Hello everyone. This is my second attempt at writing a story. My first attempt did not go so well, but I was new to writing at the time as well as new to the site. I've had some time to grow and develop my writing since then, and have actually found a fellow writer by the name of Jonathan112 who has been a great help to me for inspiring me to come up with characters like the one you will meet in this story. This is set in the Legend of Spyro universe, but the world it will take place in is the same as Jonathan112's Hybrid series, which if you haven't read yet I thoroughly recommend. Anyway Spirit and Ash are my OCs, and I would appreciate any info you the readers may have to improve my story. I only take constructive criticism though so any hateful or hurtful comments will be ignored. I hope you all enjoy.
Fire raged throughout the village as a thirty year old fire dragon ran with her mate Spirit, who is a shadow element, down a fiery street. In her arms she carried the egg of their first child with her. As they turned the corner one of the buildings that was set ablaze fell in front of them.
Spirit: "This ways no good Ash. We'll have to turn around and find another way."
Ash: "What if those...things are waiting for us?"
Spirit: "It's a risk we have to take. We have to get our Egg to safety."
Ash: "Okay let's go."
Ash and Spirit turn around and head back the opposite direction only to run head long into an army of Jackals.
Jackal Commander: "Well well well what do we have here? Looks like a couple of live ones boys."
Spirit: "Damn we're trapped. Stay behind me Ash, and protect our egg." Spirit glares at the commander "Leave us alone, or you'll be sorry you crossed our paths!"
Jackal Commander: "Ooooh I'm so scared. KILL HIM!" A group of ten jackals charge at Spirit and he charges them as well. Spirit manages to kill the first two jackals he encounters, but the numbers quickly overwhelmed him and he was soon defeated. Ash looked on in horror watching as the jackals pinned her love to the ground
Spirit: "I'm sorry Ash." Tears begin to roll down Ash's face as the Jackal Commander stands over Spirit with his blade raised. "I love you Ash."
Ash: "SPIRIT NO!" The commander buries his blade into Spirits chest. Spirits eyes go wide for a brief moment before they slowly close and his body goes limp "SPIRIT NOOO!" Ash begins to sob uncontrollably.
The Commander pulls his blade out of Spirits body and advances towards Ash. Ash holds her egg tightly, but keeps it hidden from the commander.
Jackal Commander: "Your next." Ash looks up at the Jackal Commander with tears running down her face.
Ash: "Please just make it quick."
The commander raises Ash's head to face him and quickly runs his blade across her throat. Ash's body falls limp as the commander turns around to walk away. When Ash hits the ground her egg rolls from her lifeless body.
Jackal Grunt: "Look-y here boss. This one was carrying an egg. Let's smash it to bits." The grunt picks the egg up and prepares to smash it on the ground when the egg is taken from him.
Jackal Commander: "No! I have a better idea. We'll take him back to the fortress with us. We'll make him into our own secret weapon to use against the dragons. They won't know what hit them."
The other jackals laugh and they take the egg back to their fortress.
This was only the prologue for a much larger story that I've got planned, but I wanted to kinda some input on what you guys thought. Leave a review, and any constructive criticism you may have. Thanks for reading, and I hope to have Ch.1 up within the next day or so depending on my work schedule.