Killers are quiet

To anyone who reads this,

My name is Finn Mertins. I am the last human on this Earth. I'm also one of the most famous heroes in the land of Ooo. My best friend Jake the dog has been in a coma for six months and they tell me he may not make it. But I can't lose my bro, so I'm going on my most important adventure yet.

My main wo-man is currently Marceline the vampire queen (this is NOT a Finnceline) since she's been helping me overcome the depression. She's been able to go out all the time since the sky was blocked around the time Jake went down. It's dark... it's so dark.

I'm going to tell you everything reader, how it began... up to now...

"Yo Finn!" Yelled Jake from somewhere up in a tree. "Yeah bro?" I answered from the ground below. "This is bazonkers! Dude you've gotta see it!" "Alright bro-ham!" I climbed from branch to branch monkey-style until I was right under Jake. "What is it man?" I asked, my eyes wider than ever at the sight of a sword jammed into the tree.

"This is the sword of Billie's great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grampa!" "How can you tell?" I wondered out loud. Jake just stood there with his do-you-really-have-to-ask-that face. "Well it says here on this plaque 'This sword belongs to the great-great-great-great-great-great-great-great grandfather of Billie the hero.'" there was a long awkward silence until I did a quadruple-backflip onto a branch right in front of the sword.

"The plaque also says that only a true hero can wield it, better be careful man. There could be scorpions in there. My Nerp still hurts from last week," Jake said, stepping away from the sword. " It's a-ok dude! You aren't carrying anything so you can protect your um... Nerp." "That's good bro now get the sword before the suspense kills us both!" I quickly grabbed the hilt but stopped. We weren't alone.

'Finn the human, are you pure enough to smite evil with this sword?' a sudden booming voice in my head asked me 'Hecks yeah I am!' I was confident, but I didn't expect what happened next. 'Then remove the sword and be a hero.' I removed the sword and gawked at it's awesomeness. There were rubies encrusting the solid black hilt, the blade was a blindingly bright shade of white, and the hand shield was pure gold.

BOOM! the sword shot a blue fireball at Jake and Jake went flying off the tree not hitting a single branch, which caused him to land with a loud CRACK! Ouch! That sounded so painful that it hurt me "JAKE!" I screamed, tears forming at the corners of my eyes. I literally ran horizontally down the tree to find my best friend with a broken everything (including his Nerp), a concussion, and coughing up blood. "Jake are you alright? No, wait, don't answer that, I've got to get you to PB!"

We arrived at the Candy Kingdom. As the doors burst open revealing me and my broken buddy madness broke out, a few candy people even exploded out of fear. "CALM DOWN MY PEOPLE!" The bubblegum princess screamed, which made the room go dead silent. "What is going- OH MY GLOB! JAKE!" she exclaimed as she saw my tattered and torn friend.

The room became full of panic and candy fear kamikazes as Jake was loaded on to a stretcher and quickly wheeled into the candy ER. Somehow one of his arms fell off. "We can fix that don't worry!" said Nurse Pound-cake as she saw my tears

"Get this arm on some ice cream NOW!" (see what I did there?)

"We're losing him! Get him into a state of sugar rush NOW!" ordered Princess Bubblegum "On it!" shouted an assistant, running down the hall "No there's not enough time, get him to chew this!" she said, removing a large glob of her hair and shoving it into Jake's mouth. "Yes your majesty!" said Nurse Pound-cake, moving Jake's jaw up and down in a fast rhythm. I couldn't believe what was happening to my bro and I prayed to Glob that this was a dream.