Demons of the Past

So it's been a while since I wrote a fanfic, and this is my first Agents of Shield one, but this episode just left me so confused! Did they? Didn't they? WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?! I ship Coulson/May but for some reason my brain wouldn't let up that Ward didn't just go in there for a drink. I think it was the way she looked at him before she left the door open. Oddly I find May and Ward getting it on a little hot so this is my take on the end of that episode.

Enjoy :)

Ward downed the last of his drink before pushing the glass across to May. She rose and made her way to the bar, her movements slow and precise but Ward could see the alcohol taking effect. She poured them both a generous amount before taking her seat opposite him. They had been sitting there in silence since he had entered her room half-hour ago. May knew that if he wanted to talk he would, and Ward knew the chances of May opening up were about the same as him waking up hangover free tomorrow. Taking another sip Ward leaned forward, resting his arms on his knees. He closed his eyes for a spit second, but it was long enough for the memory to flood over him again.

"My older brother would beat me and my little brother, torture us and smile over it. My grandfather had a well in his backyard; he gave us each a dollar and said to make a wish. It was stupid but Toby was only 8, he still believed in that stuff. He cried when Michael took our coins so Michael dropped him down the well, told him the Ward family doesn't have cry baby's, he needed to toughen up or he would stay down there all night." Ward was clenching his glass so tight May was worried he would shatter it.

"You felt helpless." She offered, taking the last sip of her wine.

"I had no control, I couldn't protect him. I was scared and angry and I couldn't do a damn thing to stop it."

May continued to stare at him, her silence encouraging him to continue.

"The staff brought all those feelings up, but it was different. The anger was overpowering, it took control as if being angry would silence the fear. I have never experienced…." Ward shook his head, burying it in his hands.

"Memories like that don't leave you, no matter how hard you try."

Ward looked up at May, "You said you see it every day." May nodded

"How? How do you do go through that everyday without the pain tearing you up?"

May sighed "It becomes normal, you forget what it was like not having it."

"You're lying." Ward challenged, talking a large sip of his drink before placing the empty glass on the table. "It will never be normal, and you may present an emotionless face but inside…. inside you're not. The memories we have, the experiences we have been through change us, damage us, and you may carry it around with you everyday but I don't for a second believe that pain becomes normal." Ward watched her jaw clench as she grabbed the empty glasses and made her way back over to the bar. He shook his head, maybe he was still suffering from the effects of the staff, he just had to let loose on Coulson and he'd have shredded the whole team. Or maybe he just wanted some help. Melinda May, always composed, always in control, always the solider, had basically told him she had accepted her past and living with it was normal. He never wanted the pain to be normal, never wanted the memories to become just another chapter. And he wanted her to tell him that's not what happens.

"I tried to forget about what happened to me, blocked it out for years. Whenever it would start to surface, I'd open a bottle until I couldn't remember why I'd started drinking. But you can't run forever. Letting it in hurts, but keeping it out hurts more." May noticed her voice crack and took a moment to compose herself, her back still to Ward, the wine bottle resting in her hand. "You're right, it never becomes normal, and you never want it to. If it does it means you're damaged beyond repair. But you find ways to cope, to channel it, so that it's not pulling you apart from the inside. It's merely a dull ache that you can occasionally drown out when you need to. It changes you, but whether it's for the better or worse is up to you."

She felt Ward move behind her as she poured them each one splash of wine. Moving the bottle to the side she turned around, not realising how close Ward actually was. Handing him his drink her face softened.

"Don't let the demons of the past define your future."

Ward threw back his drink before moving closer to her, reaching around to put the glass on the bar. He watched as her chest moved up and down, her shirt low enough that he could see the top of her breasts. He moved his eyes back up to meet hers as she raised her glass to her lips, slowly draining the liquid from her cup. Neither one of them was under any illusions about what was going to happen tonight. He had known it from the second she left her door open, it was her invitation and he had accepted it the moment he closed that door. Closing the distance Ward pushed May against the bar, his hands tangling in her hair and his mouth crashing down on hers. May's glass hit the floor as one hand grabbed Wards shirt, while the other snaked around his neck, pulling him closer. He lifted her up onto the bar, her legs instinctively wrapping around his waist. Their kiss was rough, both fighting for dominance over the other. When they broke for air, Ward trailed kisses down her neck, pushing her jacket off her shoulders and yanking her shirt over her head. He wanted to see her now. Running his hand up her toned stomach he cupped one of her black lace clad breasts. He lowered his head back down to her chest, Mays hands running through his hair as she threw her head back and moaned. She pulled him back up, her lips once again locking onto his as her hands began unbuckling his belt. She pushed his pants as he unhooked her bra and threw it off to the side, his lips never leaving hers. He'd pulled her close so she could feel how much he wanted her, moaning into her mouth when she tightened her legs around him, slowly rubbing against him.

Ward picked her up, and threw her on the bed. Quickly removing the last few articles of clothing, he watched her do the same. He took a second to appreciate the sight before him; Melinda May, completely naked and completely ready for him.

Her chest heaved up and down as she tried to even her breathing, her eyes roaming all over Ward. She wanted him on top of her. She cocked her eyebrow at him, a subtle warning to stop staring and start moving.

Ward chuckled as he moved to lie on top of her. "Sorry, couldn't help myself." He said as he pulled her leg up, buried his face in her neck and thrust into her. May bit down on his shoulder to prevent herself from screaming out. The last thing they needed was for someone to hear them. Ward pulled out before thrusting back in again hard. May arched her back, her hand grabbing the sheets as she held back another scream. Wards head was still buried in her neck, attacking every exposed area of skin. She was so soft and tasted like coconut, it was so unexpected and he couldn't get enough of it. On the third thrust he kissed her, moaning into her mouth as his tongue explored. He pinned her hands above her head as he set a rhythm, May now meeting him thrust for thrust. Ward knew that if she wanted to she could easily gain control but for the time being she seemed content letting him lead. Her lips attached to anywhere they could find, her legs wrapped tightly around his waist. Ward moaned as she bite his nipple, his free hand roaming her body. Without warning, he grabbed her waist and flipped them. May gave a slight smile, her hair falling over his face as she gave him a quick kiss before sitting up, her nails dragging down his chest.

She changed the pace, slowly rocking against Ward, rising and falling so painfully slow it drove him insane. He grabbed her waist to make her move faster but she just held his arms, her head rolling backwards as she moved against him. For the first time Ward realised how beautiful she was, sure he had thought she was attractive but it wasn't until this moment he realised the Melinda May was stunning. He was seeing her raw, unencumbered by the events of the day, not thinking of the past but enjoying the now. May felt him stop moving and brought her eyes to meet his, questioning him. Using this moment to his advantage, Ward flipped them back over, speeding things up again. As much as he had enjoyed watching May, he needed his release. Slipping his hand down between them, he smiled when he got his desired effect. May threw her head back, her nails digging into his back as she moaned. Ward thrust in hard, holding as his fingers began rubbing faster against her.

May cried out, "God don't stop" she tried to move against him but he pinned her hips to the bed. "Ward –Grant" She moaned, pulling him back down to her. He knew she was close, she was so tight around him and with every move he could feel her shake beneath him. He cupped her face, resting his forehead against hers.

"Let go Melinda." He whispered, fighting to keep control over his own body. With one last thrust he pushed her over the edge, he felt her bite down hard on his shoulder to keep from screaming out. He increased his speed and followed her over, his lips finding hers as his orgasm ran through him.

Ward rolled off her, his breath ragged and uneven. They lay there in silence for a while, both trying to regain some composure. May was the first to move. She wrapped the sheet around her and made her way to the bar, collecting the fallen glass as she went. She opened the wine and poured them each a generous serving. She turned around to see Ward pulling his pants up. She waited until he had his shirt on before holding out the glass.

He took a large sip before letting out a small laugh. May raised her eyebrow at him.

"This was not how I saw this day going."

May shrugged, she'd learned that lesson a long time ago.

"Thank you, for helping me work through it."

She gave him a small smile "I'll see you in the morning Agent Ward." She took his glass off him and watched as he slipped his shoes back on. He paused at the door, turning around to look at her one last time, sheet clutched around her, hair ruffled and lips all swollen. It was a one-time thing; they both needed the comfort, the release. Their job was unexpected, everyday was a rollercoaster and sometimes you just needed grounding. Tonight they grounded each other, and tomorrow it would be forgotten.

"Goodnight Agent May."