A/N: Here's another little one shot I wrote while I was supposed to be working on my thesis. It hasn't been betaed, so I apologize in advance for any errors that made their way into this post.
Lost in Translation
"You know Daniel," Jack drawled, the casual tone at odds with the precarious situation his team was currently in. "Any time you feel like trying out another language or twenty-three, go right ahead."
"I don't even know where to begin!" Daniel hissed, exasperation woven through every syllable. "The root of their language is unlike anything I've ever encountered before; I don't have any point of reference to work from."
"Perhaps it would be wise to cease talking at once," Teal'c growled, eyeing the advancing natives warily.
"He's right sir," Sam piped up, her words scarcely more than a whisper. "They seem to get more agitated whenever one of us speaks."
"Carter, did you just tell me to shut up?"
"Not in so many words, sir," Sam replied sweetly.
"Would you both shut up?" Daniel whispered harshly, relieved when all of his teammates lapsed into silence. It didn't escape his notice that only Sam had the good sense to look chagrined at the rebuke.
The silence that descended over the crowd was short-lived. No more than thirty seconds after SG-1 had grown quiet, the natives began to speak again. The cacophony of voices all battling to be heard over the din made it virtually impossible for Daniel to distinguish one voice from another, let alone translate the words.
Suddenly, the crowd began to part and an old man emerged from the gap, gesturing what the four explorers took to mean "settle down" at the assembled natives. To the team's relief, the old man's approach worked.
The man, whom Daniel assumed to be some sort of leader among the natives, looked pointedly at SG-1 as though he were expecting some sort of explanation for the hullabaloo they were standing in the midst of.
"Daniel," Jack breathed from behind the linguist, eyeing the spears that the crowd was armed with. "I've been shish kebobed before; it's an experience I'd rather not repeat."
Shifting his weight around, Daniel slid his right foot back until it made contact with something solid, his mind racing through all the languages he knew as he did so. Raising his foot, Daniel shifted slightly and stomped down as hard as he could on the nearest combat boot clad foot.
"Ow!" hissed a distinctly feminine voice as the foot jerked out from underneath his weight.
"I thought you were Jack,"
"Should I be flattered, or should she be insulted?"
"O'Neill," Teal'c warned quietly, that single word sufficient to convey his displeasure with their current situation. None of his teammates doubted that Teal'c's patience was wearing extremely thin.
"Atway isay ouryay urposay erehay?" the leader questioned. The way he folded his arms across his chest gave SG-1 the impression that he too was growing impatient with the current standoff.
"I'm sorry, we don't understand," Daniel tried, stepping forward and trying to look as non-threatening as possible. Not that it really mattered when the rest of his team stood only feet away, armed to the teeth and looking like they were itching for a fight.
As Daniel spoke, a fresh wave of agitation rippled through the crowd and they once more broke out in nervous, incomprehensible gibberish.
"They're giving us the 'crazy' look," Jack observed, proving what Daniel had always suspected: if Jack kept his mouth shut for longer than thirty seconds, his head would explode from the excess of hot air trapped inside his body.
"Having received it so many times in the past, you would be uniquely qualified to identify that particular expression," Daniel couldn't resist firing back. Loathe as he was to admit it, Jack was right – they were giving him them the 'crazy' look.
"Eythay entaray ightray niay ethay eadhay!" one of the villagers who had been eyeing the team with a hefty dose of distain hollered. "Astcay hemtay touay!"
A cheer rose up through the crowd and Daniel gulped nervously. Not Germanic, he thought, desperately trying to come up with something that would help him translate the language. Not Latin-based…
A hand on the back of his jacket almost made Daniel jump out of his skin. He relaxed when he realized he was being pulled back toward his team and not pushed towards the angry mob. Glancing over his shoulder, Daniel was reassured to see Sam shooting her best non-threatening smile at the natives while reeling him in for a team huddle.
"Look kids," Jack whispered so quietly they had to lean way in to hear him. "This isn't going so well. I think we should head back and call this one a bust before it goes any further south."
"But…"
"Ah!" Jack interrupted, the dreaded 'don't even go there' finger raised in the air.
"He's right, Daniel," Sam agreed, offering him a placating smile to ease the pain of being betrayed by his partner in mission-extending-scientific-breakthrough crime. "Maybe if we give you some time at home to do some more research, you'll think of something and we'll be able to come back."
"This does indeed seem to be the wisest course of action, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c agreed, although Daniel could have sword he caught a fleeting glimpse of something cross the other man's face before he reverted back to his usually stoic expression.
"Fine," Daniel grudgingly agreed, recognizing the wisdom in listening to Jack, even if he didn't necessarily like it. "But somehow I doubt it will be so easy to convince them that we should just go home," he reminded, waving a hand over his shoulder at the angry natives now shuffling forward, spears at the ready.
"Oh that," Jack smiled sardonically. "I've got that covered."
"And...?" Sam prompted, sharing a look with Daniel who rolled his eyes at their leader's antics.
"We do what we always do."
"Blow them up into a bajillion little pieces?" Daniel asked skeptically, not really seeing how that would help.
This time it was Sam who rolled her eyes at Teal'c. "Uh guys? Not that I don't love the military versus science debate, even after having heard it a thousand times, but is this really the best time to do this?"
"The other thing we always do," Jack amended, ignoring Sam all together and carrying on his banter with Daniel.
"Daniel Jackson dieing again will not aid us in escaping, O'Neill," Teal'c intoned dryly, unable to resist.
"Guys, focus!" Sam demanded. Her exasperated words were immediately followed up with a yelp when one of the natives gave her shoulder an experimental poke with his spear.
"We run like hell," Jack replied, all business now that it was clear he couldn't buy Daniel any more time to try and figure out the indigenous language. He had to get his team home now, before things turned really ugly. "Go!"
And with that the four intrepid explorers turned tail and raced back to the stargate, the angry mob to their rear encouraging one of the fastest retreats in team history.
LINEBREAKLINEBREAKLINEBREAK
"I'm sorry, but even with weeks or months of additional research, I don't think I'll be able to understand the language," Daniel announced dejectedly, slumping back in his chair in defeat.
"Well son, all things considered, I think we should just be happy you all made it back in one piece," General Hammond offered sympathetically. He knew full well that being unable to unravel the mysteries of this new language would drive the younger man crazy. "Dismissed," he added, standing and making his was into his office before closing the door firmly behind him.
"Daniel Jackson," Teal'c began quietly as his teammates set about gathering up their notes and files. "I believe I may be of some assistance in translating the language we encountered on this mission."
"Really?" Daniel asked hopefully, the familiar spark of curiosity back in his eyes. "You've heard it before?"
"Indeed, I have," Teal'c inclined his head, elaborating, "It is a language spoken by the children on a planet I have spent a great deal of time on."
"Only the children spoke it?" Daniel repeated, puzzled. "But language is a learned behavior, so children pick it up from their parents! It's incred…"
"Which planet was it, Teal'c?" Jack asked, cutting into Daniel's tangent before he could really get going.
"Earth."
"Huh?" All three of the human members of SG-1 asked in unison after a moment's pause. Jack and Sam turned their confused gaze on the team's resident linguist expectantly.
"It couldn't… I've never heard… Children?" Daniel stammered, the wheels in his head still turning over the problem.
"Pig Latin!" Sam explained excitedly, causing Jack and Daniel to round on her. "They were speaking Pig Latin; that's why Daniel couldn't identify the language group it belonged to – it wasn't a real language!"
"Pig Latin," Jack stated disbelievingly, "As in English."
"Well, English with a twist, sir," Sam corrected, trying to defend Daniel. It didn't take a theoretical astrophysicist to figure out where this was heading.
"English, the language you speak all the time and you didn't recognize it?!?!?!" Jack exclaimed, arms flailing wildly as he turned to glare at Daniel. "It was English!!!"
"With a twist," Daniel parroted Sam, his mind reeling.
"Yet still English."
"Wait a second, why didn't you say something back on the planet?" Sam asked, turning her attention to Teal'c.
"I did not wish to remain overnight, as the mission would have required," Teal'c declared calmly, clasping his hands behind his back.
"Oh you didn't…" Jack began.
"Didn't what?" Sam asked, feeling distinctly like she'd missed something that would make this whole bizarre situation make sense.
"Purposely sabotage the mission," Jack replied, scowling at their Jaffa teammate.
"Why would you…"
"Star Wars."
"Ex-cuse me?" Daniel demanded, folding his arms across his chest.
"The big guy here got tickets to a sneak-preview of the new Star Wars in Denver. The movie is tonight."
"It is not a movie, O'Neill," Teal'c informed him, looking deeply offended that anyone could make such a mistake. "It is Star Wars," he clarified, or so he seemed to think.
"You'd rather watch Star Wars than learn about an alien culture on another plan…"
"Uh, Daniel?" Sam interrupted, quirking her eyebrow at him.
"Right, sorry," Daniel amended, offering an apology to Teal'c. "That's exactly what you'll be doing in the theatre… I guess."
"Indeed. I must depart now," Teal'c informed them all, bowing slightly. "As should you, O'Neill, if you are to have time to put on your costume and apply the appropriate make-up."
"Costume?" Daniel asked incredulously.
"Make-up?" Sam echoed, torn between amusement and disbelief.
"Don't ask."
"Oh, I'm asking," Daniel declared gleefully.
"All followers of Star Wars in attendance will be wearing attire to pay homage to the universe." Upon seeing the confusion written plainly on Sam and Daniel's faces, he clarified, "The Star Wars universe."
"And you agreed to this, sir?"
"'Agreed' is such a strong word."
"I apologize Major Carter, Daniel Jackson," Teal'c interrupted, sounding sincerely sorry, "But I was only able to obtain two tickets to this event; that is why I did not invite the two of you as well."
"Oh no, don't be silly," Sam said hurriedly, looking like a deer caught in the headlights. "You two hardly spend any time together anymore."
"Please, go, have your fun," Daniel added quickly. He tried to school his features but he couldn't keep his amusement from shining through.
"I will be ready to depart in two hours," Teal'c informed Jack before turning on his heel and leaving.
"I will be ready to zat myself in two hours," Jack muttered under his breath, glaring at Sam and Daniel. "Well, I must be off. You know how impatient he gets."
"Yes, and you need time to put on your costume," Sam reminded, grinning.
"And make-up," Daniel added a matching grin lighting his features.
Without another word – but with a whole lot of glaring – Jack gathered up the last of his notes and stalked out of the briefing room, leaving two gleeful scientists behind.
"So, meet you at Jack's truck in two hours?"
"I'll bring the camera."
A/N: I realize that Daniel is a very intelligent person, but can't you just see him not picking up on Pig Latin because he's over-complicating the "translation"? And, of course, Jack would tease him mercilessly about it for the rest of time. : )