MARRYING OFF MALFOY

DISCLAIMER: I own nothing. Forever and ever and ever.

MARRY ME

"So what does eccentric billionaire Draco Malfoy want with me," asked Hermione Granger taking the seat next to the handsome drunkard.

Hiccup. "GRANGER! How," he hiccupped, "have you been?" He hiccupped some more.

"You're drunk," she said looking disgusted.

"Well. Not completely. But my drinking habits are not why I called you here today," he said somewhat lucidly. He waited for her to acknowledge his remarks before continuing. "You know I haven't been quite the same after my father was . . . well you know..."

"Yes, could you hurry it up Malfoy, I don't want to be in this snarky bar any longer," she said taking a look around the small pub. It was dark, and was mostly inhabited by the lowly sort of people; hags, goblins, and hobbits.

"Alright . . . well. I've asked you here to ask you something," he continued. Hermione watched him stand up and wobble. He got down on one knee and held out a small white box with a beautiful ring in it. "Her-" hiccup, "-mione, will you be Mrs. Draco Malfoy?"

"ARE YOU MAD?" she shrieked. She then stood up and helped Draco to his feet to reprimand him some more. "You've gone completely bonkers you mad fool," she whispered into his ear while dragging him out of the pub, despite his protests of "I've still got half a bottle of whiskey to finish."

"Malfoy," she said once they were a good distance away from the pub, "what's gotten into you? Is this a cry for help or summat? Should I rush you to St. Mungo's, because you've really scared me there at the pub."

"I'm very quite," hiccup, "serious." He looked here squarely in the eyes and said, "I want you to be my wife."

"You don't even know me," she said. She continued to drag him along with her. Thoughts raced through Hermione's head, she didn't know why she didn't walk away from him and leave him for someone else to deal with, but she had a feeling that if she did things would become much, much worse for her. So instead she walked briskly, the rakish Mr. Malfoy in tow.

"A little bump," he said, "but I assure you that we can overcome that."

"Malfoy," she said before taking a large breath of air, "there's also that little thing about me . . .well. I don't fancy you at all. Why on earth would I marry someone I'm not completely taken with?"

Draco stopped for a moment and thought about her question in earnest. Well, as earnest as a slightly tipsy man would have and he answered, "Because I'm a pitiful shell of a man, and let's face it...I'm devilishly good-looking." He threw her one of those knee-trembling smirks, gave a small chuckle, and ran his hand through his beautifully blond hair.

Now, any other girl would have simply melted at this smirk, but since this is Hermione Granger we're talking to, so she merely semi-melted at the grin. Now flustered, Hermione scoffed at the truth. "As if," was all she had to say to that.

"Please Hermione," he continued entreating, "I'll beg you."

"I'd rather you didn't," she said, quickly looking around the park they were walking in. Only about seven handfuls of seniors, children, nannies, and pets would have been there to witness his begging, but she was convinced that she would be scarred for life. Only her scar wouldn't be as easily seen as Harry's, it would be one of those invisible emotional scars. The emotion in question of course would be embarrassment. "Malfoy," she said, "I'm trying desperately to convince myself that you've gone loony, and that the alcohol is terrible, terrible influence on you." She stopped and took him by the shoulders. "You don't really mean to propose to me. You're just really wasted that your judgment is horribly impaired."

He cleared his throat with a quick cough, and answered back: "I've sobered up quite a bit." Then added seriously, "I DO KNOW what I'm talking about." He took her hands off his shoulders and held them in his own. "What's so bad about being my wife Hermione? I'm not a bad guy. A little weird I'll give you that, but I'm not my father. I haven't the same ideals, I'm a better man than he ever was."

Hermione let out a sigh. "I know that, but you're asking a lot from someone who hasn't given you so much as a second thought since we left Hogwarts. You'll find someone, don't worry. You're quite eligible; you'll find yourself a wife."

"Hermione," he said, "I don't feel like looking. I'm quite lazy. You're here already! Why not just say 'yes!'"

"Malfoy," she said, "I've got a boyfriend. As you can see, that spot has already been filled."

"I'm not asking to be your boyfriend, I'm asking to be your husband," he replied simply. "You can keep him around as sort of kinky concubine on the side if you want."

She glared at him. "No," she answered, "no, NO, NO, NO!"

"Alright, I suppose you want dinner first and all that jazz right?" he asked laughing.

"You're hopeless! I don't want to marry you! I don't need you!" she huffed, "isn't there someone else that you could harass into being your wife?"

"Harass? I'm asking you nicely Granger. . ." Draco sat down on a bench and buried his face into his hands. Hermione had never seen anyone look so desperate, and deciding to give him another chance, she sat next to him on the bench. In all honesty, he was asking nicely, unfortunately for Hermione it was in the most unconventional kind of nice she'd ever experienced.

"How 'bout you find other candidates for your wife," she proposed. "Surely there are others, I can't have been your ONLY choice."

"There are plenty of women in all of Europe who would love to be my wife, but not enough women who are smart, and witty, and dignified to carry the Malfoy name. And I don't feel like looking." He leaned back on the bench and closed his eyes, and the pair sat for a minute in complete silence. Hermione was about to poke him when all of the sudden he jolted straight, and looked at her with a plan clearly visible in his eyes. "Hermione," he asked, "What exactly have you been doing for work lately?"

"Well. . . I write for various papers, magazines, and I have a weekly column with the Prophet featuring some diary entries of mine from Hogwarts. It's quite popular actually--"

"Yeah, yeah that's nice," he said cutting her off. "So you don't do any REAL work do you?" Hermione was insulted immediately. "So you would have a lot of free time on your hands I mean," he said quickly correcting himself.

"Yes," she said, "but what's my job got to do with anything?"

"If you wont be my wife...will you help me FIND a wife," he asked with pleading eyes.

Hermione was taken aback. "You drag me out of Lavender's baby shower for this?" she shrieked. "First you insult my boyfriend, then my job, then you-you do this! This is definitely a new low for you Malfoy."

"Look Granger," he said calmly, "find me a nice girl worthy of your stature, and I promise I'll be out of your hair. For good. Isn't that what you want?"

"Tempting," she whispered.

"And you're going to do it aren't you?" he added with a big cheeky grin.

"Yes," she answered defeated. "I will help you find the next Mrs. Draco Malfoy, and YOU will be out of my life, right?"

"Yes," he replied. "I feel all giddy now," he said laughing.

She raised her eyebrow and said: "Perhaps it's the alcohol coming back at you."

"Hmm..that must be it..." he said in a confused tone.

AN: This has been a re-worked chapter and most of my initial mistakes have been deleted or fixed. Thanks for reading! 6/07