Note: I am not French. The song is in French originally, and I had to use three translators and though I had to edit it for it to make more sense, it still doesn't make any sense sometimes … so please don't use the English translations as a solid reference unless you can speak French… because I can't. I used Google Translate as a last resort. Song: "S'envoler" by the "Subdigitals". T, I guess, for depressive thoughts. First Songfic, though I guess it's not on the ultra-depressive level.
-I'm a Loser-
Aelita walked through the courtyards of Kadic Academy into the dark and richly treed forest nearby, holding a skateboard in her hands. Though she had a scooter, now placed in the closet in her room, she had taken up skateboarding as a type of hobby, just to get away from life for a while. The weather in fall was nice, and the temperature was warm, a cool breeze flitting through the area at moments, but Aelita didn't care about the weather. Though the sun was brightly shining its rays upon the Earth, Aelita's mind was clouded with negative thoughts- thoughts that hung like the gray clouds which signified the impeding storm. Like the stormy clouds themselves, the fog which obscured all normal thoughts and functions rained down thoughts she should not feel as strongly as she felt them now- a feeling which nobody should feel in their life-span. It began as a simple sad feeling, because of the loss of a loved one, but over time, it evolved into a depression, where extreme sadness and negative feelings dominated over her life. Nothing seemed right anymore, and nothing really dictated her life except for the thoughts that ran through her head, mentally berating her that she was nothing but a mess-up, somebody that just lost her importance to the world, and now fades in comparison to the more successful people of the world.
On me dit que, (I am told that)
Je ne suis qu'un bon a rien, (I am a good for nothing)
Un vrai looser, (A true loser)
Though it seemed like she was the least likely person on the planet to feel as depressed as she felt at the moment, due to her natural kind and cheery personality, but today, her personality was in hiding, obscured by the mental berating Aelita placed upon herself for being weak when her father's life was in danger on the day that both he, and their arch-nemesis, XANA, died months ago. It would have seemed like the song blaring through the speakers of her headphones, securely placed into the jack of her dark metallic blue mp3 player, would have been outfitted more for Odd, as he did seem to people outside of their group as a loser, at their best regards of how he was. He would seem as nothing more than a nobody, a jokester of some sort performing his stunts in the rings of a circus while the spotlight is on him, before the lights, and the attention from the audience fades away into nothingness once more.
She certainly felt like a good-for-nothing at the moment, watching her own father die for the sake of protecting her and the world from a horrible fate that they would have suffered should the blasted virus finally achieve its goal of taking over the world. How weak she was, when she watched her father being killed by XANA's monsters while she sank to the ground in her sorrow, and feebly made an attack, which was dodged effortlessly by the Manta she aimed it at. She watched as his form collapsed from the massive amounts of damage from the Mantas, and saw as his essence, his very fiber of being, melded into Lyoko itself and faded away. She had tried to cry, but she couldn't- Lyoko wouldn't allow it. If there was more of a Chekhov's gun within the years she had spent fighting XANA, it would be the two pink streaks under her eyes on both of her avatars on Lyoko. They were like tear-trails, a replacement for her inability to cry on Lyoko. The virtual world was cruel, in that respect.
Et d'un mot qui sonne, (and of a word which rings)
Je ne suis plus dans le coup, (I am not anymore in on it)
Une flèche au cœur, (an arrow in the heart)
Silently walking past the Hermitage, she recounted the fragments of the memories she had while she lived there. Although they were shreds now, mostly destroyed and erased through the shutting down of Lyoko and XANA pilfering them a long time ago, she could piece them together, and remember her childhood life. What felt like an arrow going through her heart was really a strong emotion people would describe as sadness. The memories kept on replaying in her head, forcing her to recount the happier moments of her childhood life, which were now the bane of her teenage life. For months, after she had recovered her memories, they had been constantly plaguing her with scenes of her previous life, torturing her mind endlessly whenever they appeared from the recesses of her mind.
Nothing mattered anymore; she was almost completely detached from everything and from everyone that she had known in her life. Life was seen as a story for others, as they viewed the 'heroes' face dangers that they would not normally face in their lives, and they would see the hero attempt to save lives and rescue people, getting out alive and practically unharmed, or die in the process. Life always began with "In the beginning", but Aelita did not feel as if she was part of the three words, the part that contained 'beginning', mostly. Here she was, trudging along the path forgotten by people over time, where the vegetation grew wild and untamed, the green plant live sprawling over the path as it continued to grow, instead of being with her friends, where she could have found some comfort with them.
Je fais partie du show, (I am part of the show)
Tirez le Rideau, (Draw the curtain)
Eteignez les lumières, (Put out the lights)
Qu'est ce que je peut faire, (That I can do)
Life was also a play, and every person was just like an actor, herself and her friends included, performing their parts to help the plot, which life had cruelly written for them, in order to advance the story, and help the play go along. The world was life's stage, and it could do anything it wanted to the actors, drain their life-energy until they were not in the play anymore, and make certain disastrous events happen, or give the actors a moment of happiness or of spontaneous action, to give the play a certain relaxed or dramatic feel to it. At the moment, Aelita felt her life-force was not as full or energized as it used to be, every step becoming like a challenge she must overcome both in her mind, and in her heart.
Nothing at the moment would please her more than if her suffering would be ended at the moment, and she wouldn't have to feel pain ever again. However, she knew that as long as she was alive, the curtain would never close on her part, and the stage lights would forever be focused on her while she still breathed. Aelita wouldn't think of suicide, as she knew that she was linked to her friends, and that killing herself would send a ripple of negative effects to them by her death, especially to Jeremie, whose bond and friendship she prized and cherished more than her life. No, causing the curtain to fall on her part of the stage would undoubtedly cause them, to draw the curtains to their lives as well, which would spread to their family members, and to the people who cared for them.
Coincé sur ma chaise, (Jammed in my chair)
Déchaînez moi! (Rouse me!)
Seeing as there was nothing better for her to do outside than to wander around aimlessly and get hopelessly lost in the forest, Aelita stopped, listening to the birds chirp and the almost silent song of the wind as it blew through the treetops. She sighed, almost in a sort of a resigned way. As much as she would love to get lost in the forest while getting lost her own mind at the same time while she did that, there was the possibility that she would never be able to go back to Kadic, and the woods was not a safe place to be at dusk, or the space of time between that time of day and morning. The sun's intensity faded, its golden rays fading with it as the world continued to revolve, making the sun appear to set on the side of the world for another day. The sky was darkening now, as clouds menacingly gathered overhead, and Aelita sighed once more before turning to the Hermitage and entered through the metal gates, entering through the old wooden door to enter the old house once more.
On va s'envoler, ne plus penser! (They are going to fly off, more not to think!)
On va s'envoler, pour trouver le soleil! (They are going to fly off, to find the sun!)
Je suis déjà partit les ailes en bataille, (I have already left wings in battle)
D'un ange déchu, (of a fallen Angel)
Plus que quelques pas, (more than some steps)
Une dernière porte laissez, (A final door let)
Aelita walked through the house once more, her fingers trailing over the dusty surfaces. She had dared not enter this household in months following her father's death, and the place, though it looked like it could not get any messier when she had last visited it, looked even more depressing now after time passed by it without any repairs or maintenance done. Aelita trudged upstairs, clearing away the dust from the surfaces of the doorknobs as she entered through the doors, which she left alone previously. Propping her skateboard against the wall, she opened one of the doors, preparing herself to what might come next. Papers were strewn over the floor, and though most of the ink had long faded away, the papers themselves yellowed from age, writing could still be discerned, notes taken for the building and modification of Lyoko, the supercomputer, and Project Carthage, mainly about the development of XANA.
XANA- the simple word and name of her former enemy made a surge of hatred flow through her veins, another bout of depressive behavior following soon after. A tear escaped her eye, and made a wet trail on the pale white skin, which was removed by a quick swipe of her sleeve. Being sad after an angry feeling would have been illogical to others, but the actions were completely normal, in a way. Lyoko, in a way, had been the stage upon the stage where the battles were fought, suspense and drama endlessly going on during the fights between them and XANA. Lyoko did not exist anymore, and so didn't XANA or her father.
She was like the angel guardian of Lyoko. With the help of her father, she had rebuilt Lyoko, for it to become nothing more than to continue on with life's game. Her angel avatar, along with Lyoko, was nothing more than a compilation of data, and when it was gone, so were the wings to which she had flown in Lyoko. Closing the door, Aelita walked away from that part of the house to further explore the other parts of the house, listening to the booming thunder and to the savage sound of the rain as it fell hard to the ground, as the storm began. After a few more moments of looking around the house, she discovered another door that she had not opened, but dared not to touch or open it. Finding nothing except for more dust and litter, Aelita quickly found her skateboard and picked it up, turning once again to navigate herself to the stairs.
Moi passer, (I spend)
Encore un de ces jours, (another of those days)
Sans lumière, (without light)
Quel enfer, (What Hell)
Mais je suis presque la! (But I am almost there)
Another tear escaped from her eyes as she recounted the happier times with her father. It was dark outside now, but the streetlights weren't working, due to the black-out the storm had caused. The headlights of cars passing by made the only source of light, which in turn made seeing what was in front of herself possible, as she now stood outside of the Hermitage, being completely drenched in the rain. Aelita did not bother to pull the pink hood of the sweatshirt she wore under her jumper dress, but turned off her mp3 player and stored it in her pocket, so it wouldn't get drenched along with its owner. Though she could have dyed her things black because she didn't feel completely happy anymore, she allowed them to remain pink, as a tribute to how her father made her happy. A soft sigh escaped from her lips as she hung her head, her tears mixing with the rain as she clutched her skateboard, and began walking back to Kadic.
On va s'envoler, oui maintenant, (We will now fly, yes now)
On va s'envoler, toucher le soleil, (We will fly, to touch the sun)
On va s'envoler, toi et moi je t'attend, (We'll fly, you and I waiting)
On va s'envoler, ne plus penser… (It will fly, no longer think)
Aelita wished she could fly again, just one more time, to touch the heavens and see if her father was happy now, as he deserved to be happy because of his sacrifice. Alas, she was only human, and not a bird or an animal capable of flying, nor was she in her Lyoko outfit. She was only human…
Faut croire que je suis out catégorie B, décalé recalé, (I guess I'm out, category B, shifted, flunked)
C'est pas le pied, (It is not the foot (?))
Mais j'en ai rien a faire, (But I have nothing to do)
Pourquoi devoir plaire, (Why to have to like)
J'en ai assez d'être critique, (I'm tired of being criticized)
Aelita quickened her pace and ignored the rain water sloshing into her boots from the concrete, leaping to the forest ground once more. Remembering people's jabs at her constant gloomy demeanor, Aelita closed her eyes tightly, not caring whether she crashed into anything. Suddenly possessed by emotion, of which she didn't know how to otherwise react to, Aelita gripped her skateboard tightly once more and leapt over the now-muddy fields of grass. Trees and vegetation flew by her in a green blur, her pink boots making deep imprints onto the ground as she ran. How many minutes she ran without stopping, she did not know. The trees began to lessen, and Aelita strove forwards, the path that she had walked on so many times before coming up ahead.
Je prend mon skate d'une main rageuse, (I take my skateboard in one hand furiously)
Je veux plus rester dans vos petits jeux, (I want to stay in your little games)
Il n'y a rien a faire, (There is nothing to do)
Pour moi c'est clair, (For me it is clear)
Qu'il est sensé d'être insensé… (It is supposed to be insane)
Hurtling through the gates that separated the forested area from the city, Aelita threw her skateboard in front of her, and leapt on it, rolling down the concrete sidewalk without much obstructions- most people have ran inside to escape the brutal weather. She continued to push the skateboard, kicking with her right foot continuously so the skateboard continued to roar down the sidewalk. Aelita, closed her eyes tightly again, angry memories coming towards the surface of her mind. Pushing too hard with one thrust, combined with the completely wet sidewalk, the skateboard skidded to the side, throwing it's rider to the ground. There she lay, unmoving as the rain continued to pour on her, the sky giving no clear intention of giving up soon.
Nobody noticed the young girl on the sidewalk. Nobody inside the buildings, dry and warm, would have gone outside and looked under the mass of pink hair to see the bitter, yet warm tears that flowed freely. Nobody would have come outside, or notice her for the matter. Aelita remained on the sidewalk for a long time, not caring what happened anymore. It was after it had gotten late into the night, when the rain stopped and when the clouds cleared up, revealing the blue sky highlighted by the moon and the starts, that Aelita picked herself up, and slowly trudged to Kadic, her skateboard under her arms by her side.
On va s'envoler, oui maintenant, (We will now fly, yes)
On va s'envoler, vers le soleil, (It will go towards the Sun)
On va s'envoler, au de la des nuages (It will fly in the clouds)
On va s'envoler, toi et moi (We will fly, you and me)
On va s'envoler, c'est maintenant, (We will fly it now)
On va s'envoler, vers le soleil, (It will go towards the Sun)
On va s'envoler, (We will fly)
On va s'envoler, au de la des nuages, (It will fly in the clouds)
On va s'envoler, toi et moi… (We will fly, you and me)
By the light of the moon, which filtered through the window, a sad, young girl drenched with water sat under it, dried tears on her face, the bright pink locks of her hair softly glowing pink. Above the ground, an airplane flew overhead, and the girl softly cried, knowing she was just another thing that had broken its wings, and wouldn't be able to fly again.
~S'envoler~
-(-)-
AN: Ever notice in Code Lyoko how the weather is practically the same in every episode and it doesn't snow (except for in Cold War, where XANA made it snow (ooh, he possessed clouds, how amusingly threatening...)), rain, or display any other weather except for sunny and cloudy/partly cloudy weather? Also, why does it rain in movies and fanfiction during sad moments? I'm also thinking of writing a sequel to this, just to make things happy again... I'm thinking of writing a lot of moments in stories with a songfic now... Probably with those moments that I could never write about in normal stories, because I just want the plot to move on. Who agrees with the sequel idea?