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EPOV
I sat on the dusty floor and just stared at wall ahead of me. I had no idea how long I'd been sitting in that attic. All I knew was that time was slowly and surely passing me by. Without moving my head, I glanced down to my hands that had been resting on my folded legs. A bitter chuckle escaped when I saw that I was collecting dust. She had always said I was like a marble statue. I had never felt those words more truely than in that moment.
The attic was a tiny space, obviously rarely visited, as proven by the inch of dust on the floor. I found the room comforting in that its dismal and dark atmosphere thoroughly reflected my mood. I tried, desperately, to escape thoughts of B- Her, but they battered my mind constantly, on a never ceasing rampage. All I could think of was how horribly I'd failed her. I'd caused her pain and put her in danger. How I wished that I was a human, like that foul Mike Newton, just so I could have had a normal life with the girl I loved.
Before I could stop myself, I thought of Her with Newton. It was what would make her safe, maybe even.. happy. I choked when I thought of her happy with someone else. My hands curled into fists at the images my brain had formed: Bella smiling at Mike, Bella laughing with Mike, Bella dancing with Mike, Bella kissing Mike, Bella marrying Mike. A sorrowful whimper escaped me at the last image. That was supposed to be me. Not Mike. Not Tyler. Not Eric. Me. She was supposed to marry me. I could not stop myself when I curled up into a ball and began to sob. I would never get the chance to marry my love. I had promised her that I would disappear; it was for her own good. She needed to live a full and human life. I was just taking away from that.
My sobs intensified as I remembered, once again, that she believed me to not love her. How could she ever believe that blasphemy? I had told her innumerable times how much I loved her. Yet, one phrase had been enough to break her. Why did she not stop me and call out my lies? Why could she not see that I desperately wanted to stay with her? I cut off my musings as I heard the people below conversing in Portuguese. They had no idea that someone was inhabiting their attic, but upon hearing my sobs, they were beginning to get suspicious.
I bit my fist to temporarily quiet myself, so as to hear the thoughts and conversation below. "O pai, eu jura há alguém chorando no sótão. Por favor vá cheque. (Father, I swear there is someone crying in the attic. Please go check.)"
"Inscreverei-me-ei um minuto, Mina. E acredito que você é correto sobre o chorar. ( I will check in a minute, Mina. And I do believe you are right about the crying.)" At those words I pulled myself onto my feet and walked to the end of the attic, where a lone window shone dimly in the night. Cranking it open silently, I leapt out into the streets of Brazil.
Normally, I would have been extremely excited to be in such a lively place. However, I had no reason to feel any positive emotion, as the one thing that brought those emotions forth was no longer in my life. People passed me by, all thinking excited thoughts, not even realizing that they were instinctively putting space between themselves and I. This detail depressed me even more. I was a monster that people automatically shied away from. I had never deserved to feel happiness in the first place. Normal people were never avoided to the extent that I was. I hated myself for the discomfort I caused people.
By this time my sobs had finally started to quiet to a manageable volume. People passing no longer wondered why the 'devastatingly handsome' man was crying out such obvious agony. I took a sick pleasure in the fact that they cared enough to worry about my pain. To them, I was not a monster. No matter what their instincts said, I was a person in pain, and so they sympathized with me.
I turned suddenly down a dark alley way. I had no idea why, but for some reason I felt as though I had to be there. My feet dragged as I walked further into, what humans believed would be, the darkness. There were crates, boxes and bins lining both sides of the alley. At the end there was a large box, big enough to fit at least five people in a comfortable manner. I did not hesitate, before I climbed inside. Taking in my surroundings, I found the box to be workable for my circumstances.
My inspection of the box was suddenly interrupted by the quiet thud of a heartbeat in the corner. I felt my muscles tense and venom coat my teeth. I had not realized that I had been ignoring the call of blood for so long a time. Inhaling deeply, I smelt the tangy, sweet scent hanging in the air. I could feel my limbs shaking with need for the amazing substance that was only a few feet away from my grasp. Without another thought, I reached as fast as I could and grabbed onto a tiny squirming animal.
I brought it to my mouth and latched my teeth onto the side of its tiny body. The animal squirmed as I tried to suck all of the gloriously sweet nectar from its body. Its squeaks were becoming fainter as the seconds wore on. Soon enough, the blood stopped flowing into my mouth and the animal lay limp. I dropped it onto the floor in front of me and raised a finger to my teeth. I shuddered when I felt a piece of flesh stuck there. Yanking it out, I flicked it across the box.
Slowly, the haze of blood lust faded and I looked to the place on the floor in front of me. I cringed at I realized what I had just done. The carcass of a beautifully white Persian cat lay before me, stained in its own blood. Had I become such a depraved monster that I was willing to steal someone's pet from them? Was I so weak that I could not find a more supplemental food source? I shook my head to dispel the guilt I was feeling. Grabbing the cat's tail, I crawled out of the box. I stretched to my full height before launching the cat towards the entrance of the alleyway. I could not handle looking at another mess I had caused in another person's life.
I tried, that night, to ignore the world around me. The happy thoughts of people in the city ran through my head, while I did my best to block them out. I wanted so badly to my pain to end, yet at the same time I begged it to continue. I deserved the torture I was feeling. There was no reason why I should get a reprieve from my mind. Nothing should be allowed to take the pain from me. It was mine to bear for the rest of eternity. I just hoped that by bearing the pain, I was making life safer and happier for my love.
As the night slipped into morning and the town began to awaken, I heard the beginnings of a thunderstorm. Sighing, I realized that I would not necessarily have to stay in to box all day. And so, I resolved myself to go hunting for the first time in over four months.
Hours later, I returned to the alley, my blood lust fully satisfied for the first time in month. Mechanically, I moved back inside the box, just as the rain started to pour from the sky. I found it immensely ironic how the sky was reflecting my ever-present mood. Yet, at the same time, I had the paranoid feeling that the heavens were mocking my pain. It was juvenile to think in such a way, but my state of mind was not one of clear cut sanity.
Sighing, I lay on the floor of the decrepit box. The morning hours slipped into the afternoon while I stared, unblinkingly, at the ceiling. As I wondered about the possibility of something breaking up the monotony of my norm, my cell phone rang again for the hundredth time in the pas months. At first I thought about ignoring the call. I would probably be Alice trying to convince me to come back home. I could not do that, though. No one in the family deserved to experience my drastically dismal mood. While I contemplated answering, the call ended. Not seconds later the phone began to ring again. I figured it was urgent, seeing as no one ever tried more than once in one go.
I opened my phone and whispered hello. "Edward?! Thank god you answered! It's about Bella," Alice shrieked through the phone. I felt panic starting to rise in my throat.
"What's wrong with her," I pled.
"Edward, she knows where you are! She's coming to find you and she's really furious. Edward I'm warning you she might be dangerous to you now," she said reluctantly.
"Alice what do you mean? How did she find me? How's she dangerous," I fired off.
"She's not h-" the phone cut off. I pulled the phone away from my head. It was still working. I tried to call her back, but it went straight to her voicemail. Obviously, her phone had died. What was she going to say? I started to panic as the warnings Alice handed me passed through my mind. How was it even possible that Bella had any inkling of my location?
My anxiety grew as time passed. It made no sense that she was coming for me. Furthermore, where had she gotten my location from? The only people that would possible know were Cullens or Victoria. I knew that the rest of the Cullens had not dared to contact Bella, as per my wishes. I was so wrapped up in my mind that I did not notice the faint sound of footsteps at the mouth of the alley.
I felt my muscles shake as a slightly familiar scent caught my nose. It smelled deliciously of freesia and strawberries, so much like Bella's scent yet different. As that thought ran through my mind, my entire body froze completely. Somehow, I knew that Bella was standing in my alley. I strained to hear her comforting heartbeat. I needed to know that I had made the right choice in leaving her. My eyes snapped open when I realized there was no rhythmic beating anywhere in the area.
I gasped when I registered the silence. Bella was here yet, she had no heartbeat. Were all my efforts to protect her for nothing? Did I honestly leave just for her to become a monster, like me? My disoriented thoughts were interrupted by a bell-like voice coming from far up the alley.
"Come out, come out wherever you are," she said, bitterly. I was shocked to hear how much her voice had changed. It was clearer, yet I could still hear some of its original quality. "I SAID come out, come out wherever you are," she repeated, sounding angrier and slightly louder. I could easily tell that she was moving closer towards my box.
I sat up quietly; I did not dare to make any noise. I had a feeling that it was in my best interest to wait for her to come to me. It was clear, now, how she could be dangerous to me: she was a newborn, I could not read her mind, and she was extremely angry. "Oh, Edwaard," she sang. "I know you're here. I can smell you. Hmmm. Doesn't that disturb you, baby," she purred, viciously. I had to admit to myself that it truly did disturb me that she had that ability how. I heard her footsteps getting closer to my hiding place.
I could easily hear her laugh quietly. "Edward, Edward, Edward. There's no use in hiding from me. I know where you are." It seemed she was waiting for me to answer her. It was silent for a few minutes. I could tell she had not moved from wherever she had stopped previously. "So, since you won't talk I'll tell you what's happened to me," she said in a sickly sweet voice that held and undercurrent of rage. "When you left, I basically died. Doctors said I was catatonic. I didn't keep you're my promise about safety. After all, you broke yours about love. You know, Victoria came back. Jacob Black and I...Oh by the way he's a werewolf. We were gunna go cliff diving. He couldn't make it so I went myself. Long story short, Victoria took me out of the water and changed me," she laughed bitterly. I had never hated Victoria more in my entire life than at that moment.
"So.. now I've become what you wanted least. Aren't you happy Edward? Aren't you excited? Now I'm here forever. Oh, wait. You. Don't. WANT. ME," She yelled right outside of my box. I flinched at the harsh tone of her voice. I had never heard her speak with such anger in her voice. Let alone, I had never heard it directed at me. Suddenly, the side of my box was completely ripped off. I looked up into the face of a furious angel.
I had never seen her look more beautiful than she did at that moment. Every one of her human features had been magnified and sharpened, making her all the more enchanting. Barring the look of rage in her ruby eyes, I could still see some form of pain and love hidden there. She still loved me. Maybe there was hope for us. Maybe I could fix things. "Hello again, Edward," she purred. I had never felt more intoxicated by her than at that moment. She could have asked me to rip my own foot off and I would blindly, yet gladly, obey her command. I opened and closed my mouth several times, trying to make some words form.
"Bella, I'm so sorry. Please, Bella, please forgive me. It was a lie. Everything. I love you. I do want you. I did it for you. I couldn't let you get hurt because of my family," I rushed out. I hoped what I had said would not fall of deaf ears. She simply smiled at me in a disarming manner. If I didn't know any better, I would say she was not angered in the least bit.
"I know all that. You see, after I changed Victoria told me your story. I don't know how she knew it. I think it had something to do with Laurent being in Denali. I know why you left. I know you lied. And I know why you're here. Victoria's not here, you know. It was a false lead," she concluded. I looked at her warily figuring there was more to be said and done. She was, obviously, still furious with me. I had no idea of what to expect from her. I was shocked as she held her hand out to me. I hesitantly reached out and she pulled me into a standing position, outside of my box in the pouring rain.
"I've missed you, Edward. You've hurt me so much. You have no idea of the pain I've felt. Imagine, Edward, if someone you loved convinced you that they did not care for you," she whispered in my ear. Her cool breath made me shiver unexpectedly, and I felt her smirk against the side of my face. "You've no idea of what I had to go through. You killed me in more ways than one. Yet, I still love you. Ha! And you called yourself a masochist. Look at me: still in love with the man who crushed my heart," she continued bitterly, all the while continuously moving closer to my body.
I gulped as I felt the length of her person pressed up against me. I had never allowed her so close to me before. The sensations coursing through me were unnerving and distracting me. She laughed quietly. "So, Edward. Does this bother you? Are you afraid of how I make you feel? I can tell you're enjoying yourself," she said as she slid her hand down my chest to the front of my pants. I hissed as she pressed her hand down; I had never felt anything so intense in all my life. "I can feel it," she viciously whispered as she removed her hand.
"I know you're wondering about my motives, Edward. I can tell you that I will take you back, seeing as your original motives were pure. But…I think you need to be punished for what you've done to me. You've put my through so much torture. I think it's only fair if I return the gesture, if only to a small degree. Don't you agree," she asked, with her head cocked to the side. I could only nod, seeing as her logic made sense. That, and I would do whatever she wished so that I could be back in her life.
She seemed pleased with my answer, as she smiled at me. It may not have been the sweet, innocent one I was used to seeing, but it was a start on getting us back to normalcy. I looked her in the eye. "Do whatever you want to me. Just, please don't leave. I can't be without you again," I choked out in a dry sob.
She nodded her head before grabbing my left hand. She held it up so I could see it. I wondered what she was planning. She kept her eyes locked with mine as she brought my hand to her mouth. Slowly, she opened my mouth and place my hand inside. I had no idea what to expect, but then she bit down on my hand, hard enough to break the skin. I hissed in agony as her venom coursed into the open wound. I did not stop her, though. If this was the punishment she planned, I would let her see it through to the end, no matter how much it stung or made me want to cry out.
She pulled my hand away from her mouth and I looked at the crescent shaped mark that was forming in my palm, already healing over into a permanent scar. "That is to remind you of how you thought of suicide when James attacked me. That was the first agony you inflicted on me," she explained. My eyes lit up in understanding. She was going to leave marks on me as proof of the pain I had put her through. I never thought her to be so violent. Then again, she had every right.
Next she lifted my right hand and immediately bit down on the end of my index finger. I ground my teeth together against the searing agony the venom caused. "This one is to remind you of my birthday and the paper cut," she simply stated. She, next, began to unbutton my shirt. Once it was fully undone, she pushed it off the left side of my chest. I knew what she would do and I braced myself for the pain as she bit down on my chest, right over my dead heart. "That one, I assume you understand," she murmured.
She meticulously re-buttoned my sopping shirt and pushed my now soaked hair back from my eyes. I looked at her and saw that most of her anger was gone now. She smiled softly and grabbed my chin. I looked at her in question and she lifted my face toward to rain. Slowly, I felt her drag her lips across my neck. She stopped at a point right below my jaw. I gasped as she bit down on my skin, once again. Unable to help myself, I let out a quiet whimper of pain. "And that one, that's for putting me through the agony of someone else changing me," she whispered before kissing the newly forming scar. "Plus, now you're marked as mine," she added as an afterthought.
She looked at me and smiled. I could not help smiling back, even after enduring her painful form of punishment. I could tell that we were going to be okay. Maybe not right away. It was obvious that we would have a lot of issues to work through. There were so many emotions surrounding us that I felt trapped by them.
I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her against me, tightly. I heard her sigh contentedly as I rubbed my hand over her back. As the rain continued to fall around us, I could not help but think that maybe it wasn't mocking me. It was giving me a chance to wipe away all my past mistakes. It was giving the coveted 'do over' that little children strive for in their inconsequential games. I believed that I had never coveted something so much in my entire existence. I was desperately glad for a second chance and I knew there was nothing that could make me waste it.
Squeezing her closer to me, I closed my eyes and whispered into her hair, knowing she could hear me perfectly. "I'll never leave again."
She giggled quietly. "I believe you. And besides, who would want a boy who is so obviously the property of another," she whispered as she fingered the scar on my left palm.
I thought, for a moment, about what she said. "I'll always be your property," I whispered back before leaning down to kiss her. Our lips met and I felt and explosion of emotions. Happiness, giddiness, excitement, and love all coursed through me. After what seemed like forever, we pulled apart. I leaned my forehead against hers and whispered "I love you, Bella. Forever and always."
She smiled and looked me in the eyes. "I love you too, Edward. You are my forever."