now, I really do..And..I just want you back home. I love you Puckle..Please, please come home." she sobs..A pain rises in my stomach, and I immediately start to tear up. I made Cat cry.. I have to make it up to her, I'll go home right now. I'll go home and I'll apologize, and I'll tell her how much I love her without whispering, hell, I'll scream it to the whole damn world. This girl means too much to me to just leave her like this. I have to see her again and show her that she's my everything, she's my Cat...I get on my motorcycle and pull out. Speeding down the roads.
"Momma's coming home." I whisper, suddenly a bright flash of light shines on my side before complete darkness.