Disclaimer: I do not own any of the used characters. This text is for no commercial use.
X&H
Chapter 1. The inner beauty of W&H
It was a hot august day, when the operation "Inner beauty" came together. The air of L.A. was dry, hot and full of city smog and no humanlike entity under direct sunlight could think of something except shelter and water. Even the vampire, whom Xander questioned about Wolfram and Hart's ventilation system, was thinking primarily about the same: of not getting under hurtful rays or being set aflame.
Wide and careless smile of American demon hunter was unreadable for a hundred-year-old vampire, trapped in a stone, but he knew that young man was capable of extreme cruelty. Last of his attempts to withhold information from these creeps ended in 24 hour marathon of soap operas. Fragile undead mind nearly collapsed around 30th episode of Passions. He would never be the same again.
-So, H, - last sound seemed rather like 'Ache' than contraction of a name. –Why do we need this 'dead man walking"?-
-Polyjuice is best to be used on hair of an active person than with a dead one. We still need his hair for the potion, not his dust, - thin and pale Englishman with bright green eyes frowned on the thought. –Don't worry; he'll see the light of glory as soon as he's not needed.-
Wizard cut off a string of hair from the prisoner and threw it into the cauldron. Potion changed color and Englishman poured liquid into a small glass vial.
-Now help yourself, Axe.-
American grinned and opened the blinds on the window. Bright Californian sun filled the room and bathed vampire "in the light of glory". If the room was not soundproof or had working fire alarm, there could have been trouble. But then "Axe and Ache, World's Major Havoc Suppliers" would not have chosen it.
Operation was planned for 4pm, as creatures of the night could not go out yet, but security work was already sloppy. Xander slipped through the front door under an invisibility cloak, while Harry walked around the building, making finishing touches for major ward crushing. Inside, Axe chose a quiet storeroom to take off the cloak, drink polyjuice and check Doomsday Device. Then he, disguised as a tech, went up to floor 27 to "sort out ventilation". The security system was most probable to react fifteen minutes after he was first seen by camera, so the clocks were ticking and time was running low. As soon as he was on the floor, he sent an SMS to his accomplice. Harry began "mojo hacking" and all the security alarms of W&H went off simultaneously. As soon as "dimensional jam" wards fell, Harry started divining Xander's position. American was meanwhile planting DD in the ventilation shaft. English wizard appeared behind him, clicked the remote to activate it and teleported away with his partner. Then there were a dozen jumps all over California to hide the trace, but in less than an hour they already sat in a small Irish bar in San Francisco.
-By the way, what was in the capsule? - inquired Xander Harris, sipping his ale.
-Ethantiol. The worst smelling and one of the most volatile compounds around. Will take weeks to remove stench from every office. That's why "inner beauty"- their moral qualities are now in strong correlation with aura of the building.-
Xander laughed. Harry hardly ever swore, but was pretty keen on indirect offence, like comparing one's "inner beauty" to world's worst stink ever.
-So, what are we doing next?-
-I actually thought we could set up Headquarters before we do any more jobs. Thou we have several suggestions of interest if you are that keen on action. Retrieval of an artifact in Prague. Political career assassination in London. Secret data retrieval from private facility in Moscow. Industrial espionage in New York. Yeah, and military activity investigation in a place called "Sunnydale".-
-Let's put off Sunnydale for as long as possible.-
-No place like home?-
-Hell, yes.-
It happens sometimes like that: you're on top on the world. Not that you've ever asked for it, but you're of age, handsome, rich, famous and you just banished your worst enemy into outer space. You wake up in hospital after committing the latter feat only to overhear that you're about to be placed "under protective custody" by Cornelius Fudge, current Minister of Magic in order to create an illusion that you support him and cover up his major screw-ups. It doesn't take terribly much effort to give your guards a slip and run for your freedom. You manage to get your stuff and try to meet your friends- only to find Auror ambush on the meeting place. Yesterday friends mumble about "your own good" and refuse to look your eyes. It happens sometimes: you're all alone in the world and can go anywhere you like. You're free of love, free of hate and free of fate. You roam the world: bungee-jump off Eifel tower, eat "magical muffins" in Amsterdam, gamble in Monte-Carlo, taste crocodile in Berlin zoo, hitch-hike from Warsaw to Vladivostok climb Great Wall of China and Mount Fuji. You end up in a small pub (thou yanks call it bar) in the middle of nowhere between California and Nevada.
It happens sometimes like that: the world hates you. You have no job, no money for college, no girlfriend and list of enemies as long as you hand. For some time you were a part of Scooby gang, fighting whatever goes bump in the night over Hellmouth. Then local Slayer's watcher gets fired and departed from the country and a new one comes over. First things don't seem too bad, but you notice that you and your friends slowly grow apart. Slayer is encouraged to be the leader or an "alpha" as Oz eloquently puts it. You are less frequently invited for patrolling, as are others from the 'old crew'. Ascension brings you together for some time, but it only works until Mayor is dead. After Graduation you have a loud row about "you not understanding" and Scooby gang is effectively no more. You go on a summer road trip, only to get stuck in a small town between good ol' CF and Nevada.
It begins as a game of poker. In a two versus two game you team up with a traveling Englishman and simply wipe the floor with any other team, breaking all the laws of probability in the place. Your trip continues but now you have money and partner that attracts luck and is a cool wizard. In Vegas you accidentally clean up a mafia man, who gets furious and tries to shoot you in public. Police gets him locked up and thanks you. Then another "man with influence" asks you for a favor of setting up one of his colleagues. You two ace the operation and get him caught with unregistered gun, for which you swap his gun. Your first customer is content with that, especially as this gun is known to be used in several assassinations. That night is full of alcohol, gambling and four beautiful thrill seekers with thick southern accent. Next morning you wake up as Axe and Ache, masters of Special Assignments.
"Dusty vine" mansion stood proudly half a mile from the seashore only several miles away from Portishead. On a busy day it didn't take more than several hours to get to Brighton and Cardiff was just over the Mouth of the Seven, not more than two dozen miles away. It was surrounded by gardens, supported by an old house elf that belonged to Potter family. Vines climbed the walls of the mansion, obscuring it from the view.
-M, yeah. Warding will take up a week, planting all the needed plants will take five more days. How long will the construction take?-
-If we get several of these hose-thingies…-
-…house-elves…-
-…whatever, with their help we can deal with most things in four to six days. Then two-three days to set up network and security systems. We need to find security and IT specialists to install their stuff thou.-
-I think I could find several specialists to do the job and not drop a word about it, some old contacts of mine. And probably you'll need a trip to US to get guns and other funs, like chemicals and herbs, - UK is horrible about that. I'll get blades, books and mojo stuff in Europe. After we finish, you can have your time off, say, visit Sunnydale secretly.-
-Gee, thanks, but no, thanks. I'll see ol' London, maybe look up that contract. Money wouldn't earn itself.-