Disclaimer: Not mine.
Notes: I'm exploring angst. Probably not nearly as fun as exploring bourbon. I would like to make it abundantly clear that I have never been in a situation like this, and I honestly don't know how anyone would react. I'm not trying to make light of this kind of situation. If anyone feels offended by it, let me know and I will pull this story down. If anyone can tell me anything to make it better, I will pull it down and work on it more. I'm owning all of the errors fully so, if you see anything glaring drop me a PM and I'll fix it.
I also don't speak or write French or Croatian. I took four years of Latin, so big thanks to google translate and Mille and Yon-chan for helping out on the French front. The two of you are wonderful!
Thanks to Hallow777 for that one sentence. Thanks to Mille and Hallow and BOOKY for helping me to flesh out and beta this monster. You guys are wonderful Castle friends.
This story is set in 2003. - Important to note that. Very, very, very, very important to note that.
THIS IS AN A/U STORY! I REPEAT A/U!
She thought that it would only happen when he was drunk, but he wasn't ever sober anymore. She held it in. She kept her secret. She braved the darkness. She wasn't going to let her family fall apart any further. The last straw was when it happened while he was sober.
She packed her bags and left. She only brought the important things. In her purse, the thick wad of money she kept under her mattress. Into her duffle bag, some clothes. The box. The book. Anything else could be replaced.
When she found herself at the airport, she didn't know where she was going to go. She just knew she had to go. She had to get away. She checked her appearance in the small compact mirror, and tried to hide the parts of the bruise that the sunglasses didn't cover one more time. With a sigh, she entered the ticketing lobby.
She chose the shortest line. Shouldering her bag she made her way over to the end of it and got there at the same time as a man and his sleeping child.
"Go ahead," he whispered and waved her on.
She swallowed the reflexive flinch when his hand moved. "No, you were here first. I insist."
"I'm afraid I won't take no for an answer, it would be rude of me not to allow you to go first." He stood fast.
"Thank you," she replied quietly, almost to the point of not being heard. She slipped into the line, drawing herself further into the baggy red sweater and ducking her head, allowing her loose curls to fall around her face. She stared down at the frays in the knee of her blue jeans, they'd seen better days, just as she had.
"Daddy? Are we there yet?" the child asked groggily, raising her red head from his shoulder and scrubbing at her eyes.
"Not yet, Pumpkin. We'll be in L.A. soon," he answered, stroking her hair.
"Can I get down?"
"Stay right beside me." He lowered her to the ground and clasped her small hand.
"I will." She held his larger hand and stood there looking around the busy airport. Her eyes settled on the person in front of her. "I'm going to see my mommy, where are you going?" She pouted when she didn't get an answer. So she took a half-step forward and tugged on the woman's sweater.
The brunette froze and tensed up immediately. She swallowed hard. She waited. Waited for the blow that wasn't coming.
"Alexis, leave her alone," he scolded, tugging the small child backwards, "Do you want a book?"
"Yes, please," she nodded and bounced next to him.
He slid the pink backpack off of his shoulder and opened it for her. "Which one do you want?"
"I want... Robinson Crusoe!"
He pulled the book out and smiled; then passed it to her and zipped the bag back.
The brunette chanced a look behind her. She guessed the child was five, six tops. Heavy reading for a little girl. Turning back to her own bag she unzipped it. The line wasn't moving, and she decided that child had the right idea. Pass the time with a book. She dug down the side of the bag and pulled out the well-worn tome.
The spine on the book was nearly worn through. There were a lot of dog-eared pages, and highlighted passages. She'd scribbled in the margins. The book had been through hell with her, and it brought her back out. She went right to her favorite page. She didn't need to see the words to know what it said, she'd memorized it. She could say it forwards, backwards, and in a couple of different languages.
The little girl had peeked over the top of her book when she heard the zipper and watched intently. She thought the lady was graceful, like a ballerina. She liked when her daddy took her to see the ballerinas and she thought that this lady looked like one, or that she could at least be one. Her eyes went wide when she saw the book and her own fingers lost their grip on her book. It clattered to the ground with a dull thud.
The woman flinched and took a step away. She shut the book and clutched it to herself.
"Sorry," the little girl quickly apologized and picked her book up, "I wore my butter fingers today."
"Happens to everyone, Lex. Did you lose your page?"
"No," she responded and shook her head quickly and went back to her book. A few minutes later she peeked over the top of her book again and watched the woman. She moved forward tentatively and stepped into the woman's line of sight. "Do... Do you want to trade?"
The woman's features softened some, but she shook her head no. "This isn't a good book for little kids."
"I already read it."
"I've," her father corrected, watching the exchange closely. He'd noticed the bruise when she shook her head.
"I've already read it," the little girl spoke again, "well, I read the parts he didn't take out. Daddy didn't think I'd notice, but it ruined the flow of the narrative." She held her book out in front of her.
The man at the counter chose that moment to get irate. His fists pounded the counter, and the woman jumped. She went pale and looked around for an escape. The shaking started as a panic attack took hold.
The man couldn't take it, "Come here, Alexis." He pulled the child behind him and stepped toward the woman, "Are you okay? Stupid question, I can tell you aren't. Look at me... please?"
The woman swallowed the lump in her throat and focused on his voice. She couldn't stop herself from stepping backwards.
"It's okay... just please look at me? Can you focus on me?" he whispered, gently, but authoritatively.
She slowly turned her head and met his eyes through her dark sunglasses.
"There we go... It's okay. He's not going to hurt you. My name is Richard." He held out his hand to shake.
She eyed him warily then took a deep breath and caught his hand, her voice was just above a whisper, "I'm Kate."
"It's nice to meet you, Kate." He shook her hand and looked over her towards the counter, the man was still going. Rick's voice was calm and soothing, "Why don't we go over there, and sit down for a while? I'm sure we could find some tea or coffee. Wait for him to get tossed out. What do you say?"
She glanced behind her and then back at the stranger. She made a decision that her gut was telling, no screaming at, her not to. "That sounds nice."
"Okay, may I?" He gestured to her bag.
"No."
"Okay." He reached down to collect his daughter and her bag.
"Where we going Daddy? We have to get tickets to California first." She closed her book and tucked it under her arm.
"We're gonna go sit down for a little while. Wait for that man to get done being bad." He waved to the man in front of them.
She wrinkled her little button nose. "He's loud. We should go."
"Okay." He stepped aside and let the woman leave first. "Is it okay if we follow you?"
"No. I'll follow you," she mumbled as she turned around to face him.
"Okay." He headed to the left and kept his pace slow. "Do you want something to drink?"
She shook her head.
He found an empty set of chairs and deposited his daughter into one. She immediately dove right back into her book. He sat next to her. He looked over at the woman who stood nervously next to a chair. "I'm not going to hurt you either."
She looked at him for several long moments before again disobeying her gut. She sat down into the seat next to him and dropped her bag onto the floor between her feet. She stayed quiet.
"Alexis, sweetheart, will you do Daddy a favor?" He turned his attention to his daughter.
"Sure," she responded happily.
It made Kate's heart hurt for all of the things she missed.
"Can you hum while you read? I love to hear you hum."
"Sure!" She quickly started humming her favorite song.
He turned back to Kate, and spoke in that same soothing tone, "I have no right to ask this question, but I'm going to. If you don't want to answer it... that's fine."
She looked out into the airport and chewed nervously on her bottom lip an almost imperceptible nod was his affirmation that he could ask.
"Who hurt you?"
She kept chewing on her lip. Her hand instinctively went to the chain around her neck and she worried with the ring attached to it. She moved her sunglasses up onto her head, and this time her gut didn't scream at her. It knew she wasn't listening. With a ragged breath she turned to face him. "My father."
He gasped when he saw the bruise. Her sunglasses had indeed hidden most of it, but the parts they hid were worst parts of the bruise. It covered her eye and spread back toward her hairline. He could tell it was still fresh. There was a cut on her cheekbone, it had barely started healing. He shook his head. He had to ask, "Are you a minor? If you are I'm going to find a cop, and I'm going to make sure that he never hurts you again. If you aren't, I'm just going to make sure he never hurts you again."
Her eyes filled with tears and she pulled he sunglasses back down. She pressed her body as far into the hard plastic chair as she could. "Twenty-three."
He sighed and then turned to comb his fingers through Alexis's hair, "Daddy is going to go get you an apple juice, will you stay right here by Kate?"
Alexis nodded and Kate gaped at him. He walked towards a little shop, glancing back now and then at the two girls.
Alexis got down and climbed into the chair her father had vacated as soon as he was in the store. "We can still trade if you want. I don't mind reading Daddy's book. I even promise to skip the parts he won't let me read. I like to read this book when I feel bad." She held her book in front of her.
"I like to read this book when I feel bad." Kate held up her copy of In A Hail of Bullets.
"Why that one? It's not even his best one." The little girl cut straight to the point, "He's got new books. Daddy just started a series about a guy named..."
"Derrick Storm," Kate supplied. She turned her book over and looked at the photo on the back cover. When she finally made the connection her jaw dropped open and she covered her mouth with her hand. A move that hurt a lot more than it should have.
"Yeah, him. I mean, yeah, that book is good and all, but Daddy's new one is... Are you okay?" The girl had stopped babbling and looked over at Kate. She brushed her finger along the back of her Dad's picture, "I like that picture of him, he said they took it right before I was born."
"I- I'm fine," she finally answered,still trying to wrap up her mind around what just happened.
She seemed to accept the answer for what it was. "Were you going to California too?"
"I didn't know where I was going."
"You should go to California. You could be an actress or a model. My mommy is an actress, but I bet you'd be better at it than she is. You're tall, but that might just be 'cos I'm little. Are you tall? Are you gonna be an actress?"
"I'm not pretty enough for that."
"What!" the little girl exclaimed and got up on her knees in the seat. "Who told you that?" She gripped the armrest on the chair and leaned toward Kate.
"I- Uh-" Kate leaned away from the little girl.
"They lied to you. You are very pretty. I thought maybe you were a ballerina earlier, because you're so pretty. Are you a ballerina?"
She shook her head.
"I know I was supposed to be humming so I couldn't hear, but I still heard. He won't let you get hurt again. His stories aren't real, but when he's not telling stories he's not telling lies," she whispered before climbing back into her seat and picking her book back up.
~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x
He came back with a bottle of apple juice, two coffees and a notebook. He handed Kate a coffee, and dropped the notebook into his seat. He gave Alexis the bottle of juice, and then dug into her backpack.
"Are you looking for a pen, Daddy? They're in the front zipper."
"Thanks, Lex." He kissed her head and pulled a pen out. He held the pen out to Kate.
She looked at it like it was a knife. After a moment of hesitation she reluctantly took the pen from him.
He opened the notebook to the first page and handed it to her. "Let it all out. It helps you to deal with it."
She chanced a glance over at the little girl and then whispered, "It's not the first time."
"I gathered as much." It wasn't anything more than an observation.
"This is the first time it happened while he was sober." She was a heartbroken little girl again. Remembering the time before this. The time before she was gone. The time before he drank. The time when she didn't know people could do this to people they loved.
Here was a complete stranger offering her compassion. The stranger had probably quickly figured out the book she held like a Bible was his. He'd been fast to recognize the signs that she was scared. That she was breaking.
"Is it okay if I touch you? You look like you could use a hug." He was sitting beside her again, angled towards her, but he kept all of his body parts in his seat.
She ducked her head down to look at the notebook. She examined it. Played with the spiral binding. Ran a finger along the edge of the paper, daring it to cut her finger. She swallowed hard and gingerly rested her hand on top of his. "I need a hug."
"I'm good at those, you can just ask the little one." He slowly leaned toward her, not wanting to scare her. He brought his arms up and lightly wrapped them around her back.
She grabbed his jacket and held on tight. She couldn't remember the last she'd been hugged. She's pretty sure it was before her mother was gone.
"How long as this been happening?" He tightened his grip a little and rested his head on top of hers.
"Four years." Why was she telling him everything?
He nodded into her hair. "Would you like me to call the police for you? You're in no shape to run anywhere. I can make sure he never finds you, though. Kate can disappear and you can become anyone you want to be."
She started sobbing. Quietly at first. Her body barely trembled. The longer he held her the worse it got. Her whole body was shaking. She was sure she was ruining his shirt.
"Let it out. It's okay." He freed one of his hands from the hug and used it to run circles on her back. "He can't hurt you. Never again."
Alexis watched on in concern. "Someone hurt her, Daddy?"
"Just read your book, baby."
Alexis climbed back down and stood in front of Kate. "Was it the same stupid person who said you weren't pretty?" Without waiting for an answer she joined her father in hugging the stranger.
"Why are you doing this?" Her sobbing and crying had finally faded, and she loosened her grip on his jacket.
"I hate pain," he answered quietly, loosing her from his hug, but continuing to rub the concentric circles on her back.
"You write about death."
"I write about resolution. Big difference."
"Yes, Daddy's books are just an allegory. He's big on the denouement," Alexis encouraged, hugging her tighter.
"That's a big word for a little girl."
"Daddy stresses story structure." She released Kate.
Kate chuckled lightly. Probably the first time in years. She spoke to the child in perfect French, "Bel esprit."
Alexis went wide-eyed. "What does that mean?"
"It means fine mind. I was just saying you were smart."
"Say something else," Alexis demanded.
Kate was grateful for the distraction, "What would you like me to say?"
"Say anything!"
"Dis quelque chose!"
"What does that one mean?"
"Say anything."
"Dis... quelque... chose."
"Not bad, try this one: Je suis une petite théière.
Alexis tried, but mangled the ending. "Say the last word again."
Kate enunciated the word slowly for her, "Théière."
"Je suis une petite théière."
"Yes! Good job. That means: I'm a little teapot."
"Like the song!" Alexis exclaimed, bouncing on the spot.
"Like the song." Kate smiled a little and watched the carefree girl dance around singing her one line of French.
Richard watched the entire exchange. "You're good with her."
"I used to babysit. A lot."
He glanced down toward the ticketing counters. "If you're still running away, may I make a suggestion?"
She turned her head toward him.
"It's an incredibly presumptuous and inappropriate suggestion."
She stiffened but didn't move.
"Stay here."
She wrinkled her nose and then winced. "Not exactly running if I stay put is it?"
"No, I..." he faltered.
"Spit it out. You're making me nervous."
"I have a spare room. A secure building. He wouldn't be allowed in. You could teach her French or something... I don't know. Forget I said anything."
She raised her sunglasses and searched his eyes. She didn't know what she was looking for. Honesty? Sincerity? Hope? Safety? "You're serious."
"Yes."
"You just met me. I could be a serial killer."
"No. Not you. You wear your heart way too far out on your sleeve. You care. Too much."
Alexis reached up and brushed her fingers across the bruise. "What happened?"
Kate recoiled and dropped the sunglasses back down to cover it. "I... I..."
"Is that why you think you aren't pretty?"
How could she lie to a little girl? How could she tell her the truth? She gave her the short answer, "No."
Alexis attack hugged her and climbed into her lap. "À Paris, à Paris, sur mon petit cheval gris. À Rouen, à Rouen, sur mon petit cheval blanc. À Toulon, à Toulon, sur mon petit cheval blond. Et retournons au manoir, sur mon petit cheval noir. Au galop, au galop... My Gram likes to sing that song to me."
"Do you know what it's about?" Kate had calmed considerably listening to the little girl sing. "It's about horses. You're riding a different colored horse to each city. A gray horse to Paris, a white horse to Rouen, a blonde horse to Toulon, and then back to your mansion on a black horse."
"I like horses. Do you?"
"I love them. I have a horse named Lijep, she's brown and white, and she has spots like a cow." She finally returned the hug, albeit loosely.
Alexis giggled, "Is Lijep French for cow?"
"No, it's Croatian for beautiful."
"Like you." Alexis hopped down and went to get a drink of her juice.
"Alexis is blunt," he whispered to her.
"She is, but she's cute so it's okay," she replied with a small smile at the little girl.
"Is that the only Croatian word you know?"
"Ne, znam ih ja puno."
"My father's family is from Montreal. My mother's family is Croatian. I've been speaking both for as long as I can remember."He stared at her.
"Be kind, rewind. What did you even say to me?"
"I said, 'No, I know lots of them.' It's always more interesting than just saying I'm fluent."
"Mmm." He regarded her. "My offer, it stands. God, I must seem like a total creep right now."
"Just creepy enough." Her joke was light. She dropped her sunglasses into her purse.
"That's reassuring." He turned to check on Alexis who was sitting in her chair reading and humming.
"If I say yes, what happens?"
"I take you to a hospital." He cuts her off before she can argue. "No, that is a sticking point. Then you go press charges. We would go from there."
"If I say no?"
"Then we part company, but please understand that I would be doing so under duress. It would go against everything my mother ever raised me to do."
She chewed her bottom lip. "Your daughter, what is she going to think of that?"
"Of you? That could go one of two ways: She's going to think she has someone there to teach her all the French she wants, whenever she wants, or she's going to think you're my girlfriend. She hasn't quite grasped the concept of romantic love yet, thanks to her mother. She's parading a new boyfriend in and out all the time when I take Alexis out there. Each one has already moved in and become the love of her life," his voice had taken on a decidedly nasty lilt as he spat the last part out. "I should apologize for that. She cheated on me, but I did get something wonderful from that relationship." He combed his fingers through the long red hair hair his little girl wore.
"Daddy?"
"Yes, pumpkin?"
"Can I go see Mommy another time?"
"Mommy is looking forward to seeing you though, baby."
"Mommy is looking forward to having her little dress-up doll again. Daddy, when I'm out there I go through more outfits a day than you do. Outfits that are stupid and frilly and I can't get them dirty. When I'm here we can at least have play-doh night and make your own pizzas... Please let me stay."
"Lex, I can't do that. Your Mommy made special plans to see you. Daddy has to take you out there, that was part of the deal remember?"
"It was a stupid deal. Let me talk to her."
"Alexis, you're going to see your mother this week"
"No! I want to stay here in New York," she begged as she climbed down from the chair. She stood in front of Kate and whispered, "Make him let me stay. Please?"
"I can't do that, besides I think you should go see her," Kate spoke quietly and calmly. She reached out to stroke the little girl's hair.
"Why? I don't want to see her, so why should I? Why can't I stay here and learn French?" Alexis put her hands on her hips and stared at Kate defiantly.
Kate drooped her hand to her lap. She opened her book and pulled a picture out, she inhaled sharply when she saw it. "One day, you won't be able to, and you will miss the time you had together more than you will ever know. Trust me."
"Why should I trust you?"
"I can't see my mom anymore, and I..." Her breathe caught in her throat and she wiped at her eyes.
"Why can't you see your mom anymore?"
"Alexis, no." He reached out and pulled the little girl to him, "That's rude. You don't ask questions like that. Get back in your seat, and read."
"But..."
He cut her off, "I mean it. Don't make me count to three."
Alexis gave him a glare, and climbed back into her seat. "I'm sorry."
"It's okay," Kate finally murmured. She'd tucked the picture back into her book. "I shouldn't be getting this choked up over it still."
"I'm guessing it was sudden?"
Kate only nodded as she stared out into the crowds filing past them.
"I'm sorry, too. For that, and for her being so..."
"Untouched by the bad things in life? Don't apologize for her. She's just a kid. I'm the one who can't even look at a picture of her mother without crying."
"You have every right to feel." He gingerly reached over and rubbed her back, pleased when she didn't flinch.
"Alexis?" She turned her attention past him to the little girl.
"Yes," she answered from behind her book.
"I can't see my mother anymore, because she's in Heaven. You should spend as much time with your mother as you can."
Alexis dropped her book to her lap, and watched Kate carefully. She finally acquiesced, "I'll go see, Mommy."
"You didn't have to tell her that."
"I know," Kate responded and looked down to the ticketing counter. "No line."
"No line. I need to call Meredith." He pulled his phone out and fiddled with, "Alexis, do you think you are big enough to ride the plane by yourself?"
"No, I know I am, but I don't want to."
"I didn't think you did." He leaned over and kissed her head. "Will you stay here by Kate and be a good girl?"
"Yes, sir," she replied and gave him a salute.
He chuckled and kissed her head again. "At ease." He got up and made his way toward the ticketing counter.
"Kate, I really am sorry for earlier. I didn't know." She got up and moved into her father's empty seat. "What was your mommy like?"
"My mommy was my favorite person in the whole world." Kate pulled her picture out of the book and handed it to Alexis, she dabbed at her eyes and took a shaky breath before continuing, "She was a lawyer. She helped people who couldn't help themselves; people that the courts had given up on. She was wonderful in the kitchen. She made the best cookies. Chocolate chip, peanut butter, sugar, it didn't matter. And she could sing. Oh, how she could sing. When I was your age she always sang me to sleep. Whatever song she wanted to sing."
Kate's tears were flowing freely now, but she kept talking, "She would always help me with my homework if I needed it. We would go out every saturday morning for breakfast, just us girls. Then we'd go get lost in a little shop, sometimes a bookstore, sometimes clothing, sometimes shoes. We used to go to the movies a few times a month, but those stopped when I started high school. Everything she wanted to see, I would go see with my friends. When I made stupid mistakes she held me while I cried. When my first boyfriend broke up with me she sat with me and ate ice cream until we were both sick. When she was gone, I finally realized how much she meant to me. If I could take back all of those times I blew her off for my friends I would. In a heartbeat."
Alexis sat there quietly, staring intently at the picture in her hands. Her small mind was struggling to wrap itself around the enormity of what Kate just told her. She finally just got on her knees and hugged her. Hew words were barely a whisper, "I wish you could have your mommy back. I'll never ever take mine for granted ever again. I promise."
Kate returned the hug. Her voice was just as quiet as Alexis's had been, "That's all I ask."
Alexis pulled back, and held the picture out for Kate to take back. "You're mommy was pretty. You look like her."
Kate accepted the picture, and then spoke,"My mother was the most beautiful woman in the whole world. When you get older, you'll understand this, but sometimes, the prettiest parts of people are things you can't see. As pretty as my mother was on the outside, her spirit, it was ten times that."
Alexis smiled cheekily, and in a very conspiratorial whisper she leaned in, "You didn't deny it."
"Huh?" Kate's face was a perfect example of confusion.
"You didn't deny being pretty. I told you that you were pretty before and you said you weren't. I sort of left before you could deny it the second time, but this time you didn't deny it. So I'm right. You're pretty. Pretty enough to be a actress or a model..."
"An actress, you use 'an' with words that start with vowels," Kate corrected.
Alexis wrinkled her nose. "You sound like, Daddy. That's not always true though. You use 'an' with silent h's and and you don't use it with long u's or o's that sound like w's..." Alexis took in Kate's shocked expression, "Daddy also stresses grammar."
Kate shook her head and laughed lightly, "I just got schooled by a five-year-old."
"I'm five-and-a-half, thank you very much." Alexis crossed her arms over her chest indignantly.
"I'm very sorry, I'll make sure I never make that mistake again."
"Are you gonna stay and teach me French?"
"Do you really want me to? I'm sure your dad could find someone much more qualified to teach you."
"I like you. I only want to learn French from you." Alexis rocked back and forth in her chair.
"Why do you like me?" Kate's curiosity took over.
"You're nice. You're not like my teachers at school, they are sooooo boring." Alexis stopped rocking, and dropped her voice to a whisper, "Don't tell him, but... Since Gram moved out, I miss having another girl around. Daddy's not as good at picking out clothes as he thinks he is. Sometimes he gets really lost in his writing, and can't watch cartoons with me. All my friends have mommies that live with them, they don't have to get on planes to go see them. I wanna have girl time."
"I'm going to tell you the same thing I just told your father, you don't even know me," Kate whispered.
"You ever just know something? Please?" Alexis had the perfect little sad puppy eyes, and her pout was damn near irresistible.
"I really shouldn't..."
"Kate, please? I don't wanna see you leave, and then find out you got hurt again. Please stay, please be my friend, please? You don't even have to teach me French if you don't want to. Just... please?" Alexis clasped her hands together and held them to her chin. The look was complete.
"Okay," Kate mumbled, "but never use that look on me ever again."
"I only use it when desperate measures are called for."
"You only use what when desperate measures are called for?" He asked returning to their seats.
"Sad eyes," Alexis grinned.
"Are you ladies ready to leave?" He scooped up the two carry-ons he had left with them.
"I'm ready!" Alexis zipped her book up into her backpack and slung it onto her shoulder.
Kate stood and grabbed her own bag and purse, "How did you know I would say yes?"
"You never said no," he answered, handing her the boarding pass.
She pulled her sunglasses on. "What am I getting myself into?"
"I ask myself that same question everyday," Alexis responded honestly.
"You, little missy, are a real laugh and a half," he joked.
"You see what I have to put up with?" Alexis gestured to her father and rolled her eyes.
Kate allowed herself to smile at the duo. She followed them to the security checkpoint, and reluctantly removed her sunglasses and the necklace before stepping through the metal detector with her head down. She immediately grabbed her things from the bowl after it passed through, and her bags from behind that. With a quick flip of her wrist she had the sunglasses back in place, a move that he noticed was a bit too easy. She slipped the long chain back over her head and waited for the father and daughter.
"Have you ever been on a plane before, Kate?" Alexis asked, coming to a hopping stop beside her.
"Yes."
Alexis grabbed her hand and grinned, "I like them."
"That makes one of us," she admitted.
"We need to go to the left," he spoke from Alexis' other side.
Alexis grabbed his hand swung herself forward, "Weeeee!"
Kate looked over at the man and gave him a small smile. "Thank you."
"Don't mention it," he smiled genuinely at her and they swung his daughter between them the entire walk to the terminal.
~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x~x
"How long until we can get on the plane, Daddy?" Alexis was bouncing in the seat looking out the window.
"27 minutes," he replied.
"Is she going to ask every minute?" Kate looked a little terrified even with her sunglasses on.
Rick nodded solemnly.
"Alexis, would you like to learn some numbers?"
"Oui," she repeated the word she'd learned during the first half of their wait in the terminal.
"Un, deux, trois, quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix," Kate ticked a finger off for each number she spoke.
"Un." Alexis held up one finger. "Deux." She added a second. "Trois." A third. "I don't remember the next one."
"Quatre."
"Quatre, cinq, six, sept, huit, neuf, dix!" Alexis completed happily.
"Good, tell me the number seven."
Alexis quietly mouthed the words and counted on her fingers until she got there, "Sept!" She declared excitedly.
"Right, three."
"Trois," Alexis affected the word in the way only a child can. It sent her into a fit of giggles.
Kate laughed with her, "Ten."
"Neuf, no wait that's nine," Alexis corrected herself, and mulled it over in her head, "dix?"
"Oui, quel est le numéro cinq?"
Alexis stared at her. "I heard the number five."
"Good! I asked you what the number was."
"Tricky."
"Tu n'as pas d'idée," she smirked at the little girl. (You have no idea.)
"I'm only learning here, that's not fair," Alexis growled and cocked her head to one side.
"You're right, I'm sorry. Deux?"
"Two."
"Four?"
"Quatre!"
"Huit?"
Alexis counted the numbers out for herself again. She responded with, "Eight."
"You learn well young grasshopper," he interrupted, "but I think it's nearly time to board."
Alexis whipped back around to the window as she saw the walkway being extended out to the plane. "I love this part!"
"I know you do, pumpkin, but you need to zip your bad back up and get ready."
"Right!" Alexis hopped down and gathered up all of her belongings. She stuffed them haphazardly into her bag and zipped it. "Ready!"
"Ladies and gentleman, the 11:45 flight from New York to Los Angeles will begin boarding in ten minutes at gate C27," the woman behind the counter announced over the PA system.
Alexis hopped up and got in line. "Hi, Alyssa!"
"Well, hello there Alexis, are you off to see your mother again?"
"Yep!" Alexis had her smile turned all the way up.
"I think you've logged more air miles than I have!" Alyssa bopped Alexis's nose with her finger, it only served to get Alexis giggling.
"You two do this a lot?" Kate asked standing and grabbing her own bags.
"Twice a month. Meredith gets a weekend, and a week every month," he grabbed the other two carry-ons and continued, "This is the week long visit. We'll land, I'll turn her over to her mother, and then you and I will waste a few hours before flying back here."
"Just like that?"
"Just like that." He guided her over to stand behind Alexis with him.
"Kate," Alexis whirled around and looked up at her before asking, "How do I ask someone what their name is?"
"Quel est votre nom?"
"Thank you."
"Merci."
"I thought, merci meant thanks."
"It does," Kate squatted down to eye level and grinned, "just a reminder, mademoiselle."
Alexis looked up at the man working the desk with Alyssa. "Quel est votre nom?"
The man got a very serious look on his face, "Je m'apelle, Jaques. Comment ça va?"
Alexis blinked and looked back to Kate.
"Ça va bien, et vous?"
"What she said," Alexis responded to him, pointing at Kate.
"Je vais bien, merci," the man responded with a chuckle and a nod.
"He said he is well, and thank you," Kate clarified for the little girl.
"I knew the merci part. Thank you, Kate," Alexis hugged her tightly around the neck.
"Avec plaisir," she hugged the girl back and then immediately translated, "with pleasure."
Alexis spent the last of the ten minutes idly chatting with Alyssa. When the door finally opened and boarding began, Alexis all but ran down the long hall to the plane with her father hot on her heels. Kate walked calmly behind them. She caught them at the door.
"We waited for you," Alexis supplied cheerfully, "Can you teach me more French while we fly, or am I getting annoying?"
"I can teach you more French, although I'm still not too sure how good I'll be at it," she replied as Alexis drug her down the aisle to their seats.
"You're great at it, promise." Alexis made a dash for the window seat, she wheeled around just before sitting. "Do you want the window seat? I forgot to ask. Daddy always makes me sit on the inside, but if you want to see out the window you can sit over there. I don't mind."
"No, it's fine, you can take the window seat," Kate assented and settled into the middle seat and secured the seatbelt.
"If you wanna switch later we can." Alexis unzipped her backpack and took her book and a portable CD player out. She stashed the rest of her bag under her seat and then buckled up.
"I'll think about it." She watched Alexis put the headphones and start happily humming along with the song coming out of it.
"I need to put your bag up here," he broke in and pointed to the overhead storage bin, "Do you want to get anything out of it first?"
"Oh, right..." Kate unzipped the bag and pulled out the wooden box then handed him the rest of the bag. She cradled it in her lap.
He zipped the bag and then gently put it into the compartment above him. His curiosity got the best of him, he finally asked when he sat down, "Was it hers?" He buckled in.
"Yeah, it's everything I have left of her." She brushed her fingers over he intricate carvings on the lid. The cherry wood glistened under the finish.
He guessed the chest, because he had decided box was too common a name for the treasure she held it as, had been a jewelry box at one point. The perfect size for sitting on a dresser. He noticed the picture on top, "He gave it to her didn't he?"
She gave the photo a sad smile and touched it, "Their first anniversary; he made it. He was always good at things like that. I have... had another one just like it. He made me one for my eighteenth birthday. He tore into my room one night, not long after it happened. He was drunk. I was scared to death. He pulled pictures off my walls. Tore down posters. He stopped when he saw it. The photo on mine was the three of us, smiling, I was two maybe three in it. He just stopped though, and he looked at it for the longest time. I was about to get up when he took it and left."
"He kept it?"
"He smashed it. He had dumped everything out of it onto the kitchen counter, and... I found it in splinters out on the balcony. He was passed out in a chair... still holding the hammer. I covered him up, and dug her jewelry box out from under my bed. I cleaned my stuff off the counter into it, and stuck it back under there. He apologized, but..."
"You couldn't quite forgive him?"
"I did, eventually. In one of his rare moments of sobriety."
He reached over and gently brushed his thumb over the tear that slid out from under her sunglasses. He had never been at a loss for words before. The only questions he had were too personal. Too painful. He did the only thing he could think to do, he dropped his hand down to hers and squeezed her hand.
"It was four years in January. That March was the first time he..." She chanced a look over at Alexis before continuing, "He shoved me into a wall. Told me he hated me. When he woke up the next day he didn't remember any of it. He felt so guilty that he dove deeper into his bottle."
"A vicious cycle."
"Yeah. But yesterday? Yesterday he was sober. The first time in months, and I saw my dad. I don't even remember what happened. Did I say something? Did I do something? He was gone, so suddenly. All I saw was anger. He hit me so hard. I could barely stand," she choked on her words and wiped at her tears, "I sat in the floor crying and bleeding for God knows how long. When I finally got to my feet I found him passed out in my bed. He was clutching this teddy bear that he'd gotten me when I was born. It made me sick. I ran to the bathroom and locked the door behind me."
"Was he still there this morning?"
"No, I just packed my stuff and left." She lifted the lid and sorted through the stack of pictures laying on top. She pulled out a photo and handed it to him. She explained the story behind it, but he was stuck on her final words, "We used to be happy." She pulled another picture out.
"How old were you in that picture?"
"Seventeen, that was taken about a week after graduation. Dad had always joked that he was going to take me out of the country one day. To celebrate they took me to Europe. Someone took that for us on The Giant's Causeway."
"I've never been to Ireland."
"You should go, it's beautiful there. We went back that next summer, and I enjoyed the pubs."
He raised an eyebrow at her.
"Legal drinking age is eighteen. You haven't had a Guinness until you've had one in Ireland."
"Is that so?"
"It is..." she was going to continue but the Captain's voice came over the speakers preparing them for take-off. She quickly closed and locked the box. She moved around until she could get it into the little storage compartment below her seat. Her purse was nestled in next to it.
"I like this part!" Alexis was still bopping along to her CD, so neither adult was sure of her meaning.
They sat in silence for a while after that. Alexis was reading, Kate was looking out the window, and she could hear the persistent sound of pen scratching paper beside her. She looked over at him and watched him slowly fill the notebook.
"That's creepy."
"I'm sorry?" she asked, shocked.
"No one has ever watched me work before, it's creepy."
"I'll stop. I'm sorry," she apologized and turned back to the window.
"Here," he said passing the notebook to her, and flipping it back to the first page, "Tell me what you think."
"You... want me to read it?"
"That's the general idea, yes," he smirked.
"Okay..." She picked the notebook up and started reading it. Halfway through the first page she looked over at him. "You're right, that's creepy."
"Sorry." He turned his gaze to the window and resigned himself to only sneaking glances at her now an again to try and read her reactions.
She placed the notebook on the tray table in front of her after she finished it.
He looked at her. "Well?"
"That's about me."
"Yeah."
"She's not me though."
"No."
"I don't know how I feel about this."
"It goes no further than you."
"I appreciate that."
"So, what do you think?"
She finally looked at him. "It was beautiful. Can I keep it?"
He gave her a genuine Castle smile. "Of course. Can I ask you a question?"
"Is it another 'feel free to say no'?"
"Always an option for you."
"Go ahead," she nodded.
"Just how many times have you read In A Hail of Bullets? I noticed it was nearly worn out when you first pulled it out of your bag."
She bit her lip. "I don't know. I quit counting after five. You provided an escape from life. She got it for me for Christmas. Two weeks later my dad and I come home and find a cop on our doorstep. He came to tell us that she'd been murdered."
"Murdered?" His eyebrows flew up. "I... I thought maybe... I don't know what I thought, but it wasn't murder. God, I'm sorry. Did they... Did they catch the guy who did it?"
"No, it's probably why he drinks," she responded almost thoughtfully, "Neither one of us has had any closure on it. He drinks. I read." She held up her book.
"Can I see it?" His mouth was moving before his brain could tell it not to. His hand immediately flew up to cover his mouth.
"Um... I guess, yeah." She handed him the book. "Don't lose her picture."
"You don't... I had no right to ask that. I couldn't," he stammered trying to push the book back at her.
"You're indecisive." She placed the book on top of the notebook in front of her.
"No, just a moron. My mouth does this thing where it speaks without permission."
"So you do want to see it."
"Well, yeah, but that's just me being nosey and rude."
She took the photo out of the book and put it in front of him. "Maybe you can figure me out."
"Are you sure?"
"Yes. Can I see your pen?"
"Sure!" He fumbled to get the pen out, but he got it to her.
"Thank you." She pulled the chest out from under her seat and placed the photo inside. She then flipped to the back of the notebook and began to draw on the cardboard cover. Mostly doodles and squiggles. Something to keep her mind busy.
He reverently opened the book, there on the inside cover were the words 'Property of Katherine Beckett' in dull blue script. He continued on. When he got to what should've been the first blank page in the book he noticed she had filled it. There was a timeline, and a three tiny columns. One labeled 'Witness,' the second 'Of Interest,' and the third 'Victim.'
"You made a murder board."
"What?" She looked up.
He turned the page to her, "A cop I know, he calls them murder boards. Sets them up just like that to work through the case."
"Yeah, I do that with most of my books. I can usually get them solved before the reveal. That one though, I couldn't. Probably why I started re-reading it. I tried to find that clue I missed the first time. Then... it became a place to escape the abu- to escape to."
"Who did you think the killer was?"
"The wife. Everything pointed to her. I didn't figure out that clue I was missing was on the first page until long after I stopped caring about the case. Her alibi was right there, and I kept ignoring it."
"Sneaky, huh?"
"Yep," she replied and turned back to her doodle.
He went back to the book and started skimming the pages. He always paused to read the notes she'd made, and the sections she had highlighted.
"Most people I know, are freaked out by the thought of writing in a book. Annotation is like a dirty word," he commented offhandedly without ever looking up from the book.
She glanced over at him and put the pen down. "Can't solve the case if you don't write down the facts."
"Not all of these are about the book." He kept turning pages, and the further into the book he got the less white space he found. He stopped reading but he could tell her book was becoming a diary, and he was feeling like an intruder.
"At one point I thought about joining the police academy." She saw how nervous he was getting looking through the book. "So that I could do more than just speculate. Her case doesn't make sense to me, at least the parts I know about."
He closed the book and handed it back to her. "Why didn't you join?"
She choked on the sour laugh as it bubbled up, "Oh yeah, that'd work out. Poor little rich girl who can't even get her own father to stop hitting her trying to take down criminals. I wouldn't be any good at it, just like everything else."
"You're good with Alexis. You're strong, incredibly strong. You know three times as many languages as I do, so you're good at those. You're smart. You're aware. And just to top this off with a good dose of creepy, you're beautiful. Inside and out. You would make a great cop."
"You're delusional." She pulled the book toward her and opened it up. She was hoping she just looked busy.
"I've been told that before. By doctors. Usually after they tell me I have a concussion. This time, I happen to know I'm right," he whispered into her ear as he pulled the book away, and slid the glasses from her face, "You were strong enough to live in that special kind of hell for four years. You were smart enough to leave. You have been watching everything and everyone around you. Taking notes on: where the exits are, who is going to be trouble, and how you are going to protect yourself. You are a survivor. It's something you're good at. It's a good quality in a cop." He leaned back into his seat and placed her book back where he found it.
"Thank you," she choked out in a watery whisper.
"Hey, Katie, can I call you Katie? Katie, can you teach me more French words now? I'm bored with my book, please?" Alexis slammed her book closed and pulled her headphones off.
"Huh? Uh, yeah..." Kate swiped at her eyes.
"Great! Can you teach me the rest of the teapot song?"
Kate slid the box back under her seat, took a calming breath, and sang the first line to Alexis, "Je suis un petite théière, gros et court."
"You sing so pretty."
"Merci," Kate replied with a blush creeping up her cheeks.
Alexis sang the line back to her, "That's the short and stout part right?"
"Oui. Voici ma poignée, voici mon bec. Here is my handle here is my spout," Kate sang the next like to her.
Alexis parroted everything back to her, "Wait... I probably wasn't supposed to say yes or sing the English back was I?"
"It's whatever you want to sing back. Ready for more?"
"Yes... Oui!"
"Quand je deviens toute embuée, tu m'entend crier."
"Quand je deviens toute embuée, tu m'entend crier... When I get all steamed up here me shout?"
"Souslève moi et renverse moi!"
"Tip me over and pour me out," Alexis giggled as she sang.
"Sing the French to me. I know you know the English."
"Souslève moi et renverse moi!"
"Good, good. You'll be speaking French like a pro in no time."
"Kate?" Alexis asked suddenly very serious, "Would you be mad if I didn't tell my mom about you? I mean, I like you and everything, but she'd have a cow."
Kate stared at the girl wide-eyed.
"Not about the French thing, but just about you in general. Being around," she dropped her voice to a barely audible whisper and leaned in close to Kate, "Mom might hate Dad, but they also think I'm kind of dumb. I've heard Mom talking about it before. Telling her friends she boinked him. What does that mean?"
Kate went slack jawed and searched for the right words. Her reply was just as much of a whisper as Alexis's voice had been, "Alexis..."
"She doesn't like the idea of anyone being in his life. Anyone but her. She would make everything bad if she knew you were staying with us." Alexis grabbed a handful of Kate's hair and played with it.
"I really don't know how to take that. If your mom doesn't want me in your life I will respect that."
"No," Alexis drug the word out and let go of Kate's hair, "That isn't what she'll care about. She's gonna think you're Daddy's girlfriend, and she won't like it one bit."
"Wha..."
"You are way prettier than she is."
Kate struggled with the seat belt and fumbled her way through taking it off. "I need to go to the bathroom." She all but leapt into the aisle over Richard Castle on her way out she sent her book and the notebook skittering off toward Alexis. She ran for the nearest bathroom, not caring that everyone she passed could see how broken she was. How bruised. Abused. Tears were streaming down her face and her chest was heaving as she slammed the little door shut behind her.
"Alexis Simone Castle, what did you say?"
"N-n-nothing Daddy. I just told her she was pretty. I asked her if it was okay for me to not tell Mommy about her, and then she was gone. What did I do? I didn't mean to make her mad, Daddy. I didn't..." Alexis started crying.
"Shh, shhh..." He unbuckled himself and moved into Kate's seat. He wrapped his arms around the little girl. "It's okay, Lex. It's okay..."
Alexis stopped crying, but kept apologizing. After several minutes of that she pushed away from him. "I need to tell her sorry. Let me go tell her. I need to tell her sorry. Please.?"
"Wait for her to come back, Alexis."
"Okay," she nodded sadly and turned to look out the window.
"Okay." He kissed her head and pulled Kate's book and the notebook toward him. The father and daughter sat in silence for close to thirty minutes.
"She draws pretty too. Do you think she would let me color it?" Alexis looked over at the artwork on the back of the notebook.
"You should ask her that, pumpkin."
Alexis nodded and opened her book back up. She read the read the same paragraph four times.
"Can I have my seat back? Please?" Kate asked nervously from the aisle. Her head was hanging down as she bounced from foot to foot.
"Yeah, yeah, yeah," Castle replied getting up out of her seat and moving out into the aisle with her.
"Thanks," she responded, scooting in to her seat.
"Kate, I'm really really sorry for whatever I said. I didn't mean to make you mad. I'm sorry," The words tumbled out of Alexis uncontrollably, "I am. If you're not gonna teach me French anymore I understand. I'm just sorry. Okay? Sorry." She punctuated the last apology with a fierce hug. "Sorry."
"It's... It's okay. I'm not mad, and especially not at you."
Alexis nodded and pointed to the picture on the back of the notebook. "It's really pretty. Can I color it?"
"Yeah, sure. Go for it. Can you... Can you listen to your music again?"
"Grown up talk? Yeah," Alexis replied before climbing down to get her crayons from her backpack. She got settled back in and turned her music on.
"You bolted. Are you okay?"
"I think she has a better grasp of romantic love than you think she does." Kate threw her head back against the seat and closed her eyes.
"Yeah?"
"Yeah. She said that you are her mother..." Kate trailed off not really wanting to have this conversation.
"That we what?"
"Her words, boink."
Rick's jaw dropped. "My child said that?"
"She doesn't know what it means. She said she overheard her mother saying it. She also said that your ex-wife would 'make everything bad' if she she found out about me. I'm not going to come between that little girl and her mother. If your ex-wife doesn't want me around her, I'm gone."
"Meredith doesn't care about you being around Alexis. I can promise you that."
"Alexis said she is easily threatened."
"Understatement. The reason my marriage ended, was because Meredith felt threatened... by Alexis."
Kate's face contorted into confusion and she looked over at him.
"Yeah. She also thought my mother was trying to break us up. Oh, my publisher, my agent, uhh..."
"I get it, she's insecure."
"Meredith needs to have all of the attention on her. Our marriage was failing when she found out she was pregnant. We tried to make it work after that, but we couldn't. She was focused on me, and what I could do for her. I was focused on Alexis. So she cheated on me."
"Sounds like your wife could benefit from my therapist." Kate rolled her eyes, and turned her face back to the ceiling. "Yesterday, was the first time he ever hit me where someone could see."
"Kate... You don't-" She held a hand up effectively cutting him off.
"I've been trying to figure it out. My father couldn't even kill spiders. He would catch them and take them outside to Mom's garden. He was always one of the gentlest people in my life. I can remember them shoving the coffee table aside in the living room an dancing at night, I can remember them throwing popcorn at each other during movies, and I can even remember them arguing. The one thing I can't remember is my Dad ever being mean... or violent. I never saw him raise his hand to anyone or anything." She took a breath and rolled her head to look over at him. "How did he turn into that monster? How was he smart enough, even that blindingly drunk, to never leave a bruise that wasn't covered by clothes? That really scares me."
"I honestly don't know," he answered, resting his hand over hers.
"Why are you doing this?"
"Doing what?"
"Helping me. Why?"
"I told you, I don't like to see people in pain."
"Yeah, you said that, but why me? What is it you want from me?" She turned in her seat to face him. "You figure I'm just some hurt girl who will do whatever you say? You'll work your charms for a little while and I'll just lay down and spread my le-"
"Stop right there. I am not looking for sex," he whispered angrily, pulling his hand away from her, "I'm offering to help you because I've seen the look on your face before. I've seen it and I hate it. I saw that same haunted look everyday as a child, and it wasn't until he tried to kill her that my mother took me and left him. So don't you for one minute think that this has anything to do with getting you in my bed."
She stared at him blankly. "I- I'm sorry."
"Good," he spat before turning back to facing the front of the plane.
"Look, I'm not... I'm not used to people being nice to me. When someone you're supposed to trust implicitly turns on you... you learn to stop trusting people. Everyone has an agenda. She said your wife would think I was your girlfriend and I freaked out. I'm trying to figure out when I let my guard down enough to even get on this plane with you. I took that out on you, and it wasn't right. I'm sorry."
"The only thing I want from you is your safety."
"I'm sorry for what I said. I had no right." She fell silent after that and the awkward tension in the air between them could've been cut with a knife. She turned back to the front of the plane and sighed.
"I shouldn't have snapped," he finally responded.
"So, why me? Why not give money to a shelter or something? There are people out there who are worse off than me."
"I do. Give money, I mean. When my mom took off the biggest thing she needed was a friend."
"So you're going to be my friend?" She turned to look at him tentatively.
"Yeah. If you'll let me."
"I think a friend sounds good right now."
"Of course this friend is still going to insist that you go to an emergency room when we get back to New York."
"Of course."
"And if you need to go back there, to get anything... I'll go with you."
"Thank you." She reached over and squeezed his hand.
"You're welcome."