And the story continues right after the third chapter of my story New heart, dear heart. As I mentioned there, this is the solely AU version of the story. If Gwaine returns (and he better), the episode-related fic continues back in the original story. This one can go anywhere I want it to go.

Just in case there are new readers who didn't read the original, here are the warnings (but you really should read the original here .net/s/6439964/1/New_heart_dear_heart):

Warnings: manlove. If it bugs you, you probably don't want to read this. Unless you're highly tolerant, like I am with dairy.

Disclaimer: All rights belong to *google "merlin tv series" to see to whom*. I'm just having fun.

Chapter 4

For the next couple of weeks Merlin was kept busy. Now that Arthur had proved his worth as Uther's heir, there were all kinds of celebrations from different neighboring kingdoms. He didn't have time for independent thoughts. Now that the last of the feasts was nearing its end, Merlin could finally search for some answers. He had a feeling Gwen could be able to help as she was the most empathic person he knew. He hoped that Gwen would be able to help him: his second choice was Gaius, who, to Merlin's surprise, seemed to have at least some experience about dealing with love, but Merlin wasn't sure if he'd be able to discuss his problem with the court physician with a straight face.

He waited for her outside Morgana's chambers. It was late and outside it was raining. He thought about the work he had cut out for him the next day. The horses would be a nightmare to muck out. He took a deep breath. Positive thinking. The horses are problem of tomorrow.

"Merlin?"

"Gwen, hey." He turned to face her. "I have a bit of a problem. I was wondering if you could maybe assist me?"

"Sure."

They hurried to Gwen's house, as the castle would hardly provide the needed level of privacy. They borrowed some cloths to protect themselves from the rain.

"So. What's wrong, Merlin? You said you have a 'bit of a problem', but you've been acting strange for weeks."

"I have?"

"Yes. I've been busy with preparing Morgana for all the festivities, but Arthur told me that you've been acting strangely lately."

"Oh, so you and Arthur talk about me during your few moments alone together? That's touching." Merlin pinched the girl teasingly and Gwen slapped him playfully. "Anyway, what is it that troubles you? Is it Morgana?"

Merlin had almost forgotten that their former friend had agendas of her own when it came to Uther and his kingdom. "No, nothing like that. It's not a huge problem. Not like a 'kingdom destroyed'-problem, it's more of a feeling-type, thing. Uh, maybe I should just go. It's late and tomorrow it's going to be a long day.." He started towards the door but Gwen stopped him.

"Merlin. Spit it out."

Merlin covered his face with his hand as he tried to make out his question into words. "Why, um, why would someone kiss another?"

Gwen stared at him mock-sympathetically for a second. "Oh sweetheart, your mother didn't really tell you about the birds and the bees, did she?"

"Look, I'm mortified enough already, you're not helping!" Merlin snapped. "I'm sorry. I'm just. Uh."

Gwen took no offense, as she saw her friend squirm, no doubt because of this romance of his. "Well, what do you mean, then? You kissed with that girl you told me about, so you know why." Merlin had confessed almost everything about his relationship with Freya to Gwen, all save her true identity. He didn't want Gwen tangled up in magic, as it would undoubtedly be dangerous for the girl.

"Yes, but I loved her. That was different. What if someone kissed you, and you didn't know if the other person is, well.."

"In love with you, or just playing a game?" Gwen finished his sentence for him. He nodded. She smiled sadly and then replied in a manner that always made Merlin think her older than she really was. "I guess you can never know for sure. You have to trust your instincts, and the other person."

"I have absolutely no idea what my instincts are telling me."

"Well, let's simplify the question. Does it feel good to be around her?"

"Yes, but that's because we're friends. It could be-"

"You're getting ahead of yourself again. Slow down. So the answer to that was yes?"

"Yes."

"And she likes you too?" Gwen asked him. She saw him get ready to ramble again, so she hurried to specify. "-as a friend or something else. In general."

Gwaine had told him that he was his only friend. "Yes."

"Now, when you're with her, what do you want to do?"

"I really don't know. We've only spent a little time together."

"In that case, my advice to you is to try to see her more often. You'll find out more about her and you can also see how you feel." Gwen laid her arm on his shoulder reassuringly. Merlin touched her arm affectionately. "Thank you Gwen. Unfortunately we don't exactly live close to each other." "Maybe someday you will."

Outside her house, Merlin walked lazily towards his chambers. The rain had stopped, and he left muddy foot steps all over the main road. Someday. The word seemed burned to his brain. Someday. Someday I'll get my head straight. Someday Arthur will be king. Someday.

Without realizing it, his slow pace had turned into a jog, and now he was running. He gathered up the absolute necessities into one tiny bag and took one of the horses from the stables. His destiny with magic and protecting Arthur, that he couldn't control, but this was a matter of a short conversation with the swordsman and after he was done, he could get back to normal again. He headed south, as that was where Gwaine had last said he was going.

The next morning Arthur woke up. He called for Merlin, expecting the boy to rush his breakfast to him. When he heard no reply, he got up and checked his outer chambers. Still no sign of Merlin. It was way too early to be solving a kidnapping, he thought as he rubbed his eyes in an annoyed manner. He opened his door and told a servant that was passing by to fetch him his breakfast. When he was done eating, he decided he'd jumped to conclusions, as Merlin was probably just sleeping, that little good for nothing. He sent a guard to get Merlin from his chambers, to show him that he wouldn't tolerate just any kind of behavior. You're my servant, act like one. The guard, however, returned with a word from Gaius, saying that Merlin hadn't slept in his bed last night. Arthur was starting to get a headache already. He started performing his daily duties after acquiring a spare servant from one of his knights. Three guards were instructed to search for Merlin. They reported that the stables were missing one horse, and thanks to the rain of last night, there were clear horse tracks leading South. Oh Merlin, what have you gotten yourself into this time? He dismissed the guards and figured out a plan to trick his father.

"Father, I have reason to believe that there are sorcerers in the South. I'm going to head on out there to see if these allegations are true." Luckily for Arthur, Uther seemed delighted that his son was finally taking initiative in the fight against magic. Of course, Uther never did things halfway.

"Indeed. Take a party of 10 knights with you, that should do it."

Arthur, knowing that the mission was just a hoax and the real point of it was to search for Merlin, figured he needn't bother 10 of his knights just to find one lousy servant. "Father, I'm perfectly capable of taking care of it by myself." "I'm sure you are boy, but who knows what those twisted minds may conjure. You are the sole heir to my throne, I need to watch out for any danger that may befall you." Arthur thought that going to another kingdom's lands with 10 trained fighters might get him into trouble all on his own, but said nothing. He nodded, frustrated but determined to hide it. "Very well sire. I expect to leave with your blessing."

Rounding up 10 knights was relatively easy. Rather, it was easy determining who were the strongest and therefore needed to stay behind and protect Camelot. Arthur took great pride in the knights he trained, but he had to admit that some were more skilled than the others. If only non-noblemen could be knights. As he had come to see, nobility wasn't always a guarantee to be a good fighter. Comparing Gwaine to Cedric Magneroi, for example, was ludicrous. The poor nobleman just didn't know what to do with a sword, so he hadn't made the cut to be one of Arthur's finest. Gwaine was on Arthur's 'future knights'-list. When he would be king, among the first things he would do would be to summon Gwaine to court and make him a knight. Right after marrying Gwen, of course. Another was Lancelot. He wasn't as skilled a fighter, but he had a stubbornness to him that would probably bring him success in the end.

He and his knights and left immediately after they had gathered some food for their group. Arthur lead the pack, of course. He looked at the horse tracks which were in plain sight for anyone to see. Being stealth had never been one of his servant's best qualities. Tracking him would be easy. I'm going to kill you Merlin. He knew he wouldn't, not really. Merlin didn't need to know that, though.