Just a short story that is stuck in my mind today.
You do everything to make sure that woman will be happy. How about you? Who will make you happy? You don't really care. You thought that as long as you could see her smile, you would be ok. But why it's different today?
Today is her wedding. Santana said you were an idiot. Yes, you are but so what? You still don't care. You went with her to wedding planner. You tried cake after cake with her. You pretended that was your wedding with the love of your life while the groom was busy with his own schedule. You didn't mind at all. You were content with it. You were at dress shopping. You chose the best dress for her. Her radiant smile was enough for you. You never asked anything in return. But you must face reality now. The name on that fucking beautiful invitation that you chose were not yours and hers. You promised you would be there today but can you do it?
No, you can't face it. You're a coward. You're in your living room where you have spent countless night with her to comfort her sadness, to enjoy your girl night together, to discuss about the screenplay that you wrote for her. Everything in this house reminded her to you, you bought this place because she wanted a park view, you even let her decorate your place because you were busy. That was a lie. You were OK until this point. Two more hours and she will be someone else wife. You're still a coward because you couldn't let the truth out, what are you afraid of? You are not as rich as him? Wrong, you have enough to give whatever she wishes for. You are not handsome like him? No, she told you many times that you were gorgeous. You are not famous enough to match her? Cut the joke here because everybody in entertainment industry and literature world know who the hell you are. Then what's wrong with you? Again, you're a fucking coward. You can't handle the rejection from her. She loves him, right? You can't be the reason to make her sad because you know she will not let you go, you're her best friend. Ironically, you're just her best friend. Or you just can't handle the truth that she will pity your pathetic love. Let's her go is what you will do. Making her hate you is what you will do. It is not the first time you hurt her anyway. Every time you try, she forgives you. She comes back to you. But this time, you will make sure she will hate you for good. Your phone is flood with calls and messages from her and your other good friends. They're looking for you. But you ignore them all. Thirty minutes left until everything is seal. You let the best thing in your life slip away from your hand. You remind yourself, this is for her sake. She will hate you. She will never find you again because you will be away for very long time in three hours. Why she would care about you anyway?
Today is her day. She will just care about him not you. You laugh at yourself because you can't get rid of her from your mind. You're pathetic, Quinn Fabray.
Time's up. She's not yours to pursue anymore. You accept the truth now. The latest message on your phone was from her. You're scare to read it. You turn the phone off. You're standing in this silence space and looking around one last time before clean up the mess you have created this morning. Scatter around you is those wedding photos that you took with her. She insisted to take those photos with you because you guys are best friend. Again, you will pretend these are yours and hers. You are happy right? Maybe years from now when you look at these, you will laugh it all off. You want to burn them but you can't. These are your small happiness. You can't take these away from you. Yes, you're so pathetic. Collecting them and carefully put them in your briefcase. One last look at this one happy place, you're ready for your next page of life, without her.
You knew for weeks that this day will come. You're ready to run away and no one will know until everything is settled. Especially, she will not know. You made sure none of your staff nor hers would leak this information out. That's it. Farewell, Rachel Berry, from now on, she's your past. You know for a long time that you have no future with her and you just delete your present today. The girl with no present and future, you have your past though. Those beautiful past. Move on is what your mind always tell you but your heart said otherwise. She once said that you had complex persona. You smile at that memory. You're genius writer. You can keep those memories live through your pen and that is enough for you. One last breath in this environment, you open the door and your past do not let you escape. Here she is Rachel Berry, in her absolute gorgeous wedding gown. But she is everything but happy.
Comments / feedbacks are a huge encouragement. Though I suppose to write my philosophies essay at this point but I don't have inspiration for that. Seriously, I need to stop this obsess with glee' stories soon, else I'll fail this semester.